(LIGHT MUSIC)
When I had my accident, I was like, 'I wish I did this. I wish I did that.'
And I had so many regrets.
My life now — it is very different to what it used to be like.
It's a lot better in some ways.
If I wanna do something now, I'm gonna do it, cos I'm like,
'You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.'
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Captions by June Yeow.
www.able.co.nz
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
Copyright Able 2018
(POIGNANT MUSIC)
Well, the night of the accident was a Friday, and we had a class that morning,
and then that afternoon, we had a flat crawl with a varsity rugby team.
So we got dressed up for that and then decided to just stop at Six60 just for a little bit.
We weren't going to, but then we were like, 'Oh, why not?'
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(FAINT CHEERING)
We'd just arrived, and Six60 must have just come on stage, so everyone looked at Six60.
You know, just starting.
And then there was just a loud noise from above.
(SINISTER MUSIC)
(CRACK! PEOPLE SCREAM)
I was just crushed by the weight of the balcony and everyone on it.
I just remember how painful it was.
I was just like, 'I can't feel my legs.'
It just felt like they were floating, kind of, in the air,
and I was thinking, 'Why has no one told me to put my legs down?'
Everything just happened real quickly, and it was just quite overwhelming.
And it was just, like, instantly you know that something has happened, like, quite bad.
I didn't really know what to do myself.
I kind of just panicked a wee bit and just got real upset cos I knew— I saw Bailley was injured.
And I just felt real helpless, not knowing what to do.
(SOMBRE MUSIC)
I couldn't move, and I was just so sore.
I was, like, struggling to breathe
cos I had, like, a broken rib and collapsed lung.
(FAINT SHOUTING)
And I was just so uncomfortable lying there.
And I wasn't really crying or anything — I didn't have blood or anything,
so I was, like, 'Oh, it's fine. There's nothing too serious.'
I wasn't, you know, like, making a big deal out of everything.
But then they were trying to get around everyone else that was injured in it as well,
cos quite a few people were bleeding and had burns and things like that.
And so I think they were trying to assess the situation and then get through the crowd as well,
cos there were so many people.
It was, like, about an hour by the time she got out to the ambulance.
It felt, at the time— I thought it felt quite quickly,
but then I found out later it was a while.
Then my friend said she'd go and get my phone, cos it was at my flat, and ring my parents.
7.30, 8 o'clock, was it?
And I heard my phone go, and Jonty got it,
and it was a girl — Kelly, I remember her name — Kelly —
and she just said— she went off Bailley's phone, though, and she said,
'Oh, it's Kelly. Bailley's had an accident.'
And she said, 'She can't feel her legs. They're loading her into the ambulance as we speak.'
And I said, 'OK. Tell her I'm coming.'
I just felt real guilty. Like, I just felt like I'd done something wrong.
You know, 'I shouldn't have went there. It shouldn't have happened.'
(POIGNANT MUSIC)
(SIRENS WAIL)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
I think I must... Oh, well, I must have been one of the first ones on the stretcher to be taken out.
But by the time we got to... We were taken out, and my friends were with me,
and there's heaps— Like, the media recording us.
(SIRENS WAIL)
(POIGNANT MUSIC)
They didn't let my friends come into the ambulance with me.
The ambulance was full of people.
It was at least probably two hours until I was in the hospital,
getting any pain relief or anything like that.
By the time we got up to the hospital,
the doctor came over and said they needed to speak to me,
and so I went in, and my niece was with me,
and he reached out and touched my hand, like I said,
and he said, 'I'm so sorry.' And I remember looking down at my hand, thinking,
'Oh my God, is she going to die?' Like, 'What is he sorry about?'
Like, I didn't get it, cos she looked OK.
And I was like, 'I'm confused.'
And then they did a CT scan,
and then they realised, 'Oh, shit.' You know.
He took me over and showed me her X-rays,
and at that stage, they told me her spinal cord was severed
and, um, it was huge and she would...
the chance of her walking ever again was not a possibility, really.
And the tears came.
I was crying, but I was definitely in that zone where you're like, 'What?' Like, 'Is this happening?'
Next day — surgery.
Like, they were going to fix it. I was, like, 'Oh, yep, the doctors are going to fix it.'
I was quite naive. I was just thinking, 'Oh yeah. The doctors can fix anything.'
And they were like, 'Yeah, when you get the surgery, you're going to be fixed.'
So we had the surgery, and then I came out of it, and then they said to me,
'Oh, you're going to be in hospital for a while.'
But they said, 'Oh, the surgery went well.' So I was, like, 'Oh, it's fine.
Then they said, 'You'll be in hospital for a while.' I said, 'Oh, yeah? Like, a week?'
They were like, 'No. Like, three months.'
I still didn't understand — why would I need to be in hospital for three months?
Like, I was fine.
And then later that day, I went on Facebook,
and there was heaps of articles about the accident.
And I clicked on one, and then they said, 'The student, Bailley, she'll never walk again.'
And I didn't really realise how serious it was. I just thought,
'It's temporary. I'm gonna heal, then I'll walk again.'
And then I was, like, 'Is this true?' To Mum.
And she's got tears rolling down her face, and I said, 'Is what true, hon?'
And she said, 'Am I never going to walk ever again?'
And I looked at her and I said, 'Oh, hon, don't believe what those people are saying.
'They know nothing. They've got no facts. They're just making their crap up. Just breathe.'
Cos Bailley had a collapsed lung.
And I said, 'We're just worrying about today, honey.
'You've had the surgery, and it was good.'
But to sit there and basically see her crumple...
That's the first time I actually realised, so it wasn't an ideal way to find out.
It turned out, well, they were true.
But at that stage we didn't know any of that, and for her to find out that way — gutting.
Like, I know it's news and there was a concert and there was a big balcony collapse,
but it was my baby girl, and, OK, it's their news story for 6 o'clock news,
but this is our life that they're tampering with.
And it's my child's feelings, and it's our family having to deal with that outcome
from your crap, basically.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
I didn't realise how easy I had it for those 19 years.
You know, like, I took everything for granted.
I didn't have to plan anything. I didn't have to think about, 'Will I get into that building?
'Will I be able to get out of my car?
'Is the bathroom accessible?'
A spinal cord injury affects every aspect of your life.
It affects your relationships with your boyfriend, your friends, your family.
It affects every part of your life.
You just don't realise how much your legs help you with everything.
Sitting up in bed, getting up from the bed to the chair or the chair to a car —
had to learn how to sit up, how to get dressed, how to put your shoes on.
You obviously always had that hope that you would be that one person that would walk out of there,
but you've gotta be realistic and, you know, realise that this is all you've got.
Yeah.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
I've lived in Winton my whole life. I was born here, went to primary school, high school.
All my friends and family are here.
It's just a small town. Everyone knows everyone.
Everyone will say hi to you when you're heading up the street, and it's just home.
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
I'm living in Dunedin throughout the majority of the year while I'm studying,
and then I come home in the holidays for my breaks.
Hi, hon!
My baby's home.
So, how are you?
What's been happening?
Not much.
Just got home. (CHUCKLES)
How's it going? Good.
It's always lovely to have the kids home.
Me and Bailley and all my kids — we're all very close.
We are a close family.
So generally, when she went to uni, oh, we cried all the way to Dunedin, both of us.
She cried, I cried. We cried all the way taking her up.
And then we rang, you know, daily.
She rings me every bloody day. And if I don't ring her back, she goes psycho.
I do not go psycho.
Bailley is really capable, and I do trust her with things.
But there's been a few incidences that's freaked me out.
Like, when we went to the beach (CHUCKLES) Oh!
and Bailley was out in the kayak — way out that I couldn't get to — by herself,
And that freaked me out, because I thought, 'If she falls out...' (BOTH TALK TOGETHER, LAUGH)
I ended up going out in my dress, thinking— I was fine.
Bailley is still at that age where she thinks she can do everything and she's invincible.
You're overprotective. (LAUGHS)
She didn't really do much at the start,
but now she's done all this stuff.
Like, she used to only be able to do little things,
but now she can do a little bit more.
I wasn't angry. It was just more upset, kind of.
Like, I'm not one that shows emotion.
But something like that— He didn't cry. ...just hits ya.
Yeah.
It's just... what you gotta do now.
It's just, yeah. It'll all hit you at once and you're a mess for a while,
but it'll all kinda come together in the end.
It's a family effort.
MUM: So, you took him for a walk...
I'm coming home this weekend because the annual Southland Bride of the Year is on,
and Sandy, who organised it in 2016 for the first time,
to fundraise for me and my family,
and thought it would be a good idea to go and say thank you to the community
for supporting me and talk to them about what I've been up to for the last two years.
What about your speech?
JONTY: She hasn't done it, eh? What?
Mum said, 'Oh, yeah, you'll do it on Saturday night, eh?' No, I've done most of it.
Yeah, I had to print it all — all bloody 20 pages of it.
I don't know, but Jonty keeps kicking me.
Just stop—! You're kicking me.
See, he has to touch you, eh? Hey? He has to touch you.
(LAUGHS, SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Oh yeah!
(LIGHT CHATTER)
Argh! Yuck!
No! Don't push me!
Today's club day.
Jonty's A-grade, and he is on the field, and he's number 22.
Go, Jonty!
Go, Angus! Mum!
It was crucial to have the support of family, especially at a time like that, when, you know,
you have so many thoughts going through your head,
and so much change has happened to your life.
You know, family's always been big for us.
Like, we've always been such a close family.
Just hanging out with them and not talk. Yeah.
That was awesome! You played well.
I was with Bailley the whole 19 weeks in Burwood, and I've seen lots of ups and downs.
Cos she didn't really have that big meltdown day.
She didn't have the 'poor me'.
I think her strength has been amazing.
If it was going to happen to anybody in our family,
Bailley was probably the one that would rise to the occasion.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
People think, 'Oh no. Poor you.' But I'm lucky.
It could have been worse. I could have had a brain injury.
I could have had a higher break and had less muscles that worked,
and I'm pretty lucky compared to a lot of people. So I'm grateful for that.
Up, up, up, up, up. Good stuff. Just hold on. Hold on.
There's people who are struggling to put up a peg or can't even talk to their children.
I don't have it that bad. Like 'get over it' kinda thing.
Push, push, push, push, push.
Up, up, up, up, up.
Good stuff. Hold it.
Hold it there. One, two, three, four, five.
Righto.
Ultimate goal is probably to be able to stand — like, pull myself up to be able to stand
and help myself balance and stuff. But it's a lot harder than it looks.
So I don't know when or if I'll get there,
but hopefully.
Good.
Being able to stand up is one thing. But then being able to stand up and balance in that position
to reach to butter a piece of toast or whatever it is that Bailley might wanna do
is another— a huge step forward.
It's good.
So Bailley has to be a lot more coordinated to keep herself there using good, equal pressure
between her arms.
She doesn't have the ability to use her tummy muscles as she used to be able to,
so it's just pure upper limb strength
as opposed to if you or I were doing it,
then we might be able to use some of our other muscles to kind of help out a wee bit.
In terms of how far she's got to go, it's really hard to know.
There will be a level somewhere that those gains will stop because of the neurology behind it.
So Bailley's worked really hard to get as strong as she is at the moment,
and she has got some movement in her legs,
but it's not just a matter of just strengthening those muscles
and then suddenly it'll be fully functional,
because there is a neurological condition behind that
that will reach a plateau at some point.
But the job of myself working with Bailley is to find out where that is
and push it as far as we can possibly get it to to maximise the neurological recovery.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Trying to find a flat in Dunedin, and it's not as easy as it was before.
Like, I had to look everywhere.
And, like, no way— it was so hard.
Like, I could get into the course, but I couldn't find accommodation.
He said, 'Oh, we're going fishing at 6am. There's huge fish.'
Jonty goes, 'Damn.'
'The entire flat is people I know.'
They're very low-maintenance, children. Like, we haven't killed them yet.
Yeah.
(ALL LAUGH)
'I used to get quite nervous meeting new people because I'm like—
'They don't realise I'm normal, you know, what I used to be like.
'My friends from before the accident — they know who I used to be.'
Oh, she's just so funny. Like, always having a good time;
just laughs about everything. Just so chirpy and positive.
She's like, yeah, just really inspiring and stuff.
Nine times out of 10, I'm independent.
Like, I can go and drive anywhere I want. I'm confident to do anything.
I do my washing and cooking and all that kind of stuff.
I'm still the same person. I just can't stand. You know, I'm exactly the same.
People look at you and either pity you or they just treat you like you can't understand them
or you're just inferior to them.
Anywhere you go, people are either staring, going, 'Oh, that's amazing.
'You're an inspiration for doing that,' or they're going,
'Oh my God, look at that girl in the wheelchair.'
They'll look at you and stare, or they'll look away.
It's opened my eyes up to how people are treated
because they're just not used to being around people like that. They don't know how to act.
I think they just think you live a terrible life.
In fact, it's not terrible. It's not that bad, really. It's pretty good.
Pretty open-minded. Like, when she first got her driving lessons for her car.
Cos when she was up there, she thought she wouldn't be able to drive again,
and then this car turns up. And, yeah, she can drive it with hand controls.
It's quite cool, actually, to see her out there, and then it kind of gave her her independence back.
Before my accident, I was doing a Bachelor of Science.
And then when you had your accident, it made you look at life differently —
you wanted to do something you actually really want to do, something you cared about.
Like, I didn't want to just sit around in an office all day.
I wanted to get out and do things and help.
And I'd always wanted to work in the health industry,
and then I looked a little bit more into occupational therapy,
cos I knew what the job could be.
So I looked into it, and it was something I could do.
It was achievable.
And also because I've got the insight from a patient's perspective as well — it's quite helpful.
When I'm learning things here, I can relate to it, and, like, there's just so many opportunities with it.
We're at the Ascot Park Hotel for Southland Bride of the Year.
Two years ago, they held the same thing,
and all the money that they raised from tickets and raffles, they donated to my Givealittle page.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Yeah, so I'm back here just to talk to them about how it's helped me
and how the community's support has helped my recovery and just let them know what I'm up to.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So I've just had to write a speech. People are interested to hear what I've gotta say
and what I'm up to. I don't know why they find it interesting, but they do.
Yeah, I've probably been asked, like, three or four times to speak.
I think it's good to talk and get out your view of the story.
Hi, everyone, I'm Sandy.
Today I feel very proud that we have got Bailley, who is going to talk just about five minutes.
Welcome to Bailley.
(APPLAUSE)
Now, I'm not techno. My family are probably Amish.
Can everyone hear me?
Yeah, I'm here today because of the generosity of a very kind stranger
who decided to help out my family and I in a time that Sandy knows only too well
was a very difficult situation to be in.
But it wasn't only the money that was raised here at the 2016 Bride of the Year
that helped me through a very challenging time,
but just knowing how much support I was receiving from the kind-hearted people here
in the small community of Southland.
The experience has forced me to grow up and face the daily challenges that I once took for granted.
Sometimes I think people believe that if I work hard enough and go to physio,
I'll miraculously be able to walk again.
If that was the case, I think I'd be standing here talking to you guys.
I'm able to understand now what truly matters in our lives,
and that is your family, friends and experiences.
To Sandy and all the organisers, sponsors and to everyone who has come along to support,
I want them to know that I'll always be truly grateful.
Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
'I don't think I'm an inspiration. People are like, "Oh, you're so inspirational."
'And I'm just having lunch or going out with my friends, just doing normal things.
'And I'm like, "It's not that inspirational. It's just getting on with life."'
I don't think the accident was anyone's fault, at the start.
I just thought, 'I shouldn't have been there,' or, 'It shouldn't have been me.'
I was thinking like, 'Why out of everyone and, like, 1500 people that were there, why me?'
It made me angry that I was the only one that had a lifelong injury.
Even if you hold someone responsible, what's that gonna do?
Not much, really.
I've still got the same injuries and the same... everything that's happened's happened.
Some days where I just think, 'Why?' But then other days I'm, like, so thankful.
Like, it made me think about what's important, what I value and what I actually want to do with my life.
My life now, it is very different to what it used to be like.
It's a lot better in some ways.
If I wanna do something now, I'm gonna do it,
cos I'm like, 'You don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow.'
(GENTLE MUSIC)
I would love for her to be able to do whatever she wants — to travel, to go overseas with friends,
to be able to do these things that all kids in their 20s do.
Do the OE experience, work, like, to get her degree and to be acknowledged
and just do what she wants without...
being the girl in the chair.
(WARM MUSIC)
Just think of everything that you're not gonna do again,
but in reality, you can actually do all of those things
if you have, like, the right equipment, the right support.
Just treat me like a normal human. I'm just like everyone else.
They see the wheelchair, and they think you're automatically different.
They don't know what to do.
I'm just like you, except I'm sitting.
I'm exactly the same, so treat me how you would anyone else.
I have lost a lot, but I still have a lot left.
(POIGNANT MUSIC)
I think the accident could've been prevented, like, if the balconies were most stable,
I dunno, maybe there were more rules in place.
But I don't think it's the fact that there was rules in place,
if that many people can fit on a balcony,
people are gonna stand on that balcony, aren't they?
I think it was just crazy the fact that how... serious the injuries were.
Like I... Yeah, I just didn't think... something like that would ever happen.
Captions by June Yeow.
www.able.co.nz
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
Copyright Able 2018
Attitude was made with funding from NZ On Air.
Tickets are now on sale for the 2018 Attitude Awards.
(UPLIFTING MUSIC)
This premiere event shines a spotlight on the achievements of people who live with disability.
Go to AttitudeAwards.org for information about the event.
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