Hi my name is David Purchase and welcome to The Sicks.
A show about city Toronto, with city Toronto, for city Toronto, to city Toronto and by city
Toronto.
Union station is a train station in Toronto and is located downtown Toronto in Toronto
and is the largest union station in Toronto.
Often mispronounced as Onion Station, Union station was build by hand after World War 1
and before World War 2 time.
The ceiling was made to look like a sky because a local astro-astromatrol-astomostrologist
asked for it so that way he could work indoors for a change.
There are lots of train tracks that go to Onion, Union station, which allows..Union
station to also act as a train station.
Have you been stopped by a street canvasser?
Well to get out, drop and roll!
That's right, if you get stopped by a street canvasser, simply drop and roll!
Hello!
How are you doing today?
Canvasser-Hello. Guy-Hey how's it going?
Canvasser- Good how are you?
Guy-Not bad.
Canvasser-Good, well thank you for smiling!
Guy-I know, thanks, I do my best.
Canvasser-So what we do, we help children across the world who don't have basic needs,
food shelter, water, education and healthcare.
Guy-Yes, but why are they all black?
Canvasser-They're not.
Guy-OK, good.
You're helping kids in Nicaragua?
Canvasser-Yep!
Ethiopia, India…
Guy-No, I can't do it, I can't do it, no no no!
(Stranger yells out- "He got away so sick! HAHA!")
Call Care, from city Toronto.
We call because we care.
(ring ring)
Worker-Thank you for calling X, this is X speaking how can I help you?
Sandra- Hi my name is Sandra Hip and I'm calling from city Toronto how are you today?
Worker-Not too bad, and yourself?
Sandra-Good thank you.
City Toronto wants to introduce you to a new and innovative program called minutes for children
Do you know much about this program?
Worker-No, can't say that I do.
Sandra-Did you know that over 60% of underage children between the age of 12 have mobile
phones but only 35% have adequate calling plans based on their demographic?
We are looking for overage residents to donate some of all of their talk time minutes to
a child in need.
This program will directly affect the lively hood of our youth.
How many talk time minutes would you like to donate to our program?
Worker-This is actually a corporate business so you would need to speak to someone at our
head office.
Sandra-That's no problem.
City Toronto must advise you at this time that children are not only our future but
our present, and their present to us is them being present in conversation.
How long do you think you'll regret not participating in the minutes for children program?
1-2 years?
2-4 years?
Or everytime you use a cellphone?
Worker-Again, this is a corporate buisness there is no one here who can personally actually
answer your question.
Sandra-Would you like us to call back everyday?
Worker-Uh no, probably not call us back, thank you.
Sandra-The children are not going to be able to call you back either because they don't
have any telephone minutes.
Thank you for nothing.
Corporations often miss out on the emotional rewards of giving back to society as per their
narrow minded money hungry investors that are constantly breathing down the corporations neck.
But imagine if a charity based business model was as profitable as a commercial one?
And because corporations won't take that risk, let's show them how easy giving back
could be after all.
Life is all about the good things.
The morning routine.
Overpriced but tasty double cup low fat skim soy milk mocha pumpkin spice lattes with sweetener
and sprinkles.
And redeeming your stars for freebies.
But some say it's better to give than to receive.
And because we believe a billion dollar company can afford to give back, we are introducing
the rewards program of the future:
Donate your stars begins in Toronto, a city rich with diversity.
Pride runs deep in this city.
But a staggering 25-40% of homeless youth in Toronto identify as LGBTQ.
Donate your stars today to support Queer and Trans homeless youth charities in Toronto.
Learn more at donateyourstars.com.
Hi my name is Dr. Alex Abramovich.
For the past 10 years I've been addressing the issue of LGBTQ2S youth homelessness.
So we know that family conflict is the number one pathway to homelessness for young people.
So a young person coming out as queer or trans to their family and being kicked out or forced
to leave home.
So I think that's it's really important to talk about this issue.
And also by stopping homophobiic, transphobic, and biphobic language.
I think it's really important to stop it every single time, whether it be in the workplace,
or that be with your group of friends or your family.
Excuse me guys do you mind if I talk to you for a minute about a new Starbucks program?
So what we are doing is shifting our rewards program from getting to giving back.
Changed our rewards program to donate your stars, so as opposed to getting more…So
as opposed to getting more.
The first issue we are trying to tackle is youth homelessness.
Particularly those who identify as LGBTQ.
So we need specialist programs to support them, because the services that we have right
now, they're, it's not working.
25-40% of youth homeless in Toronto identify as LGBTQ.
Do you think you would be willing to donate your stars to help end LGBTQ youth homelessness?
Why would you choose to donate your stars?
People want to help, right?
Like, I think that a lot of people in the general public they want to help.
And so I think that there are certain organizations, certain large organizations that can help
people provide the help that they want to.
You know, today we have all sorts of points cards, you know we go shopping and we get
all these points.
And so I think that many people in the public would be more than happy to donate their points
to a certain organization working with youth people experiencing homelessness.
Just one second.
(Off camera yelling-David!)
Just go to a commercial break!
Come to Toronto Escape Rooms.
Solve a crime that never happened room.
Prison shower room with real soap and water.
Gitmo scenario room where human rights are ignorned and you're not released even though
you are cleared for release from the escape room.
First world problems room with dial-up internet and lots of gluten.
And our exclusive escape from reality room.
Escape rooms are a great way for employers to weed out week employees.
Who's ready to waste some time?
Markham Fair!
For everyone!
Even if you're one day old, or 32120 days old!
Featuring the former mayor of Toronto.
And a horse!
Choice Prizes!
World's finest shows!
Arts and crafts! AND pumpkins from the Fukushima region in Japan!
With special guest appearance from Ryan, the award winning cock!
Thousands if not hundreds attend every year.
Let's be fare, the Markham Fair!
Introducing the Cliché.Wedding Company,.
offering copy and paste wedding services.
We like to dress up chairs, and add bows!
Cake?
Nope, cupcakes!
Pre-planned surprise couples dance routines with parcial open bar.
Extra long speeches!
Photobooth!
And lots of butterflies.
Make sure guests give back with mandatory gift registry participation.
Receive a free DJ playlist of yesterdays hottest cliché hits.
Being a sheep is more fun than being creative.
The Cliché Wedding Company!
Words with Vomit.
I'm looking down now cause I'm differnet now over the clouds I've got my wallet in my pocket
but I'm funded by crowds, I'm moving pounds of that shit your momma told you about, I'm
blasting sounds that will make your ear drums ring out, now watch me sway.
Words with vomit.
If you smell something, say something.
Report all skunk sightings.
It's the law.
Contact details available at city-toronto.ca/hotline Brought to you by the Association of Skunk
Awareness and Randy's Tomato juice.
City Toronto I hate shopping because whenever I see the price of something I have to figure
out how much tax is gonna go on top of that.
But that's why I shop at St. Lawrence Market.
They've introduced the Reverse Price System TM.
For instance, if you pay with a $20 bill you'll get $11.48 back.
That way I can focus on the consuming as well as how much money is gonna go back into my pocket
(ring ring)
Girl- X speaking how can I help you?
Pepper-Hi my name is Pepper and I'm calling from Save City Toronto, how are you?
Girl-Uh, good, how are you?
Pepper-I am calling because of the new city Toronto report all skunk sightings program.
We at Save city Toronto are asking you to Stop the Skunk Hunt!
Do you know a lot about skunks?
Girl-Uh, do I know a lot about what?
Pepper-Skunks.
Girl-Sorry?
Pepper-Did you know that skunks are the most important resource for our city with regard
to peroxide and tomato based industries.
Girl-OK.
Pepper-DoI have your word that you will Stop the Skunk Hunt?
Girl-Uh, yes.
Pepper-I need to hear you say it otherwise I cannot check your name off the list.
Girl-OK, so I'll Stop the Skunk Kunt.
Pepper-Yeahhhh and don't forget to stop and smell the skunks.
Girl-OK.
Pepper-Bye.
Girl-Bye, thanks.
Toronto, the city formally known as York, is located in Canada, the country formally
known as Shitty Britain.
Toronto offers many modern city attractions, such as upgraded park bench.
And an airport with daily fligths to Mississauga.
Don't forget to visit Exibition Place.
The transportation show is on this weekend.
You can also watch men ride horses in cicles, trying to see how dizzy they can get.
Toronto, like New York, but smaller and tighter.
VOICEOVER- Today we are visiting with the owner of Blood Diamond Shirts, a company that
takes a rather unique marketing approach.
Mark-Hi my name is Mark Hamm and I'm the owner of Blood Diamond Shirts.
VOICEOVER- Blood Diamond shirts offer three identical models of the same shirt, which
differ only in terms of how they were manufactured.
Mark-Uh, this right here is the low-price high-toll blood diamond shirt.
We make a lot of money on these, particularly because they're made in China by a child.
And here we got the OK not Great shirt, this one was made by a guy named Pedro, in Guam.
VOICEOVER- Each shirt comes with an information card with highlights it's environmental impact.
This one's got an environmental rating of 6.3 and we make 77% profit on it.
VOICEOVER- Mark believes this type of honest marketing will help business' profit by tapping
into first world guilt.
Mark-Nothing makes more money than a bunch of yuppies purchasing things to buy happy
feelings to fill the void of their meaningless consumer based lifestyle.
Haha.
VOICEOVER- To purchase a blood diamond shirt, visit their online store at blooddiamond.gq
Mark- Every blood diamond shirt will allow you to define your ego, as well as your level
of empathy.
Alright city Toronto my name's David Platypus.
We had a wonderful female muscian scheduled to perform.
She cancelled, last minute, So this is our back up solution.
(Off camera-Can you just look at Rochelle and say hey you look good?)
(Bad beat boxing music that sounds kind of like drum and bass but even worse sounding)
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