Hey, YouTube, it's Kathy. I am Pet Sitting at my best friend's house, where there is
no fewer than three Christmas trees in this immediate vicinity, so that explains
where I am. What I'm doing, you'll probably figure out from whatever I
decide to title this, but basically my friend Rebecca has made it a yearly
tradition to drink wine and read a book on her channel, and I thought that
sounded delightful, especially since I have this space to myself. In any case, my
besties said, "hey, you can definitely drink that bottle of wine that's in the fridge"
so that's gonna happen. We have some Jackson Triggs Pinot Grigio 2017, with
a screw top, because that's way easier to open on camera. And these probably aren't
wine glasses but they're real cute, so it's what I'm using. Also, if I use something
with a stem, I would definitely knock it over in the middle of this video, so
that's just not happening. So the plan for this is I am going to use yee old
Google to find some Christmas erotica and read it. I will put links to whatever
I find down in the description. So if you decide that you want to read it, sure.
But for now, I'm just going to Google... "free Christmas erotica". The first thing that
comes up is called In Santa's Lap. This this already sounds like I'm not gonna
want to read it, but I'm clicking on it. I'm gonna need some wine first. I will put a
screen grab of what is at the top of this page for you so you can see what
I'm seeing right now. Just based on the title and this photo, I'm assuming that
this is not only Santa kink, but specifically Mall Santa Kink, which I
learned a lot about in Sarah and Rebecca's podcast that I listened to, so
I will leave links to that down below, as well, because it's a delight. So rather
than reading it out loud to you, because this is not my work, I am going to read
this and tell you, kind of, the highlights of it. In Santa's Lap: An Erotic Christmas Story.
Exactly what I asked the internet for so. In our first paragraph, we have
the protagonist just basically creeping on the mall Santa. The first line is
"He was finally done for the day" and she watched from a distance as the
final shoppers were herded out. Everybody's leaving the legendary older
man and his white trimmed hat, velvet plush suit... still on his chair.
No doubt he's tired. A couple weeks ago her office closed for Christmas and she's just been
coming to the same mall for something to do, or someone to do, I imagine. Come for the
budget shopping, stay for the Santa. Who she points out she knows is not the
Real Santa but that's not gonna stop her, apparently. He's a really good facsimile
for what she thought Real Santa would look like, so that's what she's digging.
Whoo, she's gone so far to even notice, like, which shifts he's taking, and not a
different Santa. Closing time Saturday afternoon, on Christmas Eve eve, which is
today. It's a Sunday, though... but still. I'll make sure that this goes up on
Christmas Eve just as my present to you. Though she's never talked to Santa
before, it looks like and she's gone up to just, like, approach him for what she
wants, those sexy times, and basically as soon as he starts talking to her, she
just, like flushes, with embarrassment and stands there stockstill, and is just
like, staring at him, which is definitely akin to my flirting methods.
Oooh, apparently he's noticed her sitting on the bench for the last few weeks and now
he's inviting her to come over and sit on his lap and talk about her troubles.
He's off duty but he's still such a nice guy. She feels like she's being
transported into a magical world. He's making sure she feels safe.
I appreciate this. Here's some quoting for you: "He helped her position herself
in his lap, her bottom over his crotch." That's not how you sit on Santa's lap, children.
"Her skirt had ridden up somewhat obscenely during her climb
rendering her rather more slutty than the 'virginal young lady meeting Santa'
scene she often dreamed about." Santa's already breathing hot and rapid in her
ear... sexy? She felt a definite stirring beneath her bottom and she's already a
slippery mess. Oh! Oh, here's his pickup line: "You know your trouble, young lady?
You're extremely good at being very, very naughty." "She melted, well at least part of her did."
"Hard as a candy cane and twice as sweet." Okay! "She wanted so desperately
to feel it inside her, to feel Santa filling her with his magical warmth."
"Trousers yanked down to free merely the important part of him."
All of you is important; you're not just a dick, Santa.
Oh, there's a Santa sack joke.
Oh no! The end of this. Oh no, it turns out it was all a daydream. That is so sa.d
"It was a dream all along" - worst trope ever. All right, I have not had nearly
enough wine, my camera is still recording. Let's see if we can do one more story,
shall we? I come to the understanding, no pun intended, that there is a lot of
Christmas porn, or erotica, we should say, to be accurate, probably porn as well, I'm
not checking that, is incest based, and I am NOT about that. That is an "oh no no" for me.
So not clicking any of those. There's also some non-human, which I don't know
what that means. Oh it's a Krampus one. Hmm, how long is
this Krampus erotica? Oh, there's no sex in this story. So that's not what we came for.
Some of these titles, though, like "Mistletoe Mommy" which is definitely an
incest one. No thanks. And, like, no shade. If these are things that you enjoy, I am
very happy for you; it's just... it's just not what I want to read, at least not on camera.
There's something under sci-fi.... The Elf's Christmas Miracle. These stories
are a little bit too long. Basically what you've learned is there is a Christmas
tag on Literotica, so if you didn't already know that, you're welcome.
I keep finding freebies but then you have to sign up for websites that I am NOT
interested in signing up for because I don't really read a lot of erotica and
if I do I'm just gonna read whatever free stuff I can find, or whatever's at
the library, which obviously isn't a crap-ton... because public. Although I have
read some great romance from the library, specifically the best one that I've read
was actually an audio book called Smut. And a friend of mine sent it to me not
knowing it actually took place in my city, and there is a scene in the library
at the university I attended. Which, I feel very bad for the one book in that
scene, but other than that, it was pretty great smut. But that's not what we're
doing in this video. We're trying to find some short smut. Let's let's try one more
google thing: "free short Christmas erotica". Still, In Santa's Lap comes up first,
so it's got its SEO going, I guess. There's not necessarily Christmas ones
on here, but the very first title on this website is "Little Red Riding Crop".
I mean, to be fair, when Rebecca did this she did have to read, like, a 40 page book.
I read like what, at best, would have been a two-page book, so I'm just being really
too picky. There's also a Merry Christmas tag, apparently, Literorica, which -- and
Christmas Party. Let's check out the Christmas Party tag, just for fun.
Under the Christmas Party tag on Literotica, there is one called Better Late Than Never.
Again, I'll link it down below. So in the first paragraph, we already have a
woman named Tara who is looking out the window at work and basically going,
"I'm never gonna make it to the Christmas party". Of all days she did not want to be
late for this one, for some reason. Apparently her ongoing obsession, who's
the boss she's been working for for three years, is going to be there. She's a
nurse and he is a doctor. That's what this erotic coupling is. Nurse/doctor.
In the middle of this, let's just talk about like, oh no noes, and ew factors. Like, my
mom's a nurse, so in theory I could be like, "nope can't read this" but also it's fine.
I think it's probably because I watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy and a lot
of sex happens in that show, so reading this, my first thought wasn't even, like, a
nurse and my mom. My mom watches my videos; this is gonna be a great part to edit in.
My first thought was mostly, like, "oh these two professionals are finally
gonna get it on at this Christmas party, probably". Let's find out. She's been
secretly hoping tonight would be the night they would "finally grow a pair of
alcohol-induced cojones and spend some quality time together." Christmas is
always bringing people together. She's staying late so she can really get
her job done for this old man named Frank, and you know what? I appreciate that.
Usually I'd be like, "why is this paragraph even here?" Oh, you're making me actually care about this character.
I appreciate that, thank you. Apparently there's an issue with his
insurance... not covering the medication he needs, and she's spending
45 minutes on the phone just to make sure he gets his medication, which, yes.
Thank you, Tara. You're great. I like you. This is a trope I really like. I'm gonna
need more wine in just a second, but I'm gonna tell you about it first. She gets
off the phone. She's very happy that she's finally gotten this thing for this
patient, which is wonderful, and she's doing a victory dance, and she's [singing]
"Oh the weather outside is frightful" and she doesn't care about her terrible singing
voice because she thinks she's alone, and she's just putting the last pen back in
the pen holder, and then oh fuck, the doctor that she likes is apparently in the room right now.
He's leaning against the door frame.
He was smirking with his arms crossed, and Tara smacked a hand over her mouth in shock.
Those tropes are fun because who doesn't want to be seduced by somebody being their
ownselves? Like, I like that. I'm gonna need to order
some vegan pizza after this. "Oh my god, how long have you been standing there?" is
a sentence that should exist in so many things. I love it. He's teasing her about
her terrible singing. He's chuckling with a sexy lopsided grin, which makes it okay,
I guess. She's laughing it off and swatting his chest and "mentally patting
herself on the back for not swooning as her hand met this solid mass of muscles
that was his body." I might have to take off this hoodie soon; it's getting a
little warm in here. Ooh he doesn't like her singing but he
does like her dance moves. Just, like, "what are you still doing here? Shouldn't you
be at the party?" And he's like "I could tell you that it was charting but it
that'd be bullshit." He probably doesn't like parties. That's what we're gonna get
to - let's find out. The truth is... well he noticed she was still here on the phone
and he just kind of waited around for her, which is pretty sweet.
Ooh, yep, no, definitely. Aand decided to change my plans so I could get you alone for once".
Yeah, they definitely dig each other. This is good. This next paragraph is,
like, digging back to, like, when she first met him and how she's been attracted to
him ever since, and I appreciate this level of detail because I'm demisexual,
so, like, if they had just met each other and wanted to bang, I'd be like, "uh this
story is boring to me personally" but like, they've gotten to know each other.
They still really like each other after a while. I'm digging it. Also, making a
point of not just saying that he's just hot but he has a great personality - also
appreciate, because I expect people to be hot in these things. Like, I expect
because it's a fantasy that, like, everybody has the perfect bodies and
they've got the muscles or whatever, but when an author takes the time to put in
their smut that somebody is a good person, I root for them more.
Oh, they have a long-standing tradition of pranking each other. Okay, yeah this
couple needs to get together. I want it to happen. He goes in to kiss her ever so
lightly, she kisses them back. Hallelujah - is literally a word used in this paragraph.
Also, I like this paragraph just because he's like "I need you and to
be honest I wanted you since we met" and she's like,
"truthfully, I was planning it convinced you to come back to mine after the Christmas party"
and I've basically had this conversation with somebody before, so yep.
Okay they've gone from light petting to her literally saying, "Please tell me you
have no qualms about fucking me in this building, Brian, because if you tell me we
have to stop, I will spontaneously combust right here." I mean, I think we all
assumed today we're gonna fuck in this building. Let's be honest.
I also appreciate that she's in blue scrubs because, like, what hospital on TV doesn't
have blue scrubs? Ooh, they're taking it to his office to be more private.
Here's something that takes me out of the narrative a little, is we know it's
snowing, we know that they're supposed to be at a Christmas party. There is still
some daylight entering the office. My problem with this is: if they are low
enough in latitude... longitude? - which ever one is across and not up and down -
to still have light but they have snow, and it's probably it's got to be, like,
after 6:00 because I assume that's when Christmas parties start even in this
picture universe? Mmmm, I don't know, man. Like, there's enough daylight to shine
through like the cracks of the closed blinds is what it says. That's me being
picky AF. I just really missed the Sun. Like, the Sun goes down at like 4:00 here.
It sucks, and we don't have snow. All right, I see the word "ass" coming up so
they're gonna do some things now. Let me - let me read it. Oh, they're on his desk.
Yep, that makes sense. Mm-hmm, cuppping some boobs.
Thumbs grazing nipples, teasing each other a bit, mm-hmm. Sexy flirty talk, good times...
"Diving in with all the Zeal of a kid on Christmas morning" while undressing him.
That brings back to the Christmas theme, like it. Which morphs into
overwhelming pleasure... and because this is fantasy she makes the point of saying
that she's never been able to reach orgasm with penetration alone, and yet
somehow it's happening. Pounding, pounding, heat in her lower abdomen. Mm-hmm.
These are people in a medical field, and only now, after he's come, do they both
realize that he was not wearing a condom. They're assuring each other they're both clean.
She has an IUD . That's good, I guess. And then he says basically like,
"come home with me; I know I'm gonna want to do that again and often" and then she teases
him by being like "I need some time to think about it" and then almost
immediately she's like "yep, I would definitely do that again and again, repeatedly.
Now take me home, Dr. Taylor." Which is only an awkward phrase to say
because my roommate is named Taylor and also I have many friends named Taylor
so if any of the Taylors I know in life have just watched that, you're welcome,
and I'm sorry> I don't know. But yeah, Better Late Than Never.
That - that was some pretty good erotica. I appreciated some aspects of it.
Occasionally I was taken out of it because I don't understand where you are
in the solar system, basically, but some good times. So yeah, that is my homage to
Rebecca reading erotica on camera while drinking. I asked on Instagram if this
was a thing that people would want to see and nobody voted against it.
This really just makes me want to bring back my Come Drink With Me series which is
something that I used to do years ago, actually before I was officially, like,
straight up a BookTuber, where I would just ,like, drink and talk with my friends
about whatever topic they wanted to talk about, because it was a little bit more
fun to get sauced on camera with somebody else. I can see
why Sarah and Rebecca do this together. In any case, I know this is not my usual
BookTube type content, but if this is something you have enjoyed, please let me
know because I would be willing to do this for whatever seasonal thing is
happening, if it's something you guys actually enjoy. I'm an adult!
None of this wine is going to be left. I'm gonna drink it and then order pizza.
And there you have it! Let me know down below if you enjoyed this type of video.
I'm assuming that you did if you got to this part of the video. Also please check
out Rebecca's video because I absolutely loved it. Like, the novella she was
reading was so preposterous that I might have to search it out and read it for
myself just to laugh at it. On the way down to the comments, if you hit that
Subscribe button, that would be very nice of you. You can like and share this with
all of your festive friends as you see fit, and I'm sure I will see you very soon. Bye!
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