-♪ Do not play ♪
♪ Do not play ♪
♪ Do not play these songs, these songs ♪
-Now, before we start, I just want you to know that
all -- every artist here and song I'm about to play
is 100% real.
These are actual bands and actual songs.
You can download them on iTunes or Amazon
or see if your local music store has them.
They are real.
Quest, they are real.
-I don't believe it.
[ Light laughter ]
-Let's see what's on my do not play list.
Here we go. This first one here
is from an artist from the Caribbean.
It's a Caribbean artist. -Ooh, Caribbean artist.
-It's called Super Pink. [ Light laughter ]
First of all, it's not even really pink.
It's more like magenta.
So, we're already off to a bad start.
But the song is called "Toilet Paper."
Here's a roll of toilet paper
with the word "toilet paper" written on it in case...
-You didn't know what it was.
-...you don't know what toilet paper is.
Yep.
Anyways, let's take a listen to "Toilet Paper."
-♪ Em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em ♪
-♪ You know what to do ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
-I'm good. I got -- I got it. I got it.
Stop, stop, stop. I got it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Was it on a loop? Was that a loop or something?
-Those are the lyrics written on the toilet paper.
-Pat me down. Pat me down with toilet paper.
-"Pat me down with toilet paper"?
-I think that's what he was saying.
Let me down? -Let me down?
-Pat me down or maybe let me down.
Maybe he was trying to get lowered out of some place.
-Yeah, and he was going to make a toilet paper rope.
-With toilet paper. -Yeah, yeah.
-Pat -- I think it was "pat me down."
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet paper ♪
♪ Pat me down with toilet ♪
Fantastic.
Next is a country singer. I love --
-Ooh, you love country. -I love country music.
I really do. This is A. Harold Rippy.
There he is just hanging out in his living room.
[ Laughter ]
-There ya go.
-It looks like he wasn't quite ready for the photo, but --
-Yeah.
-Maybe -- Maybe he's ready to sing for us.
-Oh, I hope so.
-Who knows -- maybe he's got a great voice. I don't know.
Let's take a listen to his song called,
"Come Over and Eat Pizza Tonight."
♪♪
-♪ Baby ♪
♪ Come on over, and we'll eat some pizza tonight ♪
♪ Baby, if you come over ♪
♪ We'll eat pizza tonight ♪
-That's you. -No. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Stop it. It definitely is not me.
Stop it. Stop it, please.
[ Laughter and applause ] -That's you.
-I don't know. He likes pizza.
-Apparently. -He likes company.
I think he needs a better microphone.
[ Light laughter ]
Sounds like he was under water.
Oh, this next song... -Ooh.
-...is by a Russian singer named Sergey, okay?
All right, let's see if you can figure out
what the song is about just by looking at the cover.
Any guesses? It took me forever.
Tennis. -Oh!
-Yeah, took me forever. It's about tennis.
Let's take a listen to this from Sergey.
[ Rock music plays ]
-♪ You hit, you drop ♪
♪ You slide from side to side ♪
♪ You chase the ball ♪
♪ It makes you feel all right ♪
♪ It's tennis ♪
♪ Do you play tennis? ♪
♪ You hit, runs far, you barely save that ball ♪
♪ It seems sometimes you play against the wall ♪
♪ It's crazy ♪
Stop, stop, stop. It's crazy.
-Crazy. -Stop, stop, stop.
-I was into it.
-You like it? -Yeah.
-You like that one? -That's my John.
[ Laughter ]
-That's your John? -That's your John?
-You play against the wall? -You play tennis?
-That's my John. -[ Russian accent ] ♪ It's tennis ♪
-[ Russian accent ] ♪ You go from side to side ♪
♪ You go from side to side ♪
♪ It's tennis ♪
[ Normal voice ] Yeah, it's not that bad.
-Oh, was that Sergey? Oh, nice.
-Yeah, the new Sergey one. He just dropped it, man.
Oh, this next one here --
I know this dude. You know this dude.
Rupert Holmes.
The album is called "Partners in Crime."
Quest -- do you know Rupert Holmes? You might.
-Yeah, "Piña Colada" guy.
-Yes, he wrote "The Piña Colada Song."
It's one of the best songs, and it's actually on this album.
Could we play that song? Do you have it?
-♪ If you like piña coladas ♪
♪ And getting caught in the rain ♪
♪ If you're not into yoga ♪
♪ If you have half a brain ♪
♪ If you like making love at midnight ♪
-All right. That's good. That's good.
That's a great -- That's a great jam.
-God bless him.
-But there's another track on here.
It's called -- called "Lunch Hour."
-Oh, "Lunch Hour." -[ Laughs ]
-Let's see if that's good.
-♪ Lunch hour, lunch hour, lunch hour, lunch hour ♪
♪ How do you find time to eat ♪
♪ When there are some many people on the street ♪
♪ And all of them are hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry ♪
♪ Hungry ♪
♪ Give me a sandwich to go ♪
-[ Laughs ] -Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop. You know what? Who cares?
Who cares? -Yeah.
-"Piña Colada" is a great song.
-Yeah. -So, who cares?
[ Laughter ]
Oh, come on.
-Give me a sandwich to go.
-Hey, man, lightning strikes...
-Once.
-Maybe -- Maybe twice.
We're down to our last song.
It is from a hip-hop artist
called D.J. Keemstar.
You know him? -Nah.
-You know Keemstar?
This song is called "Dollar in the Woods!"
[ Laughter ]
-Okay.
Is that dollar the one the arrow is pointing to?
-Oh, you saw where he's pointing at?
-Yeah, yeah, I think I see
where the dollar is in the woods.
-There? -No, no, no.
-There? -No, little lower.
Almost -- No, that's a leaf.
No. That's a stone.
-Oh, there? -No. Yes. Yay!
-All right, good. Yeah, "Dollar in the Woods."
This is D.J. Keemstar, Take a listen to this.
♪♪
-Yo, what up, party people?
It's your boy, Keemstar!
I got to tell you this story.
♪ Walked in the woods ♪
♪ Found a dollar, found a, found a dollar ♪
♪ Walked in the woods ♪
♪ Found a d-dollar, found a d-dollar ♪
♪ Found a dollar in the woods ♪
♪ Found a dollar in the woods ♪
♪ Walked in the woods ♪
♪ Found a dollar, found a, found a dollar ♪
-Stop. Sorry, I can't take this.
You know, I don't think you can --
Do you know that dude?
-Nah, man. No. -That's my boy.
-That's your boy? -Yeah, that's my boy.
[ Light laughter ]
-Can you do a little taste of "Dollar in the Woods?"
-♪ The woods ♪
♪ Found a dollar, found a, found a dollar ♪
♪ Walked in the woods ♪
♪ Found a d-dollar, found a dollar ♪
-♪ Walked in the woods ♪
Everybody! -♪ I found a dollar ♪
♪ Found, found a dollar found a, found a dollar ♪
-That's all the time we have for "Do Not Play."
If you have an album or a song
you think we could use on our next "Do Not Play" list,
we want to see it.
Send your suggestions to our blog
at donotplay@tonightshow.com.
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