[ Rhythmic clapping ]
Hey, yo, check this out. I'm in the house.
-Number-one show in late night. -Number-one show in late night.
You know what I'm sayin'?
With the number one in the world.
And we won't stop, 'cause we can't stop.
-Take that, take that. -Enh-enh.
♪♪
Go hard, boys.
"Morning Joe's" Mika Brzezinski
had enough of Trump this morning. That's right.
And she decided to go hard at 6:30 a.m.
She woke up, ate some Mueslix, and was like,
"I'm gonna flame this orange Trumpito guy!"
Let's say someone came into NBC and took over NBC
and started tweeting wildly about people's appearances,
bullying people, talking about people in the competition,
lying every day, undermining his managers,
throwing them under --
The person would be thrown out.
Desus: That's right, Mika. Drag him.
-Drag him. Yas! -Shout-out to Mika Brzezinski
for standing up to Donald Trump in...
I mean, this month. ...June 2017...
as opposed to when you was giving him the dick-flute solo
all of 2016 and legitmitizing his presidency,
interviewing him, and doing phone calls with him every morning.
But now y'all relationship has soured,
so now you're throwing darts at him.
And you was like, "Oh, he watches Fox News.
He'll never find out about these."
It's like when you tweet about people, and you don't "@" them.
Yeah. But they out there searching their name.
But he searched his name, and he was like,
"Oh, okay. All right, Mika."
"Your face is bleeding O.D."
Now, Joe, what are you gonna do?
You let this guy flame your fiancée?
Joe, you gotta pull up and duff this nigga.
You got to pull up. You gotta give him the hands.
You gotta pull up to the White House like, "Yo, come outside."
Take your shirt off like, "Yo, what's shakin', my nigga?
Let's get it poppin' right now. Shoot your shits."
They gotta do it Washington, D.C., style, like white-guy style.
Like, "That's enough!"
"Hey, you know what? I've had about enough of your crap!"
But it's funny, though, because Trump is out here
cyberbullying the shit out of everybody
when his wifey is in charge
of an anti-cyberbullying campaign.
Children and teenagers can be fragile.
Aww.
They are hurt when they are made fun of
or made to feel less in looks or intelligence.
When they get roasted!
This makes their life hard.
Boi! They gonna outlaw "boi."
What the...is this?
"My anti-boi agenda."
This is gonna be a hate crime? Like, "Yo!"
Gonna have a PSA like, "Friends don't roast friends."
-"Friends don't roast friends. -"Whoa, bro! Too far!
Joey's in a jam! What should he do?!
Should he boi? No, he shouldn't."
Never boi. Just say no to boi."
[ Laughs ]
It's Nancy Reagan sitting in Mr. T.'s lap like,
"No. Don't boi." "No boi."
Also, shout-out to the Just Say No campaign.
Uh, drug dealers was not trying to sell crack to 5-year-olds.
-5-year-olds don't got money. -They were not.
They always had, like, some shifty guy with --
He had a trench coat on at 3:00 p.m. like,
"Hey, you want to get high?"
I'm like, "I'm 6. I have a quarter."
That's not how it works. That's not how it works at all.
Usually you have to find the drug dealer.
They're not just out here like, "Hey!"
Spinning the little Liberty Tax sign like,
"I got crack! I got crack! I got crack on sale!"
No. According to the -- In the '80s and the '90s,
they were basically -- Around every corner was a crack dealer.
Crack dealers were everywhere. They would just grab you up.
Just throwing the shit at you like, "Yo, smoke this crack!"
Crack dealers were like Jehovah's Witnesses
just coming to your house like...
Tch-tch-tch-tch! "Want to buy some crills?"
"Hey, would you like some critters?"
What are you doing?
Hey, Davey, uh, want to try something?
Hey. Come on, man. Leave him alone.
Come on. Try it, Davey. Try it.
Desus: Look at him.
Come on. Take it.
-Whoa, easy. Easy. -No, thanks.
"No, thanks. You smoke the Reggie.
I'm tired of smoking this. This shit's gonna hurt my lungs.
When you start smoking good, I'll puff with you.
But until that day, get this hashish out of here!"
"Yo, y'all niggas ain't smoking that loud, B."
Damn. Look at them.
They're like, "Damn. He flamed you with your wack weed."
-It's that 1984 weed. -"What is that, nigga?
What you put in that? American Spirit tobacco...wing?"
Google "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles drug commercial."
-Yes. -Yeah, that was a classical --
That's the one with "Joey's in a jam."
-I think we know it verbatim. -Yeah.
Hey, Joey! I got some stuff you just got to try!
-What is it? -Pot. You know, marijuana.
Oh, well, I don't know.
What are you -- chicken? Bawk-bawk-bawk!
Joey's in a jam! What should he do?!
-Uh, Kate! -Get a teacher!
Excellent!
-Get a pizza! -Get real.
Get out of there!
You got it! Let's see if Joey's that smart.
I'm not a chicken! You're a turkey!
-Slam! -Slam!
"...outta here, nigga. ...outta here."
"Beat it! Get outta here with your Reg!"
Nigga, you didn't even text those L's.
The beauty of this -- I watch this commercial
over and over when I'm smacked as fuck.
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
♪ Who's ready for civil war? ♪ Yeah!
The National Rifle Association, the NRA,
the Dominic-- I was about to say the Dominican Republican power broker.
A dominant Republican power broker
released a new recruitment video.
'Cause they're changing their slogan from "If it's brown, lay it down."
They use their media to assassinate real news.
Who's "they"?
They use their schools to teach children
that their president is another Hitler.
They use their movie stars and singers
and comedy shows and award shows
to repeat their narrative over and over again.
And then they use their ex-president
to endorse the resistance.
All to make them march, make them protest,
make them scream racism and sexism
and xenophobia and homophobia...
to smash windows, burn cars,
shut down interstates and airports,
bully and terrorize the law-abiding,
until the only option left
is for the police do their jobs and stop the madness.
And when that happens, they'll use it
as an excuse for their outrage.
The only way we stop this,
the only way we save our country and our freedom
is to fight this violence of lies
with the clenched fist of truth.
I'm the National Rifle Association of America,
and I'm freedom's safest place.
Yo, how many car payments do you think she's behind on
that she took this job? So many.
Even Tomi Lahren wouldn't take this shit.
Yo, and why she wore the wild fuckin' Don Coqui
Saturday night earrings to do this PSA?
Why wouldn't you have, like, a hunting cap on or some shit?
We should join the National Rifle Association.
What if we joined the National Rifle Association
and we just kept making commercials for it?
And we became the new face of the National Rifle Association?
They'd be so tight.
Yo, bust your...gun, my nigga.
Get more guns, nigga! It's America.
You can buy four, five, six guns!
Pop all the guns. Tons of guns!
Don't let mother...play you! Bust your gun!
They like teaching people how to hold the guns right.
We teach people to hold the gun like this.
This is the cool way to do it.
Close one eye like that, the wrong one.
It's one thing to shoot somebody.
It's another thing to look cool doing it. Yeah!
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
Your man pro golfer Greg Norman took some time out of his day
to show you, the folks of Instagram,
his ranch where horses be fucking like a motherfucker.
It's like a Bunny ranch but for horses.
Yeah! [ Laughs ]
You know what I'm sayin'?
-All right. -Whoa!
[ Flatulating ]
Oh. He's making her fart?! This nigga's gettin' it in!
-Listen. -Yo!
When that Henny's in the system, ain't no tellin'!
Yo!
-He's like, "Yeah!" -My son making her fart.
Your man's like, "Yeah." What is this -- cuckold porn?
-Yo. Greg. -He's like, "Yeah."
Yo, Greg. What you doing, Greg?!
-Yeah. -Yo! Ohh.
Son gave her two humps like a camel.
Chill, chill, chill. Don't move. Don't move. Don't move.
Chill, chill, chill.
Don't move. I don't wanna bust yet.
Chill, chill, chill. Chill, chill, chill.
"Knicks traded Porzingis. Knicks traded Porzingis. Ah."
He's like, "Ahh."
[ Laughter ]
-He's like, "Yeah." -"Yo, my bad, yo.
Yo, the pussy was so good, though. That's what happened."
Greg was like, "Yo, this nigga nutted mad-fast!"
He's like, "Yeah."
Yo! He's gonna put "One Minute Man" under it in Final Cut.
Look at the horse. He's ashamed when he pulls out.
-He ran in there. -Oh, shit!
He was talking hot shit in the living room like, "Yeah, I'm-a tear it up.
Ooh. Ah. Oh."
"Ah. Ah. Ah."
She's like, "Damn, nigga.
She's like, "I didn't even..."
I drank two margaritas.
She was like, "Yo, keep -- Right there. Right -- Right --
-You stopped?" -Don't stop. Why you stop?
Why you stop? Why you stop?
You came? You came? Eww."
She's kind of bothered like, "[Scoffs] It's okay.
"All right. Whatever. -Fine."
That's fine. That's fine. Whatever.
All right, so, get off me. I gotta go to the bathroom.
I gotta pee. I don't want to get a UTI.
Get off me, nigga! What the...yo?!
My God!
Don't get no...cum on my sheets, neither, you...idiot!
And why this nigga's taping us? Oh, my God.
You putting this on the Internet?!"
Yo, Greg Norman. Look at Greg Norman!
He's like, "Fascinating!"
Yo! "IR -- BBC."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Yeah, that's right, ballbags!
Number-one show in late night. Illustrious guests.
You see the Cîroc on the table.
Why would we have Cîroc on the table?
You know what I'm sayin'? Because.
Hmm. When you think Cîroc, who do you think?
French Montana? He was already here.
Second chance.
Who? Up-and-coming rapper.
You might not have heard of him.
You know what I'm sayin'? He was on the XXL Freshman 2017.
Young guy, up-and-coming. We're just giving him a chance, you know, a platform
so he can speak to y'all. You know what I'm sayin'?
Give it up for -- Oh, excuse me. Diddy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
You've always had this incredible energy,
just grind this hustle.
It's in your new documentary, "Can't Stop, Won't Stop." Yes.
It's retelling the story of how you created Bad Boy.
Where do you get all this energy from?
Where's the hustle from?
How you still going strong, B?
Like...years in the industry.
No, I mean, I really love what I do.
I really feel I've been blessed to do what is my love.
Mm-hmm.
And, you know, just over the years,
I've had the chance
to really kind of break down barriers.
And I feel like that's, like, my calling.
So whether it's going into the fashion industry,
into the spirits industry --
He said "spirits." Cîroc.
Cîroc. You know what I'm sayin'?
That's a spirit, my nigga. You know what I'm sayin'?
The official vodka of Vice.
-You know what I'm sayin'? -Hey.
Cîroc boys now.
Yeah, you're a part of a lot of iconic moments in hip-hop.
Is there something that sticks out to you in your head like,
"Yo, this was a turning point for me
or, like, this helped me level up"?
Or just something that really stuck with you?
I would say the biggest thing that stuck with me
was being on that Tribe Called Quest cover.
Mm. True. Yeah. The "Midnight" one.
Yeah, because I wasn't an artist.
This is the cover that had everybody's pictures.
With the headphones.
Yeah, but I didn't even really have a hit record then.
And so it was, like, a big deal.
It let me know, like, you know,
if I'm in the right rooms,
and, you know, I hustle hard,
you know, I could really do it.
But the other thing is, I guess really, you know,
selling out, like, the arenas,
or Madison Square Garden, you know,
never really knowing that --
that that would be something that would come true.
And to really be on that stage, in that reality,
that was a big turning point.
Did you really invent the remix?
Yes. Yes.
The type of remix that I invented,
was taking a song
and making it better with the remix.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Making the remix more successful than the original.
Like, you made a whole new song with the remix.
It was like, you had the song. Yeah.
And then the remix was a whole standalone --
It wasn't just like a different snare or some shit.
It was a whole different joint.
It wasn't just a blend.
It would be a whole new song,
maybe different chorus.
I started that with the first record I ever produced
when I did "Come and Talk to Me" from Jodeci.
And, so, that kind of gave
the definition to the remix to another level
because it took the song from, like, at 40 on the charts
to number 1 on the charts.
You know what I'm sayin'?
So those different types of, you know, remixes
that I was able to do,
I invented something, you know. Yeah. You did.
Of all the remixes,
what's your favorite track that you remixed?
'Cause you've had so many.
Yeah, it'd be "Come and Talk to Me" --
the first remix, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Shout-out to Jodeci.
A lot of double toppy occurring to that song.
Let me tell you. Yes.
Coming early with the double toppy.
-Yeah. -You know what I'm sayin'?
You were doing that kind of young.
You know what I'm sayin'?
[ Laughter ]
I mean, I'm doing the math now.
I'm like -- Yeah. Yeah.
I wasn't double toppying, and it was my hit record.
[ Laughter ]
You were a millionaire at 19.
Well, by "Hypnotize," I was double toppying.
[ Laughter ]
We out here!
Wait. How -- "Hypnotize" was what year?
How much money did you have when "Hypnotize" came?
A whole lot. A lot?
-A whole lot. -How much did that video --
That shit was a movie, my nigga.
You was driving the car backwards and shit, like...
Yeah. It was --
What I went and did,
I had went investigating
what Guns N' Roses was paying for their videos.
And, so, I would tell Clive, like, you know,
"do you see a difference?" Yeah.
I mean, the sales is the same.
Is there any difference?
So make sure that that budget is the same budget.
What takeaway do you want people to walk away with
after seeing this movie?
What I want them to walk away with
is just, like, the inspiration
that they can see a story
about black men and black women,
and it don't have to be a slave story.
If don't have to be about us getting -- nobody --
There don't have to be in a funeral scene,
don't have to be a shootout scene.
And, you know, we could --
we can have a story that ends happily
even though there was some drama in between it.
You know, it's really the portrayal.
You know what I'm sayin'?
It's really important for me --
I really wanted, like, black men to see it,
you know, because it's so hard
to find a good story of inspiration.
You know what I'm sayin'?
And it's like --
but we have all this content out.
And, so, that was my thing.
I just wanted to really --
Okay. We're going into this whole content thing.
And right now, we're really the leaders.
You know what I'm sayin'?
You know, the African-American faces
is really putting up the numbers.
But be careful with that power
and know that we have to balance it out.
We have to inspire people
and show people that there's other things,
'cause if not, you're just looking at, you know,
whatever is getting fed to you from the news
or even on, you know, Instagram or other platforms.
And, so, you know, as -- as we get to control
the end of the stories,
I think that we should have some happy endings, too.
-Mm. Shit, man. -That shit was good.
What's next for Diddy?
What else do you got coming on the pipeline?
Some Cîroc right now.
[ Laughter ]
We got any new flavors of Cîroc coming?
Because it's summer time in the hood.
Come on. Give us some breaking news.
We get Cîroc nutcrackers?
Little strawberry kiwi situation or something?
You know what I'm saying?
[ Whispers indistinctly ]
Oh, my nigga.
[ Laughter ]
All right, I ain't sayin' nothing.
I'm hyped.
[ Laughter ]
I'm from Harlem.
He hustling. He hustling.
I like it.
Who's more ruthless,
Diddy the businessman or Diddy the musician?
I'ma throw a third one in there, Diddy the dad.
Ooh. Yeah.
Um, Diddy the businessman.
You know, um...
One of the things I tell people
that somebody had taught me
was that at a certain level of the game,
everybody's paper is so straight that the rules change,
and they get very, very ruthless.
And it's cool.
It's cool, like, yo, you're out with somebody
and y'all eating dinner.
And it's, you know --
and it's probably, until now, like,
just some really rich Anglo Saxons --
nothing against that, you know what I'm sayin'?
White people, y'all my hero.
We bang with y'all cooch.
Yo, shout-out to Yakubia. Yay!
Yo, y'all have done a great job. Rock on, dude.
Thanks for teaching me a lot of this stuff.
But, um --
[ Laughter ]
And I was taught, like, yo --
you know, at this point of the game,
you know, we get ruthless.
It's like nothing's safe.
'Cause you're my man,
that don't mean I'm not gonna, like, sign that artist
'cause you're my man.
There may be a hostile takeover of your company.
But then, after that, we're cool.
And they know how to rock like that.
Even in politics, they be like, [imitates shouting]
And after that, they be like -- You know what I'm sayin'?
At the country club and shit,
like, "you know we out here."
So I'm saying, like, you know, at the --
you know, with the corporations that I work with now,
I had to inject a level of ruthlessness in my game
to be able to compete with their ruthlessness,
you know?
So it's business. It's just business.
It's nothing personal? Saying it's all sharks in the water, my nigga.
You know what I'm sayin'? You got to swim straight.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
So you watch the show.
You know what goes on now.
What's the rainbow gonna say?
You have to give us a rainbow
and then you have to remix that rainbow
and do a second one. [ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
Okay.
My rainbow's "Can't Stop, Won't Stop."
That's right.
And y'all can check that now on --
when does this air?
Tonight. Shit!
You can check that shit out right now
on Apple Music.
But check this out. I got the hustle for y'all.
Because, like, some of y'all don't have Apple Music.
Y'all don't want to pay for that thing.
But check this out.
You can get the first few months for free.
So y'all can sign up right now, rock for first three months,
and for some reason, if you ain't, you know --
if you ain't feeling it, you can let it go.
But at least you get to see the movie
and you have to have --
you get to have everybody's albums right now
for the first three months. -You know what I'm sayin'?
Yo, if you ever doubted that he was from Harlem,
that just proved it, okay?
That was a Harlem nigga right there.
Enjoy your summer. Yeah. Yeah.
And what's the second rainbow.
Get the "Can't stop, Won't Stop."
The second, um... This is the remix.
the second rainbow is, like,
kind of what the movie is about.
It's black excellence, you know.
There you go.
And the more that I walk into these rooms,
the more that I see more diversity in the rooms.
And that's what everybody --
this is the way it should be,
You know what I'm sayin'?
The more that I know, the dream I worked hard for,
when the room definitely didn't look like this,
you know what I'm sayin'?
And that's what we --
that's what we out here to do.
So every chance y'all get,
y'all here behind camera
or producing or doing whatever,
just do it to the best of your ability,
you know what I'm saying?
Because it's bigger than you, you know what I'm saying?
Y'all the --
We the founding fathers of diversity
and really, you know, being able to be a part
of what's going on.
And, so, we got to make sure it's black excellence.
It's unapologetic, it's us.
Don't tone yourselves down.
Don't be afraid to get fired.
Because I got Revolt.
Y'all can come over there. -All right. All right.
[ Laughter ]
That's right. Take that. Take that. Take that.
Take that. Take that. Take that. No, no.
But I do love Vice.
I do love --
y'all are actual -- I'm not gonna front.
Y'all -- y'all are muses to me.
You know what I'm sayin'?
I don't think it really kind of, you know,
crosses like that.
It just, like --
to be able to do things authentically.
And, you know, I hope to follow in the footsteps
of such a great company.
I'm proud to be on the show.
I love the concept -- the minimalism of y'all's show.
'Cause this is hard to do.
It's hard to do without an audience,
a live track, a script.
You got to be really, really talented.
And, so, "Black excellence is it."
Yes! Yes!
Diddy told y'all! That's right!
Give it up for Sean J. Combs.
♪ Bad boy, bad boy, what you gonna do ♪
♪ Yeah, what you gonna do ♪
♪ When they come for you ♪ ♪ Come for you ♪
You'll see. You'll see.
Diddy just said we're excellent, by the way.
♪♪
And also that song that y'all just said,
it will be dropping in the next couple of days.
It's me, Rick Ross, and Biggie.
Mm. Ooh.
You know what I'm sayin'?
So, there's a -- a -- a --
you know, a 2017 "Can't Stop, Won't Stop"
version to that song. Ooh! Let's go.
Yeah, yeah, and that's breaking news.
Breaking news. You heard it here first.
Heard it here first. Pow!
Exclusive. Give it up for Diddy, y'all.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Shout-outs.
♪ Shout-outs ♪
Yo, shout-out to Joe Budden,
with that all-time music!
Sticking up for his co-host.
Did he stick up for him or -- no?
[ Laughs ]
I haven't seen this clip.
Was there a conversation before the interview started?
Well, in the morning -- 'Cause we're going off Akademiks' timeline.
Akademiks is one of the biggest pussies
I've ever seen in my life.
Desus: Jesus Christ.
[ Laughs ]
Yo! [ Laughs ]
Why is there more video?
It should have just stopped after that.
[ Laughs ] Wow.
[ Laughing ] "He's one of the biggest pussies."
What show is this? Yo, Joe.
Like, I'll go up there
and say the same thing about Mero.
Yo! Oh, my God! Kid Mero's one of
the biggest pussies I've ever seen in my life.
Yo, there's some niggas on a track record, B.
Don't get your face splashed.
You know what I'm sayin'?
He should never comment on anything
that has do with physicality.
[ Laughs ]
But -- But we knew that already.
Desus: Damn.
I feel bad now,
'cause I just found out
DJ Akademiks is Jamaican.
Oh! So now I'm like, "damn."
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
Here's -- That's cool. That's cool.
I said Jamaican. I didn't say illegal.
Calm down, hot boy.
Intent for being a pussy when you know he's a pussy.
Well, you got to stop talking sometimes... Oh, like what --
when you're a pussy, is what I mean.
I've been sayin' that,
and Charlemagne killed me for sayin' that.
I agree. I agree.
There's nothing wrong with being pussy,
but you have to be pussies to the corner sometimes.
Just shut up.
Whew, Wow.
Wow. Damn, son.
How am I a pussy?
How -- how -- how -- how?
How -- how -- how -- how -- how?
DJ Akademiks got a --
DJ Akademiks got a buck fifty somewhere
on every-day struggle. Yeah. That's it.
He got a buck fifty -- Joe and his co-host.
The next big rapper that comes on,
you just got to come over with the machete, DJ Akademiks.
You just got to just -- Get your respect, man.
Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
He's like -- Do your work, DJ Akademiks.
[ Jamaican patois ] It's a bad man ting. What are you doing?
[ Jamaican patois ] Me can't do it.
[ Laughs ]
Me can't do it.
[ Laughs ]
Me pussy.
[ Laughs ]
[ Normal voice ] Yo.
[ Laughing ]
[ Normal voice ] Y'all ain't right.
Y'all are not right.
Y'all are not right.
Yo.
Let's that DJ live, y'all.
♪♪
-Jersey. -Oh, man, it's like --
Eh! Eh!
It's draft day! Yeah!
Y'all, we out here.
No, he said he wanted one.
I got one. I finally got a Bad Boy jersey.
He's a man of his word.
This is all I'm wearing this summer --
this, Timbs, and some camouflage shorts. Get ready.
Let me see -- I want to show y'all my kids.
Aww.
Oh, man. Look at that.
Aww! Look at this. Aww.
Look at that. Aww.
I'm gonna show it again.
You're gonna give a "Family Matters" aww.
All right? Yeah.
Look at this. Ready?
All: Aww.
Thank you.
Hold on, there's one more.
[ Laughter ]
This is me and all the kids. All of them.
And the mothers of my children.
Look at that.
All: Aww.
It's the new family.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
When Diddy tells you this shit is dope...
You niggas can't tell me shit.
...it's a good thing we got two weeks off,
'cause I'm about to come in with a wild swollen head.
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