I have always been cute.
to this craft fair with my parents. My family and I went to a lot of craft
fairs. We were in general a super crafty family and we actually still are. Well
there was this doll. I loved that doll. I hung out at that booth all day playing
with that doll and the hope was that they would give it to me. There was even a
photo of me in the paper sitting there in front of that booth with the doll. Now
I know now that this doll was worth about $150s and this was 1998
so it was actually worth more like $230 so there was
no way they were gonna just give me the doll. But I remember this particular
instance because this was the first time when I wanted something from a stranger
and they didn't just give it to me for being cute. I was a blonde haired,
skinny little girl with blue eyes and strangers at craft fairs all the time
would just give me stuff. And up until this point I had been taught that my
beauty was like currency. And I pretty much could get what I wanted from
strangers. Fast forward to middle school I have
this friend and she was kind of a jerk. In order to be her friend you kind of had
to also be a jerk. Which isn't exactly my natural state. We were especially jerks
to guys. Boys were interested in us and we viewed beauty as a currency. Now I was
a freshman and I was dating a senior. Big deal. In retrospect I don't know why a
17-year old was interested in a 14-year-old. One day we were all
hanging out and I did something mean. I don't remember now what it was. Later in
the car on the way home, he said to me "why did you do that" and I had nothing to
say. No one had ever asked me that before. I had been being mean to people for
years and no one had ever just asked me "why did you do that?" I didn't know the
answer. You see, being beautiful I was mean and I was still desired. But this
guy was calling me out. I started looking differently at the world and I started
looking differently at people. But the world still treated me the same way they
always had. Every day I get comments on my looksm whether it be in person or
online. Especially in these videos. Now when someone that I care about tells me
that I'm beautiful, that's sweet, that's something nice, that's something
valued. When someone that I don't know tells me that I'm beautiful it's kind of
white noise. I don't get anything from that. I understand that people who don't
really get called beautiful that is a huge deal, but for me it's just not. The
only reason I've had long hair my whole life is because of society telling me
that that's what I'm supposed to do, not to mention my parents. I remember when I
was little my hair would get so horrendously knotted because I did not
want to take care of it. My mother would tell me that she was gonna cut all my
hair off if I didn't take care of it and I would cry and cry and cry because I
did not want to be that weirdo who had short hair as a little girl. But now,
looking back on that, I honestly wish she had just cut it off. It would have been
so much healthier for me and I would have realized just how great it is to
not have long hair. So much maintenance and time and long showers. But if you
haven't tried it and the only thing that's stopped you is fear,
honey you cut that hair. If society were reversed and men were the ones who have
long hair and women had short hair, I'd probably be growing my hair out right
now honestly. Comments on my looks are kind of
relentless. I posted a photo of a new Christmas dress I got and I got a
message asking if they could unwrap me. I cut my hair because I didn't want to
have long hair anymore and I got bombarded with comments, just so many
comments, and I didn't even want to talk about my hair. Being online people often
think that they have some agency over your body and I've gotten comments
specifically telling me that, saying "you are online therefore I get to tell you
how I feel about your body and your face." They are so focused on putting me on a
pedestal or trying to tear me down. I've had this lip ring longer than I
have had this channel and yet every freaking day I get comments about my lip
ring telling me how ugly it is and how much they think that I should not
have this lip ring. And I honestly don't understand why so many people want to
bring negativity into the world that way. Even if I didn't like someone's facial
piercing, I wouldn't tell them unless they directly asked me "what do you think
of this piercing?" It's their body and they get to do whatever they want with
it. I don't ever really want to hurt anyone
intentionally. At least not since I'm, you know, not a middle school or any more.
The most important thing in this is not that I'm seen differently. I'm still gonna
be beautiful with no hair. The important thing for me is that I have
tried something that I've always wanted to try. I'm kind of a completionist in
life in that I like to try everything because we only have one life (that we
know of) and I'm not about to use it worrying about what other people think
about me or not doing things because I am afraid of what people will think of
me. Oh this is looking awesome! I don't imagine that I would keep this
haircut. Having hair is a bit more for me, but there's no reason for me not to try
it, especially when it is just so different from anything I've ever done.
It'll honestly be a little funny if I go back down under 10,000 subscribers
because I shaved my head. But I've always said that the things I make on my
channel are because I want to make them and if this isn't a perfect
representation of that, don't know what is. I felt like I don't
really have agency over my body because I've always been told by other people
what they wanted me to do. And I don't really know why people think that they
get that right. And for a lot of my life I just kind of went along with those
things. The older I get, the less I care what people think and the more I'm just
focused on doing what I need to do to live my life. I look pretty badass. A little
V for Vendetta going on here. I thought it was weird to have an undercut but who
knew I would be doing this. I definitely understand that my beauty is a privilege
and it's not something that I really want to give up I just wish people
didn't think it was the most important thing about me. I'm a pretty interesting
person. I've got so much more to offer than pretty eyes and red hair. Which, by
the way, is dyed, sorry to break your hearts. I love who I am and I wouldn't
change anything about me. But I do wish that people didn't feel so entitled to
my body to where me getting a haircut causes me to lose subscribers. So if
watching this video you feel like leaving a comment telling me just how
much you hate my hair, you can still do that but I want you to know from the
depths of my soul; I do not care. You know the best part about cutting all my hair
off? Nothing's changed. I'd like to thank you all for coming on
this journey with me. This is a bit more poetic than my videos tend to get and
it's also a bit more personal than my videos tend to get. Perhaps you'll see
more of things like this in the future. This really wasn't a spontaneous
decision, this is something that I've honestly been thinking about for years
and the only thing that was stopping me was fear. Before you freak out remember
that this is just hair and it does not matter I am still Kym and I am still
gonna give you quality content. So whether you like my new look or not, I hope
you stick around.
Wow, look at me!
So suddenly I'm in love with a stranger I can't believe she's mine
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