You're probably wondering why I've asked you to a car park in Manchester.
I'm doing a show called "Training Days"
where I'm going to hang around with footballers.
It's basically like Carpool Karaoke,
but with footballers.
And the problem is, I can't drive.
And I thought, you are the greatest coach in modern football.
You can coach anyone, so surely you can teach me to drive.
I'm Jack Whitehall, and in this series,
I'll be getting up close and personal
with some of the biggest names in football
as they gear up for the World Cup in Russia.
Before I kick off the series
and meet some of the most expensive pieces
of footballing meat in the world,
I've decided to do a bit of my own pre-season training
with two of the biggest names in the game,
José Mourinho and Gareth Bale.
First up, it's the most successful manager in modern football,
José Mourinho, tactical genius, born winner.
I think I'm a special one.
With his no-nonsense approach and strict discipline,
he is the perfect person to finally teach me to drive.
- José: That's clutch. - Which one's the clutch?
- The left foot. - The left foot is the clutch?
Why you don't do it in an automatic?
Because you have to start like this, don't you?
No! You can-- No, no, no.
You can go for automatic,
and you get the driving lessons also for automatic.
Tell me what to do. What's "hands at ten to two"?
I remember having to do that.
When you have your girlfriend,
you get her, you know, like--
Like this. I'm quite gentle.
- Love handles. - Yeah.
So I just hold the wheel by the love handles.
- Don't cross. - Don't cross. Never cross. Okay.
If you do big mistakes, to protect our lives--
- We protect our lives. - ..with this.
- Okay. What's that? - And I do this.
- And then we will slide. - Okay, okay.
You take control of the handbrake, I'll take control.
Okay, ready? Okay. Can I just say-- Whoa!
Okay. What happened there?
José: And automatically, you forget the clutch, you forget the left foot.
But why did the windscreen wipers come on?
I prefer a player without brain than teach you how to drive.
Clutch. Left foot, clutch.
- Clutch, left foot. - Forget the right foot.
- Okay. - Just let the left foot coming up gentle.
- José: Exactly. - Jack: Yes!
- José: Exactly. - Jack: Yes.
- Ooh. - Yes, exactly.
Don't-- Don't kill anyone.
- José: That's good. - Jack: Okay.
- It's not the smoothest ride. - José: No, no, that's perfect.
- The brake's the middle one. - Forget the brake.
- Oh, my God! Okay. - Keep going.
- That's perfect. That's good. - Ooh, shit!
Now you are going to brake, and at the same time, put your left--
At the same time, you brake with the right,
and the left foot goes on the clutch.
- Be careful with the dog! - What?
José, there was no dog.
I thought there was a dog. I saw a shadow.
- Engine on. - Engine on.
José: Clutch up.
But you are not in--
in the Formula 1 Grand Prix starting.
I like the rev of the engine.
I like the tingle on my balls.
So try to do this and to see if you enjoy it.
Not yet! That's it.
José: This is great. Brake-- The brake.
No, no, no, that's perfect.
- Jack: Was that not smooth? - That's perfect to leave.
Come on, let's take some fresh air.
Let's use your car instead.
Clearly, my driving lacks class and personality,
so Jose suggests we swap to his automatic,
complete with all mod conns.
It's got TV on here as well.
I've loaded in my favorite
Jamie Redknapp interviews for us to watch,
although we might fall asleep at the wheel.
I hope he has insurance.
José: And now you-- Now! Now!
- Now we have it! - Now this is it.
There are clicks in the learning process.
- I know. - Know what I mean?
One day you beat Liverpool,
the next day you lose against Seville,
and driving is the same.
I thought we weren't going to mention the...
So does that happen with players sometimes?
- Of course. - Just suddenly,
they're amazing, like Gareth Bale.
He was pants for ages,
and then all of a sudden he becomes, like, world class.
We're going to get onto the road.
If I get any abuse from any other drivers,
you give them the full Carragher out the window, okay?
No problem.
Jack: At the World Cup, you know,
maybe players that you don't get the chance
to see playing every week like Paul Pogba,
is it nice to see players like that playing at the World Cup?
I don't know. First of all,
they have to make sure that they play.
Jack: Can you see your players
that are going to the World Cup, like, ease off
in, like, the weeks before, and not want to get injured
because they're so, like, obsessed with going to the World Cup?
I believe so. Honestly, I believe so.
- I could see that. - Because my team, Arsenal,
I think have been doing it for, like, two years,
they've been saving themselves.
- Are you Arsenal fan? - Yeah.
Been very upset by some of the trouncings
you've given my team over the years.
Focus, focus. Forget Arsenal now.
I know. I need to forget Arsenal.
Can I ask you one quick question, as well?
You must get so bored of answering it.
Does Nando's taste the same in Portugal as it does in England?
We don't have Nando's in Portugal.
- What? How? - No, no, no.
That's blown my mind.
- No Nando's? - No Nando's.
- What do they eat? - Portuguese chicken, but no Nando's.
Nando's is, like, other than you,
the most famous Portuguese thing-- and maybe Ronaldo.
- You, Ronaldo, and Nando's. - And Nando's.
That's all I know about Portugal.
Jack: Will you be supporting Portugal in the World Cup?
Of course I will.
Would you ever manage Portugal? Or England?
Please, can you come and manage England?
You need to manage England one day.
- One day. - One day.
You don't want to go in after Gareth Southgate.
I don't know whether you've got the charisma to follow him.
I think England-Portugal in the final.
I'm going to delay to go to Moscow for England-Portugal.
- Would you? For the final? - Yeah.
Jack: Do you have to indicate at roundabouts?
This is embarrassing. For you, for me--
Imagine your parents.
I drive a little bit like a little old lady, don't I?
I just think slow and steady wins the race.
- Hey, look back now. - Yeah, there's quite a lot of people.
- Do you want proper advice? - Yeah.
Get a driver.
Since we've now, sort of, broken down some barriers
and we're friends,
have you ever considered maybe just
combing in a little Just For Men to that barnet?
Because a lot of managers don't seem afraid to use it,
but it's something that I've noticed you haven't embraced.
Come on, focus. Focus in--
- In your driving. - Well, no, but I mean--
And think about the proper interview with the guys...
I get that-- The silver fox.
Forget my hair. Come on, let me go,
- I had enough with you. - What?
Come on, pull off the car and let me go.
- Come on, stop the car. - What?
You are so annoying as this-- this sound.
Sorry.
- Good luck for your program. - Sorry.
What's he-- Is he actually pissed off?
Producer: What happened?
I literally was just--
I was literally just-- We were talking
and then I was making a joke about his hair.
- But he's left? - Yeah, but it wasn't like--
- What did you say to him? - I wasn't rude, I was,
as a joke, I said, "You should get some Just For Men."
I don't know what to do. He's gone.
I don't know what to do.
- Come on! - I thought I'd upset you!
- Come on! - I thought you'd stormed off!
- You can't do that to me! - Come on, let me drive.
You can't do that to me!
- I'm gullible and I thought-- - Come on!
I thought I actually upset you!
I thought I'd (bleep) the whole shoot.
I feel like such a mug.
Okay, I've been had.
I'm sorry. I love your hair.
Your hair is beautiful. You are the silver fox.
- It's mine. - It's yours. It's all yours.
- All mine. - Which is not a given
in the Premier League, is it?
And I will never color it.
Never color it?
- Never. - Never?
Never. Everyone has a story.
Everyone with white hair has a story behind.
Okay, lesson learned.
Don't ask footballing talent about their hair.
- Ooh! - Across the series,
I'll be meeting loads of World Cup superstars,
and next up, it's the man with
the left foot of a freight train
and the haircut of a 17th century samurai--
Gareth Bale.
Unfortunately, Gareth didn't qualify for the World Cup,
and to spare him the abject horror
of having to spend his summer in Wales,
I've lined him up with the perfect holiday job.
So, Gareth, it's 6am.
I've flown to Madrid to see you.
What have you got in store for me?
What are we going to be doing?
Well, golf.
Are you (bleep) joking?
I mean, look, I'd get this if we were meeting in Wales.
100%, I understand that. But we're in Madrid, Gareth.
- Yeah? - And we're playing golf.
You can't spend your whole summer just playing golf.
- Why not? - Because you'll be bored senseless.
- You need something to focus on. - So what else do I need?
I think you should get a summer job.
- Really? - Yeah.
- What have you got in mind? - I don't know, I'll--
I have contacts. We could literally do anything other than playing golf.
Yeah, but you said to do what I wanted to do.
Well, I don't have any kit, I don't have my clubs,
and I don't have the silly clothes, so--
Well, I've brought you--
I've brought you a few things you can,
uh, squeeze into with your big physique.
Thank you. You've noticed that I've gone to the gym.
That is a saving grace to this absolute cluster (bleep).
Yes, very funny. Ha, ha, ha.
- Thank you very much. - Looking the part.
I don't wear shorts. I'm not a shorts kind of guy.
- I can see why. = Gareth, why do golfers always have to dress
like they're going through a mental breakdown?
I mean, I look utterly ridiculous.
And then this is the size of your arms.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
It's also the size of something else right now. I need to keep moving.
Who knew Spain was so cold?
I'll use this driver. Is that a driver?
No.
I don't know what a driver is unless it's in an Uber.
I've got to start by saying congratulations on Wales winning the Euros.
- When did that happen? - The last--
You won the Euros, didn't you?
- No, no, no. We didn't, no. - What?
But every Welshman that I met for the next month was--
- And you had the bus-- - Yeah.
You didn't win that tournament?
Yeah, just, we like to celebrate our country.
We like to stick together, unlike yours.
Well, I'll be damned.
These are not very good balls, are they?
Oh, he's already blaming the balls.
( honks )
- That is a model professional. - It's still going.
Just blocks everything out.
- Good try. - Show you how it's done.
Okay, you just watch my swing, and if there's any pointers
or anything that you think could be improved on,
you just let me know.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- It snapped in half. - I've broken the club.
I'm better when I'm working with only six inches.
( grunts, groans )
I've really now done some damage to my hand.
I'm going to have to do it left-handed tonight,
and I never like doing that.
I thought you were ambidextrous.
Yes, I did pick that skill up at boarding school.
- Anyway... - You should keep your eye on the ball.
- Just-- - Don't patronize me, Gareth.
Obviously, I know that I need to keep my eye on the ball.
- Well, I thought-- - It's everything else that's going wrong.
The one bit that I'm able to do is keep my eye on the ball.
Well, maybe you should not. Close your eyes.
- Okay. - Swing.
Okay.
Just hit it like this, mate?
Yeah.
Hit like that with the eye contact?
I really want to be able to do it.
Yeah! Like that, mate!
Like that.
Give me the know look.
All about the eye contact.
See? It's gone. It's still going.
You might want to have a look at that tee.
I think the tee might be a little bit low.
- It's harder than it looks. - Come on, Baley-o, connect.
Wait, let me-- Let me help you.
- Your technique is all wrong. - Okay.
- For a start, let's look at the stance. - Okay, let's go.
You're not going to like this analogy, but go full Ronaldo.
- All right. - Just there, like, firm buttocks.
- Lovely. - Leg, solid. Solid.
Yeah, all solid. Good.
Focus. Visualize the shot first.
Now just stay very still with the head. The head is--
That's the important bit.
You've just got to stay still...
- Okay. - ...with the head.
- And the other-- - And then just...
What the--
I've had a word with all your friends and family.
This is an intervention. It's coming off.
Sorry, Gareth, you just need to let me do this.
- An intervention for what? - It's an intervention.
The man bun, it's got to go. I'm sorry.
If I can hit a decent drive
to that pink flag there, off it comes.
Adios, man bun.
There is not a chance in hell.
Yeah?
- Well, you hit it, so... - I hit it.
Oh, absolutely battered it!
And it's reached the pink flag, so the man bun's off.
You knew the deal.
If either of us reach that flag, off it comes.
No way.
Even hanging out with you playing golf,
I'm afraid it is a mug's game.
No, it's not. Ask Jamie Redknapp.
Case closed. Case closed. Mug's game.
You cannot do this all summer, so what I've decided to do
is to try and find you a summer job.
Okay, I'm willing to give it a try just for you.
- Okay. - Let's go.
Let's go and get out of these ridiculous clothes,
and I include you in that.
So, Gareth, golf was, as I expected, um,
- Fantastic. - a bit of a bore-fest.
But this is going to be your summer job.
- Can I fart in your car? - Do what you want.
- ( farts ) - You're not allowed to--
You can't open the windows now. It's a rule in my car.
- What? - If you fart,
no one can open a window.
Yeah, but that's going to backfire on you
if that's your rule, because I can 100%
sit here and just, like, wallow in this.
Yeah, but as I've told you--
And I promise you, that is, like, Spanish plane food
that you're about to get hit with in the face.
No, seriously. Any minute now. Any minute now.
- Any minute now. - Oh, yeah.
See, now you know! No, don't you dare
- open that window. - I'm not, I'm not.
- You stay and you deal with it. - It's not a problem.
- Your rules, mate. - I'll learn to love it. Learn to love it.
Is my heated seat on, or have I just followed through?
Gareth, we're here at the Madame Tussauds in Madrid.
Yeah, I'm wondering why.
Well, this is linked to your summer job.
The main man himself.
How does that compare to the actual Cristiano Ronaldo?
Why are you staring into his eyes--
He's very good. He's got very--
You want to just stare into his eyes.
Has he got the abs? No.
Ooh. Bit of a pot belly.
He's not going to be happy about that.
Don't tell him about that.
He'll be down here chiseling.
For some unfathomable reason,
there is no Gareth Bale in the Spanish Waxwork Museum,
and I thought for your summer job,
- you could maybe just step in. - Sounds good to me.
And you'll be in illustrious company.
We've got Torres. We've got Cristiano Ronaldo.
They appear to have a Diego Costa over here, as well.
And they're offering a very reasonable rate, as well.
- What is it? - You'll be getting more than Torres.
That's the actual Torres.
Give it the full Bales.
I'm doing everything that I can to resist the urge
to go and put Jesus into a Gareth Bale topknot.
Donald Trump here. He's also giving directions for any Mexican tourists
that might be visiting the wax museum.
Also, this Melania does not work,
because she has never smiled like that.
They've got the cold dead eyes right.
That is not a very good Miley Cyrus.
- Boo! - Oh, my God.
- I think I've just sh-- - Sorry.
Okay, so that's what you're going to be doing later.
I have genuinely got a little bit of heart failure now.
I need a doctor. Actually, I'm not asking you.
Oh, my God.
We're going to make you look a little bit more wax-like.
Oh, brilliant.
So we're going to give you the same treatment
as the Ronaldo statue,
and indeed, the actual Ronaldo.
You're going to have an earpiece,
and I'm going to be talking to you all the time,
telling you what to do,
and you have to do exactly what I say.
- Oh, no. - You do, Gareth.
Otherwise, this won't work.
You have to throw yourself--
- I'm all in. I'm all in. - Trust me.
- I'm all in. - Us blue-eyed boys,
- we stick together. - We do.
That sounded less gay in my head.
There's a bit of creasing on the shoulders
from carrying the rest of the team, but other than that--
Let me just put the final finishing touches--
That looks great. Now all we've got to do is tape over your genitals,
and you're good to go.
♪ I'm a G, but you knew this ♪
♪ To the beat, yo, we move it ♪
Focus, now. Someone's about to come in.
Be the statue.
♪ I'm a G, but you knew this ♪
- Okay - That's the extreme.
They're probably not going to be doing that, to be fair.
The cameras are coming out,
and we're sending in the first few people.
Here we go. Get ready.
- I'm ready. Game face. - Don't worry.
Just hide behind Cristiano if it goes wrong.
We should probably do another sound check.
Gareth, if you can hear me, can you sing
"Three Lions On A Shirt"?
And then maybe take off the Welsh shirt,
and just chuck it on the floor?
(bleep) off.
Yeah, he can definitely hear me.
Okay, Gareth, I'm sending them in.
They're looking at Zidane. They're thinking,
"Why have they given him so much hair?"
Okay, I'm going to stop talking any minute now.
Two guys.
Wait till they turn and look at you.
Now, scare the shit out of them.
( roars )
( laughing )
- Whoa. - Exceptional work!
Exceptional work. Right, they're going to come over.
They're definitely going to have a picture with Ronaldo and you.
Oh, no. It's her.
I want you to scare her now.
( roars )
- Sorry! Sorry. - Lovely.
Okay, when she turns,
you're just going to nick her hat.
Just lean in, take her hat.
- ( screams ) - ( laughing )
- ( chattering ) - ( screams )
- ( chattering ) - ( laughing )
Okay, I'm going to send the last group in.
Oh, it's two old fellas.
When he turns, just chuck the ball at him.
He doesn't know where it came from.
Oh, my God, hold your nerve. He's looking around.
Go, "Sorry, mate, can you pass my ball?"
- Can you pass my ball? - (bleep)
( laughing )
Always risky, pranking the over 60s,
that's all I'm saying.
I was worried for a moment.
You did exceptionally well.
Now it's time for you to get your own back.
- You're in control. - Of what, you?
Yeah.
No-one's going to know who you are in a waxwork.
- No, I'm not a wax-- - Oh.
- Sorry, my bad. - Absolutely mugged me off.
I'm not playing a waxwork.
I'm going to play a member of staff,
and you can control what I do.
Do you have this in a small?
Oh, my God!
I like that. I like that. I like that.
Ow! Damn it.
Jack, start making out with one of the waxworks.
Just give Ronaldo a big sloppy kiss. Go on.
Stop it. I know you're enjoying it, but no-one else is.
You want to sort that out.
He's tenting.
I'm going to regret that when I watch it back.
And now I want you to go and just rob a limb off a waxwork.
Hand it to that person. Just say, "Can you hold this for me, please?"
Excuse me, could you just, uh, hold this for me?
- Sure. - Just one moment. Sorry.
Someone's going to come in now
and just start shouting at you for breaking the waxwork.
Just say, "They did it. They did it."
This lady.
I-- She-- I saw her.
Do not give in. Completely blame them.
I saw her. She went in there and she yanked it.
- No, you gave it to me! - I did not.
Of course, you gave it to me.
I didn't. I--
I saw you go into the--
- You gave it to me! - Are you calling me a liar?
I stood here. She walked in. she was holding the arm.
She had a Cheshire cat grin. I don't know.
I don't even like Angelina Jolie.
Woman: I don't like Angelina Jolie.
Exactly, and that's why you took her arm.
Jack, when these tourists come through,
ask to borrow one of their phones.
Scusi. Can I borrow your telephone?
Thank-- Gracias. Gracias.
Pretend to call your mum on the phone and just start speaking.
Hi, Mum. How is Australia? Is the weather good?
Sorry?
He offered-- Yeah, but he offered to give me--
- He said-- - No, no.
Try and walk away. Just leave the scene.
Let me go-- I'm going to go to my locker.
I'll go to my locker, and I'll bring it back here.
You wait here.
Yeah, I'll come. I'll come. You stay back.
- I'll come. You stay here. - Yes.
No, no, no. I come, I come.
Oh, my God!
Jack: And Gareth can be found Monday to Wednesdays
in the Madrid Waxwork Museum,
stood next to a very erect Ronaldo.
With my pre-season training completed,
I'm ready to move on to the next step--
actual players going to the actual World Cup.
So for the rest of the series,
I'm going to be hanging out with an array of world-class footballers
hoping to be on the plane to Russia,
all with one thing on their mind.
Cheap vodka. I mean, lifting the trophy.
How long we got left? No, with him.
What I love is this chemistry.
Sparks flying. Let's do some drills.
Oh!
Yes!
I'm flying, Jack.
Jack's trying to rip off James Corden
with a version of Carpool Karaoke here.
I've been ended there.
- Dele? - ( screaming )
( no audible dialogue )
- The thing is pain. - I know it's pain.
- It's in my (bleep) mouth! - ( no audible dialogue )
Swallow it! Swallow it.
( no audible dialogue )
Did we cross our man-shafts on that one?
- Yeah! - ( cheering )
Subscribe and watch "Training Days,"
where I hang out with the Mousse and Dry Jan.
Legends.
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