(Game Sack theme music)
- Hello and welcome to Game Sack.
This time around we're doing
bad TV and movie games.
Yeah, this one was a lot easier to pick out titles for,
because companies just wanna make a quick buck,
and just put out a crappy game.
- And speaking of crappy games,
Dave, you've got the first one.
So, lets just get right into this.
("Lights, Camera, Action" Sonic Mania soundtrack)
- [Dave] Here's Total Recall for the NES
from Acclaim and Interplay,
based on the movie from 1990.
In this action platformer, you play as
Doug Quaid who's out to get his identity back.
Right from the beginning you can just feel
that you're gonna have a hard time,
since Doug's punches have the reach of a T-Rex.
There's a lot going on in this game
that just doesn't feel right.
Guys will shoot you from garbage cans,
but you can't kill them since
they only pop out when you're not close by.
You'll get pulled into an alley
by somebody that grabs you when you walk by.
You fight a couple of really small dudes back there,
then it's back to the street again.
Be careful though, as a lot of times when you get back
you're being shot at by a car that's passing by,
and it's hard to dodge the bullets.
Eventually you'll get to the first boss.
You have to fight your wife who's got a gun
and follows you back and forth across a room.
After you punch her a few times she'll drop the gun
and it'll make getting rid of her a bit easier.
The problem is at some point Richter
will come and stand in the doorway,
shooting a steady stream of bullets at you.
You can't crawl,
and if you do have the gun you can shoot at him,
but he never gets hit.
You have absolutely no choice but to stand up and just die.
I did this several times,
and the only way I was able to get past this jerk,
was to kill my wife very quickly
and exit the room before he showed up.
And the next level seems impossible.
And I'll say that I do like the idea of it,
but the execution is very poor.
It's cool since it looks just like
you're a skeleton fighting other skeletons.
But it's not cool cause you get constantly
bombarded by these other skeletons
and that floating orb thing.
I couldn't get past this area.
And you know what?
I've had enough of this crappy game,
and I really didn't wanna keep trying.
Stay clear of it, it's bad stuff.
(music that makes you think of anything but Total Recall)
- [Joe] This is Congo The Movie, The Lost City of Zinj.
Made by Sega for the Saturn,
and only released in the US.
This is based on the 1995 Congo movie,
which itself is based on a book.
Now the movie wasn't exactly great,
and as you can imagine the game is even worse.
In fact, it's much worse.
From what I can tell,
this takes place before the start of the movie,
and you play as this guy whose name is Kabalo.
He's not in the movie,
and Sega shot new scenes just for this game.
And I've gotta say that the quality of
the full motion video is actually pretty good
for the Saturn, I'll give it that.
But listen to what Kabalo says
right before the first stage begins.
- I have no weapon.
My water is almost gone.
- [Joe] That's right, he has no weapon,
and his water is almost gone!
So of course the first thing he does
after he stops transmitting is take a big chug of water.
And then he pulls out fairly serious knife.
Right after this, the first stage boots
and he has a gun!
What the hell, he has plenty of water
and multiple weapons!
- I have no weapon.
My water is almost gone.
- [Joe] Stupid game.
Anyway, as you can see the game plays
as a silky-smooth first person shooter.
And by silky-smooth, I mean not smooth.
At all.
It controls similar to most Doom-era
first person shooter games,
and by that I mean you don't need to worry about
shooting up or down.
Your mission is basically to find a bunch
of diamonds for your employer, TraviCom.
If you find all the diamonds in an area,
you get rewarded with more ammo
and items to pick up in the next area.
Miss even one diamond and you're screwed.
It's really difficult to tell what's happening,
or where you're going on screen.
Thankfully, there's a map in the lower right.
The game would be unplayable without this.
Not that it's exactly playable with it there,
but still.
I don't know what kind of place this is,
but it has land that distorts on it's own
for no reason whatsoever other than
to give you a chance to pass.
Eh. Seems natural.
The enemies you fight are stupid.
Like bugs, chameleons, chess pieces
and two headed snakes.
And of course you're constantly being attacked
by enemies you can't see from all sides.
The control is slow, but it works.
That doesn't mean that there's any enjoyment
to be found here though, oh no.
The stages are long,
absent of variety,
and well they're boring.
Sometimes you have a fever which engages randomly.
When this happens the controls suddenly
reverse which is just a fantastic idea
in a first person game.
Especially when you're trying to navigate an area,
and then fall off.
The jumping and the collision are both wrecked.
As for the graphics, well lets just say
I've seen Atari 2600 games that are
more pleasant to look at than this.
Just stay far away from this one.
(gun shots)
(creatures chittering, angry that they're in this game)
- [Dave] This is Ghostbusters 2 by Activision for the NES.
Last episode I talked about HAL's New Ghostbusters 2
which is the game we should have gotten.
Instead we got Activision's attempt at
making a game based off the movie.
Well I guess this is old Ghostbusters 2,
and in this case, the new is definitely better
than the old.
This game has lots of problems,
and very little enjoyment.
You start out going into the
abandoned underground subway station.
The first thing that you notice is that
the controls are backwards.
The B button jumps, and the A button shoots.
Aiming your slime blower is a chose since
it's slow to move it up and down.
By the time you get it raised to shoot at,
well say a ghost, the ghost has flown past you
and it's way too late.
I tried keeping my slime blower at a 45 degree angle
but that was useless.
(laughs) That's not the half of it though.
You also have traps that you can deploy
by pushing the start button.
These will help ever so slightly,
and yes if you try to jump over them
you get stunned.
You can only get stunned three times
before you die and your game ends.
These side scrolling levels are a real chore,
and aren't even remotely fun to play.
There are driving sequences that are better,
but they still fall far short of real entertainment.
Driving the Ecto 1 is easy,
and hey it can jump!
You can also shoot slime straight ahead of you,
and in the air.
Like I said, these levels are better,
but everything is so small,
you feel you're really separated from the action.
It won't take long for you to get
your final game over scene with Vigo
taking over New York.
And I say let him have it!
I was actually rooting for him in the end,
and ended up turning it off
and playing something better.
(music that's better than the game)
- [Joe] Here's Dennis the Menace, for the
Super Nintendo Entertainment System, from Ocean.
This one's based on the crappy 1993 movie.
Not the crappy 1959 TV show,
and not the crappy 1996 TV show.
And not even the crappy comic strip.
I wish it would have been based on the
somewhat tolerable 1986 cartoon though.
Ocean is certainly not known for making well-designed games,
and this is no exception.
It's a side scrolling platformer,
and you start out inside Mr. Wilson's house.
Everything in here, including the thousands
of cats that he seems to own,
like bouncing up and down for no reason whatsoever.
And of course, everything you touch
will cause bodily harm.
Actually, instead of a life meter,
you have a courage meter.
So touching a cat doesn't actually hurt you,
it just makes you more afraid.
Yeah.
You have to go all over the place
and get four of these large coins
before you're allowed to exit.
You start out with a water pistol
which is useless.
Yeah, have you ever shot a stream of water,
at a cat?
Well apparently the designers of this game haven't,
because the cats here are completely okay with it!
You can pick up other weapons along the way,
like a slingshot, and a blowgun.
All of which have unlimited ammo.
The control here is super slippery,
especially when you try to stop
or turn around when running.
Sometimes you have to find switches
to access other parts of the level.
And good luck,
because Walter Matthau can come running at you,
and if he gets you, you die.
I mean, you lose all of your courage,
you don't die, you just become afraid.
Yeah.
And look at these enemies.
You have to content with the aforementioned
random bouncing objects,
and is that the Nestle Quik rabbit?
Sometimes you're forced to get hit by enemies
just to make it up high enough to a certain platform.
And of course you can't jump
down through platforms.
It even has some auto scrolling stages
which are way too long for their own good.
And it's impossible not to get hit a ton.
The graphics aren't bad,
but the music is mediocre at best.
Still, F this game
and also the awful movie that it's based on.
( mediocre 16-bit video game music)
- Alright, so far so bad, right?
I mean, god these are some stinker games.
- They are, they really are.
- What is up with that music
in Dennis the Menace?
- I dunno, it doesn't fit the game at all.
- Not even remotely close.
- Well, lets see if these games fare any better.
Spoiler, they don't.
(sweet music that's probably from a Gradius game)
- [Dave] How about some Indiana Jones in the
Temple of Doom for the NES?
I get a lot of flack because I actually
like this movie as much as Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I think it has a great story, where Dr Jones is sent to find
the mystical Sankara stone,
and all the children that have gone missing
from an Indian village.
His true adventure begins when he finds a cult
that's using the kids as slave labor
to find other stones,
and is ripping hearts out of peoples chests
as a sacrifice to Kali.
What could have been a great video game
turned out to be a jumbled mess.
The goal of the game is to save
all the children that are trapped in cells,
retrieve the Sankara Stone,
and get out alive.
It's really hard to make anything out in this game
because of the crappy graphics.
The screens loop infinity up and down,
and left to right.
At first I thought the levels were humongous
until I realized it was just looping.
Everything is so confusing,
and platforms you think you can jump to you can't,
and vice versa.
Then you'll leave an area and go into another one
thinking wait, I haven't finished that one yet.
Don't worry though, because you'll get back to it by exiting
another door in this new area.
It's just so confusing and completely annoying.
Speaking of annoying, how are you supposed
to rescue this kid without losing a life or two?
He's got lava or something that'll kill you
if you touch it right in front of him.
It's just brilliant game design.
You do get to ride the mine carts,
but instead of a cool adventure,
you're just using them to get to another platform.
It is so boring.
It won't take long before you just
quit this game like I did,
feeling that you're not accomplishing anything.
Seriously, I made it to the forth area,
and I felt like I did absolutely nothing.
The only thing I did accomplish
was wasting a few hours of my life.
(tense video game music)
- [Joe] It's time for some Cory in the House,
on the Nintendo DS.
This game is based on the top rated
anime of all time, that ran on The Disney Channel
for two seasons, which itself was a spinoff
of That's So Raven.
You're Cory Baxter, and you live with your dad
in The White House, where he is the head chef.
In this game, Cory has designed bobble heads
of the President, and wants to sell them in Neo Washington,
But hijinks ensue, and now he has to find the boxes
containing the bobble heads fast.
That's so Cory!
Now he has to sneak around The White House,
using only his wits, and the power of friendship.
The game is basically none stop fetch quests
for everyone.
You need to get one item for this person,
so that they can give you another item to give to
another person so that they'll give you what you need
and so on.
It's actually kind of annoying because no one can do
anything for themselves
and you gotta take care of every damn thing.
Oh and the game thinks that it's hilarious.
Some of the dialogue even features the laugh track
that's straight from the anime,
so that you know when to laugh.
(canned laughter)
Somethings are unintentionally funny though,
like the idle animations.
Just look at the way they sway back and forth
when they're just standing there.
There's also lots of mini games
which require the use of the touch screen.
Hmm, should I read all of these instructions before I start?
Nah.
The worst are the rhythm music ones which
feel like they go on way too long.
But you'll also be using the
touchscreen for lots of things,
like hacking into secret doors with your PDA.
Or, fixing a neon sign, also with your PDA.
Because, y'know, that's how neon signs are repaired.
The game really isn't difficult at all to play.
What is difficult however,
is retaining my interest to keep playing.
While Cory himself was an amazing character,
whose exploits were often unparalleled
when it comes to storytelling,
this game sadly just can't live up to the
amazing greatness that is the original anime.
- [Secret Service Dude] Huh?
- Hng, Hng,
- Huh?
- Hng, huh?
- Hng
Huh?
Hng hng.
- Huh?
- [Dave] Jaws was a great movie, wasn't it?
Just seeing it one time almost
made me never want to swim in the ocean again.
Hell, even when I swim in a swimming pool
I was afraid that Jaws was gonna get me there.
I was just a dumb kid though.
Anyway, LJN took it upon themselves
to make a video game for the NES
based on the movie.
In this one, you pilot your little boat around the ocean.
You'll get thrown into random battles just like an RPG.
In these battles, you'll kill stingrays, jellyfish
and sharks with your little spear gun.
And they drop various items when they die.
The only item that you really need to collect
is the conch, so grab these
and leave everything else behind,
unless you're going for a high score
or something like that.
Every now and again a bonus stage
will pop up where you fly a plane,
trying to kill jellyfish.
You must really hate jellyfish if you have to
use an airplane to kill them.
Yeah I thought it was a stupid idea,
but you can get some good conch shells
for killing those bastards.
Your goal is to go back and forth
between two ports on opposite sides of the map.
The first time you dock you'll get a scanner
that can track Jaws.
This will cost you 5 conch shells.
Every time you dock at a port after that,
your power will increase by one,
and this costs three conch shells.
Jaws does what a shark does,
and just roams around.
When you do get into a fight with him,
and you're at level one or two,
you can shoot him forever and he won't die.
He does have a life bar which I like,
but it barely moves.
You need to power up to at least level 5
to make his life bar move.
Once you do defeat him, then you have to ram him
with your boat.
This is insanely hard for some reason.
Anyway, the reason this game sucks is mainly
because of the repetition.
It gets insanely boring very quickly,
since you always seem to be in a random battle sequence.
The more you play, the longer they seem to get.
It can also be tough to stay alive,
since everything can kill you in one hit.
And since you're swimming,
the control is already a bit loose.
Those damn jellyfish killed me the most.
Probably revenge for the air plane depth charges
from the bonus levels.
And to piss you off even more,
you lose a lot of your conches
and your level goes down.
You also have to buy that stupid scanner
every time you come back to life.
This was a tall order for LJN
and it ended up just being a boring repetitious experience.
(Video game gun shots)
- [Joe] This one is VR Troopers for the Sega Genesis.
VR Troopers was a Power Rangers-like show
from Saban, Saban? Entertainment,
and they hoped to cash in on
the success of Power Rangers.
Well it never happened,
and it only lasted for two seasons.
It's a standard one on one fighter,
where you can choose from a whopping three characters.
Basically, the three protagonists get sucked
into a VR machine
and need to fight their way back to reality
or some stupid thing like that.
It's set up like any other fighter,
meaning you have to win two out of three rounds.
What's almost interesting about this one,
is that you can select a different
fighter before each match.
Not that it really matters though,
as there really isn't much difference between them.
You have buttons for throw, punch and kick.
Wait, a fighting game that's not six button compatible?
Well actually it is, kinda.
If you change it to one of the easier difficulties
The extra buttons can do your special moves.
Not that you'll need it,
cause pulling off the special moves is a piece of cake.
Unfortunately the fighting is boring
and uneventful.
Even the enemies are uninteresting.
Between matches a weird dog will talk to you,
and you'll go into battle grid mode.
It may feel like a bonus round,
but it's not.
A bunch of goons will attack you,
and you just need to survive until the time runs out.
If you fail, you need to go back
and refight the last battle that you'd already won!
These feel very tacked on,
and they're a complete waste of time.
The time gets longer and longer after each match,
but I quickly discovered a way to trick the game
into letting the timer just run down.
Just look at how dumb the AI is!
Overall, it's extremely easy,
I beat it on the first time I ever played it.
In fact, I never even lost a single round.
Suffice it to say, this one is not worth your time,
nor your money.
I guess it's worth mine though,
because I own it.
God I hope I didn't pay much for this.
(generic video game music)
- Hey.
- Hey-ya.
- Hey-ya.
- Hey-ya
- Hey ya.
- Follow GameSack on Twitter @GameSack
and @GameSackDave,
and on Instagram as @GameSackOfficial.
And check out our Patreon if you want.
- Alright Joe, I can see the games you talked about,
Cory in the House and VR Troopers,
but Indiana Jones and Jaws?
Those are some fricking top quality movies,
and they got these really crappy games.
- That's true, that's true.
They should have made those good movies
into good games at least.
Like in Jaws, why don't they let
you play as the shark, man?
And eat people.
That'd be awesome.
- That's what you wanna do.
- I know!
But anyway we've got more games to talk about.
Lets get back into it.
(music from Twin Bee)
- [Dave] Here's The Adventures of Gilligan's Island
for the NES from Bandai.
My first thought when I saw this game many years ago
was "Why would anybody wanna make a game
based on a crappy TV show from the 1960's?
I'll never play that stupid game!"
Well here I am playing it,
and this is the perfect episode
because it is just not good.
You play as The Skipper, wandering around the island
doing all sorts of boring tasks
for the other stranded idiots.
I'd been playing the game for a bit over an hour
and it was in an episode were Mary Ann
was taken by headhunters.
I wonder what kind of head they were hunting?
I was supposed to get the Professors book from
Mr Howell so he could translate some ancient text.
You'd think that Mr. Howell would hand over
the book immediately since it might be a clue
to saving Mary Ann from the headhunters.
And what do you think the jerk told me?
He told me to get his frickin' lost golf ball,
and then he'd hand over the book.
Even for a video game fetch quest,
this is very lame.
Gilligan follows you around
and is controlled by the AI.
For the most part he does okay at keeping up with you,
but he's not perfect.
Every now and again you'll get separated
because he'll fall into a hole,
or just not be able to keep up with you.
I was fine with this, since he was constantly
saying the same two things while we were walking around.
The problem is that to continue the story,
he has to be with you.
Like here, where I found the ancient stone tablets.
Gilligan had separated from me a while back.
I took the tablets to the Professor,
and he made a stupid comment about
Gilligan not being there, so the game couldn't advance.
Luckily you can use a rope at any time
and this will bring your little buddy back to you.
I used the rope
and then the Professor took the tablet,
and finally the story got moving again.
It's crap like this that's beyond annoying.
There's lot of birds, monkeys
and boars that roam the island.
You can try to punch them but good luck.
Your reach is way too short,
and they're way too quick,
which will leave you falling on your ass
almost every time.
Trudging back and forth across the map
is time consuming and just boring.
I wasn't a fan of the show,
and I'm definitely not a fan of this game.
Which makes me wonder why I bought it,
even though I got it for cheap.
(mildly perilous video game music)
- [Joe] This is Alf, on the Sega Master System.
And it was released in 1989.
It's based on the TV show from 1986
that ran for four seasons.
I was never really a big fan of this show,
I mean I liked Sesame Street okay when I was a kid,
but I could never really get into
the non-Muppet puppets like Alf.
This is the only console game that Alf received,
thank god.
You can tell that this game was made
by people who have never played a video game
before in their lives.
The goal of the game is to repair your spaceship
so you can fly to Mars and visit your girlfriend.
Unfortunately, you're stuck in a house
with a bunch of idiots.
The good news is that in this game
they don't seem to be home.
So you begin running around everywhere until
you find a secret cave in the basement full of bats.
And good luck, because if anything in the game touches you,
you die immediately.
Turns out you need to grab the cat
which will scare away the rats,
and also grab the salami from the refrigerator
and use it as a weapon against the bats.
It helps, but it doesn't help much.
The bats will get through and touch you somehow,
and it's super easy to die.
I can't tell you how many damn times
I've tried this cave.
Oh and you actually need to navigate
through it twice in the game.
If that's not bad enough,
you only have four lives,
and one continue,
and that's it.
So you get a nugget from the basement cave
that you can sell.
Hmm, what should you buy?
Oh I know, a key to unlock the closet
in the kids bedroom.
That's right, the general store is selling
keys to the closets in your house!
What the hell?
Oh look, this store is selling a book about me.
Okay, I'll try it.
Once upon a time there was an alien lifeform
blah blah blah,
...being very smart, Alf decided to sell the story
of his adventure to Sega so they could make it a game.
They did, and decided that if anyone read this book
they would have to go back to the beginning of the game.
Surprise... Ha.
Ha.
And you've constantly gotta avoid these super grabby guys
that are everywhere.
Eugh.
They're even in your house!
What really ruins this game is the sloppy controls
and the giant hit boxes.
Also the game is cryptic as hell,
so you have to guess what you need to do.
But basically it boils down to finding things
to sell, so that you can afford to buy other things.
This part where you're taking your
rocket scooter into space throws random stuff at you.
That means that sometimes there is no way to escape.
But I discovered that if you face right
and fly up on this side of the screen,
you don't have much of an issue.
Make it to the moon, which has a spaceship repair kit,
for some reason,
and boom, you've beat the game.
Now, some of you may complain that I spoiled
the game by showing you the end.
Sorry, nothing can spoil a game that's already this rotten.
They graphics are sparse,
and the music is average.
And there's barely any sound effects anywhere.
What's worse is that this was one of the most
expensive games on the console.
Definitely not worth your money,
or anyone else's honestly.
(annoyingly repetitive video game music)
- [Dave] This is Bram Stokers Dracula on the Super Nintendo
which is based on a pretty good movie,
which is based on a very good book.
It's also on the Genesis.
You play as Jonathan Harker,
who is out to rescue his girlfriend Mina from Dracula.
It's your ordinary action platformer where you slay
many types of things from spiders,
to wolves to other humans.
Each level has you doing two things.
Firstly you must find Van Helsing.
He's just standing there being totally useless
and tells you to find a certain item in the level.
Once you find it, you go to the second area
where you fight your way to a boss.
The action is okay at best as you slice
and dice with your sword.
Killing enemies doesn't feel satisfying,
since they're just there when you cut them
up with no fight.
The most annoying part of every level is
the unfair hits that you'll take from spikes
that come out from the ground and from the ceiling.
In a well-designed game, you'll get a slight hint
of the tip of the spear maybe poking
out of the ground to warn you.
Not in this game though.
In all honesty, these types of unfair
deaths almost single handedly ruined the whole game.
Even when you know they're there,
like the second, third or even forth time
you try to get past them,
you'll still end up taking damage.
And once you get to the boss fights,
they're typically very easy,
and then you have to watch their death explosion
for a good five seconds before you can move on.
(prolonged explosion)
But this game is a triumph of game design genius
compared to the Sega CD version.
This is a side scrolling FMV platformer,
for lack of a better description.
Of course the buttons are backwards,
with A doing the jumps.
You trudge along fighting the most fearsome
creatures from the story.
Crows, bats, spiders and zombies.
You can even punch ghosts in the face.
The controls are just horrible though,
especially the jumping as there's a delay
before you actually jump.
And you can't attack while jumping.
The entire game is rather clumsy,
and you'll often find yourself covered with enemies
that you just can't avoid.
And don't try to play this one with
a six button controller,
or all you'll be able to do is kick.
Just remember to hold the Mode button
when you power it up.
To top it all off, it looks super grainy,
and the sound isn't very hot either.
There are random clips of the movie inserted,
but they look pretty bad.
Interesting concept having FMV
scrolling backgrounds for a game
but it just doesn't work well at all.
Hell, the book has better gameplay than this!
(definitely not Keanu)
(creepy streamed music... in mono)
- There you go, those are some games,
some bad games, that are based on TV shows and movies.
- They were definitely bad,
and I'm sure you guys can think of
probably at least a hundred others, maybe,
I dunno, if there's that many out there,
if there's that many out there,
- There'd be at least 95 I'd imagine.
- Over the many years of video gaming history
I'm sure there is.
- I'm sure there is.
And the person who's captioning this episode
is gonna love it when we talk over each other.
- Yeah, yeah totally. (laughter)
- Anyway, what are some games that you
recommend that we try?
If you want to torture us let us know,
and in the meantime, thank you for watching Game Sack.
(Game Sack ending theme)
- Joe! Joe! You're not gonna believe it!
Somebody sent us a game based on our show!
- Awww man! I was hoping it'd be a Genesis game at least.
- Yeah I was hoping for a Super Nintendo game
but well, you know... beggars can't be choosers I guess
and, we should probably be grateful, so...
...and since you do most of the work I think you should have it.
Awwwww man!
Well, let's see how it is, anyway.
- Good idea!
- Well look at that, it doesn't work at all!
- That sucks 'cause I really wanted to play with myself!
- I wanted to play with you, too!
(record needle scratch)
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