welcome back to a continuing conversation with sub Co Vasudev tell us
you you you experienced the sense of your boundaries expanding it's my
paraphrasing if I I'm sure an inadequate paraphrasing of something much more sort
of profound and we won't get stuck in in semantics split blissful happiness or
whatever what happened then what did you feel you know we're told that you know
what the Buddha attained enlightenment under the tree and and he had to go
through you know several years of extreme rigor and anguish and and and
and austerity and what-have-you so in some senses you were lucky probably I
don't know what better karma money that work that it happened every aspect of
your life and he neither conducted joyfully cleverly are in a very hard way
a full and joyful and ease and and happened apparently more easily for you
Dawa have under mentally this is happening to any human being if it this
associates his intellect from every kind of identification but that again is is
is you know I I understand what you're saying I mean I have no idea how to do
it I mean I tell myself that's what I should do every morning nothing happens
and and you know obviously I haven't had the right preparation the right
technique or the right training you know so very often these are concepts as you
yourself said that you know you can you know spirituality teacher scriptures can
spout these but until you really sort of truly know what experience it to
internalize it practice it it doesn't really happen it happened for you what
happened then what did you feel you know we we told that you know Christ spent
how many years struggled till the time that he was on the cross for Ramakrishna
never quite made it and kept saying ma ma ma till the time he was he was dying
the Buddha wondered whether he should go out and share it with the rest of the
world or not would they understand that any of these sort of questions come up
what question up to you you're unique I asked a
million questions rather what I went and constantly got into trouble with
everybody because I asked the oddest possible questions so what is most the
oddest when you ask and I've got into the most trouble jealous my mother was a
housewife I was totally dedicated to her husband
and children absolutely that kind of person she's totally devoted to
everything that we are but at the same time in the Indian household they are
not given - I love you kind of expressions you know it's just there's
no question of your mother telling you I love you it's just it's there all the
time nobody even thinks about it so one particular moment of something that
happened somehow she overstepped that and expressed a little bit of hard love
and allusion to me ah I just asked her if I was born in the next house he said
this house would you still do this tears welled up in her eyes and she went away
for some time then she came back and I was sitting there I knew I said
something as usual I asked a question which unnecessarily disturbs people and
she came and she just fell at my feet and touched my feet and she was still in
tears and she went away I thought that's good for her at least you know some
whatever illusions that you have about your love affairs and this something
broke I'm just saying questions like this I
always question just about everything these questions were not for fun for me
they were a 100 percent genuine and very very intense within me if I had a
question I couldn't sleep the whole night even as a kid I was heated up the
hall and actually followed the Enlightenment experience I'm saying
these questions happen much before when I was very young what happened after say
there are two aspects to me this is a little difficult to explain in the sense
my memory has always been like this that even things that happen when I was just
3-4 months of age are still in my memory not some great earth-shaking even simple
things the local gossip that is happening somebody came in what kind of
clothes they are wearing simple ordinary talk whenever I express you know this
lady was saying this my mother wouldn't believe me you said he was just three
months of age how could you know son you got me tantalize what happened after
after this this this momentum and the Chamundi Hills what happened after it
was over and you experienced this did this happened and and I'm driving back
and I'm so logical am somebody was been on European philosophy you know Camus
Kafka Dostoevsky this kind of stuff which is all logically extreme and as
spirituality is not the last thing I've never heard about it when I apply my
logical mind the only thing that my mind could tell me was maybe I'm going off my
rocker maybe I'm just losing my balance when I
shared this with the closest of my friends the only questions that came to
me was did you drink something did you take some drug this is the kind of
things that came so I knew there was no point talking to anybody not even asking
my mind the questions because it always came up with the wrong thing so I became
like - one was absolutely bursting with an exuberant experience another was
totally confused and wanting to find an answer there there was no answer and I
it was very clear to me no matter how much I racked my brains I wouldn't find
an answer so this experience started repeating itself I sit here and I think
it's two minutes seven eight hours of just gone this within about six weeks
time the kind of chain that happened within me was so dramatic what happened
within I can never put into words but physiologically the kind of changes that
had happened my body were clearly visible for people around me like what
one thing my wife's changed dramatically for no reason and the shape of my eyes
if you look at the pictures you can distinctly see the very shape of my eyes
and face have changed not because of this neglect is it
neglect it isn't that a part of our tradition that you don't you know you
don't shave you don't cut your hair not a tradition just that there is a belief
that you know if you let your hair growth and something happened it's just
that every may ability to do that every male naturally these things happen to
him uh-huh most people are removing it I don't know why I didn't find a good
enough reason to do that at least for the the you know the physiological
changes that happen and then what did you then decide that I now must make
this available to other people a mature one that of Alpha Kappa which is
something that I don't want anybody to believe because I wouldn't believe it
and it was I believe they tell me a whole a flood of memory came to me
lifetimes of memory which completely my mind logical mind did not want to agree
with come to terms with this was before or after this is after because in
traditional literature it sort of precedes the you know sort of I don't
know the karmic clearing maybe out I came the wrong way I don't know no but
you know that I didn't know your living your living experience and that is myths
and legends or will believe you will follow your path tell us it's before
that I didn't know anything but as weeks proceeded every day became such a
phenomenal thing for me that I just want to sit because I don't want to move
around and miss the whole thing I just want to sit in one place so was there
ever a point of of completion that you know it started with this unbounded
experience yes and then I go and as I said then you say okay now this process
is complete and I'm now ready for the world about the Deer Park in about six
weeks six weeks of time it became like a living thing till then it was like
spurts I don't want to miss it I want to see what it is confusion mind and
experience struggling with each other because I had invested too much on my
logical mind I had invested too much in defeating everything that's around me
and but now it was trying to defeat me so it was a big struggle for some about
six weeks in six weeks it became like a living experience then there was no
confusion this is when a whole flood of memory just descended on me the weight
of the memory was little too much little too much and it was so illogical and
against everything that I stood for all these years
so is that process complete now very complete so what is the impulse to
action just spontaneous it just just happens because you the impulse to
action is mostly people's longing you see hungry faces I think it's natural
for a human being if his humanity is in action if his humanity is still
functioning if you see a hungry face to feed them is very natural ah so you
heard my longing to talk to you 50% of the population assure you you know the
de'longhi see a sick person the long-range inertial that was the wisdom
is is you know it's an extremely powerful what I'm seeing this is natural
in every human being he kills it with the psychological process with his ideas
with his identifications why should I do this who the hell is he all these things
if you don't have a psychological process it is very very natural for you
if you see a hungry person to feed if it's possible if you see somebody in
distress to do something it's very natural for a human being so all I am
doing is in natural human expression that every human being should be doing
is there anything left yourself about fifty fifty years of living something
more but you see some something different not really the way I am made
if I sit here and close my eyes I can sit here like this till I fall dead no
need for action but at the same time I'm all action
because it still needed I would like to see a day when I will be an employee
then I can just sit that fool thank you very much this is a great landing and a
great blessing thank you truly
you
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