It's Friday.
It's half one.
And today is the day that I start drawing all the time.
I've been wanting to start a new video series for a while, and I knew what kind of content
I wanted, and I had a lot of suggestions from you guys that were pretty much the same as
what I had in mind….
I wanted to keep the sort of casual, informal, but also at least somewhat valuable nature
that I had with my sketchbook series.
It's been great to see how me sharing my experiences and things I've learned and
mistakes I've made can help other people and just start a discussion, to where we're
all sharing our experiences and learning from each other.
In terms of the format of the videos, I'm not 100% sure yet, that's where your feedback
comes in.
But for today, I like watching videos where people draw and talk so I'm gonna draw and
I'm gonna talk.
So, in terms of the 'drawing all the time' thing.
At the moment I'm really pushing this draw every day mantra for myself.
Trying to make art a solid habit in my life.
I've said this before but, the key to improving and evolving as an artist is to create as
much as possible, and not rely on being inspired to be able to create, let the constant flow
of productivity and creativity be what fuels the inspiration.
And to do that, the habit of drawing constantly has to be as entrenched in you as something
like brushing your teeth.
And I thought what better way to motivate me to really commit to this than to share
that journey of consistant art-making with you guys.
And just talk through how I'm doing it, how it's going, what issues I have, how
I deal with them.
This can be like my Big Brother diary room, where I come back after a week of trying to
draw as much as I can and let you know how it's going.
Show you what I drew, a bit of the how and the why…
I've also been really keen to show more of the behind the scenes of the art process...
of the art making process.
And show more of how art fits into real life, how I find the time....
So that's what we're doing.
That was a long intro.
I fell like these videos are gonna be such a departure from my concise, straight-to-the-point
videos.
That's something I've been probably the most nervous about.
Just this like free-form rambling.
A lot of you might prefer the short and sweet but I guess for that you can watch my speed-paintings.
This is gonna be my chatty… chatty… not knowing what I'm talking about… kind of
video.
So what I'm doing at the moment, I'm actually playing catch up in my sketchbook.
This is my new Stillman and Birn sketchbook, its a one of their… zeta series, I've
been using it as like a visual diary, the same way I do my travel journals, documenting
the days with pictures with drawings and writing and also just using it for my usual doodles
and studies and concept stuff.
But my aim has been to do one drawing a day based on something that happened that day
or the previous day.
But, in all my umming and arring about the new series and also going on holiday, finishing
my moleskin, I've been generating the ideas, but not had the time to record them and missing
loads of days in between.
So at the moment I'm sort of playing catch up, filling in the gaps and that's what
I'm doing today.
Today's page is in amongst the beginning bits and bobs, this week is actually linked
back to my moleskin, there are pages in that sketchbook that lead into this one for me.
This was a week of being in a major creative funk.
It was actually way back at the end of March.
I had decided I wanted to draw more constantly but I was really struggling to draw at all.
The weird thing is I felt productive, or motivated, I had the energy and desire to do things,
but for whatever reason, actually doing things and art things in particular felt really daunting.
I do occasionally have different kinds of funks, but as far as they go, this was a pretty
decent one.
Because I was still getting out of bed and doing things.
Well I still spent a lot of time in bed but… that's just what I do.
But because I am kind of used to that feeling, I knew more or less how to deal with it.
The first and most important thing is to not be like mad at yourself.
It's really frustrating to want to do something but at the same time feel like something is
holding you back or you're holding yourself back.
But getting down on yourself about it, throwing blame and judgement, is never gonna help.
I just kind of thought, okay, this is how I feel, not loving it but I can deal with
it.
So… the thought of drawing at that point, for whatever reason, filled me with dread.
I tried to feel like less of a bum by getting on with other, kind of art things, art business
things like packing orders, responding to comments, stuff like that.
Also tidying, keeping a tidy space for me just welcomes calm and an openness to do things
and keep going.
And that was the start of it.
Being gentle with myself, acknowledging how I was feeling, what I could and didn't really
feel like doing.
And then the next thing is… if you find yourself afraid or hesitant to make art, don't
let that stop you being creative.
If there's something in you that really wants to just do something even if it doesn't
involve putting a pen to paper, keep that spark alive in any way you can.
For me, at this time, my boyfriends birthday was coming up, I'd got him a lens for his
camera and I had the bright idea that I'd make a heart shaped gift box to put it in
so he wouldnt know what it was straight away.
I've never made a heart shaped gift box before, I never thought I'd be that person.
But I was in a making mood.
Even though I didn't want to draw I wanted to create and thats important to recognise
when you're in a rut.
It isn't always an overarching thing.
Sometimes it is, but be open to exploring other avenues, don't write yourself off
and say well I'm not gonna do anything cos I'm not in the mood or it'll turn out
badly.
So anyway I made this box, it wasn't great, I got glue everywhere.
And yeah, I am always in my bed, I definitely should spend more time at my desk, but when
I am feeling a bit fragile or anxious, I'll always at least give myself that.
I'm allowed to stay in bed as long as I'm doing something.
You gotta go easy on yourself without letting yourself get away with murder, You gotta be
good cop and bad cop to yourself.
And that really helped, it was a lot of fun, I felt accomplished and I kind of thought,
okay maybe I can potentially do some drawing.
I'm just setting up my laptop so I can have my reference images to look at while I draw.
So yeah I got to point where I thought maybe potentially I can do some drawing.
Still in my bed, and still actually in my moleskin, I grabbed the first pen I could
find which was a pink fineliner and I just kind of started doodling.
And it was pretty horrible.
Like, I mean it doesn't look great, but it also wasn't like this immediate breath-of-fresh-air
experience.
I don't know if this is something people can relate to.
I think we all kind of assume that people who do art and love art should love every
moment of it and especially if you're just doodling for the sake of it.
But the reality for me, and I'm sure for other people is that it can be kind of torturous
sometimes and it sucks when something you love doesn't bring you the joy that it normally
would.
I'm just gonna interject quickly, I hope this isn't all too much of a downer.
And like I'm fine.
I hope it's okay for me to talk about these things that aren't the most positive.
This is still just me having a chat, it's probably just a bit more raw than what I would
usually do.
But yeah, if we look at the stuff I did while I was just trying to draw for the sake of
drawing, I have my moleskin here and you would have seen it in my sketchbook tour, I can
just remember how I was feeling at the time BUT I was TRYING.
I even watched this Blender video on youtube, something like '7 Habits of Effective Artists',
took notes, to kind of make my youtube procrastination slightly worthwhile, but yeah.
And even in this mess, see heres the reason I always look back and appreciate pushing
myself to just put a pen onto the paper, cos out of all this mess there's this random wheel
I drew and I like that.
I feel like that's useable.
Next day again, I tried to just put pen on paper, cos I felt up to it.
Had a different outcome.
I ended up just writing this so not the drawings.
But um, I'm not gonna show what I wrote, hopefully you can't read it.
I don't know what it says, it's the kind of thing I think I just wrote just to get
it out, Ihave no real desire to read that over again.
But I can say that it helped.
I had allowed myself the satisfaction of being able to say I had done another page in my
sketchbook.
I achieved something.
You could literally practice drawing straight lines.
I do that sometimes.
As long as you congratulate yourself snd appreciate yourself for putting in the work, you're
gonna be moving in the right direction.
And gradually, that heavy feeling kind of lifts.
You feel a little bit more able.
So that's what this is about.
Blind contour drawings as I came out of the rut, great way to ease back in to drawing
more creatively.
No pressure, bit of fun, occasional spark of something.
Like this face looking down.
I like this one a lot.
Down here I even wrote, 'feeling much better, back in a stride of sorts.
creating again and out of bed.
those are the important things.'
So just to recap the points so far in getting out of a rut.
By the way, I do have a little cheat-sheet down here of my talking points so I don't
go too off course.
So, acknowledge the feeling without judgement.
Do what you can / do something / do anything.
Explore other creative avenues.
Ease back into it.
The next thing, which also kind of ties into my 'writing how I felt' bit, but the next
thing is to get it out.
However your feeling, try not to just hold onto it and let it fester inside you.
If you're frustrated or disappointed in yourself, your art whatever, you can write
it down but I do think it's better to talk to someone.
It doesn't have to be a deep, soul-baring chat.
You don't have to get completely into it, just kind of saying out loud, yeah I'm kind
of frustrated at the moment, I'm a bit stressed, my art isn't going how I want it to, my
creativity feels stunted.
It helps with processing how you're feeling and cycling that feeling from rolling around
in your head, out of you and into the world.
A lot of people who maybe aren't into art or stuff like that, they might not necessarily
understand.
But I don't really share those feelings to get comfort or validation, I just like
having a bit of a back and forth with someone, maybe changing my perspective.
I talk to my mum a lot, again not in depth, but just you know, it was a tough drawing-day
today, I couldn't really manage to make anything I liked.
She always has like the typical mum advice but just the act of me saying how I was feeling
to someone else, lifts a weight.
And it was actually after talking to Ozzy that I got that final little spark, that bit
that you hope and wait for when you're in a creative slump, where it's like, the fog
clears and 'I wanna draw right now and I can't wait.'
It was his suggestion that I would say is the biggest contributor to my getting out
of a rut.
Obviously you all know I'm not huge on going out and about, I'm a proper homebody, whenever
I watch any kind of advice video where one of the tips is like 'go out and have a walk'',
like deep down I know that it would probably, definitely help, but at the same time…
I could really just not.
But yeah I was kind of at this hurdle of, I feel fine now, I'm feeling positive, I've
got my life together, I'm not down about my lack of creating, but there's still no
spark.
It's stopped raining but the sun hasn't come out yet.
And he goes, 'Well why don't we go to the Tate or something', the Tate Modern
gallery, here in London.
And my first reaction, genuinely was like… 'mmmm, I don't think that's gonna inspire
me in the way I need inspiring.
But yeah I guess we can go.'
And then like, within a day of that conversation, so before we'd even gone…
That was it.
I was excited again.
About art.
I had ideas and I was looking into what they had on at the gallery and thinking about what
bits I wanted to see and also just being out by the river in the fresh air.
The anticipation was a breath of fresh air and it was that one final push to get back
into things.
And that's when I drew stuff like this and this, just having fun, feeling like I had
a bit of purpose again.
A few days later we had a great day at the gallery, I did some doodles while I was there
and afterwards as well.
I actually have a bit of history with the Tate Modern.
Back when I was at uni, I was studying English and Spanish, I love languages, I love learning
languages, and I love literature, but I didn't love university.
For whatever reason, I just felt 'like this isn't it, this isn't what I wanna be doing
with my life'.
And this is before I had even really considered pursuing a career in art.
I have a blog post I'll link below where I talk about that situation in a bit more
detail.
But yeah, that time was essentially, the biggest rut in my life.
I felt stuck.
And my campus, I went to King's College by the way, its a lovely uni.
My campus was just across the river from the Tate.
So when I'd inevitably end up skipping my lectures because I really wanted anything
but to be there, I'd have a wander, go to starbucks, walk across the millennium bridge
and just I guess be drawn to the gallery.
Just wander around in there.
And it was a little pocket of peace and quiet.
And it made me just feel calm and grounded.
I don't know if its just the Tate that does that, I'm sure it isn't, I think it was just
the nearest thing to me at the time.
Just being in that kind of space is like a breath of fresh air.
Galleries and museums and even libraries or big art supply shops, they have this quality
to them of like, something so impressive and stable and secure.
And you just finally have room to think.
But yeah, I guess that final tip for getting out of a rut, the most difficult for me but
the most worthwhile; make plans, go out and seek inspiration.
Don't wait for it to come to you.
Give yourself something to get excited about.
Just to go over all the things one last time;
Acknowledge the feeling without judgement.
Do what you can / do something / do anything.
Explore other creative avenues.
Ease back into it.
Talk it out / let it go Make plans and give yourself something to
get excited about
So for the rest of that week I ended up going out actually too much.
That's be something I think I may talk about in another video like finding the balance
between your social life and drawing all the time.
Finding time.. finding time for it basically.
I hope that me sharing my experience will help some of you guys who have been in the
same kind of funks.
I'd love to know if anyone has their own tips for that.
I'd also love to know if anyone's still watching.
And I'd love to get your feedback on this style of video, obviously it's early days
so if you have any suggestions I'm all ears.
But I've really enjoyed talking to you all and sketching and I can't wait to do it
again.
Thanks so much for watching, I'll see you next time.
Bye!
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