Yeah this amazing power to move people not just to think but to feel when did
you realize you had the ability to do that I think everybody has the ability
to feel right you know that that wasn't a great gift I think I just feel so much
and I feel so much what people feel um when my youngest son a member when I was
really young even it came in he bring his friend to go watch my dad watch this
movie and I'd be like you know don't open the door I just can't help myself I
feel what they feel and so that produced a lot of driving me to help people when
they're paying if I feel their pain and even when I was a little kid I mean my
mom reminded me when I was like four years old in this backyard there was a a
woman next door I used to call young lady and she was 80 years old but you
know seeing her light up when I called a young lady I got hooked on at four or
five years old so I love that and because I'm driven for that my life
tends been about how to help people how to have people achieve what they want
plagued through discover things and you could be an idiot if you spend three or
four decades in my case it's been three and a half decades now you know being
obsessed about that and then when you get rewarded all the time because people
you know people are incredibly generous when they feel like you've touched their
life they send out a lot of love and I'm a Love Bug so I got hooked on that kind
of early early stage of life and I still in specialized
lot of engineering business politics oh it's all kinds of areas of all the areas
what's the most challenging to move people to move people to be active in
their own rescue take care of Manhattan rescue Unitas up from history with that
way going down the Colorado River the whole
nother story
everybody has their hooks everybody's different Peter um you know some people
it's their business or finances you know that gets hooked it's like their
identity has tied it up for other people if their body they just feel like it's
impossible they can't change anything they have been going to learned
helplessness where they just have literally learned that they're helpless
they can't do anything about it cuz they failed so often but if I had to pick one
that probably is most fraught for people overall it's really intimate love and
romance because you can control your business to some extent you can control
you you can control your finances to some extent right by your choices but
you can do everything you want to do in an intimate relationship and it can
still blow up in your face because you can't control another human being and if
you could you'd have no relationship so and I also think that if there's a story
that all human beings have it's the story of fear we all have what we're
after but everybody has fears and I've been with you know four million people
now from 100 countries over these you know 33 34 years I've been involved with
people now and I can tell you all roads lead to Rome whatever you're afraid of
you're afraid of failing or succeeding or whatever the case be it really comes
down to a fear that we're not enough and if we fear we're not enough our ultimate
fears if we're not enough we won't be loved who can produce that fear you're
more than somebody who's loved you crave somebody that you really want them and
they all of a sudden don't love you as much anymore it crushes the soul so most
people have these plans like all be successful and then I'll know I'm and
not regardless of what someone else does to me or you know I'll be strong enough
are physically beautiful enough but of course all those things are relative and
none of them last so getting people to have the courage and the faith to
realize they're there is no security in life and there's no security
relationship there's only what you can contribute there's only what you can
create and getting people to that place is not
an easy thing to do but when do it it opens up a whole new universe
because when somebody's in love you know what's wrong with your life you know
nothing you know what a beautiful morning doesn't matter you're silly as
hell but when they don't have that love in their life and everything else is
going well they still come to that empty place inside at the end and that's the
place where the most successful people on earth would have been clients of mine
you know everybody thinks it's so incredible that's where they're lonely
still very often and that's the area that got to really begin to help someone
do they usually have a story that happened to them very young which is
kind of a a Baxter assemble element that is still present in them 10 20 30 years
later and preventing them from exercising those bounds well nothing is
preventing them but they choose to go back to that story right because how
many stories we have in our lives but we have certain seminal months that have so
much emotion wrapped up into them so much pain so much hurt or so much
excitement that they shape us and everybody's got those I always say
change your story change your life because whatever your story is becomes
the shape or if all your perceptions what you're going to try or not try do
or not do the problems most people are so addicted to telling that same story
over again it does become their prison so the answer is yes I think the oldest
story is that all of us were loved unconditionally we were born you know
that even if you thought you had the worst mother in the world because you
know if the baby doesn't have someone willing to love them that is means take
care of them above their own needs there's no rewards their mother who at
ah for all that stuff for a father who adore we feel it because we're on drugs
we got oxytocin in our body as soon as were a woman's pregnant or our fathers
there and you see this child that biochemistry changes in us and we love
that thing you know it looks like a lizard right doesn't matter we know it's
our kid so but that doesn't last forever there's a stage in your life where you
could yell scream throw stuff smack people and you still were taken care of
in love there's a day when that oxytocin wears off and suddenly somebody yells at
you or hits you or even worse ignores you that's the moment when the ultimate
story is what do I do to get that attention back what do I do to get that
love and so some people you know they suddenly try to crawl or walk anybody
goes look Johnny's walking and the story of I'm an achiever I do things so I'm
significant enough to get attention to well some people break stuff and peep
come and they learn I destroy stuff that's my story then I'll get
unconsciously the fluff some people you know they go make some noise and
everybody laughs make some noise a comedian for it so
that story that experience becomes the story of what I've got to do when I feel
uncertain that I'm significant enough to be worthy of attention and love in this
life and I'm oversimplifying it obviously because we've had a lot of
series of stories in our life but if we can go back and reclaim who we are today
for the living an old story everything in your life changes and that's a part
of what I do I recall the President of the United States calling you remember
you were going to see Princess Diana and Gorbachev all these people are extremely
successful extremely talented did they all have backstories that ran them did
they all have some element in them despite their success it was still in
the back of the head still telling them you're not good
enough you are good enough for some some elements of their life that wasn't
working because of that well I don't always get the call because somebody's
got you know some emotional problem or challenge you know when the president
called you gave me a lot of crap for what I said to him at the time which was
I said something like you know I'm really appreciative you're calling and
but I'm not a fan at that stage so you still want to hear from me I'd love to
come and do some coaching with you so I was very direct with him but know
everybody's got parts of their life that shape the way they look at today and how
they behave today everybody everybody has a back story multiple Baxters
questions which one's running you now but when I'd say the common back story
for the successful people is hunger something produced drive in them and you
say what's the difference in human beings and how they perform and how they
show up it's not intelligence or ability and find somebody have plenty of
intelligence the ability they don't maximize we can't by the way have a
paper bag and then you find this other person to find this hole inside you have
it I have it almost anyone we know who has done something they're proud of in
their life where they feel good about their life they had to get through all
the obstacles they had to get through their own limiting stories and so they
had to be something they wanted more that hunger often come
from the story of frustration or pain or desire and finding that touchstone and
igniting it because how you often can say somebody who's not driven and hungry
and really open to change your life you think that people are cowards and they
fear that somebody of that eyes magic also has some of those same problems
with some rose back stories in a any camera it's a great question um some
people are some people use it as a reason to hang on to the old story thank
because they go well if Bill Clinton has that experience I know if Tony Robbins
has that experience then what the heck am I going to do and that's that's part
of the challenges aside I remember one time it was fascinating my home sister
something was going on was challenging and everything else I said no how come
you didn't call me and she was well you're 20 Robin's like what she goes
well you can handle it you know I was going through a really rough situation I
have some experience where my boys if I send Josh one time he's little dad
you're Tony Robbins right people make up this story because they don't know the
real backs my inner you and I know each other's back stories I know that we
didn't just show up this way we've had a lot of gifts in our life but we've paid
the price to do it and we found a way to add value throughout life and that's why
we have the provisionally here but if you start thinking that everybody's
messed up and it gives you excuse to stay messes up versus my deal is let me
tell you what these people overcame to be where they are that's what I'm more
interested in so that you and I have something to aspire to
because stories will there give me some form of aspiration some inspiration or
they give you an excuse to stay where you are even make it worse when I see
you on stage or on television on any interviews you always feel on purpose
full of enthusiasm full of you know appreciation for the gifts was there
anything that you were insecure about when you were growing up that you felt
oh my god this is going to mystical you know yeah or it was something that
you do one thing but how many of the one thing is you want now here I I have
trained myself with certainty not just with story by focusing on when I did
succeed in building those stories but honestly by building into my body that
certainty physically like driving into myself I had so many fears I mean I had
minestrone soup acne on my face in high school I didn't feel attractive but I
was 5-1 my sophomore year in high school that's how Gary thought isn't it a
security credentials in a year for the Nick the guy to meet you here later
that's a scary thought so was the scary part of you know I was with you when I
found out you know I had a tumor that made me grow like that I have no idea so
you know if you go from five one to six foot six to now 67 people say what the
difference I always say personal growth but it was a lot of personal growth
right I mean like not only physically going through but what I went to
mentally and emotionally to make that happen so I had I was the little guy
I wasn't that strong I had a quite a mouth I wouldn't take squat from anybody
and I've seen your guy come to me and get in my face but I had a mouth only
when digging but I was slow and not that strong on a good combination
hey but I overcame it mostly my saying in the end if I find a way to add enough
value to somebody else's life I'm totally sincere in raw they may doubt it
all they want but if I do that for year after year decade after decade
eventually I'm gonna get through Norman my life is kind of pan that out is a
large number of people millions of people I've never served that way many
of which you thought mrs. Gideon motivated instinctive guy but then they
see me work and work my guts out for someone and really credit results day
after day year after year and they started to come ooon maybe the guys you
know the real thing you know that's giving up the judge set by results
rather than by discussion I did that and I did I told you my story but I his
stuff and I start another and that's what at
another time then failures with mobile vulnerable moments I I did I got to
another boat when you revolted that's the right but are very wrongfully video
CD that's when you need yeah and so yeah I do think that's true the interesting
element is that sharing the back that you you know perfect and born that way
and we're ready you're ready to go from the go yeah it's important because I
think most people don't realize that they have the ability to tell a
different story to transform themselves well the best way is not for me it's up
my stratum yeah you know that's self in place I thought my goal my goal is I
think you know is to show people actually making that change happen you
know when I do a film and you see this person stand up and they're suicidal and
then you watch them turn around and then the people do to follow up three years
later five years later you see this person's life still change when people
see that over and over again or they see relationships come together that are
ending or they see guys that were struggling in business and now they're
guys so successful and they saw the moment it happened and they see the
follow-up and they hear from the guy then it starts to penetrate people that
there's no free lunch but there's some strategies that can accelerate your
growth massively and your sense of fulfillment your sense of enjoyment if
you succeed but you're not fulfilled you failed so those are the two missions
that I'm trying to do not so much with my story but with thousands actually
millions now stories of other people well as a storyteller one of the magic
things that I watched you in the audience I learned from you was that
you're a great story literally in other words the idea is that you don't just
hear people to get people and when people feel that have gotten that
they're really heard in that unique way empathetically they engage in a
different way yeah is that talent that you learn or you just felt you had or
did you did you really work on it or is it something that you proceed and how
important is that skill in a creating a relationship that is
well aren't your last question last a lot of questions there how important is
it to be able to really listen clean I think communication is hearing what's
not being said and if you don't have that all you do is take the words you're
going to have a disastrous intimate relationship you're going to probably
have some really disastrous business relationships because most people don't
speak what they're really feeling or saying most the time they're either
scared - afraid - or they're hiding your agenda because they have another agenda
and most of us have a pretty big DS filter in the world we live in today but
it's more than that it's not saying where they'd be asking me a thing what
do they really feeling what's underneath this what's really going on and that's
really important to me I don't care about the audience of those I do you
know thirty thousand percent on the advertising audience in yesterday's like
less than 3,000 people on Vegas it was salesforce.com as a business group this
long room as far as you can see you know over there at the Wynn Hotel and I'm on
these big screens so there's guys way in the back how do you get the gun back I
get off the stage and I prowl I walk through the crowd I'm there I'm talking
because what I want to do is I want to look into your eyes and I want to feel
what's going on see it I want you to know I'm not some guy out on the stage
it's just talking at you I'm going to engage you in any moment I can strike
and have that conversation and so produces a different energy in that room
it's not some passive listening and it's not with me I've in a minute they speak
I'm now zeroing in on what they're feeling and I'm also saying how does who
else does this relate to in the room and how can I use their story to help other
people final taneous lee so if you ask me the listening part is better than the
storytelling part you can entertain people as a storyteller but you can
transform people if you can really understand what their needs are listened
and sometimes just listening alone people's lives can change you're on
stage when you're dealing coaching people directly how important is it to
really be interested in who you're talking with as opposed to being
interesting I think that what if anybody's honest no theme to that
question right but knowing the answer and behaving that way that's a big
difference right we all know that if you're interesting you might have a
relationship that's on the surface but if you're interested you're going to go
deep because you're going to follow up and ask questions and the person is not
just going to feel gotten or some fancy term
they're going to feel that real connection that's happening because we
live in a world where there's so little raw reality reality television we all
know is bullshit right so what is real anymore and those people are so good at
presenting that I think most people they'd rather see the screw up they'd
rather see a presentation that's not as refined so they know there is something
that's real underneath it but I think if you're interested in them you don't have
to work on the presentation side because people can see the start stops that are
really real and more importantly they'll feel that connection with you on so you
know your your whole thesis in life is understanding that the story is what
drives everything life it's what drives the influence of that human being but
the understanding of that person's story is more important than your ability to
formulate your story that's why I think in your book one of those Bible things
Peter is the back story because sometimes you can find that back story
in advance sometimes you can't but if you're watching and listening and asking
questions the back story will show up right in front of your eyes if you're
engaged with that person if you've got some rehearsal it'll talk you're going
to do you're going to be in your head instead of being here I call it up time
if you're an up time I'm in you now to do that I have to know enough things and
have a large enough bank account things I've investigated or I understand or
I've talked about that I don't have to worry about what I'm gonna say I've got
so many like you have so many life experiences that I have a good idea what
I want to talk about but then when we get here it changes when I was in
Sephora the other day I had this whole thing are designed and I'm not so I
think things through I design and I never do when I design my team it's the
big job your job is man I talked the script because my stuff out there I'm
hearing go nope that's not what's needed right now and that's also I'm never
bored I hope you bored out of my mind about 33 34 years doing this stuff and I
was doing the same stuff I've got pieces I know work stories are examples I'm not
even planning to use it but when I get out there I could see no something else
and so it becomes art and alive instead of some devoid you have a tape recorder
otherwise I do that's right well you know it's great she said the whole thing
you have to prepare ferociously ferocious and then you're going to drop
your script because you want the spontaneity you want the aliveness you
want the authenticity of things happening
but when you see somebody telling their story and you're decoding it or they're
a business person if they're not authentic does it shine through no
matter what they say well I'd love to say yes but I'm I know I've gotten the
ball pulled of mine so that would be a lie but I would say most the time at
this stage of my life I'm pretty good at that and I think most of us are only
because unfortunately we've all been disappointed so many times that we had a
little part of ourselves it's like it's all BS and unfortunately that can become
a filter D not actually seeing somebody experiencing somebody cuz you have all
your presuppositions right you're running your life instead of being here
now but I'm a little bit more trusting so I probably stay with a little bit
longer and I've had so many people you know make up a story about me and never
met me because I'm also my style I talk rapidly and this is me I'm passionate
you know you know I get together it's like that every BAM you know other
people stand around and watch the two of us now you'll have lunch here because
the house or go skiing or whatever and so I love that I love the speed of our
interactions my brain works so fast so some people don't trust that it's that's
talking salesman is their metaphor for it as opposed to passion it's not about
something you know what I really have big son of a bitch I love you thank you
a lot love you so much too
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