This is your checklist for the rest of your life if something's not working in
your relationship this is the first place you go five disciplines of love
and three of passion these five disciplines are what the game is all
about the first discipline we call the discipline of unconditional love and
compassion the discipline why don't call it a discipline because you don't always
feel unconditionally loving you don't always feel compassionate if your
triggers get fired if something triggers your masculine or feminine you know
animal in you that survival instinct in you based on something going on you may
not show up so you know unconditional in your love and compassion what this
really means put in one phrase put your lover what it's not about you that's the
law you put your lover first if you are having problems in your relationship I
can promise you that the problem you're having right now is you're feeling pain
right now and it's because you're focused on yourself not your partner
you're focused on what you're not getting you're focused on what your
partner's not giving you you focus on something that's not happening there
this is the number-one flaw you want to have an extraordinary relationship tear
up your rules make this your number one rule number one rule is my lover comes
first my number one rule is if you love you put their feelings and needs before
your own second discipline real quick the discipline of absolute courage and
vulnerability absolute courage and vulnerability this is learning to love
no matter what I mean truly no matter what now how many people are gonna do
that not many not many people are gonna be extraordinary relationship but what I
mean by this is if you have courage and vulnerability that means you tell the
truth that means you open up most people out
of a lack of courage hold back their gift this idea that you're gonna give
pain to somebody you love you're gonna punish them that takes no courage that
takes no vulnerability that's just stupidity so the more available you are
the more power you have because love penetrates all
third law for all positive intent the discipline should say a positive attempt
by the way discipline weighs ounces regret weighs tons discipline weighs
ounces regret waste tons you don't follow these disciplines you're gonna
have regret all right they're disciplines their commitments or things
you're gonna do no matter what discipline means even if it's not easy
you still do it right discipline is it's a habit that's what a discipline is a
fabin the discipline of positive intent you know the deeper truth that this is a
no blame game you know that when something happens no matter what it was
like when I said that to her my girl knew she and I made a decision early on
I decided and this decision I encourage you to make up you haven't made it or
make it anew if you haven't made it in years I decided I knew this woman's soul
this woman's soul was his pure as anything I could ever dream of in my
life I knew that I love this woman her soul is pure so man what happened I
would serve her and I'm gonna what happened with what she said and by what
she did I would know even if I couldn't figure out how the intent was pure the
intent was one to get closer it looks mean but she's scared
it looks vicious but she's just freaked out you know and same thing with me he
looks like he's an unconscious asshole he just doesn't know it looks like he
doesn't give a shit he's actually a masculine male and this is what they do
right we shifted the meaning to always there's an empowering meaning because
there's never negative intent no matter what it looks like no matter what was
said and by having that along with that they're just a little possum tent in
steps no blame game we immediately apologize it doesn't matter what coz
happened if there's any argument we have it's a playful argument which is I'm
taking responsibility and she's taken responsible I know honey it was my fault
that was my fault and it's like and we mean it sincerely it doesn't matter what
it is because I hold myself is whatever she's feeling ultimately it's my
responsibility even if I didn't intended that's it so I
take responsibility I'm sorry honey I'm sorry your feelings were she does it
with me also and since we both are constantly doing it it makes it like
there's nobody ever blaming somebody else so think about this we put each
other first if we find we're not we change that immediately right we
immediately look at we gotta be courage and vulnerable you've got to tell the
truth that's really what letters tell the truth with kindness with love with
making nobody wrong because we both know we're positive intent you break through
all the bullshit with this mm-hmm and with an apology rather than I'm sorry
you always have I yes always I honey I'm sorry today when I upset you or I'm
sorry today if I upset you having the word I in owning it neutralized it's
such a crazy and we so underrate an apology of ownership owning something
who cares and you love each other who cares about being right or wrong and if
there really is an unconscious to action and even if it wasn't your intent even
if it wasn't unconscious even if it was a misinterpretation who cares
own it you own it and it neutralizes that and it only like brings you closer
it's extraordinary and you gotta remember no matter what they did that's
not who they are if you can remember that the human behavior is not a
reflection of the human spirit often it's responsive reflex action of the
animal inside of us and if you can know that you know their spirit you know
their soul then you know when people get insecure when they get uncertain when
they go on survival I've done it you've done it we've all done it so instead of
judging and making them wrong because you're scared of being hurt again you
gotta come back to I know what their intent is I know it's positive you
Christian my intent you end the relationship you crushed my behavior you
gotta be right to do that even if I disagree with him you just never
questioned intend I've underlined that I bold it I go on if you question intent
you are destroying the relationship so you look at somebody usually you
subscribe either what you would do or if you dislike something about them or
gonna ban state you'll come up with the worst reason why they did it
it's never the truth they did it to meet some needs same as you but underneath it
if you know their soul you just don't question their intent now think of it
you just did these three things what would be destroyed on your list oh my
god our kids mother wait a second my wife comes first my husband comes first
you know what the bottom line is I just and love them look at these kids are
gonna be great look I'm abend I'm gonna find something here for him I'm gonna
find something here for her right I'm gonna and I'm making this so crazy I'm
being up so upset what am I really upset about I'm upset thinking my kids are not
gonna be the way I want them to do not my kids are gonna be the way they're
meant to be so it's really about me again right
you know discipline absolute curse you know honey I just wanna talk to you I'm
concerned this is how I was raised I know you're raised differently
vulnerably I love you I love you the way you are you're a rebel you love me I
have rules maybe our kids will be okay with that - what do you think finding
someone you know knowing that there's positive intent will kill any anger
upset inside this piece fourth one of the five disciplines fourth is the
discipline of honorable language and moment-to-moment awareness honorable
language there is power in love adoration and praise and most of us
don't use it enough most of us don't praise enough and when I say praise make
a note if you're gonna praise your man or your woman you must praise them
specifically not generally but moment-to-moment being consciously aware
of the impact of the impact that you're having with your language and your
presence on your partner in your language as well body language words
deeds it's knowing you have an impact and seeing that impact you know if I'm
doing something and I look over I see my girl is not in a great place I don't
continue so what happens for a woman to understand is we get information man and
if your word words go into that file in our brain left hemisphere emotions go on
the other side but when you say a word to a woman it hits both hemispheres it's
like if I asked you where are you on you know the 11th of August in 2001 but if I
ask you where were you on 9/11 how remember exactly where you were in the
room when you heard about it or you were there you saw it because information
with emotion is remembered forever and for women words that you say mean a
lot because they had to determine what she's pleasing you or not and those
words get connected to emotion and you might just be saying things because guys
say things all the time right and when you're that upset men gentlemen there's
nowhere to go you're never gonna hurt that woman in a million years so the
only way to let go so the pressure is yell or scream or you
some words but then she takes those words in and she's hurt by and here's it
here's a trick a marriage a very passionate man who's married to
certainly a very passionate woman and little you know we made decisions never
I hate you never I'm gonna leave you and not f you tell he'll say Oh mother f
like I mean it can come flying out of his mouth and have such a level of
intensity but F for F sake Jib but you could yeah whatever that
might be is different than ever to you that and one other big one I'll give you
is if you ever threaten the end of the relationship yes and because if you ever
threaten it when people go to put their button on the tail on the button you
know just to threaten it because they're so frustrated the moment you do that
somewhere in the psyche of your partner they think oh my god they could leave me
and I'm I gonna have to do this first and so they put their finger on the
button then all it takes is enough time to doing that enough yours are doing
that and one day somebody will push the button if you are committed to the
relationship you're in banned for life for multiple lifetimes for those you're
going to come back six and seven times like some of the people here dead you
man for multiple lifetimes I will never ever ever threaten never night of you
ever threatens the leads if you threaten to leave relationships over might take
three more years five more ten years but it's over if you want to be in a
relationship with this person don't ever ever ever threaten and you did before
it's off-limits forever no exceptions as enough mad you are angry you are sad you
are never you're not unconscious with your
language and unconscious with your deeds you're aware of the impact you correct
it immediately you constantly realize I'm pissed off
I'm hurt I'm sad it's about me let me step out of me I'm gonna something
bigger here right this is I'm not about I'm about something bigger it's what do
they need let me Stephanie you do that enough times it'll become a habit then
finally number five the discipline of giving freedom giving freedom men live
for freedom women need it also but it comes in different forms and it's the
power of forgiving forgetting and flooding forgiving forgetting and
flooding now women seem to have more of a difficulty with forget
but you can be forgiving and forgiveness is when you realize that what you
thought happened didn't really happen you gave it a meaning that doesn't
really match reality you're expecting your partner to be something different
than they are flooding is one of most valuable skills you can do in your life
if you don't flood you'll have a hard time forgiving and forget it and we
flood our magic moments I mean at all those are all the time and we capture
them you know we have our little app of a journal that we capture all of our
just our beautiful moments after this event when we get home on Sunday we'll
spend an hour and just capture all the beautiful moments that happen here
everything that was funny everything that was beautiful everything that was
touching because otherwise it's just it's actually what Nicole was talking
about maybe she talked about framing you have a peak experience and you actually
give words to it and that frames it and it helps to get to that place it's just
like you bypass all that effort that took you there and then that's yours
next starting point and then you have another peak experience and then you
share that new frame and you give language and you give words to it and
then boom you set the hot the bar higher and a lot of times what happens is we
magic happens in life grace pours and we don't give words till we don't celebrate
it we don't recognize it we don't see it we don't appreciate it in putting words
to that of appreciation and of celle and reliving and experiencing it it is it is
I would say it's one of the top 10 things for us that we do that just it
ignites and that feeling and just of utter appreciation and we always
captured so we can go back and read it it's so beautiful this is this is okay
this is something to share so when we first it's true he was so uh oh my gosh
like I mean rigid militant flew like so intense about these things and so I mean
anytime that anybody would talk about eggs he was just like in did what felt
like he was not fishes but it felt like that level of intensity and so we were
together and I was feeling like I needed more protein and we share everything and
it was so crazy because I started to eat eggs and I literally and I think out
there know this episode's nuts but I did not tell him and I felt like I was
having a frickin affair with an egg and I
I would go into the pantry and I'd eat the eggs and I'm like this is nuts like
this is just this is crazy it seems ridiculous it sounds nutty but was again
I put so much energy into hiding my egg eating and and then I got to the day of
I was like this is this is outrageous this is just out of hand and I sat him
down she finally came and shot him she shared with me affair she's been
having with crazy story he does he does and I still eat them I
really love breakfast I love my eggs and I love my brother I love her so I love
an egg eater now you know the truth yeah
so we disagree completely but we love each other so that's how you balance now
you get it you get it you put love first you love more than your rules and it
makes you a better human being because it opens you up because lots of things
were making life and death a really art they really
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