if we want to build healthy relationships it is time for us to stop
pretending look at verse 9 it says do not lie to
each other since you have taken off your old self with its old practices
sometimes I think we lie to others about who we are because really we're lying to
ourselves we don't want to look in the mirror and admit and accept what we
see do you know anyone in your life who is just not self-aware like they have no
idea that they just dominate conversations or that they show up late
to everything or that they make everything about them you tell a story
about your kids they tell story about their kids you tell a story about a trip
you went on they went to a better place recently I got honest with myself about
how I was not a good listener I started to realize that even when someone was
talking I was thinking about what I was going to say next
and I don't know why I'm smiling cuz it's not a good thing it's a terrible
thing and guys I'm working on this ok it's not that I don't want to listen
it's just I have a lot to say it's why you're all here today right I have a lot
to say sometimes I dominate conversation when I
sense that the other person isn't in a cheri mood do you know what I mean by
that I'm one of those people that I don't do well with conversational space
you know some people are okay with just quiet and some people aren't and I'm not
and so when somebody else around me if I feel like they're quiet or if I feel
like they're insecure about a situation and I will just fill the space with
words so a few months ago I had lunch with a very close friend of mine and I
wasn't having a great week so I completely dominated the whole lunch
with my problems and my kids issues and on and on and on I went and I could
feel myself doing it but I don't know I couldn't stop and
looking back when I look back on the lunch I could sense that my
friend was holding back but I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to be
pushy and I felt like well if she is something she wants to talk about she'll
talk about it after all I mean we've been friends for a long time so I just
kept going I went on and on and a few weeks later she came to me and she just
poured her heart out about a major crisis that she had been facing in her
family and when I put two and two together I realized that she was in the
thick of this crisis that day that we had been at lunch and my problems were
not crisis okay my problems were just everyday things thankfully we've been
friends for years and we have a history together so she didn't make me feel bad
about it I even said to her I was like oh my gosh that day that we went to lunch
and I went on and on you were going through this and she was so gracious to
me maybe she wasn't even ready to share that day but that's not the point the
point is that I was so unaware that I was dominating the conversation and I
was so consumed with my mini crisis or my perceived crisis that I didn't even
realize that she was struggling more than I was nobody wants to be friends
with someone who doesn't listen and who doesn't pay attention no one I have to
stand in front of the mirror and I have to say hello my name is Holly I am not a
good listener I'm going to work on this if you feel like your relationships are
struggling it could be that it's all their fault if that's the way you want
to live always blaming others that's your choice but you do have another
option you can look within and you can be honest and like Paul says you can
take off the old self so after I'm truthful with myself then I
have to begin to work on being truthful with others we live in a world where
people are craving authentic relationships yet we all wear masks it's
a way that we protect ourselves from pain but if you want to grow and you
want to get closer with the people who are in your life you are going to have
to take off the mask truthfulness in relationships it can take on so many
meanings and I'm not really talking about being truthful with your friend
and telling her you have lipstick on your teeth you know there's a time and
place for that but that's not what I'm talking about I'm also not talking about
when you sit your friend down and you tell her that she really needs to break
up with that guy and he's not good for her there's a time and place for that
what I am talking about is being real no one wants to be friends with somebody
who they feel like is pretending pretending to be someone that you're not
pretending to be perfect which by the way is the stupidest thing that you can
pretend to be because it really just looks like you're hiding something I had
a girl in one of my groups one time that she was so perfect and every time we
somebody shared about anything she had a solution something that she
had learned and how you know well we don't have money problems because we
have an envelope system and we don't ever fight because we just sit down and
talk it out and it's like I don't want to go to lunch with her she's just gonna
make me feel bad about my life you know even pretending that you know
about something but maybe you don't nobody wants to be around that I don't
think that we realize how much social media can cause damage to our real-life
relationships have you ever been scrolling through Facebook or Instagram
and come across a post by a friend that you know like a real-life friend and
thought liar
it's all lies she's such a liar I know her she does not love
waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning to breastfeed her baby subconsciously it
makes you trust her less so listen to me I'm not just talking about when other
people lie I'm talking about when we pretend
when you pretend when you put something on social media to make yourself look
good or to make yourself feel better you're actually hurting your real-life
relationships because the people that know you are going liar it's not true and
then subconsciously it injures a relationship with them because now
they're like well if she lied about that how do I even know if she's telling me
the truth some people take this idea of honesty too far and they're constantly
verbally vomiting but they're always overdramatizing their issues for the
sake of attention that isn't honesty either honesty is when we are real with
our friends and we are real with our lives and our relationships up close
just focus on the idea that the people in your life they don't need you to be
perfect and they certainly don't need you to be a basket case healthy
relationships are built when both parties are growing when you're able to
see something in your life that you want to work on and you change it we can all
think of someone in our lives who stopped growing somewhere along the way
and how difficult they are to be around I don't want to be that difficult person
whether they're like that because they experience some life trauma that they
just couldn't overcome or maybe they just gradually became bitter these
people are impossible to have a healthy relationship because they refuse to
change and I don't want to be that person in
someone else's life Paul is telling us take off the old self
take off that mask stop pretending and look at this put on the new self which
is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its creator let the Holy Spirit
reveal one area you can work on personally and just decide I'm going to
grow for me it's listening right now for you it might be that you need to share
more with others for someone else it might be a simple thing like punctuality
and respecting the person that I'm meeting or remembering people's special
days and birthdays or maybe I'm gonna work on not blaming or not arguing
with everyone I don't mean to spell it out for you I just want to get your mind
in the right direction hey thank you for watching make sure you subscribe to this
channel so you don't miss a single video or livestream and share this video with
a friend and don't forget you can join me live every Sunday
thanks again for watching
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