Most of us think we have a problem in our life unless we have something that's
a bigger problem to contrast it with and when you see this Toria you walk through
their exact life experience of the course of these two years the year that
we work with them is 30 days but you see the course of what's happened to them by
finding out what's happening a year later you begin to understand that it
says matter what happens in your life you were more than any moment there's no
challenge you can't face and overcome are the events of our lives don't
control our lives our decisions do and so I figured if we could take a couple
that has faced this bigger challenge and be able to break through then you can
look whatever's in your life and make it happen it's kind of like if I wanted to
show you that you could face your biggest fear your smaller fears kind of
drop aside it's like what's your biggest fear today one of the biggest fears so
many people in North America and around the world the Western world are facing
is losing their job it's a horrific possibility it has impact on your family
at your psychology or emotion so many things are choices but the truth of the
matter is what's a problem losing your job is a massive problem until you find
yourself in a position where you lose all your savings what it took you maybe
10 years of working to get then what's the problem after losing your savings
that's not a problem anymore when all of a sudden you lose your leg or an arm or
something horrific happens to one of your children that's not a problem when
someone tells you all of a sudden that you have terminal cancer and I've had
those moments where somebody says you've got that tumor in your brain and we
don't know what it means those moments take your other problems and make them
disappear and you know it's interesting when you ask most people in North
America what's the greatest thing that could ever happen to you give them 10
seconds it's been done over and over again first ten seconds what comes your
mind what's the best thing that ever happened in your life the majority of
people North America say what can you guess winning the lottery and many of
them say winning a hundred million dollar lottery two hundred million
dollar lottery that's what's going to make their quality of life extraordinary
but when you do the studies and they've been many done over the last 15 or 20
years and people that win these giant wad
what our lives like two years later three years later five years later is
the quality of your life extraordinary rarely if ever because what's happened
is they haven't grown they haven't life gives us these events these quote
horrific events because there's an area of our life that has to grow if you were
to ask me Tony out of all the millions of people you've worked with if someone
really wants to feel alive they weren't joy they want happiness they don't just
want money or things or just even respect they want to feel a sense that
life is meaningful and alive what does it take I tell you one word progress
when you're making progress in your life it doesn't matter where it is you're
going to feel more alive if you're overweight you get yourself today and
you say you know what I'm stepping into gear I'll just put these darn shoes on
I'm not waiting for the perfect you know person to come by and coach me
I'll get that too but right now I'm just going for a walk or I'm going to go for
a jog or I'm going to go lift some weights I'm going to do something right
now and you get yourself into gear you do
that for a few days in a row even if you haven't lost the 10 20 or 30 pounds yet
you're going to start feeling better immediately because you have the power
of momentum and you're making progress progress equals growth growth equals
feeling alive we grow or we die so what's the worst thing that could ever
happen in your life same survey asked the people in North America 10 seconds
come up with the answer number one answer to become a quadriplegic that's
why I made the show because the idea that I could be in a position where I'd
be alive but I couldn't physically feed myself take care of myself that I'd be
completely immobilized for most people that's the scariest thought of all to
them that's the worst possible fear so by going through this journey with Frank
and Kristin and experiencing their emotions and seeing and feeling that in
30 days they could go from trapped in their home where there is no possibility
of a future no idea of intimacy no idea of children two world travelers who are
doing things they weren't doing before when he was quote supposedly able-bodied
happier and stronger and closer in their love than ever before and you know it's
real and you see the results a year later as we do the follow-up so you
haven't seen the follow-ups be sure to see that here about the story what's
happening with them we get that experience
it's actually because it isn't somebody verbally telling the story it's
something you kind of went through so the idea here is I'm sure you have some
other fears outside the one we just came up with whatever you're afraid of the
job the loss of relationship trust me it's small if you'll face a bigger fear
that little fear will start to be handled pretty easily that's why when
all of us go through in our lives extreme stress we're all going to go
through it your have a home burn town or something's going to happen at somebody
you love or someone's going to pass before you're prepared for it which is
almost always or you're going to find yourself in a financial situation that
feels like you can't turn it around or you might feel like personal character
assassination or maybe you get mugged or maybe you get a terminal disease we all
will face multiple times in our life extreme stress the difference in
people's lives is not what we face it's what we do with what we face you can
take yourself from a place where in the face of absolute total tragedy you
triumph but it requires making some new decisions taking some new actions and
mastering a part of yourself that can unleash all of your power and abilities
human being that human spirit as corny as it sounds can be channeled in a very
specific way and if you do the game of life changes so I'll give you another
example outside Frank and Kristen a friend of mine who just passed recently
he's always been a deep inspiration man his name is art Berg and art the guy
that was a young man good-looking strong athletic he lived in Utah and he fell in
love with his absolute sweetheart she was you know the most popular girl the
most attractive girl she met all the criteria of a college boy
and his buddy here driving across the state to go to where he's going to get
married and he falls asleep in the backseat
while his best friend is driving and his best friend falls asleep in the middle
of the night as they're driving my friend art Berg woke up rather intensely
on the desert floor the car upside down his legs trapped beneath it and unable
to feel anything he became a quadriplegic in an instant his friend
actually was beat up but actually survived
now what do you do in a situation like that well the first thing most people do
is they want to curse God or they want to curse their friend it's not their
fault most of what happens in our lives is not our fault but what we do with it
is going to determine the quality of our lives sometimes it is our fault let's be
honest lots of times events happen stuff
happens or whatever word you want to play stuff with you know what I'm
talking about what was different about this man if he
made a different set of decisions on that day he said to himself you know
what I got two choices I can live here in the dirt and live and suffer the rest
of my life when I've lost so I can figure out and maximize what I have he
developed this mindset his mindset was before the accident there were about
probably 10,000 things I could do after the accident he said I could probably do
9,000 things before the accident I was probably not even doing 500 of those
things I'm going to be more while I am now and he did he became entrepreneurs
on his own bookstore and became very successful
he married the same childhood sweetheart because this man was so inspirational be
around it didn't matter what they was in a chair she loved him he had two
children one of the greatest gifts of life and he did all kinds of crazy
things he's scuba dive as friends have put him in a suit and tie a set of
weights filming flopped to the bottom they dragged him a hot bubble on the
bottom that was his idea of scuba diving he was incredible human being and he
lived an incredibly full life filled with joy the worst thing ever happened
to you be a quadriplegic the best thing win a lottery I feel like everybody
wants something from you and you didn't earn it and there's no sense of joy and
everything's about trying to hang on to what you got what is the best thing that
happened to you what is the worst the worst is not to take control to the
force that controls your life and that force is human emotion I mean I want you
think about this and answer a question for me if you would what really changed
Frank and Christina's quality of life what changed them you can see the change
you can see it even more a year later that it's continued to happen what made
the change possible did you get it did you see it the answer is simple we
changed the emotional pattern that was controlling their life and you and I
have emotional patterns that's right now whether we're aware of
it consciously or not doesn't matter it's the force that is shaping you it's
shaping a relationship it's shaping your finances it's shaping your career it's
shaping the amount of joy or unhappiness or suffering or excitement you have
right now in this moment but it's an invisible force most of us never take a
look at you might want to take a look at it right now through the eyes of what we
did was Frank and Kristin now what was the emotional pattern that was
dominating them at the beginning of the show he could feel it couldn't you so
there was this feeling of death that there was no future
probably the most common belief system in people in North America now in Europe
60% of Americans now believed that the future is going to be worse than the
past for themselves and for their kids 70% of Germans and Europeans I think
it's 80% according to Pew study recently in France around the world we're
starting to believe that circumstances control who we are don't get me wrong
circumstances play a huge impact events play a huge impact on your life but
they're not the ultimate determining factor the force of human spirit or
emotion is it with the right emotion you can unleash things you could never dream
of I know you know this is true so take a look let's analyze where do these two
live after the accident well where would you live if you were Kristen I mean
you've lost your future supposedly there's no intimacy there's no chance of
children you become the full-time nurse to your husband who you love but now
you're changing his catheter every few hours you're afraid to leave the house
because you're afraid what if he falls over he may stop breathing I mean
there's no life so she goes from the emotions of feeling depressed for the
life she's lost to feeling angry I call it a crazy eight we get tired of feeling
sad and then we'll get angry for a while then we beat ourselves up for being
angry at ourselves or God or a partner and then we get all depressed again it's
a common pattern you don't have to have something like their event happen in
your life to get stuck in a crazy a but interestingly enough she's living in
that place and now what what's Frank doing Frank wants to help his wife
they've got a limitation we got a breakthrough he's got a belief all
breakthrough start with a change in your beliefs
because once you believe how something is that means you're certain that's how
it is if you're certainly can't change you're right it can't I can't convince
you no one else can convince you in Frank's thinking I'm helpless and I've
harmed my wife and he's living with the emotions of guilt and sadness and
depression when he's tired of that he gets completely overwhelmed because he
says if I just would have not jumped in or if I would have jumped in a different
spot or a million of the things that they were different then I wouldn't have
destroyed my wife's life instead of saying my wife needs me right now and I
don't give a damn if I'm strapped physically in this chair my soul my
spirit is going to reach her that's my assignment to get him to remember that
power to now to get him remember it but to get him to use it and shift his wife
and that's what we did through this process how well the process really was
giving him a series of experiences that would change his entire belief about who
he is I could try to tell him oh here's what you can do and I'm six foot seven
and I obviously have use of all my appendages easy for me right but if I
get him to have some experiences like I bring him to Fiji and I show me and get
out of the house morally good house they come a world traveler and go through all
the challenges that are part of that but if you watch our little section and the
story behind the story you'll hear some things that weren't in the show about
that by the way but I gave him a travel of Fiji and the first thing I got to do
with him is I got to get him to experience not know intellectually but
experience he can make a difference for his wife he is not helpless she needs
him and he can transform her he can take her from crying sound out-of-control
angry - laughing and giggling and feeling love that fast it's a beautiful
moment the Shelf you watched and all this is something called presence
something if you're not clear clear about do some homework follow up with us
or someone else figure out how to create that because that's what changes
relationships presents it works and a strength starts to understand not
verbally but by his own experience hey you know I don't have to live in that
sadness or that feeling of being unworthy or that feeling of being Oh
below I can I can matter I can matter to her I don't have to be the person she
just takes care of it was a huge shift in the experience and I'm giving you
thanks example because it relates to yours may be of different emotions but
then we all get the points where we feel like we don't matter
we can't change something or stock in it's our belief great way to break that
belief get yourself another experience that's what I do with people in seminars
that's what I do in any coaching process change it what we do after that they
take him through the experience of facing his fears and we get him to do
the skydive together with his lady and he feels total freedom for the first
time since the accident you get freedom when you face your fear not just face it
but you push through it I get a separation from his lady for ten days
get him to be in a room with Olympic athletes who couldn't move across the
room he couldn't move across room but now they're incredible he feels like
he's not enough and he has to push through that show him how to get back
his dream drive his truck kidding that thing and drive 100 miles an hour even
though all you got is your elbows to drive the darn thing and I'm on the
other seat pretty cool thing so it was a stacking of these experiences that got
Frank to own himself in a new way to build a new identity a new set of
emotional patterns so here are the steps and this is what you want to do what I
do with him I did four things that's all I really did at its core number one for
both of them for Frank and Kristen to transform I identified where do they
live emotionally that's what you got to do where do they live emotionally well
we just decided we just described where they live depression anger and one side
feeling guilty feeling overwhelmed feeling sad on the other there's no way
that can change their life with that is the emotional fuel to get you to take
action you're not going to take action there's not enough intensity to get you
to get through the obstacles or the tragedies or the challenges once you see
what the pattern is and you tell yourself the truth this is where I'm
living step two I did with them as identified
what's the antidote so if steer is what's controlling things
right now we need an antidote called courage now courage doesn't mean that
you're not scared courage just simply means that you're scared of death but
you do it anyway it's an emotional muscle and it doesn't feel good you just
exercise it that's what courage is I mean everybody you know has different
emotional patterns and it may be hard to see in yourself but I bet you know what
other people I mean come on don't you know somebody who
lives every day and they're angry all the time with a pissed-off or they're
frustrated or they're worried all the time I mean haven't you met people
different times who don't you know somebody that's always kind of playful
or crazy or cracking jokes better yet do you know somebody who's not really funny
but they think they are and there's he tells stupid joke and everything else
it's not even funny but they cracked himself up so much that you find
yourself cracking up right I mean people have patterns the question is what's
yours see if you can identify the patterns in other people you can start
to see them in yourself as well and you know what we all do we all find a way to
try to get what I call home home is I noticed after 9/11 I'm with two thousand
plus people from I think was 45 countries that was in Hawaii the
accidents happened the tragedy happened you know the attacks happened and we got
the information at 3 o'clock in the morning Hawaii and we had you know
100-plus people 200 people that were from New York many of which little
worked and had offices and friends in the towers and all the friends died
there the whole company disappeared I had to bring these people in from all
these countries with different religions different backgrounds different belief
systems some people were celebrating other people are crying and saying was
the end times it was unbelievable I noticed all this emotion around me and
the biggest thing to put them all together is I had to say what what's
really going on here and I noticed angry people got angry sad people got sad
guilty people the nurse she was guilty she wasn't there helping people but
she's always guilty the angry lady is always angry we all have a home maybe
that people didn't live in the United States didn't know anyone in New York
City and they were yet angry guilty or sad why they weren't angry guilty sad
about the 3,000 people a day that died of cancer and heart disease they're all
mothers fathers children I pointed out that day you can't be convenient with
your compassion and yet most of us are we're unaware that we use events as a
trigger to get home back to the patterns we know even if it's uncomfortable so if
you identify where you live emotionally the patterns of
the second piece is find the antidote courage can replace fear if you're
feeling this unbelievable feeling of overwhelm you need love or support and
not just go get it go give it see finding that antidote starts to change
the game and then have to identify it you find the antidote number three is
you got to practice that emotion I know that sounds weird I'll explain what I
mean in the moment but you got to do that emotion enough consciously that you
can go from frustrated or depressed to determined and you know how to shift
that gear and it's not fake it's not some pump up it's real and it changes
your life when you can do that like that and it's a biochemical change it's not
some I'm happy I'm happy I'm happy positive thinking BS that's not what I
teach I'm not here to tell you go to your garden and chant there's no weeds
I'm going to say there's a weed go pull it out but you're not going to pull it
out without determination without passion without commitment am I making
sense so if you know the pattern if you find the antidote if you practice it
enough and then the final step you condition it do you practice enough that
you can just automatically go into it that's when your life changes so what
are you going to do is your assignment for this week to take this little 10
minute you know rant on giving you and convert
it into a massive measurable increase in the quality of your life I can't do that
for it you can do it for yourself if you do what I tell you here's what you're
going to do step one and they'll be on the web as well step one you gotta
identify where you live so where do you live where do you live emotionally you
personally just like we did with Frank and Kristen there are thousands of
emotions there's 4,000 words in the human in the English language I should
say four different individual emotions but if the research on it years ago I'm
having you take out a piece of paper pen take out your you know your a notebook
computer get a page on one side one column like all the emotions that you
experience at least once a week that empower even someone
splob passion excitement creativity whatever it is peace determinate I don't
know what are yours I want you to write the emotion as though you don't
experience once in a while the ones you experience at least once a week a
powerful way and really feel it not in the motion you feel once every blue moon
on the other side of that page or if you do with
little application or wherever we put it here the other side I want to write all
the negative emotions or to be more fair all emotions can be positive you use
them all the disempowering emotions the ones that tend to put your state we
don't follow through and I want you on that side right all of them and do it
simultaneously just keep making your less what are the emotions I go into
that mess me up like feeling frustrated or overwhelmed or lost or alone or
depressed or pissed off and rageful whatever it is you go and again not
emotions your experience once in a while the ones experience at least once a week
so make a list of all the emotions experienced at least once a week
ones that empower you ones disempower you on the list that's step one
that's identifying where you live and circle the top two out of the whole list
that you experience most often that are empowering and the top two you
experience most often that are disempowering that will be step one tap
you I'm trying to explain it to you here it'll be right in front of you as well
so if you forget what I'm saying it's going to be on little checklist but I
want you know what I mean step two let's identify the solution so you look at
your list and you see on the disappearing list
I got sadness and depression or I got feeling lonely or I've got filling rage
and anger or I got feeling fear what emotional state would you like to feel
in that situation that would change your life if it's fear maybe it's courage
again courage doesn't mean it's easy doesn't mean you feel you know confident
it just means you're going to do it anyway maybe it's determination maybe
instead of feeling alone you feel loving and you go give to somebody else what's
the antidote what's an emotional pattern that if you
live that would change the game is it faith is it passion is it courage is it
playfulness you're taking things just too damn seriously he's forgotten
perspective go watch the show again see if you really have a problem see if your
problems are as challenging as the people you just saw ants form their
tragedy into something tremendous something beautiful something
magnificent something meaningful something that can even help other
people that are watching that's the beauty so that's the second step what's
the antidote come up with your antidote emotion step three is
you got to practice that emotion I know that sounds silly stupid kind of weird
but if you came to a seminar with me you'd see you know 3000 10,000 people we
do this and we conditioned that a new emotion until you can shift gears if you
ever heard about the firewalk it's not about the firewalk I just skydiving all
kinds of crazy stuff it's a metaphor for how do I go from
afraid fires metaphor for whatever you don't follow through and on your life
whatever holds you back to snapping and going to state of mind where I just
moved through it's not this big mind over matter thing it's mind over emotion
it's shifting and when you learn how to go from scare to determine an action
what can't you do in your life so we show you how to do that but for right
now I'll give you a just a quick example understand that emotion is really
created by motions by the way you use your body so quick exact real quick
imagine a time when you know someone who's depressed or you were depressed
you ever felt that way I'm sure you have at some time and think about what you do
with your body when somebody's depressed they get all excited talk faster just
know everything kind of slows down doesn't it well that was your shoulders
they drop where's your head when you're depressed drops but you're breathing
full or shallow you know becomes shallow you talk loud and fast or slow and quiet
slow and quiet more hesitant now emotion is created by emotion we can try and
think yourself and I'm happy I'm happy but you I'm happy I'm happening your
body's like this nothing's going to change we can change our biochemistry by
eating by taking a drug by smoking a cigarette because then you take a
different breath you eat food you like you fill up your tummy and you start to
breathe nice your whole mental emotional state changes doesn't it so what I'm
saying is you don't need the cigarette you'd only actually need the food you
can just physically learn to say this is what I do when I'm depressed this is
what I do want to most determine that's just this gesture I made I remember one
time when I was a kid or one time I got pissed off and I just what do they do
I've made a gesture I stood taller I look the person in the eye
I spoke with more authority now my idea passion determination maybe a little
over the top for you and I get it I'm a crazy mofo and I I am a passion in
being but you can do your version what do you do when you're really feeling
something like determined what do you do when you are passionate with your face
with your voice with your body just practice it make a contrast here's what
I do when I'm sad here's what I do when I feel loved here's what I do when I'm
worried here's what I do when I'm determined that's what I mean by
practice and I'd love to have you an event but I'm trying to give this to you
so you can do it right now and you can and it may be this to be helpful to do
with friends so they can give you feedback and say here's what you do I
see you do this when you're really strong as you do that when you're kind
of weak that's the third step practice now what's the assignment figure out
your emotions where you let positive negative what are the big primary one
antidotes what emotions do you need practice the emotions you need so you
can go into them a few times sound a little weird but if you do it you'll see
it's actually quite fun feels powerful maybe do it with a friend that's the
easy way to do it and condition it and that means take the next three days do
this three times figure out the difference and shift from not sure
worried to determine from overwhelm I don't know what to do to focus and you
just deliberately physically make the change from one to the other three times
for three days if you're bold new for seven but if you do this three or four
times a day for three to seven days I'll start to get a pattern in your body and
the pattern and your body a new pattern means a new life our life's a reflection
of our motion patterns if you live in sadness and depression you can have a
billion dollars and your life is called sad and depressed if you're living
feeling grateful failing alive feeling passionate your life is filled with
gratitude compassion doesn't matter what's happening anywhere else and you
can face any challenge from those emotions and you can overcome this makes
sense this is how you can take what you watched in that show and convert it into
some actions that will change you very simple approach or come see me or get
some coaching I've got all kinds of resources but this is something you can
do right now you don't need anybody else to make happen you just need a little
ability to take action make sense and if you haven't seen this
for god sakes go on Hulu and watch the show all this will just sound like a
bunch of words if you've had the experience you know what I'm talking
about you witnessed it it'll be reeling you right now and
you'll get a sense of what you can do to move forward and if you can't mine on
Hulu once again send us a little email we'll make sure we find a way for you to
be able to observe or experience the show directly and last thing I say t is
the best way to keep something in your body is share with somebody else the
whole philosophy of my life has been if your life's going to be meaningful you
can't just hit me about me you got to be about we so if you can if you feel like
it if your spirits touched by this help us pay it forward share this with your
friends you can share the clip of our show you can share this little section
we've all kinds of ways just take the clip and send it we've ever way you can
push a button at once again and send it by aurélie to everybody everybody who's
on your email list we'd love it if that works for you if you don't we're totally
respectful of that but in the end I can promise you one thing if you will do
this if you'll discover your current emotional pattern and you'll change it
through a little bit of practice over and over again you will change the
quality of your life no matter what you're facing makes sense thanks for
taking the time I hope this was close to 10 minutes I went a little crazy but
it's really just designed to try to really serve you so till I see again
hopefully next week LIVESTRONG and live a passion god bless
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