Infidelity is not necessarily about sex.
Infidelity is an agreement between partners.
And there are many questions around this issue, why are we unfaithful?
Why, if you are happy, have you been unfaithful?
There are people who are unfaithful and do not want to leave their partner.
And what does being unfaithful mean?
For men, usually, the cliché of an unfaithful man is one who is bored and afraid of intimacy
and afraid of intimacy and wants something different.
But women are supposed to be unfaithful only because they are looking for intimacy and feel very alone.
And that is not necessarily true. Those are taboos.
A man is unfaithful and he is a king.
A woman is unfaithful and she is a whore.
And that is an issue. Humans want sex.
Usually the desire is inside you, whether you are a man or a woman.
And I understand if you are watching me and you are not a person who thinks like this,
you have an incredible relationship and you have never felt attracted to someone else,
I accept that it is your truth and you just have to talk to your partner
to make sure that you are both on the same page.
And if both of you are on the same page, then this video is not for you,
but it can be for your children.
Or maybe for a friend.
The point is that it is a very common act of transgression, very little understood,
forbidden but very practiced.
And usually men exaggerate about sex and women minimize and hide the subject of sex.
And all this causes us to fall into vicious circles
and we do not sit down and talk about what fidelity means as a couple.
In fact, fidelity changes from couple to couple and it changes over time.
Nowadays we have sexting.
Just a short time ago, texting did not exist.
Watching porn, having an app to hook up,
flirting with someone, looking at someone's butt, kissing someone.
There are people who say that this is not being unfaithful if your partner agrees,
and there are people who cannot even accept their partner looking at someone else.
You decide what prison or freedom you want.
Marcel Proust said that it is our imagination
that is responsible for love, not the other person.
The other person is not responsible for what you feel.
You feel love because of what you generate inside you.
Your imagination generates that love for the other person.
And today, it is much easier to be unfaithful but it is very difficult to keep it a secret.
A long time ago,
the only thing that infidelity put at risk was your economic stability
because marriage was an economic agreement.
But today, when marriage encompasses your entire life,
and the person you married is your best friend, lover,
emotional partner, intellectual equal,
the father of your children, sometimes your business partner, everything is in front of you.
Today an infidelity, puts your entire integrity at risk.
If the person in front of you, if your partner,
is the only one, he or she is the love of your life, the most important person,
and he or she is unfaithful, of course, what does that say about you?
Infidelity says that you are not special, that you are not unique to that person.
That is what infidelity says if your definition of marriage or a couple
is that the other person is everything to you.
And I question people when it comes to that.
You have to have a life.
Your children cannot be the engine of your life.
Your husband or wife cannot be the engine of your life.
You have to have a life.
Today's generation is used to saying 'I deserve'.
A long time ago, people would get a divorce because they were not happy.
And the one they divorced was not happy.
Today, people get divorced because they can be happier.
So we cannot stand it.
Just like we do not put up with a job, people cannot put up with being married for two seconds.
A long time ago, people were ashamed of being divorced.
Nowadays, people are ashamed of staying married if you know that someone was unfaithful.
What I want to ask you is:
what happens if the person you love unconditionally was unfaithful?
Would you forgive him or her?
Would you forgive someone who was unfaithful?
Infidelity is not sex. Infidelity is not loving another person
Infidelity is the lack of an agreement,
because there are people who have agreements that they are allowed to kiss someone else.
There are people who have agreements that they are allowed to grab or touch or look at someone else.
You decide as a couple what infidelity is.
And finally, being unfaithful does not necessarily have to do with the other person.
These are personal crises that do not necessarily talk about your values or behavior as a person,
they talk about what you are living
and it does not necessarily mean that you do not want the other person to be in your life anymore.
So, the only thing I want to say in regards to all of this
is that you have to sit down as a couple and talk about it.
You and your partner are the only ones who can decide what being unfaithful means.
And you decide in which prison you want to live, or what kind of freedom you have.
The person in front of you does not belong to you,
you cannot expect that what you liked about someone at the beginning will disappear
or go away so that you can be sure that only you exist.
There are other human beings.
There will surely be people who are better-looking than you.
Your partner may crave someone or something else
and you decide together with that partner what you can and cannot do.
What you sacrifice and what you do not sacrifice.
What is worth it and what is not worth it.
There are couples who have a typical 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' deal
and maybe once a year you take a vacation and you decide,
and then there may be consequences.
You have to know what your partner expects.
I just want you to ask questions, to open up the conversation.
I want you to share this video with your partner
so you can have a private conversation on the topic thanks to this video.
But only you and your partner are going to live in that hell or that paradise.
You decide how you want to live as a couple by defining what fidelity means.
You may believe that you are in paradise but maybe you feel lonely and isolated.
And it may be very dangerous for you and your partner and you are not happy, and you are living beyond.
You should not believe that infidelity is a subject that you only talk about once you are married.
You cannot believe that fidelity is a subject that stands still and that is it.
You have to talk about everything constantly, especially if you have been together for a long time.
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