I wish I could just be like unbridled joy oh yeah I'm pregnant! but you know if
you've been on this ride a while you know you know how it is and so I'm
hopeful but I'm also you know I don't know praying for the best hoping for the
best prepared for the worst
hi thanks for clicking on Simply Tanika I am Tanika if you are new here welcome
hit that subscribe button let's hang out a while if you are returning welcome
what's up fertility fam we got to do what
let's get those babies ladies good morning ladies I'm looking a hot mess
I'm in here making tea and about to make some peanut butter toast the creamy
peanut butter and I'm doing the red raspberry leaf tea it says from a small
seed a mighty chunk may grow so let's hope that means my little seed my little
Applejack is growing into a mighty tree today I think is four days post-transfer
I said yesterday was four days I'm not sure how to count it so somebody let me
know down below if you know the Chancellor was on Monday so I wasn't
counting that day and so that I think Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
because today is Friday November 30th the last day of November I think I'm
four not sure if you count that first day as that first day like window anyway
it's something but I believe I'm four and I think implementation day was
yesterday at least in my mind there was some something going on I also want to
say because I've gotten quite a bit of notes on Instagram Instagram stays busy
you guys I don't think it's healthy for any of us to compare our state to
someone else's state or our symptoms to someone else's symptoms because it
doesn't mean anything like are all of us are different and I remember even
reading like pregnancies are different between kids for the same woman my
symptoms are not going to be here sometimes which I kind of fell into that
a little bit I think it was just there a period last night when I was reading
other people's symptoms and watching videos on it it gives me something to do
but it's gotta just be for informational and entertainment purposes I don't think
that we can draw any conclusions from it even though we want to write we want to
say oh I had this right have that or this did this or I think things like try
you know prunes to help move your bow that kind of stuff might work but I felt
a twinge on my left side at two o'clock on a Thursday when the moon was full in
the East that is just too much so that's kind of my two cents on it
all right I'm gonna eat my breakfast I'll talk to you ladies in a bit happy
Friday what's up fam its December 1st
oh my god it's Saturday December 1st yay which means I'm gonna go home and work
on vlogmas so you probably see that video before you see this video but I'm
leaving blues I have so many bags because I came multiple times over
there's my regular bag my suitcase my tea light that I brought over and the
tripod and then I can have over here more bags pineapple sticking out of
another bag it's got more you to be gear and then this bag that's got like my
house shoes my needles coloring so yeah I'm taking an uber and I just told
Cheyenne I'm gonna need help getting upstairs luckily there's an elevator in
this building there's not an elevator in my building Blues gone he's gone hiking
camping for the weekend with his friend so they're gonna do an overnight god
bless them it's too cool for me but yeah I'm gonna go home and get ready for
Christmas we're gonna vlog miss for the days of Christmas I don't know is that
12 is that 25 Oh in the background let's just see what I do
echo stop all right I think that was a wreath uh going to town there but all
right yeah so we're gonna go home and vlog must get ready to get the house
ready I don't know what it looks like I was gonna have company over yesterday
and I a Cheyenne and she's like can you postpone I haven't done any housekeeping
for two weeks we'll see anyway talk to you where I get
home what's up fertility fam good morning how
are you today is Monday the 3rd of December happy birthday to my sister
Erica Danielle Morris I love you more than words can express I never knew I
could love another human being so much until you were born I'm so glad you're
in the world ah all right today is my first day back at work I've been on for
two weeks we are in slow motion it's not a clock I just got out of the shower and
the goal is to get there by 10:00 and to get out of there by 6:00 that's the goal
we'll see was talking to Genesis last night with her crazy self will help me
some Genesis if you guys are not subscribed check out her channel Genesis
Lovings TV I will put a link over here in the little card so you can find her
but anyway I was talking and she asked me if I had any symptoms and I was like
oh that's what I'm going to talk about so yeah I don't know these are symptoms
or not I'm just gonna report them and we'll figure out later if it's
progesterone or not I told her I was having progesterone symptoms but it
could be a little Bo so continuing to have sore boobs they definitely feel
larger they look larger as far as like in the bras that I'm wearing my cup my
cups the pointed over and that could be the progesterone it could be Applejack
burrowing in I am still having shortness of breath but as you can hear I'm a
little nasally so I was editing the blog mess yesterday and I noticed I was
sniffling so it might be that I might be coming down with a cold which on the one
hand I was like oh that would be good because that means ma'am you
system is down and maybe that's receptive for Applejack and then you
know on the other hand I was like oh my god that means my immune system is done
and whole bunch of white blood cells are gonna go out and attack things and that
won't be good for Applejack but if you remember my physical my white blood
count was low and I have to actually go back in a few months to get it checked I
think I went twice like one month and then she had to come back the next month
that remain low and she said come back in six months so that could be in my
favor I don't know last night or early this
morning cuz I was up late early maybe like she woke three o'clock I noticed
heaviness in my lower abdomen it wasn't quite cramping I don't know how to
explain it maybe like if there was a dull pain I don't know it's talking like
a pole do you ever play pool like a pool ball you know pool like from the table
um billiards if you're not in the US or some place that's called billiards but
the balls that are on the table a little felt table with the cues it feels like
there are one or two in my uterus like banging up against each other not a
painful way but in a puli way like there's a wait so what I did last night
is I wanted to do a counterbalance so I have this long strip that's weighted and
usually I put it on my shoulder like when I'm tense you can microwave it or
heat it up with you know put a hot water bottle on I didn't eat it I just used
the wait and I put it across my hip bones and that seemed to give me some
relief so it like pushed down it gave me like a resistance on my abdomen so I
don't know if that's a symptom oh no I definitely have never had that before
with the progesterone but I think each time you have the progesterone it could
be different and I'm on the highest dose of progesterone that I've ever been on
I'm taking a three no taking six hundred milligrams of progesterone a day 200 in
the morning in the afternoon and in the that reminds me I gotta pack my
progesterone for work today so it could be that I'm trying not to read too much
into it you guys have been here for a while I've seen me two symptom spotting
and then end up not pregnant so it's hard to say
sometimes our heads are persuaded by our hearts because our hearts are so hopeful
and so I'm just trying to be level-headed I think that's what's made
me through all this so far is just taking it day by day
and not really expecting anything obviously I want Applejack to stick I
would love for him to hang around and be but I am also willing to let God's will
be done I'm willing to accept that as hard as
that may be so it is a day-by-day thing I'm joined Bing boop Oh tremendously
until I have evidence otherwise I am pregnant pregnant until proven otherwise
and then I want to be as niihka says pas pea pregnant insane pregnant because
that's an ex fertile right once I get the beta and then I've got to get a 60%
increase 48 hours later and it's got to continue to grow and I got to get to
heartbeat and so that I did not make it to that last year so I think I'm very
grounded in that reality which helps I wish I could just be like unbridled joy
oh yeah I'm pregnant but you know if you've been on this ride a while you
know you know how it is and so I'm hopeful but I'm also you know I don't
know praying for the best hoping for the best prepared for the worst and yeah so
that's it all right I'm gonna go get rice I'm gonna go open up blog my swish
I am cuz she's off today it's day three a vlog miss um you guys will already
have seen vlogmas by this point by the time you see this it'll be like I think
14 sixty it'll be day 17 of vlogmas when
you're watching this on the regular consumption blog so I hope you've been
enjoying blog post and I'll talk to you in a little bit
Hey BAM how are you yes I'm dresses right there if you've been watching
Cheyenne and I do vlogmas this makes sense to you already so today was a
short day I only loved this morning and then I just wanted to come on and close
but I studied yesterday that I was having the kind of pelvic pressure pain
and I definitely am feeling more symptoms today I had my cervix is higher
I've been doing the progesterone pessaries and I have the little
applicator inserter thingy the plunger and I get I'm just having to insert it
further because I press it to get it up against the cervix so that's a good sign
it's higher and also there was definitely TMI a lot of cervical fluid
today and it was clear I was in black Underpants and it was clear it wasn't
white which it had been because of the progesterone like it had been coming out
even when I did my transfer that day the doctor was like oh yeah I need to like
there's progesterone I need to swab that off so that sounds like a very distinct
white color and I think kind of um like mediciney
texture this was clear copious and wet so I sent Genesis text cuz she posted
yesterday and I was like I think I'm having something so I'm not sure and she
was in her video you know she was like she wasn't gonna be symptoms body
anymore cuz she was like I think I seen it on the Tuesday when the Sun was in
the east am i pregnant and so I know how that is I know how that gets crazy and I
also I'm just enjoying being poop oh but those signs were like so glaringly
obvious to me that I was like okay something is going on but and also I
just I don't know guys I'm scared I'm just like I know obviously I want to be
a positive on Friday but I know that it's kind of increased
60% by Sunday it's got to continue to increase it has to get to a heartbeat
when I was pregnant last year I did not make it to heartbeat and it's not over
until the baby is in my arms but I'm praying that as each hurdle comes I'm
able to clear it like that's how I got to this point and so again running on
faith pass fumes on faith that it will continue to progress and that God's will
will be done and I feel like a broken record and saying it but that is how I
protect my heart and how I prepare for what is ahead I'm not a victim I never
message to myself in victim language and so it's not things that are happening to
me in general in this instance I don't have control over it I don't have the
last word and so it helps me to know that God has the last word and I will
accept it whatever it is I will accept it I'm preparing for that and so I think
I have like measure of enthusiasm I don't want to say carted I don't feel
guarded but measured like I understand the realities I understand facts just
like I knew the statistics of going into this at 47 IVF with my own eggs like
there was a low low low chance and so I think being realistic helps not a
pessimist but realistic and I know so many pessimists who always say oh I'm
just a realist no but I I mean statistically speaking jaws have not
been in my favor I've cleared those hurdles I'm praying praying without
spilling my team praying that God sees fit to let me clear a few more and I
just want to keep taking them as they come so I get my Applejack in my arms
and so yeah my heart goes out to June today she had her beta and it came back
not pregnant and she said she was fine with it like she had also accepted that
it was God's will and so were meant to be it would have been
positive so and she was kidding around have a glass of wine and she was like
you know I don't remember if she asked her if I offered but I've got a nice
bottle of wine that I got in Italy too here's a bottle of Montepulciano I
bought it in 2016 but I think it is like maybe in 2008 both know I was saving and
so I think if I get a negative all on Friday that's what I'll be doing if I
get a positive I won't be doing that I'll call my mom I bought the Christmas
cards yesterday I want to let everybody know be a Christmas card of my family
what the outcome was because at that point I'm closing the chapter as I said
before that was only going to go until 2018 I was only there to buy VF one time
and I think as things unfolded that decision has been supported by what has
been presented to me and so yeah I'm gonna let everyone know you know we saw
auntie warned on Thanksgiving if you didn't say that I'll link it over here
where she was I am so happy for you and she was excited about it and after
chance for I don't even know she understands like all of the scientific
part of it cuz after transfer when I put it up on Instagram she was like I knew
God was gonna bless you and and it definitely was a blessing I just don't
want to ask her like do you mean bless me what's moving forward or do you mean
and and it's a sad state that I'm like analyzing blessings he blessed me no
doubt so I just want to be respectful to everyone to let them know like that
chapter is closed if it's positive I will let them know but I will also let
them know what the risks are and like you know to continue to pray
for me and if not I will thank them for their support while I was on this
journey so I don't know if I'll do that on Friday I will be at work I will go in
Friday morning for my blood work and then I'll take the call somewhere at
work I know my heart is going very saying I will run around and find a
comforter I always do so I can have a private conversation and I will pray I
visualized I've been calling and saying we
good news and yeah I'm just gonna continue to update parties I will talk
to you later bye mmm baby listen you
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