Well, hello there.
Isn't that cute. Using your alter ego to meet me here.
Uh, yeah, sure.
Don't worry, I won't tell my sister about this.
She doesn't need to know.
Heck if I care. She can join if she wants.
You would like that, wouldn't you?
Probably. Who's your sister? She hot?
Real cute, Robin. Ha ha.
Oh, you think I'm...
Yeah, I'm Robin. And your sister is...
Star...
Starfire. That's right.
She's going to hate me for this.
Yeah. We'll do all kinds of stuff that'll make her mad.
You sure you're okay with that?
Meh, I'll be fine. I'll talk it out in therapy next week.
You just can't help yourself, huh?
Finding out she has a more attractive sister.
You just had to have me.
Whatever you say. We going to get down to business?
I imagine they're already requesting me with someone else in the comments section.
I'm smarter than her too. And stronger.
...And more modest.
Yeah, that too. I'm pretty much better than her in every way, right?
Even if I agree, you're going to keep talking, aren't you.
You sure are so funny. I'm way funnier than Starfire.
Ugh. Do you want me to get naked first? I really need to move this along.
Oh, crap.
You know what? Don't worry. She's all yours.
Wait, really?
Yeah. I'm sure you'll have plenty to talk about.
Here, I'll start you out: Um, politics. Starfire or Blackfire? Go.
Oh, that's easy. Definitely me.
That's the last time I ever try to fill Robin's shoes.
Get her tiger!
Alright. Here we are again. Hey Winky Dink,
I hope you don't mind if I take the wheel here. Thanks! See, this is a hook up I kinda wanted to see.
What are you doing in my room?
Oh, crap. I've been spotted. No hablo Ingles! Gotta go!
Wow, shocking. Another chick.
You have a problem with me?
No, It's not you. It just seems like every room in this place is out of some nerd's wet dream fan fiction diary.
That's not very nice!
Once you get to know me, you'll realize that I'm not very nice.
What are you supposed to be anyway? A Superman fan girl?
We're related. I'm Supergirl.
You have super powers?
Yeah, all the typical super stuff.
Where I'm from, the hero having super powers is kind of impressive.
You're impressed by me?
What can I say? Don't you think there's enough good guys running around saving the world?
You'd be surprised. But, I can be bad for you in here, if you want.
I kinda like this side of you. Maybe I should take off my clothes.
I completely forgot you were wearing anything. I've been checking you out with x-ray vision the whole time.
It's locked! You're not going to ruin this again for us Robin!
I just wanna see!
We all do, ass monkey! That's why we're here!
Who the hell are you?
Oh, crap! Does she see me?
Who are you talking to?
Oh, uh, nothin, miss. Just checking out this fourth wall for you.
Well, this is awkward.
Oh, is it!?
I'm sorry, do you have a problem?
No. No, of course not.
I'm sensing some sarcasm.
I'm just wondering... how hard is it to return a call?
I'm here, aren't I?
Yeah, after half of the DC Universe has made me look like an asshole.
Maybe I should leave.
Oh, you've got better things to do, huh?
This is just puuuuurfect.
You know, I was going to give you some pussy, but I don't like your cat-itude.
Stop that.
What?
Your cat puns. They're stupid.
Whatever. I'm out of here.
You, know what... I don't like your bat-itude!
Real clever.
Yeah, I know. Quit flapping your mouth...
like uh, like bat wings.
Good luck hooking up with anyone.
You gl... your...uhhhhh
*Door Open*
No, Winky Dink. No. Just no.
Alright, that's enough.
*Clears throat*
Thank you SO much for watching, hit the like button, yadda yadda.
Suggest your favorite characters in the comments.
Like, me and Poison Ivy.
Like, me and, uh, anyone but the Joker...
Anyone!
Alright, we'll let you off the hook THIS time.
Alright, we'll see you next time. Peace out homies!
Thanks so much for making it out, Deadpool.
Hey, no problem.
They told me to pick a charitable cause, and here I am!
Very funny, Deadpool.
I'm not joking. This set is like a third world country.
Wait till you figure out "air conditioning" . It'll change your life.
Can we get someone to check the thermostat, please!
Hey there, mista...
Harley! It's still your line!
You'll have to hold on. I have this effect on women.
Can I just nerd out for a sec?
Okay, go ahead. Give it to me, baby.
Oh, my god. I saw the movie, and you were amazing!
You're sick! Absolutely sick! I love it!
Why, thank you.
I can't believe I'm working with you! Can we take a picture.
Dammit, can we please get to the scene!?
Verbal warning ain't gonna cut it. Maybe you should spank me.
Maybe I should hog-tie you.
Maybe I should slap the sh-
Maybe I should put an apple in your mouth and put you on a spit...
i.e. my dick, like a Christmas pig.
Please stick to the script!
Alright, cut! That's a wrap! Great work everyone!
Hey Deadpool, you wanna go for a drink.
Aw, that's cute, but I don't fraternize with the little people.
I hope this project helps your career.
I'll have you know I'm pretty popular.
Sure you are. I'm guessing you haven't seen Suicide Squad yet.
You've been reinvented, babe.
Good luck with the "Animated Series" look.
Wow, what a dick! I love him.
Starfire, what's wrong?
It's just Robin... I think he may be the kissing with Kitten!
These boys are all the same. I caught Beast Boy with Terra a while back.
Are you angry at him?
Nah, it's Cartoon Hook-Ups. Everyone is hooking up with everyone.
Does that mean we are next?
It was bound to happen.
Are we going to the kiss?
Sure. Could be fun.
Oh...my...
Don't do it Robin. Don't... you... dare.
*Kissing Noises*
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever see-
What the?
Way to go, dick fart.
Well, that wasn't very clever.
Can't be on 100% of the time.
Robin! I'm the sorry! I didn't mean to-
No Starfire, it's okay.
Really?
Robin, with the save?!
Yeah, really. Go ahead.
Ew! Get out of here!
Dammit, turd tickler! You did it again!
Turd tickler? What is wrong with you today?
Hmmm... not sure. Okay, let's see...
Butt nugget. Dick knuckle. Twat bucket.
Douche nozzle. Rump jumper. Corn holer. Knob gobbler.
Oooo! Got it! Thee Gotham Gobbler.
That's you! Ha Ha!
There we go!
Oh, weird.
What's wrong?
You just aren't who I thought you'd be.
I'm Black Widow.
I believe that, I just didn't know we were crossing universes.
I'm pretty sure we're from the same Universe.
It's just a little confusing.
Are you serious? It's a code name.
I think if you browse wikipedia, you'll find it's a pretty common code name.
Not very unique decision on your part.
Wow, dude. There are plenty of men who would kill to be in a bedroom with me,
and you're criticizing my code name?
Well, were you bitten by a radioactive Black Widow or something?
No. Look, I don't have to defend myself to you.
Could you, even? Do you have super powers, or anything?
Kinda. I'm super athletic, heal quickly.
And you chose this line of work? You don't see Lebron fighting crime.
You're a big dick, you know that?
Oh, crap. I blew it, didn'€™t I?
Nah, I like big dicks.
Huh?
Ugh!
I swear, that's never happened so quick before.
Now you blew it.
You can say that again. Heyyyyyyy-O!
Ewww, web goo!
[Grunts]
Oh. you're good!
You think I'm new to this?
I've studied all your moves!
Yeah? Study this!
Please, you dishonor me by thinking I'd lose to such a move.
So... Why did you want to meet in such a place?
To spar. I've heard great things about your warrior's prowess!
Yeah, but why here of all places?
I mean, usually youreserve a cheap motel for "other" kinds of action.
Well I just figured there would be less expensive stuff to break
and maybe a little more privacy.
just us and the spiders.
Sorry... I couldn't help myself...
Anyway... You've created false expectations and a woman doesn't like to be lied to.
I did?
Uh, huh.
Well, I guess the only way to apologize...
is to really give you everything I've got!
Okay, I can work with that!
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Ugh, Ah!
Oh, THAT's what you meant.
You have no idea what I wanna do with you tonight.
Yeah, I actually do.
You do?
Oh, yeah! You do all that tele-mind hoo ha.
I'm jealous. I'd love to get into that mind of yours.
I'm actually having a fun inside of yours right now.
You are? Play in there all you want, but don't you ruin the surprise.
Wow, all that, tonight? Oh, I'm excited for THAT.
Wait, what the???
What is it?
I'm seeing some butt stuff...
No, that can't be...
Wait, you want me to do that to you??
What?! No!
Yep, that's exactly what I'm seeing.
You know, I think you may just be seeing a movie I wat...
Nope. That's clear as day... butt stuff.
Wait, no...
Your wish is my command.
Owwwwwwwwwww!
Alright, how we doing this?
Um... I'm not sure.
You sure you want to go through with it?
Winky Dink fans keep asking for it. Who would I be to deny them?
It's not going to weird you out?
You're filling out that spandex in all the right places. What's weird?
Wow. Forward.
You don't know me very well, do you?
I have to warn you, most of the women I've been paired up with here
haven't been too fond of my sexual prowess.
Doesn't bother me.
Wow. This already feels better.
Alright, Spidey-Pants. Bend over.
I'm going to pretend I'm mining for gold in the old west!
Huh!?
No....No, No, no
Ugh! And we've struck oil!
You wanted to see me Star?
Yes. I do not understand something.
Ok, how can I help?
I am having the strange feelings.
Beast Boy said this is where people come to explore them.
I see, but why bring me here too?
I thought you would be the best person to analyze the situation.
You are my first choice.
I'm flattered Star, but wouldn't you rather Robin be here with you?
No! He has small and clammy hands.
I want your big, strong hands.
I do have strong hands. Booyah!
I am going to remove my clothing now.
Please do not be gentle.
Of course I'll do whatever you need. just Let me get undressed.
You need to get undressed to give me a massage?
To give you a... But what about the feelings you have?
The feelings of pain in my lower back.
I was quite the clear.
Oh, hell no, you were not. I thought you was gonna get freaky!
Not end in another Starfire misunderstanding plot line!
Can't it be both?
Alright, we're about set. Any last questions before we get started?
I have one.
Oh, this should be good.
Oh my god! Shut up! So, I don't know he's Peter in this, right?
That's like, the WHOLE freakin joke.
I'm just making sure, dude! God, I can't stand you.
What can I do to convince you otherwise?
Hmm. Sounds like you, after I dumped your ass.
What the hell!? Way to be professional!
Is there something going on that I should know about?
Only you were crying a lot more, and a lot more locked out of my condo.
I WAS NOT crying!
Okay, cut! What the heck is going on between you two?
We broke up.
Riiiiiight. "We" .
Whatever is going on in your personal lives, doesn't matter. We need to shoot this.
His name is Peter... but the truth is... What was my line again?
He sucks in the bedroom... boring... embarrassingly small...
Who the heck wrote this? This is eerily close to real life.
I hate you so much!
Poor wittle baby!
Enough! Can we please just get back into the scene?
You know what? Suddenly, I'm not really in the mood.
What?
Yeah, I'm just going to go hang myself with my own web.
Dammit! Peter, get back here.
He's gone. Hopefully for good.
Screw it. We'll just use that.
So, we done here?
Yeah.
So Mary Jane, I hear you're single.
You want to go out sometime?
Sorry Winky Dink. Not exactly single...
Hey babe, you ready to go?
Just sick of the Marvel Universe.
So why did you want to meet me here?
For science, you ding-dong. I've been analyzing you and junk
and I discovered your hormone levels have gone haywire!
So you brought me to a cheap motel?
Yeah.
And had us dress up sexy.
Your point?
UGH! What's YOUR point!? You're always doing snaz like this!
FP, It's important to run tests!
If your emotions go ker-plooy you could destroy all of ooo!
I've got full control of myself! Why can't you ever trust me!
I gotta protect my peeps!
I can't leave their safety up to a teenager's ability to keep her sex drive in check!
You always think you know everything about everyone!
I do know everything about everyone... and junk.
Do you know I have a boyfriend?
What the blob? You better not be dating Cinnamon bun!
What?...No... Blob no...
He's way hotter than that.
[Door Close]
Are you done babe? I gotta let off some steam.
Hey, it's about time you showed up!
Sorry, I've been really busy.
No worries. You ready to get freaky?
I've been waiting for this for a long time...
Well?
Well, what?
Aren't you gonna, you know?
Not following.
Ugh, you can be really dense, you know that?
I guess? Want me to light some candles? Make things a little more romantic?
That's the opposite of what I'm looking for.
Oh. I don't get it.
Maybe I can help you out.
Um... this election... pretty infuriating, huh?
I don't let it get to me. I'm not very political.
How about clothes? You go through a lot of them, huh?
That's got to make you really mad. Wasting all that money...
I buy wholesale. No biggie.
I feel like you're headed somewhere, but I just don't get it.
I was just hoping to get you a little riled up.
I want to have some fun with the big green guy.
You know, I've been doing yoga... took up meditation,
and I've been feeling really calm.
Are you kidding me?
Nope! Never felt better!
So, you think regular old Bruce Banner will do the trick?
No. No he won't.
Oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait! Hillary, you're leaving so soon?
Did you expect some cuddling?
Believe me, I'm the best cuddler. *Sniff* The best.
I'm really glad we did this, though.
You know what? Me too.
I knew you were feeling the sexual tension during the debates as well.
All this time, I could have been calling you "Crooked Trump" . Haha!
Crooked, but HUGE, am I right?
You certainly are rising in the Polls.
You sure we can't go one more time?
Only if I can give you some pointers on your "Domestic Policy" .
Hey, you loved it.
I may have faked it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. *Sniff* That was fake?
About as fake a s a degree from Trump university.
You know what? Not that surprised. I almost always expect you to lie.
You just need to change positions. You're good at that.
You know what, Hillary? You're a special woman, you know that?
Just promise me one thing, okay?
*Sniffs*
Anything.
We can't let this get out.
Let me tell you right now, Hillary, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's keep my mouth shut.
*Click*
*Click*
*Click*
*Click*
Aw, dammit!
Bill, you were incredible!
You were too, baby!
What is this stain on my dress?
Oh, boy...
My fellow Americans, in an already unprecedented election season,
I regret to inform you that a new sex scandal has been brought to my attention.
Don't worry, Obama, I'll handle... I'll handle this.
Listen...
Listen, I did not have sexual relations with that wo...
Bill. Bill. Bill! Hold on. Bill.
This one's actually not about you.
Oh, it'€™s not? Great!
I am so sorry.
I've written this speech to make amends with the American people.
"To be, or not to be? That is the...€
I don't know what's going on with you two, but fire your speech writers.
So... Who are you again?
I'm Flame Princess? And you are...?
Marceline the Vampire Queen. So like, Why are we here?
Well, Cartoon Network hasn'€™t had us meet on the show before, and the fans requested it.
Well , there are other reasons. You have a certain, hotness to you.
I do?
And I don't know if anyone's told you, but I dig red. it's kinda my thing.
Well, I'm more of an orange.
Orange still has red in it. You look delicious.
Stop...
Scrumptious, really.
Ummm...
Absolutely delectable.
Um, she eats red.
Sick knowledge bomb. Kapowee!
OMG! Are you trying to eat me!?
Maybe, depends on your meaning.
Oh....
Oh, man. Back in this stupid motel. This isn't going to end well.
[Door Open and Close]
Who are you?
Oh, c'mon! You don't even know who I am?
I'm sorry. I don't mean to offend you.
Let's just get this started. You're looking to do it. You're going to tell me I suck.
Something's wrong with me. Blah, blah, blah.
Ew. I don't want to "do it" . You've got me all wrong.
Really? I thought that's all these hook ups were about.
Maybe, but I don't move that fast.
Well, that's reassuring. I'm so sick of all this sexual stuff.
Yeah, who needs it?
Seriously, people. Let it go.
Let it go! Let it go!
Haha. I just said that.
Yeah, that's just kinda my thing. Who's that?
Holy...! What the heck are you doing here?
You guys are the worst, you know that?
Excuse me?
Ugh. You're both so boring. Worst hook up ever.
I don't know why it's any of your business.
Just... just... why don't you go hold hands or something somewhere else.
Whatever. Let's get out of here.
[Door Open and Close]
Elsa? Really. What did you expect?
Ahh! You are one creepy son of a...
Alright, who is the next?
Oh...
Seriously?
This cannot be right. This must be a mistake.
I bet it's not a mistake.
Are we going to...
Ha, I don't think so.
Oh, good.
No way.
Ugh... The NO.
Nope.
Uh... Yes, we should the do it!
Hell, no.
Hey, you can't blame me for this one, guys. I tried.
Previously, on Cartoon Hook-ups.
Sounds like you after I dumped your ass.
What the hell?
What the heck is going on between you two?
We broke up.
Not exactly single.
Hey babe, you ready to go?
Who are you?
I'm so sick of all this sexual stuff.
Yeah, who needs it?
What the heck are you doing here?
You guys are the worst!
Excuse me?
Why don't you go to hold hands or something somewhere else?
Whatever. Let's get out of here.
Yeah! Argh!!! Mmm, hmmmn...
Welcome to the no tell...
What the sh*t!?
What's wrong with your face?
Oh, um. I think that's just what I look like.
Wow! Huh huh. I'm sorry. God, you're hideous.
And kinda cute at the same time.
It's confusing and terrible.
Thanks.
Do you have any available rooms?
Hmmm... That's a good question.
Thanks... do you?
I don't know.
Great. Can you find out, please? God!
Um...
Psst! Hey! You're new around here, huh?
Yeah, I guess so.
This isn't an ordinary motel. Uh, uh.
No check-in, no check out.
Just knock ondoors till you find an empty room.
Weird, but ok.
Even if it's not empty
You might find something you like. Heh, heh!
Know what I mean?
Not really.
Remember this. They're always watching.
Who, mother?
No, not your mother. Them.
Oh, gee. Thanks, he said, mansplainingly.
Alright, well, I'm going now.
Oh, great. Thanks I was really wondering what you were going to do next.
Oh, you pervs are good. They may not see you. But I do.
Well, hello there.
Ugh, what do you want?
Oh, it's not what I want, babe. They're requesting us in the comment section.
Oh, come on! Seriously!? You're gonna walk away like that?
[Knocks]
Come in!
Who are you?
Oh, sorry. I think I have the wrong room.
That's okay.
What are you doing?
Just waiting
Winky Dink left us with a cliffhanger months ago.
We're waiting to see who's behind the door.
Oh! There's... there's no one out there
Jimmy Skillz just probably hasn't designed them yet.
He will, though. One Piece is really popular.
Yeah, enough of our fans watched our episode to warrant another cartoon hookup, for sure.
I don't know what any of that is. Great rack, though.
I'm hungry.
This place is great, isn't it?
You look like the type of person that
ruis stuff right when it's getting good.
You can tell that just by looking at me?
Ha Ha Ha!
Idiot.
Yes! Chicks!
We're waiting for chicks.
Finally! And no minibar.
God dammit.
What the sh*t!?
Can I help you?
Wha- what's wrong with you?
Oh, the art and animation got a whole lot better in 2014.
Dammit! Is there not one empty room in this whole place!?
Sterling Archer.
Yes... do we know each other?
Not yet, but I've been expecting you.
Well, that doesn't make any sense, but I'm
not gonna argue with those... With you.
I need your help.
Why don't we deal with that tomorrow?
Let's hop in bed...
pop open that bottle of... sh*t... Wild Spider Gwen...
...and have some fun
You know, it's no Glengoolie Blue, but it'll do.
That can wait. There's a woman at the motel
that has taken something very important from me.
I need you to investigate and find
out what she has against me.
I'm kind of on vacation.
Please, Archer. I will repay you anyway you want.
Fine! I'll do it.
Great. She has braided blonde hair and a long blue dress.
Find out all you can, Archer.
Before I go.
Yes?
The whole repay me anyway I want thing was
sexual innuendo, right? Yes great
Yes.
Great.
I'm pretty sure I scared all the monsters away.
We're safe to sleep here.
Wow! Good job, honey!
That's a Team Four Star reference!
No, it's not Goku!
By the way...
All the clocks in this place are wrong!
It's been 12:58 for the past hour!
Oh it's, uh, daylight savings or something.
It's not daylight savings.
No, I think he's right. That makes sense.
Idiot! Ha ha!
You two is the weirdest horsies I've ever seen.
Where'd ugly go?
Umm, I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, you have the same voice.
Hello, this is Marlon Brando! Hello
I can't do anything else. I have no latitude.
Yeah, that's convenient.
Do you know where I can get a drink?
My alcoholism is acting up.
Um, there's a bar right through there.
Jesus, when were you gonna tell me!?
My brain says mimosa, but my hearts says
vodka martini?
Hello, blue dress.
Your hair is on fire!
You're not so bad, yourself.
Hey, Peter.
I told you not to call me that in public.
Oh,relax. How have you been?
Great! Amazing even.
Elsa and I have really been hitting it off.
Really.
Yeah, she's innocent and sweet.
Innocent? Maybe we're not thinking of the same person.
Pretty sure there's only one Elsa around here.
Yeah, and she appears to be leaving with
arguably the sluttiest dude at the motel.
Haha. Haha!
Robby Poo! Oh, it's you. Is it...you?
I don't think we've met before.
You just remind me of someone.
I'm guessing you're thinking of my sister, Starfire.
Ew. Yes, that's it.
Not a fan, huh?
I don't know why, but she doesn't like me much.
That's strange.
It's probably because Robin has a crush on me.
She's probably jealous. We're just way prettier than she is.
Yeah, we are, aren't we?
Pretty much better than her in every way.
Why haven't we met before?
I don't know, but I think we're going to be great together.
I totally have an idea.
Oh, yeah?
We should totally get Robby Poo in on this.
That would make Starfire sooooo mad.
I'm down with that.
I said... I'D BE DOWN WITH THAT.
Guess he's not interested.
His loss.
I guess there's just nothing for me here anymore.
Fine. I get it. I'm not going to ruin another hook-up.
I'm out of here.
Alright, Sponge-Face, you're cut. Get outa here.
Oh, great.
Any new reservations?
Um, Pearl and Garnet are coming in next week.
Nothing before then?
Nope.
Hmmm. I bet if Winky Dink had a Patreon,
he and Skillz could get some more help with designs, animation, writing, and voicing.
They'd probably be able to get videos out faster.
And that would mean people would see their suggestions done faster.
Man, that sure would be cool.
I don't get it.
Where'd ugly go?
Um, I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, you have the same voice...
Jiggle, Jiggle, Jiggle
So I might have been subservient to Rose,
but I kinda want to let my dominant side out.
Fine by me. We don't always want to be in control.
It'll be nice to just, give in.
Good. So lets get this party started.
Really Pearl!? You're using us again!?
What? I'm not.
You're thinking about Rose Quartz!
I can't believe you're using me again!
I'm sorry! I can't help it.
Wait... Future vision!?
I can't turn it off. It's part of who I am!
Well Rose is a part of who I am.
You'€™re right, I'€™m sorry.
Now, where were we?
I knew this was a good idea.
This show is about Lesbian space rocks.
Fool proof.
Sounds like you after I dumped your ass.
What the hell!
Hey babe, you ready to go?
Who are you?
I'm so sick of all this sexual stuff.
Yeah, who needs it?
I need you to investigate.
Fine. I'll do it.
She has braided blonde hair, and a long blue dress.
M'yellow, blue dress.
Pretty sure there's only one Elsa around here.
Yeah, and she appears to be leaving with arguably the sluttiest dude at the motel.
[Baby Crying]
Not this again.
Sonic, we need to talk.
Oh, Sonic's not here.
I think he went on break... or left the country.
When are you going to stop avoiding me?
I'm telling you, Amy, it's not mine!
Aw, let's see the little cutie.
I don't know, Sonic. She has your eyes.
Damn, you look fine ass hell!
Thanks.
It's so crazy we haven't met before.
I know, right?
Hey. Hey, babe. Do you have a quarter?
Why do you need a quarter?
There's a vending machine in the bathroom. I want a candy bar.
I doubt it has candy bars in it.
Why don't you just go outside and play?
But I really want a candy bar.
Batman! Please.
Can't you see I'm busy?
...Fine...
Now where were we?
I think you were going to tell me what a pathetic loser I am.
No way! She sucks! How could she do that to you?
I don't know. Everything was going so well with us.
Why don't you go up there and stop her?
It's no use.
Well, let me buy you another drink.
No, thanks. I think I've had enough.
Don't let his concern fool you.
He's just trying to get in your pants.
Deadpool, you're such a dick derailer.
You mean a phallus foiler?
I think you guys mean *Bleep* blocker.
Are you supposed to even be able to talk?
Screw you, dude.
Well, excuuuse me, princess!
And there she is! The love of my life!
Ugh. Do I need to file a restraining order or something?
That sounds dirty! Let me just keep you company.
Actually me and... Spiderboy, right?
Close enough.
...were just about to head to my bedroom.
We were?
Are you serious!?
We're essentially the same design!
And I'm way more clever!
No, you're not.
Sure, I am. I'm offering moral support.
You're welcome.
Oh... Thank you.
When I said you could use our room to take a nap,
I didn't think you were going to move in!
Hey, I didn't know either! This motel is severely overbooked.
Well, you can't stay.
I get it. God!
I'm actually getting worried about Spiderman.
I'm sure he's fine.
We should look for him.
Fine!
Wait, I have to see something.
Seriously?! Get a life. Ha Ha!
Ha Ha!
Hey. How's it going?
Hey. Can I help you?
Yeah, I gotta reservation. Uh. Barry Ponds.
Oh, Yeah. You'll be in room 312.
Hey, bruh, I've never done one of these hook ups before.
Do you have any suggestions?
Just say, "What are we doing here?"
What are we doing here?
Why the hell am I here?
What exactly are we doing here?
Why did you want to meet in such a place?
Wait, Diana? What are you doing here?
So, what the heck are we doing here?
So, why'd you wanna meet me here?
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Why did you want to meet me here?
Why'd you wanna meet here?
What are you doing here?
What are we doing here?
You really think that'll work?
Yep.
I'm Batman. I AM Batman.
I'm Batman. There it is. Yeah, there it is.
Hey.
Oh! ...Hey.
What are you doing out here all alone?
Nothin. My girlfriend keeps ignoring me.
Aw, that stinks. I'm sorry.
It's alright. Hey! You wanna see my comic book collection?
No. No I don'€™t.
That's alright. I don't have any good ones anyway.
Oh. Uh huh.
What do you say we look for crime to fight in there?
That's a great idea!
Let's just walk around this damn motel all night.
There you are! We've been looking all over for you.
Whatever, Elsa.
Spiderman, what's wrong?
And there they are! Doing the walk of shame.
What?!
There's no use hiding it. We all know what you two have been up to.
I'm not sure I do, but I might not have been paying attention.
We know you two slept together.
I feel like I would have remembered that.
We did not!
But I saw you leave the bar together.
And, Mary Jane led me to believe...
They were supposed to sleep together!
No, I was supposed to find out what she had against you,
or something. It's all a blur at this point.
And that should have led to sex!
What am I? Some kind of whore?!
Oh, that's just great.
I can't believe you, MJ.
And I can't believe you.
I thought we loved each other.
And you don't even trust me?
Sorry to interrupt.
Spidey, you left your undies in my room.
Oh, my god. I think I'm going to be sick!
Elsa!
So, I guess this means you and I aren't going to sleep together either, huh?!
Nope.
Just checking!
Oh, Batman. I'm so glad to see you!
Hey! We're busy.
It was like Bam! Pow! Followed by a KaSLAM!
Sugalite is truly a powerhouse.
I know, right!? I wish we had something else to smash!
I have all this pent up energy.
Control yourself. We can't lose control again.
Remember what happened last time?
Yeah, I getcha. Ugh!
What am I gonna do with all this energy!? I just wanna go wild!
Well. That's kinda why I brought you here...
Yeah. I was wondering about that. Whazzup?
Well, humans have a ritual for dealing with pent up energy.
I thought we could explore it together.
Sounds like fun! What is it?
Come here.
Like this?
Closer.
[Punch] Ugh!
OW! I thought we were gonna make out!
Well, I'm never what youâd expect.
[Knocking]
I told you Bruce. I'm not interested. Go away!
[Knocking]
Please, Bruce. Leave!
[Roar]
Wow. Now we're talking.
Oh! Oh, Bruce!
[Roar]
Yes! Now that's what I'm talking about!
[Laughing and Roaring]
Bruce! Wow!
Now get your green butt over here.
[Panting]
Aw, man! Are you serious?
How have you been feeling?
Well enough.
Scaling walls with ease?
You know it.
Well, everything looks to be in order.
Actually... I have been having one issue.
Oh?
Yeah...my uh, manhood...doesn't seem to be working.
What do you...?
Oh.
Can you fix it?
Let me run a few tests.
What sort of--?
[Door Open]
"The Dragon becomes me!"
Welcome back to Cartoon Hook-Ups: Smash or Pass
With us today is that green guy you can't help but love...
The Incredible Hulk!!!
Roar!
You guys know hoe to play.
He knows how to play.
Let's get to it!
Princess Peach
Smash!
Black Widow
Smash!
Mary Jane
Smash!
Jenna Marbles
Smash!
Regular Marbles
Smash!
Smosh
Smash!
Pewdiepie
Smash!
Lamp
Smash!
Dumbledore
Smash!
The catch me outside girl
Pass?
Toy Train
Smash!
Toy Truck
Smash!
Apple
Smash!
Google
Smash!
Charlie Sheen
Roar!
Renee Zellweger then.
Smash!
Renee Zellweger now.
Roar
Creed
Roar
Texas
Smash!
Birthday Cake
Smash!
Stupid YouTube Video
Smash!
Pen Pineapple Apple Pen
Smash!
Winky Dink
Smash!
Winky Dink
I am Winky Dink
Share this video or lose your soul!
It's a me...!
No, Luigi.
Okay...
Do you think your dad followed us here? He freaks me out!
You're freaked out... by my dad?
I mean his name is Mr. Satan, for crying out loud!
The only thing freaking me out is that you took me to a cheap motel to talk about my dad.
[Uncomfortable laughter]
My bad... So, how about we-
And really! Where do you get off talking about MY dad.
Yeah, let's just keep talking. This is tons of fun.
YOUR dad is freaking Goku!
People debate whether or not he would win in a fight with Superman!
Let's not go there, okay?
You're right... I'm sorry.
My dad would WRECK Superman.
What was that?
Oh, nothin. Nothin.
Ah. Some peace and quiet.
Boo!
Ruby!
You see your face?! You were all, "Ah!", and I was like Bwhahaha!
Ugh! Why can't you just leave me alone!
Because we're partners! Duh!
I'm not going to leave you to be all lonely and pathetic.
Excuse me?
You're all, "Eh, look at me. I'm so alone,
so I gotta go to a cheap motel and be all by myself and brood."
Hey come on! Cut it out!
Not until you kiss me!
Wha-What?
I know what you really want. You just wanna be loved doncha?
Come on. You know you wanna kiss me.
I mean... Really? You want me to... kiss you?
It's not what I want, it's what you want.
AHAHHAHA You wanna kiss me!
You wanna be all "mwha mwuh" all over my face!
I loath you.
I know. HAHA!
Welcome to Cartoon Hook-Ups Rap Battles!
The contestants will be battling today
to see who's going to hook up with the sexy, Black Widow.
Listen, bro. I bang b*tches. Alright?
Oh, yeah? Well my fingers vibrate.
I‘m so cute and cuddly
but on the weekends I'm tapping ass.
My game's over 9000
multi consoles raking cash.
So, on your turn just pass.
Your red suit makes me laugh.
Is that bird, a plane?
No, it's just the Flash.
Oh, great, he want's to scrap.
Got a TV show and a it's crap.
Most of us have never heard of you,
but you friends with superman?
I loved you in all those Marvel movies.
Oh right, you're DC.
Marvel wouldn't use you
'cause their out of your Justice League.
What the hell are you supposed to be?
some kind of cuddly blue furby?
You look about as much like a hedgehog
as Master Chief looks like Kirby
Are you a pokemon, a gremlin?
Watch out, he's on the loose!
You're a character made for children!
Why are you only wearing shoes?!
I'm sorry, yo. You ain't mario.
I've played a hundred better games on Atari, bro.
All your TV Shows and your Sega consoles,
just landed your ass on nintendo.
So tonight if you're pickin a fight so you can make your Sonic Boom.
Better put your little hand on your 16 bits or your balls'll be turning blue
Hey, Flash?
Yeah?
I can see your dick.
Uh, do you even have one?
Yeah, it's down there.
You sure? Does it go inside of you, like a dog's?
No, man. It's hanging out and flapping in the wind right now.
well, put some god d*mn pants on.
Made you look.
I can kick your ass then travel back in time
and kick it again.
You're so weak, one little hit,
you lose your jewelry like Kim Kardashian.
I'll beat you so bad,
by the time I'm done, Knuckles'll bruise.
Even if we're just flipping a coin, guess what?
Tails. You lose.
Wow, dude, you didn't say a thing about your speed.
I'm fast like Netflix streaming...
you're still mailing DVD's.
Well let me slow things down,
so you can catch the memo.
Sally Acorn, Amy Rose, and soon to be Black Widow.
Who won? Who gets to hook up with Black Widow?
Cortana.
Cortana!
Yes, John? What are we doing here?
I have something to tell you. I kinda like you.
I like you too.
No, but I mean I LIKE you, like you.
I feel the same way, John.
Oh, man! What a relief!
Here, I'm thinking: Do I tell her, or maybe pass her a note?
I have to tell her... what if something were to happen to her...
So, do we, uh... You know?
Oh, yes we do.
Oh, that's awesome.
That is awe- That is.... Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... What are you doing?
What's wrong?
You were touching my... hmm, hmm... thing in the back.
Your memory bank indicates you're into that...
Giving, Cortana. Not receiving.
That area is not cleared for entry.
[Knocking]
Oh, crap.
Who's that?
Probably no one.
[Knocking]
John, are you in there?
Oh my God! It's HER, isn't it!?
[Knocking]
Hello? Are you in there, John?
Uhhhhhhhhhh.......
[Door Slam]
You son of a....!
Hey...uh...you!
It's Samus!
...I knew that. I was just- It's been a long time.
Yeah, I haven't seen you since that raid we prevented on Liberty.
You left me with a note and a morning after pill.
Yeah, no, I meant to say goodbye, but I just... I couldn't because of stuff.
You're such an ass. I could shove this cannon right up your...
That is 100% something I'm into.
That area is NOT cleared for entry!
She wasn't really going to do it, Cortana.
Tell her, Samson.
Samus.
Whatever! What's important is that we're all here, right now.
Would you like to join us?
No, John. I just wanted to let you know that I'm over you. I've found someone else.
[Door Slam]
What's up people!?
Aw, come on! That little runt? You need a real man.
He's actually a robot. He can absorb the powers of any robot master he defeats.
I accidentally broke a vibrator.
...and it counted.
A a a a a a a a a a a a a a a
Yeah, he does just fine.
I think I'm going to spend the night with them.
[Buzzing, giggling, and a toilet flushing]
Wow! I mean, what a stress release, huh?
I feel like I'm my old self again!
I feel like going out there and being the leader I know I am!
Beast! Flank em! Ya know? And uh... Wolverine...
[Giggling]
What... Hey, what's going on?
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
What is that? You hear that?
[Buzzing Stops] No. Nope.
I swear I heard something...
Look, Cyclops you're being paranoid. Now, what were we talking about?
Being a great leader, or something?
Jean, I feel like you're not satisfied with me, or something.
Of course I am! I just...
What? What?!
I just feel like, next time, maybe we can be a bit more... feral.
Feral?!
Yeah.
You mean like, a wolf?!
Scott...
Or WOLVERINE?!
Scott, that's not-
Oh, that's great, we're back to talking about this again!
I'm NOT WOLVERINE! I can't be feral Jean.
Sure you can! I can help you!
Why, so I can remind you of Wolverine?!
Want me to wear his mask too?!
Do you have it on you?
[Screams]
[Crying]
Ohhhh, you feral beast!
[Door Slams]
Wolverine?! What are you doing here?
Jean. Someone gave me a note saying that you were in trouble at this hotel.
That's strange, I was supposed to meet Cyclops here...
You guys should have sex!
[Sniffs]
It smells like insecurity and bad super powers.
You're a bad super power!
But they're right, we should definitely do it.
Cyclops, is that you?
No, I'm just your inner voice!
Cyclops, we know its you!
Oh, don't mind me! Continue with what you guys were gonna do!
Whatever you say, pretty boy.
Come on, Jean. I know you want a taste of the FERAL BEAST.
There it is! Go ahead Jean!
Do you really want me to?
Oh yeah! Totally.
Really?
Go for it!
Well, you heard the man.
Let's just cut... to the chase.
Okay, get on over here my feral bea-
Oh! You're REALLY gonna do it!?
Not fair! I'M the leader!
It's just not fair!
Hey, babe.
Ugh.
What what's wrong?
Are you serious? You're like some kind of animal.
Uh, yeah. A hedgehog.
It's in my name. I'm a kind of a big deal.
People who are a big deal don't say that.
Look, I don't like your attitude. I earned this, okay?
Real romantic. I knew this was going to be a bad idea.
Wow!
I guess I was just hoping that Flash would win.
Well, hurts the ego a bit, but I can handle it.
Instead I'm supposed to hook up with some furry, blue, creature-y thing.
Hedgehog.
Right. I can't even tell if this thing is attractive for it's species.
You know I can hear, you, right?
But that Flash. Wow! He could do whatever he wants...
Alright, this is just getting weird.
[Door Open]
What the heck was that?
I'm not sure, but I think I just had the best sex of my life.
Wow, that's kind of rapey.
No, it's not.
Whatever. I'm done, here.
Stupid Winky Dink. Want to rap battle for a chance to hook up with Black Widow? Of course it's gonna go wrong.
My shit was fire.
Hey, hey! It's a'me, Mar-
Didn't we do this already?
What are you talking about?
Nothing. What do you want?
Oh, a'baby, what DON'T I want?
-stop it.
I want to see how sweet your peach...
EW! Don't do that.
What?!
Whatever you were going to say. That.
Baby, I'm just trying to lube the pipes before we get this a'started.
Okay, gross. Seriously.
Look, Mario, I appreciate everything that we've been through.
Ha, yeah, "WE" .
Uh, hello? I was probably the best playable character in Super Mario Brothers 2.
You mean that dream I had? What about all the times I saved you?
I guess there was that ONE time.
ONE? Get the *BLEEP* out of here. First game, third game...
That play we put on? We going to count the John Leguizamo movie too?
Mario 64?
Fair. Everything after that was just a paycheck, though.
You really think one person actually gets kidnapped THAT often?
Hell if I know!? I'm still risking my ass to save you!
Mario, you just aren't my type.
What!? You don't like Italians? Plumbers not good enough for you?
I'm fine with all that.
Then what is it?
I'm not into short dudes. There. I said it. Feel better?
What a load of horse*bleep*!
[Door Open/Close]
I ate a bug!
Oh, God. Ignore him and he'll go away.
Oh, hey, Luigi.
What the-?
You're looking awfully handsome.
Are you *Bleep* me? He's short too!
Uh, no, he's not.
I'm taller than you.
Shut up.
God, I want you Luigi.
You realize there's something not right with him, right?
I went to the bathroom all by myself, today.
Oh, yeah? Get over here you appropriately sized stud.
Oh, my-
This is gonna be awesome!
Shut your stupid mouth.
I want you to taste this Peach!
And you're stealing MY material.
Mario, you can stick around and watch if you want,
but I would suggest wearing a raincoat.
No, don't worry about it.
I'll just go *Bleep* myself.
Thank you so much for watching please hit the like button subscribe
to the channel and
Suggest your favorite characters in the comment section below.
That was the end of season 5 of Cartoon Hook-Ups. We will see you in the next season. Peace out, homies.
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