From Comedy Central's
World News Headquarters in New York,
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah" presents...
♪ ♪
[hip-hop music]
[patriotic music]
- A man who migrated from West Africa to Paris,
he's now being hailed a hero
after a daring Spider-Man-style rescue of a four-year-old.
This is some amateur video that captured the boy
dangling from an apartment balcony on Saturday.
22-year-old Mamoudou Gassama jumped into action.
He scaled the building, climbed to the fifth floor
just in time to save the boy's life.
The French president rewarded him with a French citizenship,
and a job as a firefighter.
- Yeah, wow.
[cheers and applause] Wow.
You know,
no matter how much I see that video,
I'm still shocked every single time.
That dude is amazing.
Like, I wouldn't climb that high for my own baby.
You know? Just be like, "Jump.
Daddy will catch you." I don't know.
And, although I am proud of him,
I'm a bit disappointed that he gave the game away
for other Africans.
Like, you can't let white people know
that we can do that kind of stuff.
And you know, for me, oh, the best part of this video
is, it shows you why every country needs immigrants
because they work so much harder.
Because, I don't know if you noticed this,
but at the bottom of the video, there's a white guy
who's also trying to climb up.
[laughs]
[laughing]
He's just like, "[grunts]."
[laughs]
Yeah. Yeah.
That's the result of ten generations
eating croissants and puff pastries.
That's what that is.
[hip-hop music]
One man just brought new meaning to the phrase
"I'll never let go."
- It was the viral video so wild
it almost seemed hard to believe--
a man clinging to a car
speeding down a Florida highway
at nearly 70 miles per hour,
holding on for dear life for nearly 15 minutes.
But it was very real for Junior Francis
and his ex-girlfriend behind the wheel.
[cheers and applause]
- I feel like this is one of those math problems.
A car is traveling at 70 miles per hour for 15 minutes
with a guy on the hood-- where are they?
Answer: Florida.
[cheers and applause]
And can I tell you--can I tell you what I find amazing,
is how calm that dude's 911 call is.
He's so relaxed.
Meanwhile, whenever we find out about some white lady
calling the cops, she's like, "Dear, God, help!
"There's a black girl selling water!
Please, 911!" And this guy's like,
"Hello, ma'am, I hate to bother you,
"but I'm currently atop a car hood,
"traveling at a rather high veloci--
Yes, I'll hold. I'll hold."
[twangy country music]
♪ ♪
Some news stories help us understand
the world we live in, and some news stories
are just stupid.
For those, we turn to Ronny Chieng.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Thanks, Trevor.
Everyone always says they want to be rich,
but be careful what you wish for,
because sometimes you can get so rich,
you start doing dumb shit like this.
- Silicon Valley is famous for its eccentric homes
and outlandish property values,
but the newest status symbol in the neighborhood
is the chicken coop.
- Scott Vanderlip's chickens make themselves right at home.
- Are you gonna come in the house?
- The software engineer believes he's found
the perfect antidote to computers and code
and has the big data to prove he's not alone.
- There are thousands, maybe 10,000 chicken coops
in Silicon Valley. I mean, there are--
- 10,000? - There are a lot of coops.
- That's right, Silicon Valley millionaires
are adopting chickens as pets,
because what do you get the person who has everything?
Mm, how about bird flu?
- The birds sometimes get a break from eating bugs
with treats like melons and salmon.
Caring for the chickens is a family affair.
- Justin and I, like, we will come home in the evening
after a stressful day at work and pull up our chairs
and just, like, sit here and watch the chickens go crazy.
- Yeah, I don't think the chickens are the ones
going crazy, all right.
You're the ones drinking wine and watching birds poop
on your lawn like it's Shakespeare in the Park.
You're Silicon Valley! What are you doing?
You gave the world YouTube and Netflix, remember?
You can't invite people over to chicken and chill.
And it turns out, these people don't even care
about the animals-- they're just showing off.
- For the Valley's growing community
of backyard farmers, the investment
in heritage birds pays off
in a status symbol of sorts;
colorful eggs that can be given as gifts to friends.
- Yeah, what a great gift.
I love when I'm having a Super Bowl party
and my rich friend brings over raw, pale, green eggs.
Even the chickens must be like, "What are you doing?
"Those came out of my chicken pussy
and now you're handing them out like Cuban cigars?"
[laughter]
Listen, if rich people want to own chickens
like third-world farmers, whatever, right.
The problem is when rich people pretend to be poor,
they're still spending way too much money doing it.
- Online, companies are hatching plans
for do-it-yourselfers
to build stylish backyard coops.
- I built this--this coop, especially for them.
- Laura Menard's custom built chicken coops
have antique stained glass windows
and detailing added by a master carpenter.
Do you think your chickens are happier in there
than they might be in some similar coop?
- Well, I-I--no, I don't think they care.
[laughter]
- You don't think they care?
I know they don't care. All right?
They're chickens!
Oh, and by the way,
if you're thinking about getting into
this new chicken craze, I got some bad news.
You're already too late.
- I always tell people, chickens are actually
just the gateway drug to beekeeping.
Beekeeping is the new thing, you know.
- Are you suggesting that sometime soon,
somebody's gonna say to me, "Backyard chickens?
That's so 2018"? - Exactly!
[laughter]
- That's Silicon Valley for you.
"Hey, you just bought that new thing?
"Boom! It's obsolete.
"You like chickens? Well, [bleep] you.
It's bees now."
But you know what, Trevor? I see what's happening here.
Okay, we're just going further down the evolutionary chain.
That's why I've already invested in the next,
next trendy pet, all right.
I'm talking about leeches!
That's right, Silicon Valley!
Make like one of these guys and suck it!
- Bert and Ernie are beloved "Sesame Street" characters,
but the question on everyone's mind this week
was if that segment was brought to you by the letters
LGBTQ.
- We are back now with Bert and Ernie
and the burning question this morning:
Are they best friends or something more?
- The question was raised publicly
by a recent interview
with former "Sesame Street" writer Mark Saltzman.
Saltzman, who joined the show in 1984,
responded in part:
Saltzman's recollection set it off on social media
and brought responses from Sesame Workshop,
declaring in part that Bert and Ernie...
- Wait, Muppets don't have a sexual orientation?
Uh, that's weird because I know for a fact
that Kermit and Miss Piggy smash hard.
That's what I--I know.
I know this.
They--
[cheers and applause]
They even did an episode when the Count
counted all their sex positions.
He was like, "One, reverse cowgirl.
"Two, Sudanese jackhammer.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah."
Now, I don't really know if Bert and Ernie are gay,
'cause I mean, on the one hand, two guys living together
for 40 years could mean they're gay,
but it could also just be that they live in New York
and apartments are expensive.
And also, if they were gay, let's be honest:
that eyebrow would have been addressed by now.
Would have been dealt with.
[cheers and applause]
But let's move on.
Let's move on because a school superintendent in Texas
did something racist.
- A Texas school superintendent's job
may be on the line after he made a racist remark
about Houston Texan's quarterback, Deshaun Watson.
On a Facebook post about the Texans,
Onalaska ISD superintendent Lynn Redden wrote,
"When you need precision decision-making,
you can't count on a black quarterback."
Well, parents whose kids attend this school district
were quick to come out against Redden's comment.
- I think he needs to be checked out for that.
That needs to be addressed.
- You think that comment's racist?
- It sure sounds like it to me.
[laughter]
- Okay, I'm--I'm gonna be honest.
I didn't expect that accent
to say something woke.
I'm not gonna lie.
Like, I watched that clip,
thinking I was gonna see a story about a racist,
and it turns out, I'm the racist,
because that was great. He's right.
Like, now I'm imagining that there's an entire crew
of Southern progressives just running around like,
[Southern accent] "Hey, boy!
"We don't take kindly to racists around here!
"This here is tolerance country, you heard?
"And by the way, congratulations
"to Bert and Ernie. Live your truth, boys!
Yee-ha!"
[rock music]
- Staten Island, a place famous for mob wives,
spray tans, and cheese sticks.
But there's more to the wild life here
than just beefed-up sleeve haters.
So I met up with park ranger Sarah Aucoin to find out more.
- There actually are a lot of wild animals here.
We have a big population of deer, actually,
in Staten Island.
- You may have heard of "deer"
when they went viral last August,
or from that popular Snapchat filter.
Adorable, right?
Wrong.
- You know, in this case, there--
there can be too much of a-- of a good thing.
The deer population can grow larger
than the environment can support,
and that's something we definitely want to control.
- In six years, Staten Island went from 24 deer
to nearly 1,000, leading to Lyme disease,
property damage, and the destruction of several
suped-up Nissan Maximas.
All right, so how are we gonna take care of this?
Kentucky-style? [imitates shotgun cocking]
- We're not taking any lethal action.
We're gonna be performing vasectomies.
- Sure. That's the--
Yeah, that's the obvious solution to the problem.
That would be the first thing that one would think of.
- Well, honestly, it is-- it is a little bit
outside of the box.
- Way outside the box,
and this raises one pressing question.
Woman to woman,
when you cut their dicks off, does it feel good?
- Actually, I have to correct you.
We're not castrating them.
And, in fact, we're not gonna do it.
We're hiring a contractor
who has expertise in this area,
Tony Denicola.
- Oh, so you got a guy, Tony.
- I got a guy, Tony.
- Is it check and loan Tony?
- No. - Free gas for handies Tony?
- This is not the same Tony. - Different Tony?
So I met up with dick-slayer Tony,
Tony Denicola.
Did you always know that you wanted to neuter deer,
or did you lose a bet?
- Uh, no, it's a lot more complicated than that.
- Uh, yeah, Tony's plan involved cameras,
tracking, and--yes! I knew it! A gun!
Is it pretty precise when you shoot their dicks off?
- Um, we're not that good.
- Ugh. Turns out, they're gonna tranquilize them
and give them operations.
There's just one problem.
- This idea is nuts.
- Meet deer expert Al Cambronne.
- For this to work, we'd need to capture
nearly all those bucks,
and if only, say 20% remain,
then we'll still have lots of fawns next spring.
- So they're gonna still...
- Yeah. And one buck
can happily breed many does.
- Well, Staten Island. - Yeah.
Another problem is that deer can swim.
Bucks are going to be coming from New Jersey.
- Bridge and tunnel deer are the worst.
- And we'll be right back where we started.
- And it gets worse!
This is gonna cost $2 million!
That's, like, over $5,000 a dick.
- Relative to the cost of not doing anything,
we think it's a really wise investment.
- One more problem with the vasectomy plan...
- Oh, Jesus.
- Every fall, there's deer mating season,
what we call "the rut"
Does that don't become pregnant,
they'll be back in heat.
Things get wild out there.
- Like a two-month [bleep] frenzy.
- Exactly.
- Or, like, summer Bible camp.
- Yeah.
- Time to come up with
a more realistic solution.
Have you thought about introducing
Japanese deer sex dolls?
- Well...
That's a possibility.
- Worked for my husband.
- Hmm. - Won't even look at me now.
- Deer are, during the rut... - Nothing.
It's like, I just had a baby. - Interested in only one thing.
- And your body changes, and biologically,
things are a little bit different.
And when you nurse, things happen to your body
and you don't even want to know what happens down there
after having the baby.
It's like sometimes a woman just needs attention.
Sure, Al was a great listener, but he had no solutions.
But you know who might?
Good old-fashioned salt of the Earth
Staten Islanders.
- Take down those [bleep] with a baseball bat.
- We should get some [bleep] mountain lions over here.
- This plan is gonna cost $2 million.
- $2 million? Give me and Rob a million,
and we'll take care of it.
- We'll take care of it ourselves
Every deer on Staten Island.
I'll wait in a treestand every night,
and I'll get every deer, guaranteed.
- I'll put them right in the headlock with my arms.
- You look like Christina Aguilera.
Are you her?
- No, I'm not Christina Aguilera.
- Oh, okay.
- I got a few solutions. - What are they?
- Me and you...
Jump in my car, go back to my place.
- That's when I realized we had the perfect solution
this whole time,
just for a different Staten Island problem.
Finally, time to cut some dicks off!
- This week--
this week marked a milestone in civil rights history;
the 50th anniversary of Franklin's first appearance
in the comic strip "Peanuts."
And what's really fascinating
is his origin story.
- April 1968.
Martin Luther King had been shot and killed.
American cities burned in rage.
In California, a 42-year-old teacher
and mother of three felt helpless.
- And I remember sitting in suburbia,
saying, "Is there anything I can do?"
- Harriet Glickman wanted to reach someone with influence.
She wrote to Charles Schulz.
His "Peanuts" comic strip was read
by nearly 100 million people each week.
Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, they were all white.
Glickman told Schulz he should integrate.
- Okay, that was pretty dope of that lady, but, uh--
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, but--
but at the same time, also kind of a weird reaction
to a tragedy.
I mean, Martin Luther King is dead,
there's chaos in the streets, and her first reaction is,
"Maybe Charlie Brown can help."
Like, I wonder if there's some nice suburban lady today going,
"Did you know they're putting kids in cages?
"We gotta get Garfield on the case.
Where is he?"
[laughter]
And--
And the creator of "Peanuts," Charles Schulz,
he made sure that Franklin's arrival was a statement.
His first appearance in the comic strip
was at a beach swimming with white kids.
And that may seem trivial now, but don't forget,
for many people in 1968, blacks and whites swimming together
was not a normal thing, and this image was seen
by 100 million people.
'Cause "Peanuts" in the '60s had the same kind of cultural
dominance as "Friends" in the '90s,
which, unlike "Peanuts," never managed to add
a full-time black friend.
For more on this civil rights trailblazer, we turn now
to our very own Roy Wood, Jr., everybody!
[cheers and applause]
- [indistinct]
- Roy,
no matter who you are,
you've gotta love Franklin, right?
- Oh, man, love him? Are you kidding, man?
Franklin was a straight-up G.
Integrated the shit out of "Peanuts."
Here's the thing: newspaper Franklin was great.
Newspaper Franklin was great, you can't argue that,
but when they put him on TV, it was a different story.
All of a sudden, they made him a stereotype.
[all] - ♪ You do the Hokey Pokey ♪
♪ And you turn yourself around ♪
♪ That's what it's all about ♪
[hip-hop music playing]
- ♪ It's all about all the calls we've done ♪
♪ You'll be shakin' in your shoes ♪
♪ We're the team invincible ♪
♪ And we're not gonna lose ♪
[laughter]
- Why...
Why couldn't Franklin just do the "Hokey Pokey," Trevor?
You telling me black kids can't put their left foot in,
and take they left foot out?
It looked like Franklin was auditioning
for "House Party 2."
- Yeah, but Roy--but Roy,
it's still cool to have him in there,
even if he had one dance break.
- It was every time with this kid.
Any time you walk down the street in Peanuts-ville,
you might run into Franklin and his homeboy pop-lockin',
and even when he's hanging out with his friends,
everyone else gets a normal handshake,
but no, not Franklin. He gotta slap skin.
See what I mean? All the other Peanuts are just kids,
but Franklin's running around Peanut-ville
like a damn baby Shaft.
He's a tiny, bad mother--
- Shut yo mouth! - I'm talkin' about Franklin!
Look, I just don't want him to be the other kid all the time.
Even at Thanksgiving.
Yeah, they invited him,
but look where they put him!
He's by himself!
Even the dog gets to sit with the kids.
Why is the dog even at the damn table?
It's cool, though, Franklin.
Franklin, look, man. Franklin, they did you a favor.
You don't want none of that
bland-ass white people turkey anyway.
They ain't putting no sprinkles on there.
You know they don't season the food, right?
Have--y'all have Thanksgiving in Africa?
- Yeah, Roy, anyway--like, I hear what you're saying,
but--I liked having Franklin on the screen.
I think it's important for kids
to be able to see a version of themselves.
- Okay, cool.
So if that's the case, the cartoon should honor
the original revolutionary spirit of Franklin.
If you gonna make him rap, do it right.
- ♪ This is America ♪
♪ Don't catch you slippin' up ♪
♪ Don't catch you slippin' up ♪
♪ Look what I'm whippin' up ♪
- Roy Wood, Jr., everyone!
- The Ku Klux Klan
is not the powerhouse organization they once were,
but they have a new plan to get back on top.
- KKK recruiters are trying to lure kids in Upstate New York
with candy.
Klan members have been reported meeting children
as they make their way to the bus in the morning.
Apparently, they're handing out bags of fliers
and Snickers candy bars.
- Oh, man!
Now parents have to be extra worried
if their kid comes home with candy.
Parents are gonna be like,
"Timmy, where did you get that candy?"
He'll be like, "From a pedophile."
"Oh, thank God. I thought it was--
I thought it was the KKK. Oh, my God."
Oh, and, you know, I think the KKK underestimates
how smart kids are these days.
Like, if anything, the kids are gonna end up tricking the KKK.
They'll be like, "Thanks for the candy, mister.
"Now I hate Mexicans and blacks.
Can I get more? Can I get more?"
And as soon as he turns away, he's like, "What a moron.
Doesn't he know that the most effective racism
"is about dominating power structures,
"not running around in a bed sheet?
What a dumbass!"
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