it can be hard to be confident when you're brand new at something well it
can be hard to be confident even if you'd be doing that thing forever so
today I have five tips for dominance to build confidence
hey guys it's Morgan with BDSM relationships and education thank you
very much for checking out this video today we're going to talk about 5 tips
for dominance to build confidence in themselves first I'd like to remind you
to subscribe to my channel if you haven't done that already and turn on
your notification bell that way you know every time I post a brand new video and
if you haven't heard yet because I guess I haven't said it enough times or
something I have a brand new book it is called exploring V DSM and it is a
workbook style book and it is designed for couples or you know play partners
but if you are single you can certainly work through the book as well and try
some of the exercises so this is a brand new one it is a 101 style book so if
you're new to BDSM you might want to check this out it's available on Amazon
in the e-book and print formats so this is going to be like the first of a
couple of videos and I've already put out some videos about building
confidence as a dominant but there are so many different strategies for
building confidence so this is just gonna be 5 tips and then I will put in
another video with another 5 and we'll just keep going until we run out of tips
so we'll just keep on going but I just wanted to let you know that this will be
one of many so if some of the tips here don't work for you don't worry about it
you can check out the other videos that I have already done and I will link
those in whichever corner it is I always get it wrong so on when I point at both
so you can check out those or you can hold tight and I will do a few more of
these guys in the future with more tips so tip number one is go slow and take
time to build trust with your partner having trust and a closer relationship
will help you feel a lot more confident you know you don't want to be trying or
maybe you do want to be trying but it can be hard it's try something brand new
a brand-new partner and you know you've got just like layers of nervousness on
top of each other right so you have the leg oh my goodness are they gonna like
me nervousness you have the oh my god this is exciting a new nervousness and
then you have the light I've never done this medium stuff before what am I gonna
do kind of nervousness so you just you build and build a build so going slow
and taking the time to really get to know each other build that trust you may
even need to build that trust to express all of the things that you're interested
in you know usually it's a bit easier to sit down with somebody that we know you
know cares about us and then say hey look I think I'm into these things I
don't think that you should just you know wait until you know you've been
married for 20 years and then be like oh by the way that's not definitely not the
way to go about it but if it takes you you know a little while of feeling
comfortable within a relationship before you say hey so I'm into a couple of
things what do you think about that as long as you're prepared to deal with
whatever answer comes I think you're you're alright you know not everybody
wants to get into what they like to do in the bedroom on the first date the
other thing about going slow is that you know as the person accepts more and more
things about you building that confidence becomes easier right so if
you know you've said hey I'm into this like BDSM stuff what do you think and
they're like oh yeah no let's cool I'm totally into that too you're gonna feel
a lot more confident reaching the next subject of well what are you into what
do you like and and you know trying it out and everything else so building that
trust with each other and taking it slow you know you don't need to jump into the
deep end right away you can I you know go slow build it up you know take little
baby steps it's probably the best way to go about it anyways
even if you aren't nervous so tip number two and this is something that I have
talked about before in a different context probably in a couple of
different contexts multiple so is keeping a journal that you both share so
you can have like a little notebook you can both write down my ideas feelings
thoughts all of that with the recognition that you will both read it
now you need to be really upfront about that that you're both gonna write in it
you're both gonna read it because you don't want anybody to feel that they've
written private thoughts and then that privacy is being invaded so you need to
make it very clear that this is a joint journal or however you want to call it
but being able to express some of these things through writing and then going
and seeing you know equal expressions of your partner in writing for some people
it can work a bit better I told a story in one of the other videos about
somebody that I played with a friend that I you know negotiated the whole
scheme through text message with me while we sat in the same room because
that's how she was a little more confident to say I want you to make me
cry and it was fantastic we had a great time so you know use tools of
communication that work for you and as those work you're going to start feeling
more confident to then be able to have more open face-to-face conversations so
the important thing is that you communicate with each other right and
that method can be whatever it needs to be some people aren't good at sitting
down and having a conversation and just being open and honest in that way so if
you're one of those people then perhaps a different method of communication is
going to be more appropriate and make you feel more confident and relaxed so
use the tools that are available to you and play to your strengths the other fun
thing about creating these journals is that you can you know take a look back
in a year two years or five years and see how far
you've come right so you can look back and be like
oh you know I was so nervous about that and it turned out to be no big deal and
it have a good laugh about it or reminisce and it can bring back some
nice memories so that's the other bonus to having things written down that way
tip number three is to figure out what dominance means to you because I mean
dominance is different for every person so like I said I define dominance as the
person who has authority or control within the relationship and whether
that's a bedroom relationship a you know 24/7 relationship or somewhere in
between that's up to you but think about those things do you want to have
authority in the bedroom do you want to have authority outside of the bedroom in
what areas do you want to have authority how much authority do you want to have
do you want to control everything or do you want to just control certain things
now I'm not saying that if you decide that you know 24/7 TPEs or total powers
exchange style relationships are for you that you should just jump into it like
that no way you still need to take things slow and build and you know grow
your authority slowly and take certain areas and expand as time goes on but you
do need to be able to recognize what it is and what it means to you because how
are you supposed to explain to a partner what dominance for you is if you don't
know yourself think about things too like what qualities does your ideal
dominance have and then do I possess those qualities well how can I develop
those qualities within myself and then become my picture of an ideal dominant
so for me integrity is a big part of being a
dominant so I want to make sure that I always have integrity I want to make
sure that I'm always honest or as honest as I can be because that is an important
quality to me that are in fact that anybody possesses you know
so think about those things what qualities does a dominant have and how
can you learn those qualities yourself and I mean is a confident as a dominant
always confident are they always in control or what what sort of things says
dominant to you of course when we're doing this tip
number three and thinking about what qualities are ideal dominant as we don't
want to worry about what other people think right so I don't care that other
people think that the ideal dominant is this that or the other thing because
what does it matter they're not me and they're not in my relationship I mean
there are people out there who believe that you know the ideal the dominant or
the only dominant is male-identified I am NOT male identified so is that
useful to me no don't worry about it you don't worry about what other people have
to say so just don't worry about what anyone else thinks only worry about what
you think because this is your relationship not their relationship so
tip number four is going to be to talk to other people that you trust so this
could be other dominance within your local BDSM scene it could be people
online and it could just be folks that you know that are open-minded about
these things but that way you can bounce ideas off of them you can learn from
them whether it's like you know talking skills that you want to learn that will
make you feel more confident that will help you you know in your journey to
becoming the dominant that you want to be if talking skills is something that
is important to that ideal dominant in your mind joining the community is a
great thing because you can watch others and see how they express their dominance
towards their submissive I can I find that sometimes that's a really good
thing to learn from you know you don't want to you know be creepy and study
people and pull out your notepad and take notes as they're playing or
anything like that but you know just observe see how they interact with each
other and seeing other people modeling healthy DS relationships can really go a
long ways to helping you develop what what you want in that DS relationship or
a dominant-submissive relationship occasionally in larger cities there will
also be dominant discussion groups now these are something that I absolutely
love going to I've met a lot of really great friends that way and it's a chance
for us to go and sit down and talk and just you know talk Dom stuff and we can
you know be honest with each other we can say hey these are roadblocks I've
run into this as problems I've had what do you guys think and it's just a game
it's really nice to have that group of peers that you can talk to and you may
not know everybody and that's okay but if you feel comfortable sharing then
great so I I really enjoy that I miss the the
Munch that we had that was dominance only it was a great great lunch and
hopefully something like that will happen again or maybe I will have to put
something together we'll see but yeah I think that they're a great resource and
if you have one near you I would highly suggest checking it out finally tip
number five is to always ask questions you know we we never stopped learning or
at least we should never stop learning so if there's stuff you're curious about
ask questions find people that you know again that you trust this is kind of
goes to the talking to people that you trust but it doesn't have to be other
dominance talk to your submissive ask them questions what do you want what is
your idea of an ideal dominance what do you want what makes you feel submissive
what makes you feel dominated you know what makes you feel good and confident
about yourself that I can do to help you you know just just talk ask questions
and and you know well I'm a big believer they use question everything
really but I don't like the idea of mentors I'm gonna you know do a mentor
video at some point they were useful in the past when we didn't have the
internet now we have the Internet I think that it's far wiser to learn from
multiple people so and I've said this on my channel before don't just watch my
channel watch other people's channels talk to other people learn from a
variety of sources and take the things that work for you so I say the same
thing when it comes to mentors don't worry about having one person learn from
as many sources as you can and again take a worse for you discard the rest so
always ask questions and take advantage of various educators that that you may
be already in your community or that travel through your community go to
workshops ask them questions learn what you can from them pick their brain
that's what educators are in the fear for however don't expect them to invest
a huge amount of time in you for free because educators are also there usually
to try to make a living it's quite difficult but you know don't expect that
they're going to spend hours and hours and hours and hours on you some may
because they are amazing people but don't expect everyone to do that but ask
questions and learn what you can from various educators and others in the
scene that may not identify as educators but that have more experience than you
you know definitely I came just taking advantage of that peer group that you
have anyways guys I hope that those five tips point you in the right direction
towards building confidence as dominance we will have another video coming out in
a little bit with another five tips so if you have tips or tricks on how to
build confidence please leave those in the comments below for the others that
are watching and reading I'm sure they would appreciate it and I
some point we will compile the big list of confidence-building and tips and I'll
post that on my website free for everybody to check out so yeah I I think
that we will leave it there thank you for checking out this video and I will
see you guys in the next one
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