Hey guys!
So first of all I want to apologise for there being no video last week.
Things have been kind of busy around here what with work and I'm also moving really
soon, so soon you'll see a new backdrop and then another new backdrop because, long story,
I'm moving again after that.
So yeah, things are a little hectic around here.
I'm really sorry for last week, I hope that it won't happen again in the near future and
I will do my best to make sure that it doesn't, but I'm not making any promises unfortunately.
Anyway.
Onto today's video, that does exist!
As you can tell by the title, today's video is another Disability Discourse, and today
I want to talk about self care as a disabled or chronically ill person.
Self care is super important for anyone and everyone, but I think it's even more important
when you are someone for whom life is just a bit more difficult, whether that's due to
disability, whether that's due to mental health, like whatever that's because of, I think when
life can be a bit more difficult for you it's reallly important to take that extra time
and make sure that you're handling everything and just take care of yourself.
So while I can't pretend that I'm always great at doing the things I'm going to talk about,
I do try, and I think it's always good to have a reminder from someone else or even
yourself, so I wanted to talk about some things that I've found help me with self care, and
just some little tips about self care in general in the hopes that you'll take care of yourself
and just be kind to yourself.
So let's get into it.
When I was initially disagnosed with arthritis I was sent to a therapist, and this is something
that she told me that I've never forgotten and I think it's really important to keep
in mind, and that s so set aside some energy or some spoons or however you like to think
of it, for things you enjoy or things that relax you.
It's really easy as a disabled person to use all your energy doing vital things like work
or chores or things like that, and you feel like you have to use every last ounce of your
energy being "productive", quote unquote.
I'm definitely guilty of this.
I think something that is important to remember is that enjoyment and relaxation are productive
- it's healthy to do things that you enjoy and to relax you.
Normal people, quote unquote again, spend time doing relaxing and enjoyable things.
Most people don't just spend 100% of their time doing things that need to be done and
it's okay to take some time, and actually healthy and good to take some time to do things
that you enjoy.
So while yes, it is important to get things done that need to be done, make sure you're
prioritising those things, and if something can wait and you can spend some time doing
something that makes you happy, make sure that you do that.
It's so important.
And like I said, bear in mind that as vital as chores are and as vital as your work is,
your happiness and your wellbeing are just as vital, so really it's still productive
to be doing whatever it is you enjoy, whether that's reading a book or writing or playing
a video game, whatever that is.
If you enjoy it it's still productive.
So yeah, set aside some energy to do things that you like and just have some you time.
Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
This is super tough and something that I struggle with to this day, and I think I will always
struggle with.
It's hard to ask for help and not feel like you're being a burden, but I can guarantee
you, anyone who cares about you would so much rather you ask them for help with whatever
it is than just struggle alone.
Anyone who cares about you would love for you to come to them and ask for help, rather
than just thinking you'd bother them or you can't ask anyone for help.
So this, like I was talking about just then, goes for asking people for help, but it also
goes for asking for assistive technology and also just assistive things.
I think there's a general stigma for asking for assistive things if you don't 1000% need
it, and I'm not saying to get things that you don't need, but I mean for example, asking
for a wheelchair if you can still technically walk.
But if walking hurts you or walking takes a whole lot of energy, sometimes you might
want to use a wheelchair to save some energy for other things or to avoid some pain, and
that's totally fine, and the same goes for other smaller assistive things.
Don't be afraid to ask for things that will help you to live your life in an easier or
more comfortable way.
There shouldn't be a stigma against asking for help in any way at all.
So try to practice asking for help, it is so important, whether it's help getting groceries,
or just a sympathetic ear to listen to you vent, whatever help you need right then, whatever
that means to you, don't be afraid to ask for it.
Like I said anyone who cares about you will be so much happier that you asked them rather
than just sat alone and thought that no one cared about you.
The next thing might not be quite as universal, but I think if you're like me it'll be really
helpful, and that is just to send short replies to any people that you have been avoiding
replying to, just to kind of say "I'm really sorry, I'm not avoiding contacting you, I'm
just having a rough patch and I'm kind of withdrawing from people and I'm sorry about
that.
It's not 'cause I don't like you, it's not 'cause I don't care about you, it's just life.".
So for me withdrawing from people is one of my main coping mechanisms, not the healthiest,
I recognise that.
But the worst part for me is that I just feel really really guilty for not replying to people,
I feel reall yreally bad, and it goes into this cycle of I feel bad for not replying,
and then I think it's been too long and now I can't reply, and now I can just like never
talk to that person again, and it makes me feel really terrible as a human being.
And to avoid that you can just send a really brief message.
Your friends who care about you, once again, of course they're going to understand that
you're having a time and that life happens, but I think for your own peace of mind and
also for your friends' peace of mind, just try to get into the habit of sending a quick
message saying that you 're having a hard time and it's nothing to do with them and
you'll be in contact when you can.
The next thing is to give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
This sounds kind of corny, but it's something that has really helped me personally, and
I think I'm getting kind of good at it, or at least a lot better than I used to be.
Basically you're going to feel a lot of different ways about being disabled.
You're going to feel like it's not fair, you're going to feel sad, sometimes you're going
to be happy or grateful for it in weird ways you might not expect.
And it's important to give yourself permission to feel those things and just let the feelings
in, like don't try and say that you're not feeling those things, don't try and force
them out, that never works very well.
Recognise the feelings and feel them, and I feel like that really helps to let them
go as well, like if you let them in and feel the feelings then you can just let them on
their way and they're all dealt with, rather than refusing to feel and denying the feelings
and then like you end up with them all bottled up and you just cry at random times because
you're in pain.
I just think it's really important to recognise that there are alot of complex emotions that
go along with being in pain or being unable to do things that, quote unquote again, "normal"
people can do.
I think it's important to be able to feel those things in a healthy and not necessarily
productive, but not destructive way.
So get used to recognising your emotions and working through those and saying "yes, I am
sad and it's okay to be sad" or "yes, I feel like life is unfair right now and it is okay
to feel that way.
Life is unfair and I am entitled to feel my feelings".
I also think that when you recognise the way that you're feeling and put names to it and
reasons behind it, like "I am feeling sad because I am in a lot of pain today" or "I'm
feeling sad because I can't do this thing like I used to be able to do" I think it helps
you to stop from misplacing your feelings, like so you're saying " I'm feeling sad because
I can't do this thing like I used to be able to", instead of misplacing it and maybe saying
"Oh, I'm angry because my friend is doing this thing that I used to be able to do",
which is obviously not the case right?
Like you're not angry because your friend is having a good time, you're sad because
you're not having a good time.
So I think it's really important for a lot of reasons.
It's very healthy to feel things, of course, and it's also very healthy to be able to recognise
what you're feeling and why you might be feeling it.
My final tip for self care is to learn your limits.
Now if you're like me and have a really variable chronic illness, these limits can often change,
but I find the easiest way to learn your limits is to not put hard limits on anything, but
to learn your body and mind7s warning signs that you might be reaching your limits and
then learn to take a break and just give your body and mind a chance to rest and recover.
So I think this is really important because it can be very easy, like I said in the first
point even, to just keep pushing yourself and pushing yourself and trying to live life
either like you did before you were disabled, or life like you see other abled people living
life.
And that's not healthy.
It might feel good for a very short time, but after a while you're going to be burned
out and it's going to make everything so much worse.
If you can learn your limits and stick to them you will be so so much happier in the
long run and you will learn to make a life that is sustainable and happy for you, and
that's what't really important.
Your life shouldn't look like anyone else's, your life isn't anyone else's.
Your limits aren't like anyone else's, so you need to find your own balance for a life
that you enjoy and also that is sustainable for you to stay happy and healthy.
Okay guys, so that is it for my tips on disabled and chronically ill self care.
As I said, I am by no means perfect and I'm not good at all of these things or even any
of these things, but I do try.
If you have any other self care thoughts or feelings or any other questions, leave them
in the comments below and I'll get back to you.
As always, thank you so so much for watching and I hope you're having a great day.
I'll catch you in the next one.
Peace!
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