- From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters
in New York,
"The Daily Show With Trevor Noah" presents...
[quirky music]
♪ ♪
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
- Recently everyone has been talking about Scott Pruitt.
He's the head of the Environmental Protection Agency
and the love child of George W. Bush
and a baked potato.
Because, you see, he's taken cabinet scandals
to a whole new level.
- President Trump is standing by
EPA administrator Scott Pruitt amid growing ethics scandals.
- Let me put up a list of all
the other things that have come up.
There's the condo that he rented from energy lobbyists.
He approved raises, apparently,
for two aides' salaries
after the White House had declined the request.
He asked security to use sirens to cut through traffic.
He reassigned staffers after they raised concerns
about his spending.
He requested a 24/7 security detail
on personal trips
that racked up tens of thousands of dollars.
- Okay, okay. Hold up. Hold up.
Am I the only person who was shocked
when they went to page two?
[laughs]
Like, when your scandal résumé goes to the second page,
ya done [bleep] up.
Like, that's so much scandal.
Even Shonda Rhimes would be like,
"Okay, this is unrealistic. Come on, now.
How much scandal for one person?"
I mean, this list is so long that the CNN anchor
literally has to pause to catch her breath.
- He spent $120,000 on a trip to the Vatican.
He hired 12 more agents, costing at least
$2 million per year for their salaries.
[inhales] He has all these flights in first class,
totaling more than $100,000
in the first year of the administration.
He has spent approximately $25,000
for a highly secure soundproof booth for Pruitt.
He considered buying a $70,000 bulletproof desk replacement.
You're okay with all that?
- Uh, no, I am not okay with that.
And neither should anyone else, right?
The head of the EPA is spending taxpayer money
like he just woke up in Chris Brown's body.
Like, what is he doing?
I mean, let's--like, let's just look at some of the things
that he did, all right?
He spent $120,000 to go high-five the pope, right?
He also said that he was afraid
that people were listening to his phone conversations,
so he spent $43,000 building a soundproof booth.
Yeah, $43,000 on a soundproof booth.
[bleep] never heard of whispering?
[laughter]
And--[laughs] And I'm sorry--
[cheers and applause]
And I'm sorry. Listen-- just listen to this one.
Listen to this one.
Scott Pruitt wanted to spend $75,000
on a bulletproof desk,
which I don't even understand.
What's the point of a bulletproof desk?
It only works if your assassin
doesn't know how to walk around stuff.
He's like, "Die!
"Oh, where'd he go? Where'd he go?
Oh, man, this always happens."
And also, why does the head of the EPA
need this level of security anyway?
Like, who's coming after him?
A polar bear coming for revenge?
Like--just like, "Hey, Pruitt, you drowned my wife!"
Oh, and surprise, surprise.
Scott Pruitt only flies first class,
but the reason he gave is pretty great.
- Pruitt says he needs first class because of
unpleasant interactions with passengers.
- What might be an example of that?
According to the security office, an individual
who approached Pruitt at an airport, yelling,
"Scott Pruitt, you're effing up the environment."
- [laughs]
Uh, you're fixing up the environment?
What did that mean?
First of all, whoever said that to him in the airport
is a hero, okay?
And, uh-- Yeah, he is.
[applause]
And secondly--secondly, flying first class
doesn't help you avoid angry passengers, right?
Because now everyone on the plane is walking past you.
Yeah, there's just gonna be, like, a line of people
just being like, "You're effing up the environment."
"You're effing up the environment."
"You drowned my wife!"
"Aah! He's back!
"Why did I check my desk in?
I should've kept it!"
And here's the thing. It's not just overspending.
Everything Pruitt touches turns to shady,
so shady--so shady, in fact,
that even Fox News called him out.
- President Trump said he would drain the swamp.
- I don't-- Look, I--
- Is draining the swamp renting an apartment
from the wife of a Washington lobbyist?
- I don't think that that's even remotely fair
to ask that question.
- Why did you go around the president and the White House
to give pay raises to two staffers here?
- I did not. My staff did.
And I found out about that yesterday, and I changed it.
- So is somebody being fired for that?
- That should not have been done.
- So who did it? - And it may be--
There will be some accountability on that.
- A career person or a political person?
- I'll have to f--I don't know. I don't know who's--
- You don't know? You run the agency.
You don't know who did this?
- I think this is something that needs to be corrected.
- And do you take responsibility?
- It was a mistake by my team. - By your team.
So do you take responsibility as boss?
- I'm fixing it. I'm fixing it.
- [blubbering]
"That--that's all, folks."
I bet Pruitt didn't expect those questions
from that network.
Like, he was probably like, "My dude, we're on Fox.
"What the hell are you doing?
"Come on, you ask me how big Trump's dick is,
"I say enormous,
"and then we throw to a reverse mortgage commercial.
Come on, buddy. What's wrong with you?"
Now, before you get excited-- before you get excited,
thinking Pruitt is going to be Trump's next weekly firing,
remember one thing.
Pruitt may be an overentitled, self-dealing cabinet member,
but he's really good at being bad for the environment.
- Pruitt's saving grace may be that he's seen
by the president and other White House officials
as Mr. Trump's most effective cabinet secretary.
He's started rolling back more than two dozen
Obama-era environmental regulations,
including Mr. Obama's signature
vehicle emissions standards and Clean Power Plan.
He also successfully advocated for the president
to pull out of the Paris climate accord.
- You know, it's amazing how the only thing you need
for Trump to consider you effective
is to just hit Delete on anything Obama did.
Like, I wouldn't be shocked if the next cabinet official
is just a heavy pebble on a keyboard.
That's all it's gonna be.
Basically, with this whole scandal, Trump is like,
"Folks, I know Scott Pruitt is super dirty,
"but thanks to his hard work unprotecting the environment,
soon we'll all be every bit as dirty as he is."
- Dr. Ben Carson,
secretary of Housing and Urban Development
and real-life "Zootopia" sloth.
When he took over at HUD, he had no relevant experience
and one big goal: saving taxpayer money.
- There is a tremendous amount
of--of waste that's going on.
Uh, we're finding that waste.
- And if you think, "Oh, he's just saving money
"inside the department so he can spend more of it
on the needy people that HUD serves," no.
Frugality is a way of life for Ben Carson.
Everyone's got to tighten their belts.
- Earlier this month, Carson said public housing
should not be "too comfortable because it will make people
say, 'I'll just stay here. They will take care of me.'"
- That is extreme.
He wants to help people,
but he still wants to keep them a little miserable.
Yeah, just so they stay sharp.
I wonder if he applied this philosophy
to his brain surgery career.
He's like, "I only removed part of your tumor.
"I want to keep your brain on its toes.
Also, I put some toes in there."
Now, you may disagree with Ben Carson's view,
but you have to admire a man who's so consistently committed
to saving money.
Like, you have to admire that.
Unless it's all bullshit.
- A whistleblower at the Department of Housing
and Urban Development is sounding off.
An ex-staffer says she was demoted after refusing to spend
more than the legal $5,000 limit
to redecorate Secretary Ben Carson's new office.
- She says her supervisor told her,
"$5,000 will not even buy a decent chair."
- Seriously, you can't get a good chair
for less than $5,000, really?
You realize you can get a sex chair off of Amazon
that will literally sodomize you
and it's $49.99 with free shipping?
That's real. You can go buy it.
You can go buy it right now.
[cheers and applause]
And now, yesterday morning when this news broke,
Carson's people denied that he was out there
buying gold-plated chairs,
and that was cool for a few hours,
until this came out.
- "The New York Times" reports HUD spent $31,000
on a new dining set for Secretary Ben Carson's office
as cuts were being planned for programs
to the homeless and elderly and poor.
Ben Carson says he didn't know the table was purchased
but does not intend to return it.
- [laughs]
You know, there are times
when I doubt Ben Carson's blackness,
but then something like this happens,
and I'm like, "Yeah, that's my dude."
No, 'cause that's how black people handle shit, right?
You get something you're not supposed to,
but you have it now.
Like, the guy from Verizon will call up like,
"I'm sorry about this, but you paid for an iPhone 6
and we sent you a X by mistake."
You'll be like, "Uh, sounds like you [bleep] up.
Bye-bye."
So it turns out, Mr. Saving Money Over Here
wanted a chair for over $5,000
and then bought a dining set for $30,000.
And now "The Guardian" reported that his department
just spent over $160,000 on lounge furniture, yeah.
You realize, for that amount of money, he could have built
a poor person a decent house, yeah,
or three uncomfortable houses,
whichever way you want to go.
Like, Ben Carson is clearly doing
some shady shit at his department,
and it might also involve his wife and his son.
I don't know.
I do think this is probably why the secretary
was so evasive last year when Congress
was questioning him about his budgets.
- Sir, you have indicated that there will be
substantial cuts to the budget that HUD has.
How much from housing vouchers, Mr. Carson?
- Uh, rather than go through a quiz on all the numbers, uh--
- It's not a quiz, Mr. Carson.
I have the time to ask you questions about things
that you should have some knowledge of.
Why would the secretary of HUD not give the number,
the amount that you're cutting
from housing vouchers, Mr. Carson?
How much, Mr. Carson? - Let's hear your number.
- Mr. Carson, you're the witness testifying today.
And if you want a moment to ask someone behind you,
you would gladly accord you that moment.
- I-I don't--I don't want to open the book
and look at the numbers.
- What?
Why does he sound like a kid
who's too scared to look under the bed?
"I don't want to look under the bed
and see the monsters."
[spooky music]
You probably remember Ronny Jackson.
He's the White House physician who came out in January
and said that Trump has the strength of a hippo
and the body to match.
You remember that? Right.
Well, he said that Trump was incredibly healthy,
which shocked everybody.
Like, even God was in the front row like, "The [bleep]?"
Well, anyway, we didn't know much about him back then,
and we didn't need to,
but once Trump nominated Jackson for a cabinet position,
people started digging into his past
like he was dating Taylor Swift.
- The White House physician nominated to lead
the Department of Veterans Affairs
provided a large supply of Percocet,
a prescription opioid,
to a White House military office staff member.
A nurse on his staff said Dr. Jackson
had written himself prescriptions.
- The word is, is that on overseas trips in particular
that the admiral would go down the aisleway of the airplane
and say, "All right, who wants to go to sleep?"
and hand out the prescription drugs like they were candy.
- Like an Ambien-type drug. - Yeah, that's exactly right.
He hands out prescriptions like candy.
In fact, in the White House, they call him "the candy man."
- Now, look--now, look,
to be fair--to be fair,
giving sleeping pills to staff on overseas flights
is apparently kind of standard practice
in many administrations.
But distributing drugs like he was
the Stringer Bell of "Air Force One"
is just the beginning of Ronny Jackson's story.
- Sources telling CNN the White House doctor
allegedly became intoxicated
during multiple overseas trips on duty,
including one in 2015,
where sources say he banged on the hotel room door
of a female employee in the middle of the night.
- According to this memo,
at a Secret Service going-away party,
Jackson got drunk and wrecked a government vehicle.
- Okay, this is just shocking.
No, I can't believe that between Trump's two doctors,
Ronny Jackson is the one who might have a drinking problem.
- Brett Kavanaugh, Supreme Court nominee
and renowned dad jeans collector.
His confirmation hearings
were already controversial and contentious,
but this weekend, they reached a whole new level.
- The Supreme Court nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh
could be in jeopardy,
a woman going public saying
he sexually assaulted her when they were in high school.
Christine Blasey Ford,
a college professor in California,
tells "The Washington Post"
Kavanaugh and a friend were stumbling drunk
at a party in the 1980s
and allegedly forced her into a bedroom,
pinned her to a bed, and groped her.
She says, "He was trying to attack me
and remove my clothing."
She told "The Post" when she tried to scream,
he put his hand over her mouth.
Kavanaugh has categorically denied the accusation,
saying in a statement, "I did not do this
back in high school or at any time."
- Kavanaugh denies all of these allegations adamantly.
He says he didn't sexually assault anyone.
He says he doesn't remember that party.
In fact, he says he was never even 17.
He just went 15, 16, 18,
just to be safe, just to be safe.
- This confirmation process has become a national disgrace.
You have replaced advice and consent
with search and destroy.
The behavior of several of the Democratic members
of this committee at my hearing a few weeks ago
was an embarrassment.
Last-minute smears designed to scare me.
I wanted a hearing as soon as possible
to clear my name.
I demanded a hearing.
- "That's right, I demanded a hearing."
[audience booing] "You didn't give it to me.
"I demanded it!
"Anyway, if you'll put me on the court now,
"I'm prepared to put my emotions aside
"and rule fairly and soberly.
"Yeah, I think we can all agree
I know how to handle my emotions, yes, yes."
I'm not gonna lie. The contrast was striking,
because where Dr. Ford was more open
to being questioned about her experience,
this dude was behaving like the whole thing
was just wasting his time.
- It's an outrage that I was not allowed to come
and immediately defend my name
and say I didn't do this
and give you all this evidence.
I'm not even--I'm not even in D.C. on the weekends
in the summer of 1982.
- So you're saying there's never been a case
where you drank so much that you didn't remember
what happened the night before or part of what happened?
- That's--you're asking about, yeah, blackout.
I don't know. Have you?
- Could you answer the question, Judge?
It just-- So you--
That's not happened. Is that your answer?
- Yeah, and I'm curious if you have.
- This guy was such an asshole, it looked like
he was auditioning for a Snickers commercial.
He was like, "How dare you accuse me of sexual assault?
Mmm, I did it, yeah."
One frustration many people have
is that we could get to the bottom
of Ford's allegations much more easily
if the FBI was allowed to investigate
this whole thing, right?
But we're not learning anything from this.
And after watching this exchange,
I don't know if finding out the truth
is on Kavanaugh's calendar.
- Judge Kavanaugh, turn to Don McGahn
and to this committee and say,
"For the sake of my reputation, my family name,
"and to get to the bottom of the truth of this,
I am not going to be an obstacle
to an FBI investigation."
- I-I welcome whatever the committee wants to do,
'cause I'm telling the truth.
- I want to know what you want to do.
- I-I'm telling the truth.
- I want to know what you want to do, Judge.
- I'm innocent.
I'm innocent of this charge.
- Why would you resist that kind of investigation?
- Sir, I-I welcome--
I wanted the hearing last week.
- Judge Kavanaugh, will you support
an FBI investigation right now?
- I-I will do whatever the committee wants to--
- Personally, do you think
that's the best thing for us to do?
[audience jeering]
- It was at that moment that Brett knew he had [bleep] up.
[laughter and applause]
Now, Kavanaugh's confirmation process
was a bitter partisan mess,
and many people were wondering whether a confirmed Kavanaugh
would make an impartial judge.
Fortunately the new justice
believes bygones should be bygones.
- My focus now is to be the best justice I can be.
I take this office with gratitude
and no bitterness.
Every American can be assured that I will be
an independent and impartial justice
devoted to equal justice under law.
- Ooh, Democrats, you going to jail.
No, because something tells me
that this is a guy who doesn't forget, okay?
Yeah. I mean, except for when
it comes to his drinking. Then he forgets everything.
But I'm saying,
other things, he does not forget.
- Everyone has been blaming President Trump
for this week's border crisis, but it wasn't his idea alone.
We can also thank Trump's senior policy adviser,
Stephen Miller.
- President Trump's senior policy adviser, Stephen Miller,
has reportedly played a big role in the shaping
of this administration's immigration policy.
- Stephen Miller has been one of the main drivers,
pushing the president
into enforcing the separation policy.
- For more on this, we turn to senior political analyst
Michael Kosta, everybody.
[cheers and applause]
- Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Michael, um,
Stephen Miller is reportedly behind many of Donald Trump's
most heartless immigration policies:
the travel ban, canceling DACA,
and now separating kids from their parents.
How can he support causing so much pain?
- Mm.
[mockingly] "How can he support
causing so much pain?"
Calm down, you snowflakes, okay?
What you got to understand is,
riling up liberals is Stephen Miller's thing.
Don't forget, this is a guy who ran
for student government in high school
on a platform to make the janitors work harder.
He once jumped into the middle of a women's track meet
to prove that men are better athletes.
Now, did he do that because nobody would have sex with him?
No, he did it to trigger the libs.
And he had a lot of time to plan it,
because nobody would have sex with him.
- Wait, wait, wait.
So--so you're saying that getting a reaction,
an angry reaction, is what Stephen Miller wants?
- Yeah, it's not only what he wants.
It's what he thrives on.
It's what gets him out of his casket in the morning.
So don't even try, liberals.
Calling Stephen Miller a light bulb covered in skin
or what--what happens when enough cousins [bleep]
only nourishes him.
And--and pointing out
that he could rent his forehead on Airbnb
would be falling right into his trap.
- Wow, that--that's really upsetting, Michael.
- Yeah. - But on the other hand,
wouldn't calling him something
like a preregistered sex offender or--
or Satan's life coach at least make people feel a bit better?
- I mean--I mean, maybe, but it won't help.
You're talking about a guy who puts his whole mouth
on a public water fountain.
You can't get to him. [audience groans]
I mean--I mean, sure, you could--
you could Photoshop his face to look like a herpes sore
or-- [audience groans]
Or slap it on a couple of bull testicles
or just turn that mouth into a urinal.
You could do all of that.
But he's just going to make that
his profile pic on Tinder.
- So--so if I understand what you're saying,
it's really best not to engage at all with this guy
who looks like how tuna smells.
- Yeah, I-I... I'm afraid so.
In fact, I brought a chart to help explain, okay?
So now, look, here are people
who think they can shame Stephen Miller
into changing his mind, and here are people who think
they can insult Stephen Miller into changing his mind.
But what they don't get is that Stephen Miller,
as my chart explains,
he's actually above it all, okay?
See what I mean?
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
- He...
he looks like a huge dickhead.
- What did I just-- what did I just say, man?
- I'm--I'm still learning. Michael Kosta, everyone.
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