So in the first chunk of September I really wasn't doing so well, I guess you could call
it a rut.
You could probably call it something worse than that too, but I felt this huge drive
to make Faking It way better, but I also couldn't do it, it was hard enough to even apply for
castings let alone go to auditions, let alone film myself going to those auditions and
I think that shows.
I'm halfway through getting ready for an audition that I do not want to go to.
It's ridiculous to being saying this to a camera when most of the people in my real
life don't even know but that fact is, I'm not doing so well in my head right now, I'm
not doing so well at all.
It's really tough to do acting stuff when that's the case because there's no external
pressure it comes entirely from me there's no, it's not like uni where there's the pressure
of deadlines and it's not like work where there's the pressure of you know a set schedule
and a boss that will call you and be like "where the fuck are you" if you don't turn up
There's nothing, it's all me and I can just not apply for things or turn down auditions,
except on days like today, when my agent gets me an audition. and I want that, of course
I want that that's... but I don't.
Right now I don't.
I don't want anything, but it is just very frustrating because I feel this completely
bleh way but then at the same time I also feel constantly like I'm not doing enough
I'm not working hard enough I'm not trying enough I'm not accomplishing enough things
and then to have those two feelings at the same time is fucking impossible.
I don't know what the point of this clip is, I just kind of trying to be honest I suppose.
I think you will see, I guess, in the next clip whether I switched it on- it's a commercial
audition so I've got to be nice and bubbly and all those things.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to.
I have to.
I'm an actor.
Hey friends, massive lighting change from when you saw me last.
That audition went way over time and I had to race to work and I was super late and then
I was at work for like 7 and a half hours so that's what happened.
That's what you missed since you last saw a clip.
But as far as the audition, it went pretty well.
I didn't know this in advance but it was for a Christmas commercial and the casting director,
I was doing a recorded chat to camera, and the casting director asked me what my favourite
thing about Christmas was and I swear to god my face lit up because, like a child on Christmas
morning, because yeah really really love Christmas, genuinely.
And so I think that showed through, so even though the emotional stuff that I was talking
about earlier was really kind of weighing me down, that kind of mention of Christmas
brought me out of it just for long enough for the audition to go quite well.
So, I'll let you know.
So then for the second half of September I was really trying to get myself out of the
place that I was in.
I was really worried that the way I was feeling in my head would mean I wouldn't be able to
achieve anything in 2017 but particularly in the second half of the year especially
acting-wise and so I kind of made a plan in which I would spend more time applying for
things and that I would also audition for, I was going to say everything but not really
everything I just kind of lowered my "quality standards" for what I would and wouldn't audition for
Rather than worrying about whether the projects that I were auditioning for were going to
be worth my time in the long run I really just wanted to get that practice auditioning
even if perhaps the script wasn't great or the project wasn't of the calibre that I'm
after.
I just wanted to make sure that I was getting out and doing it really, because that was
the thing that I was finding so so hard.
And the other thing that I did was make myself go and see more theatre and I had more opportunities
in September, September is the Fringe festival in Melbourne and I had my Mum visiting and
so there were all these opportunities to go see theatre and I really pushed myself to
do so, so that I would be inspired.
Because seeing a film is one thing and seeing a film is super inspiring for me, depending
on the film, but I can never, I never ever walk out of a good play and don't think "I
wanna make stuff" there's something about live theatre that really gets my creative
juices flowing or at least my motivational juices flowing and that's the kind of thing
that I was after.
I just had an audition for a student film and I did something that I never do, I don't
think, very rarely do which is I bled the character through to the way that I behaved
in the audition.
Like, I didn't behave like a completely different person but just an exaggerated version of myself
Cause the character, they were really very keen on the character being "quirky" and so
I really turned up the quirky parts of my personality and I was a bit silly and kind
of showy and yeah just I'll be interested to see if that works because it's not something
that I've ever done before but you know, I don't have a lot riding on this film because
I don't think it's something I could use in my showreel I just kind of want to do it to
get my hand in so, yeah, we'll see how that goes.
I'll tell you what, auditioning for student films is a fucking masterclass in learning
how to take direction, I just had three different students and I'm not sure which one of them
was the director or if any of them were or how the set up was, but all of them kind of
clearly thought they had that role and so they were giving me quite sort of conflicting
things to do, and so it was really interesting excercise in trying to interpret that into
one thing and also make sure it changes between each take, because they had me do it quite
a few times.
And the first, and you know, one of the people on the panel liked the first one and somebody
else liked the second one and it was yeah, it was really interesting.
I think I changed it quite a lot each time and really like, listened and took what they
said and I'm really proud of myself for being able to do that because earlier in my career
that's something that I really struggled with being able to do quickly and I'm finding myself
getting better and better at it.
So yeah I'm really happy with how that went as an experience in general.
I just am in the process of uploading a self tape that I filmed today and it was hard to
do, to get myself to do that.
It took it out of me to the point where that is the only thing I did today and it's 7pm
and I'm probably going to go to bed once it's uploaded.
I'm not having a good time, but I have to keep working because if I don't I know that
I will feel a lot worse.
As of the end of September I don't know about those parts that I have recently auditioned
for, I don't know if I got any of them.
I was going to say "so I don't know if my plan worked" but I guess that wasn't really
the point of the plan, the point was of the plan was to get myself out of the rut.
Did that work?
I don't know yet.
I guess we'll see.
Okay.
BYE


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