Hey guys, it's me again. And, um,
a while ago, I reviewed the game Undertale,
but I feel like I was, in my review, I was kind of...
vague...
as to why I didn't like the game,
and, uh, that's why I'm here now. I'm gonna talk about it with you, in depth,
not limited by the confines of a short review.
And I'm playing with dice, like any nerd.
Anyway,
so I -- I feel like in my -- my review on Steam, I, um,
I kind of, like, said everything I needed to say there, so if you don't wanna...
hear it, and more, from me right now,
I suggest you go and find that.
You'll -- You'll know my profile when you see it.
So,
I --
So, my --
So, let's start off small.
So, yeah, and, like,
you guys know how, um, I think, like, a couple years ago,
I --
I let's-played EarthBound, and...
it was good, wasn't a bad game,
but I just kind of, I don't know, got --
somehow got bored of it after a while, and -- and I didn't -- I didn't hate
EarthBound, and, um, and that's not the -- I'm just saying this to, like, as a -- as a disclaimer,
that's -- I -- the reason I didn't like Undertale is a complete different reason for why I got
turned off of EarthBound. And, yeah, they're -- they're kind of, like, similar games, but,
like --
like, yeah, I got bored of EarthBound, but, like, it's -- I could see that its heart
was in the right place, I knew what it was trying to do, and -- and it did it well, but
I knew what Undertale was trying to do, but it just didn't do it well at all.
And...
I think, like...
kind of -- kind of why I didn't think, like, you know, EarthBound was a spectacular game or,
like -- like, or the, why I didn't like Undertale...
is it was kind of, I don't know,
it's kind of a weird thing to say.
I'm not really sure what I'm -- what I'm trying to say here, but --
Let's move on to a different topic, just forget about EarthBound,
'cause it has -- it has nothing to do with -- do with why I didn't like Undertale.
So first,
a major, major, huge gripe I have with the game is,
I don't know how to -- know how to -- any other way to say it, the game's full of itself
because, I don't know, maybe other games do this,
but I first noticed it, like, when I was looking at Undertale...
to buy it, right? I saw -- I was like, "You know, this is a normal thing," like, look at reviews, blah blah blah,
and I, like, I saw in the, um, in the description for the game,
the game called itself soulful and character-rich, it called itself unique,
and when I played the game, I just didn't see it because I could point out a thousand things in the game that
I'd seen done before, and better, in another place.
Every character, done before, but with more depth.
Every -- every mechanic, done before, more depth, better controls.
It just wasn't unique at all, and just knowing that the game, like, kind of, like, boasted
itself, it's like, this -- this wasn't presented as, like, something that another person said,
no, this was what the developers were saying about the game to advertise it,
and for any other game, like, that I've seen,
they would, for -- in that section, they'd be like,
"Oh, we've got -- we've got -- it's -- it's a -- it's a bullet-hell game, you should play it. It's fun."
And, like, but to see that Undertale, like, went out of its way to be like,
"Oh, we're the best thing ever." It was just kind of --
it just kind of made me angry, you know?
And another, like, serious problem I had with it was...
in the game, you -- you play nobody.
You're not a person, you -- you're not, like --
you're not, like, a -- a knight in shining armor crusading against evil,
or, like, a normal person who realizes that they have a heroic destiny,
Frisk didn't do anything.
You could argue, "Well, they helped --
they helped the monsters escape from the underground."
They could've done that themselves.
They had all the stuff that they needed.
Frisk isn't anybody. They don't have a personality,
they didn't do anything for anybody!
They just -- They just went around...
basically hugging trees!
That's not a hero, a hero is someone that does a -- a good -- a great service for
somebody, someone that does the right thing, someone -- someone who is a hero!
Frisk is not a hero, they're just a sprite.
And...
a -- what a, like, apparently, like, a lot of people, like, kind of connected with the characters,
which I can't fathom because the characters
are about as -- are as -- about as one-dimensional as a character from a story-less NES game.
And...
And the game --
the game, another thing, like,
the game advertises itself as a multiple endings --
well, not a multiple endings -- as a -- as, like,
you know, a, like a, kind of like "choose your own path" thing,
but there are --
there are no choices in the game that affect anything, like --
like, Toriel will call you on the cell phone and say,
"Hey, what do you like, butterscotch or cinnamon?"
No matter what you -- what you answer, the result's gonna be the same.
There's only two choices in the game that actually have any effect:
it's kill, no kill.
That's it, there's no depth to it whatsoever and
I just didn't like that the -- like, the game advertised itself on --
on doing something that it didn't even do.
It's like if --
It's like if --
It's like if, like -- Let's take -- Let's take Super Mario Bros.,
it's like if they advertised themselves as being a first-person shooter,
but it's a side-scrolling action game.
You see what I'm saying here? And...
Also, another thing I said was that, like, the music was terrible and it -- and it really was.
Like...
To explain some more,
anything -- all the, um,
the -- the music in the game scaled from
"Oh my gosh, what am I listening to? This hurts,"
to mediocre,
to "It's okay."
And it's, like -- it got -- it got to one point I was sitting here talking -- talking to Aiden,
um, over the phone, and, um,
that's what they call it nowadays, that's what they call their --
all their computers with Skype on it, they call them 'the phones'.
But anyway, his, like, I think his cousin or brother or something was
playing Undertale in the background and he was fighting Sans, and --
and I didn't go the genocide route, so I never fought Sans,
and -- and, like, the music was really loud.
Of course, you can't adjust it, you have to --
you have to -- you have to close out of the game, go to your -- go to your, um, desktop
and turn the music down -- turn the whole PC down or, like, use your sound mixer if you have that,
and -- and Aiden said to me,
"Excuse the epic music,"
and I said,
"What epic music? I just hear a bunch of beeps."
I didn't hear anything, like,
it didn't come together, it didn't --
it wasn't a song, it was just --
it was just a -- a --
it was just a bunch of beeps, like I said,
and -- and I was like, you know,
"It -- It kind of sucks, it's not epic at all,"
And...
And, like, I -- like, at -- In the beginning, I,
like, after I played Undertale, I was like,
"Okay, I wrote my -- my review, I just wanna be done with this game,"
but I couldn't,
because --
I'm gonna pick on Aiden again.
I don't -- I don't mean any, uh, offense to him, it's just this is
just stuff that actually happened.
I made it very clear to him that I didn't wanna talk
about Undertale and I was done with Undertale, never going back,
and -- and he -- and he --
like -- like, randomly, out of the blue, he starts up a conversation with me about
the genocide route, and I'm like,
"Listen, I don't wanna talk about this. I really --
I really didn't like the game."
Of course I didn't say that 'cause I was trying to be polite,
and -- and -- and he said to me, "I hear the Sans fight is really hard,"
and I was like,
"Do you mean hard...
...or unfair?"
because, I -- I mentioned this in my review,
at every time, except key points, the game is...
easier than tic-tac-toe.
Excuse the Steam "Your friends are online" sound.
"Excuse the epic music."
Gosh, I'm a terrible person.
And -- What was I even talking about? Alright,
like, at -- at certain points in the game, it just -- it's just not fair.
It's, like, yeah, I could be --
I could be one of those --
one of those fools who can't beat a game so he starts whining about how the game's unfair, but, like,
the game...
...has no sense of...
...balance,
like, because --
it's like, you're some -- you're some nobody five-year-old girl...
...with a stick! One attack!
You have one attack!
Against basically a world full of cheaters!
It's like, yeah, I -- yeah, I beat all of them,
yeah, I won,
yeah -- yeah, I beat Mettaton,
yeah, I beat --
yeah, I beat Muffet,
yeah, I beat Asgore,
but it just wasn't fair.
Because --
One of the -- One of the few things that I actually enjoyed in the
game was the fight with -- against Asgore,
and one of his attacks, like -- like, seriously,
he just covers the screen in fireballs.
Unless you get extremely lucky, you can't dodge it,
and that's not fair.
It's like, why can't I get an attack like that? Why can't this
be a -- a real RPG? Why can't I have, like, a fireball or a sword or a --
like, something to defend myself with?
Something other than a stick!
One attack!
You get ONE ATTACK!
YOU NEVER GET ANYTHING ELSE!
And it's -- That one attack's not reliable at all.
It's just, you press a button.
There's no -- There's no depth to it at all, it's like,
where a normal RPG would -- you'd have all these, like -- like, skills and you could, like,
strategize how to effectively use them, it's like -- like, "Oh, this -- this skill wouldn't
be effective in this situation because this attack type isn't very effective against this enemy."
There's -- There's none of that -- that good RPG depth.
None! It's just, you press a button,
you dodge the white stuff.
Screw you.
And with -- And when you're trying to be the good guy,
and you're --
and you gotta wait through SEVENTEEN DARN TURNS
OF SOME IDIOT!
Just...
...doing something!
BEFORE YOU CAN SPARE THEIR FREAKING LIFE THAT THEY DON'T DESERVE TO KEEP!
Also, the game --
on -- on a similar note,
the game forces its message down your throat,
message of "tree-hugging", for lack of a better term,
like, you know, buddy-buddy with everyone,
oh, you don't have to KILL ANYONE?!
WELL, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME,
it's like, if you wanna make --
if I can't defend myself to get the good guy ending,
screw you!
If you're gonna make me seem like a BAD PERSON
FOR DEFENDING MYSELF,
you've got some serious problems!
Use your freaking words.
"Don't -- Don't -- Don't --
Don't fight back against the murderer who's trying to --
who's trying to put a BULLET through your head,
NO! MAKE FRIENDS WITH HIM!
Screw you!
It's not a good message.
And it -- it's been done before, and better.
"Humans are -- monsters are -- are people, too."
Screw you!
You shouldn't have called them monsters then!
They could just been like a -- a race of people with,
like, a -- with, like, a fantasy name, like...
"Iwugai".
That's a stupid name, but...
...seriously.
Calling them monsters,
do you know what the definition of 'monster' is?
A terrible, emotionless brute!
If you -- If you wanted to go for the "monsters are people, too" thing,
you should've called them something different!
And...
the story about...
when I -- when I wrote my review on Steam,
like, I gave -- I, like -- like,
I didn't care what the fan base did,
like, I was just like, "Eh, just -- it's just another Five Nights at Freddy's fan base, I'm just
gonna ignore it and then it won't bother me,"
but I gave no thought to what the reaction would be if I posted a negative review!
Of a freaking game!
Oh!
the humanity! Am I right?
Posted a negative review of a game?
That's not perfect?!
GOSH! THAT WOULD BE APPALLING!
Not as appalling as the reaction.
I posted the review,
I'd like to think of it as an honest review, I gave pros and cons and neutralities,
but Steam was to have none of it.
WITHIN FIVE MINUTES,
I get a reply on my -- on my review.
It says,
"You haven't played the game enough.
Go play it again and come back."
You wanna know how long I played the game?
EIGHTEEN FREAKING HOURS!
EIGHTEEN!
Eighteen freaking hours!
Of...
REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT,
REPEAT!
Eighteen freaking hours of the same thing over and over again,
with the same DULL, BORING CHARACTERS!
With the SAME, CLUNKY, UNFAIR CONTROLS.
With the SAME,
BLAND, OVERDONE STORY!
The same HORRIBLE HUMOR,
THE SAME EAR-POUNDING MUSIC.
EIGHTEEN HOURS,
AND I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME ENOUGH.
NOT ENOUGH!
NO! GO PLAY THIRTY! GO PLAY FIFTY!
Go play a hundred hours of game you didn't like!
BULL.
I was called a terrible person...
FOR HAVING AN OPINION!
FOR BEING SOMETHING THAT THEY WERE NOT!
FOR BEING MY OWN PERSON!
For being --
FOR SAYING "Hey, I didn't really like this.
I wouldn't recommend you buy it."
"No.
No! No, no. NO. NO.
Go play more!
Play the whole game and come back!"
COMMENT DELETED.
GET THE HECK OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Done!
Don't come back!
I don't keep a key under the door.
There ain't no freaking key under that mat!
YOU CAN'T COME BACK IN, YOU'RE BANNED! GO AWAY! DON'T COME BACK.
What a world we live in!
Where you can't have an opinion!
If you --
"Hey, I like Castlevania,"
IF YOU DON'T LIKE CASTLEVANIA, YOU'RE THE DEVIL!
HA!
That's like -- That's what society is like.
Oh!
"Opinions", pfft.
It's a lot of hooey.
People who like the game are -- are call -- are calling the whole fan base bigots!
'Cause that's what they are!
I know I'm doing the whole cliché thing where I complain about the fan base, but people --
people agree with me! People who like the game and
don't like the game, they agree with me, the fan base is crap!
If you like the game, don't bother being a part of it because they're all the same.
They're all the same, there's the fifty-fifty line,
the people who are like,
"Oh, I didn't like -- I liked the game, but --
but you can have your own opinion,"
and then the other people are like,
"You're Hitler because you don't like Undertale!"
Screw you.
I just don't --
I was -- I was speaking with someone,
I was -- I was, like, out in the town -- the town,
and I was, like, hanging out with some of my friends,
and -- and I was like,
"I'm so glad I'm done with Undertale, I don't wanna ever go back on that,"
AND...
one of the -- one of the freaking friends of a friend was like,
"I hate you! You don't like Undertale!" and I'm like --
I'm like --
I'm taken aback.
This was before I wrote my review, this was before --
this was before the whole thing.
I just got done with the game, I was like --
I was just, um --
I was just lamenting...
...to a couple of friendly acquaintances...
...about how I didn't really like that game,
and -- Screw you.
I'm done.
Hey, you wanna hear a funny joke?
UNDERTALE.
HA!
It's almost as funny as that other joke I told the other day,
you wanna hear a joke?
D&D 4th Edition!
It's funny!
Get it?
I might be overacting this a little bit,
but it feels kind of good,
getting this off my chest, you know?
Is that illegal, too? Are you gonna call the cops?
Voicing my opinion, just --
"Hey officer! This IDIOT HAS -- HAS AN OPINION, SHOOT HIM!"
I could talk on and on, all day, about me and the --
and the poor old people who -- who have opinions and --
and people YELLING AT THEM.
I could go on all day,
but it's the game I don't like.
Dislike for the fan base is a completely different thing, let's talk about the game!
It's not funny.
I know a bunch of you just gasped like I drove a stake through your heart.
It's not funny!
I chuckled, that's the best.
I chuckled about -- 'bout every twenty minutes a joke would pop up and it was like, "Heh, heh."
Date with -- with Alphys?
It was funny.
The rest of the game?
Bad late night comedian humor.
I'm -- I was like -- I was playing the game and I was like,
"Is this a game or freaking Tumblr?!"
It's like --
the humor, it's dull, it's repetitive!
TRY EIGHTEEN FREAKING HOURS -- HOURS OF SKELETON PUNS.
MMM!
YEAH, I SAT THROUGH THAT.
I HAD THE --
I can't use the word 'determination' anymore, it's tainted!
I -- I had the guts,
the constitution!
The vitality!
To live through eighteen hours of freaking garbage!
I --
I had to take so many breaks...
just to cringe!
Cringe myself right back into my freaking skull.
I had to take full breaks,
like, full, like, hour breaks in between playing...
...just -- just -- just to
-- just to look up at the ceiling and say,
"What the HECK JUST HAPPENED?"
That's not a joke,
THAT'S A MEME!
LE FUNNY MAYMAYS,
blelelelele.
What the heck was that sound even? [laughs]
It's so nice that I can humor myself in times like this.
I did it!
I played the game.
Beat the game.
SHOVE THE GAME RIGHT IN --
GET OUT OF ME!
GET OUT OF MY FACE!
GET OUT!
SCREW YOU, Asriel 'Da--Draymore'.
TAKE YOUR GAME WITH YA!
I BEAT YA!
GET OUT!
AND YOU CAN SHOVE IT!
You know, I think I'm done here.
I said what I needed to say.
Now I need to go cool off.
I'll see you guys.
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