Monkeys.
Yer darn yankees!
I'm gonna get ya.
Darn idjits.
Ye hillbillies.
Yer ain't shit.
I just woke up, it's really early, 6:43 AM.
I woke up because of some strange noise. And now I know the source.
Damn monkeys.
A little monkey there.
Mom over there, I saw her with a smaller mom- monkey.
Oh well.
Well, these little dudes aren't scary.
However, you gotta close your tent tightly.
Because they're damn thieves...
Like... Like small gypsies.
Small... But extremely brutal. In terms of stealing.
Dude, another one.
It's the mum.
With a kid.
I think that... they don't like me.
Oh fuck.
Gotta have my pepper spray near just in case.
Hey, I don't like monkeys. I declare it officially in front of you all - I don't like monkeys.
Aww, they're hugging.
Because of the rain.
It's raining.
And they say there's a water shortage in Africa. It's been raining all morning.
What I gotta do now? Easy, wait for the rain to stop,
go see the Great... Zimbabwe... Ruins...
and get back on the road, but not sure if I'll make it today.
Because it's pretty bad.
Fu~ck. 2 more holes. Gotta patch it up.
My tent is a little worn out.
Have you seen my hole?
I'll give it to some lady. I ain't gonna sew it up.
I've got a hole in the bottom as well, but it's double-layered, so...
It's not so-- Oh, another hole.
Unfortunately, this tent is rather... not suitable for extreme conditions, which is how I exploited it so far.
God. I'm gonna take a nap.
Here we've got these bastard who woke me up in the morning.
See?
I'm scared of monkeys, so I won't get too close.
I'm on my way but it's almost 12 PM. And the problem is...
I wanted to go there as a history student from University of Silesia, from a made-up department.
I just wanted to, you know, get inside for free or pay at least as much as the locals,
because locals pay 5 bucks, and we, whites, gotta pay 15.
I wondered if it's possible to jump over the fence - but they've got a fuckload of guards.
So unfortunately... Wait, where should I go.
So here it is, as you can see, the ruins of old,
early African Kingdom of Mutapa.
Imagine that this empire, or more like the Kingdom of Great Zimbabwe,
which-- I mean, ruins of that kingdom...
which are probably the big- the biggest... the biggest ruins...
Yeah, you can say all the way down from Ethiopa,
because as you know, middle Africa and everything around it,
didn't really develop much, to say it gently.
But here, no idea how, people miraculously created their own empire
and did something that I dunno if we could've done.
Namely, cobbles here, granite cobbles, or maybe even bricks, dunno how to call them
because they're even, almost... simil-- same size.
They're placed here without any conrete or anything like that.
Simply a cobble on a cobble.
And it's not just some simple wall. It's about 10 metres tall.
And... its width, or however you call it, is about 5 metres in some places, but... not everywhere.
In this place, the period of splendor was between 10th and 13th century.
The people here were called Shona and they created this empire of Mono...potama [T/N. Monomotapa].
It sounds similar to... something, someone...
Mo... Mes... Mesopotania [T/N. Mesopotamia], yeah?
Fuck... I should stop talking, seriously. Nevermind.
It's not... It's mostly a satirical show after all.
Unfortunately, in the 15th century, when white Europeans came here,
they, well, kicked them the fuck outta here.
They were Portugese, by the way.
That's weird, because looking at modern Portugese...
Dudes like Cristiano Ronaldo, crying when they hair gets messed up.
This is fascinating btw, that...
How did they make this?
Try and build this. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it~
Where am I going?
This whole complex is made of a sanctuary, acropolis, and... ruins in the valley, or sth like that.
That's how I remembered it. And imagine this... Fuck.
Dude, this isn't a place for Americans.
I barely got through.
Dude, what is it...
What the fuck, are these ants?
Or not.
One of the things that really piss me off.
Why is he asking me 'hi how are you' - it's not your fucking business.
Also, it reminds me of Brits who always ask you 'yo bro how are you'
while thinking about stabbing you all over your fucking stomach.
I hate Brits. My deepest apologies to all the cool British peeps.
But average Brits are assholes.
It's my right to think that way, because... I got to know them
when I lived and worked there. Many years ago.
In these ruins, they've found many... weird... figurines,
and imagine, they had... like... a falcon's beak
and instead of feet, there were human hands, kinda.
So... Basically, this is what historians...Or more like archeologists, try to explore here,
because they have no idea, what, what... What was the reason of their worshipping,
why were they doing it. Too bad.
By the way, don't you think it looks like a pyramid?
Of course not shape-wise, but... the fact that both the pyramids
and these, let's say walls, were also made without any, as we would say, concrete.
A cement that binds one brick to another. They simply put cobbles one on another
and it stands. I'm curious,
very, very, gotta admit I'm very curious,
if these walls have been renovated in some way
or if they hadn't been touched for all these years.
It's lopsided here.
And another entry not for Americans. The one back there was prolly made for American tourists,
who visit this place. No way he'd go through this one after the obligatory visit to McD's
for 13 cheeseburgers. But I like cheeseburgers too, personally.
And they asked me, 'can I take a picture with you?'
I said yeah, sure.
They want a pic with you because you're white.
I'd be happy if they wanted a picture with me because I was pretty.
But that's impossible, because
for people to take a pic with you because you're pretty, you gotta... be pretty.
But, for men more important is, luckily, LUCKILY, eloquence.
So you don't have to be pretty to seduce a girl.
Because they luckily... My darlings, you've got ears, not eyes.
And that's great. Because of it I've seen so many
really disgusting guys with vomit-inducing faces
with women so fantastic that I almost fall on my knees.
And that's it.
Dude... No really, total respect.
A street cred~
Cuz nothing else matters~
What the, look at the decorative pattern on the top.
Shut the fuck up.
That's so cool.
A lot of shit... lying around.
This is nice. I gotta tell you I didn't expect anything like that from Africans,
because even today their houses look like how Cejrowski [Polish traveller] shows them,
basically a circle, half the size of the flat in NRD-style blocks like in 皋ry,
covered with straw.
Now I should tell you how the Shona people ended up here.
1000 years BC, the bushmen have come here.
They were, let's say, the weakest... dunno if I should say 'race', it might be taken the wrong way.
but let's say, the weakest ethnic group in the southern Africa.
In the 4th century AD, other people came here - let's call them farmers,
although they weren't called that back then; but they lived peacefully together,
they shared this land... together.
But! Around the 7th or 8th century, Shona people have started migrating here,
and they were strong fighters and conquerers.
So they came here, got rid of the bushmen
by conquering this land and dominating them,
so in the end these people, the bushmen and farmers, had no other choice but to run away.
So they moved further to the south of Africa. And when I talked to people in RSA,
I asked what happened to these bushmen, whose descedants are still alive,
and they usually occupy the upland territories,
luckily it wasn't easy to rout them out of there so they live there peacefully,
but I don't know the full picture, so I can't tell you everything.
So these Shona people have ruled this place from 10th to the 15th century
and they made the... natives... I mean there aren't really natives here,
because we all came from somewhere; we all, in some way, come from Africa,
but it was so many years ago, thousands, ten of thousands,
that visually and culturally we're not connected to it at all.
As you all know... Damn this is fascinating. How come it doesn't fall...
But whatevs, I dunno, dunno.
They were rulling this place till 15th century, but then came these, you know,
Europeans, so us, but not really us because they were Portugese.
It's raining. Gotta hide.
So it was Portugese who got rid of them.
But they have fallen completely even before that, their whole, you know, their whole...
civilization has already, in 16th or 17th century it was completely, totally, nothing, at all,
nothing more than a colony.
And the way it ended, well, it was when Brits, obviously Brits
whom I personally don't like and I'm free to do so,
in 1890--- I mean, earlier, of course, they started invading the teritorry of Zimbabwe,
And-- in 1890 created some kind of a south African federation,
which was a British colony and enslaved all these places.
Ohh fuck, look.
It has way more than 100 of legs, more like a 1000.
No but really, it's disgusting.
No, I'm outta here, I'm scared.
What if it eats me? I saw a video where
something like this is just walking and then...
you're gone.
Damn. Forgive me, I'll finish my story later, but this is fascinating.
Too bad, I was hoping I would never have to wear this raincoat,
not because I don't like it, it's not my style,
but firstly, you wear it only during the rain, which I dislike,
and secondly, I feel like a fa-...
like those who attend parades and are extreme f-...
like those who are totally unlike me because I'm a heterosexual.
It's raining and I've got no choice.
And I'm wondering about my camera because there's this thing behind it,
that's supposedly... Wait.
Fuck, water might get inside. I gotta think it through - should I hide it or not.
Because... if it gets wet... and stops working,
I'll lose my camera.
Right, where am I going.
Where are some damn signs? I demand signs, I paid 15 bucks!
I'm just joking. Shit.
Lying here, I mean.
I paid 15 bucks for the ticket. They should've carried me on their backs.
For that price.
I'll admit, it was easier than I expected.
But I still think they should've carried me up.
Why not. And I also would like some green, Mickey Mouse-shaped jelly beans, fuck yeah.
And to think they wanted to build- Wait a sec, it was most likely build by slaves.
Bushmen. And if they made their own people into slaves, they must've been damn motherfuckers.
I'm against slavery, but such were the times.
Oh, another place not for Americans.
Fazowski can fit, but Americans won't. And Brits neither.
Today's episode is sponsored by hatred towards Brits.
Just saying how it is. By Fazowski.
But really, go and see such places. I know parents forced you when you were a kiddo,
at such age we didn't give a fuck.
But now, it's my dream to go and see e.g. Wawel. See how it looks like.
When I was there as a kid, I was mad that I had to listen to some historian, but now I'd love to.
So many beautiful things there. And these bones hanging down,
looked like dinosaurs' but in fact they were of...
Of... Manfred from Ice Age... A mammoth!
So imagine that if these bones fall from the chain by the entrance, or exit, of Wawel,
it'd be a sing of the end of the world.
But God really couldn't have been right in the head
if he decided to put these rocks here.
I don't get that dude. What 'dude'...
God, I meant. But he's a guy as well, so he's a bro.
And it's His son's birthday today.
He's 2016 years old. But the truth is, we don't know which year Mr. Jesus was born.
Who the hell planted that tree here.
Was he nuts.
What a tempting hole~
I'm not talking dirty here.
There's some secret entrance.
Foouck~
I like that. I'm so-
Dude, seriously?
Nice. Dude, listen to this.
I've been here a few moments ago.
Dudes, I just found the secret passage.
So why did I suffer before?
Yep. I'm gonna show you... See that lady behind me?
She wanted to be a nice mum during the holiday and take her kids to a pretty place, a castle,
but she forgot you gotta go uphill, as you could see, but she was dressed really beautifully,
really, I really liked her. I mean not her, but her clothes.
And... and well, that was nice, moms are the best.
Because moms, not always but often, they just... don't like such things.
Going uphill, all that crazy stuff, you know.
But... But they do it for us.
I love you, mom.
It's true.
Hey, she was so pretty that I forgot how to English.
But you know how it is, a stressed man loses his head.
She was pretty~ And really civilized.
God, that sounded really damn racist, but that's not the case,
I can't be a racist, I'm a traveller.
But I got my phrases. Typical ones.
She was nice, omigod, so dope~
I just found out that I'm going down the way I should've gone up.
And I went up the way I should've gone down.
To put it simply, I fucked up.
That's so me.
I've got some good news. If so many peeps are going up, it means they're gonna go down soon
and it means that... if they're going down, it means they're gonna drive away.
If they're gonna drive, someone might give me a ride. Maybe even for free.
Because you usually gotta pay here. But they're rich.
But people are rich because they're greedy like Jews.
And now I just remembered, of course there's no comparision, but remember that Persian princess...
[Iran, December the 25th, 2015]
Beautiful, isn't she?
God, I met her a year ago, hey, remember that Persian princess?
It was on December the 25th...
December the 25th, exactly, I was on my way after Christmas supper
to the city whose name I don't remember, and I met this Persian princess.
Maybe I'll see her again one day. Go~d~
Look at her, a walking miracle~ Maybe she'll give me her hand~
Know the best thing? I've got a friend from Iran,
a Persian friend, let's say, with whom I often talk to on WhatsApp.
And... I once asked her about mixed relationships, I mean
not male-female, which is an obvious thing,
but more in... in terms of religions.
And so I asked what would've happened if a Muslim woman fell for a Christian guy.
I'm talking about Iran of course, not Saudi Arabia.
And you know what? It's not forbidden.
It's allowed both by the state law and... I dunno about religious aspect, but
the society, and most importantly - the fathers - are okay with it as well.
And her father, a typical John with a moustache, was a good person,
you could tell he wasn't a radical Muslim, because her daughter looked too dope,
and I'm not talking about her beauty, but she was wearing normal clothes.
So... fuck... I could actually marry her.
But she's still a Muslim. And not a Polish woman.
Fuck~ Now I'm between a rock and a hard place.
I want to, but I can't.
I can't. But you can. So look at her.
And think it through. Is it worth to look for her.
I know I would.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
The question now is, did they want to attack me, or are they
fighting each other.
These are baboons.
Jesus Christ, I'm scared.
Jesus. Jesus.
I hate monkeys.
I hate you. I hate monkeys.
Did you see it? ...Fuck.
How can I be chill? I hate monkeys.
See? He's calling for something, but the question is,
is he callolalell- calling his leader, or his subordinates,
or is he just a screaming loser?
These small monkeys weren't a problem,
but this one was like a baboon. Not sure if it was actually a baboon,
but it looks like one. They had really gross asses.
But black ones, not red. Remember? Was it I Am Weasel?
No... What cartoon was it? With a funny baboon?
I think it was... Either Cow And Chicken or I Am Weasel.
God, I don't even remember any cartoons.
I should stop travelling and go back to watching cartoons.
To reminiscent my childhood.
Oh, a shit.
But it's cow's, so it doesn't matter.
They use it to build their homes.
I wonder if they'll lift me.
I'm sure they won't.
Or they will.
Alright, I gotta check first... which city I'm going to, fuck.
I forgot how it's called. And I was there before, but...
Dude... What if my camera stops working?
Please don't break.
Alright.
For more infomation >> [fmv] Markjin | Best Moments 2017 part II - Duration: 11:02. 
For more infomation >> Jake Tapper - Kristol: What will U.K. think of us after Trump wiretap allegations? - Duration: 8:56. 
For more infomation >> Man livestreams fatal encounter with police - Duration: 1:16. 
For more infomation >> Jake Tapper - Rep. Speier: Trump damaging U.S.-U.K. relations - Duration: 5:39. 
For more infomation >> 10 Deadly Activities That Are Perfectly Safe In Movies - Duration: 5:31. 
For more infomation >> ФЕСТИВАЛЬ 'ВЕСНА' - Концерт в честь Воссоединения с Крымом, Воробьёвы Горы, МГУ - 18.03.2017 - Duration: 1:04:37. 
For more infomation >> Ghost in the Shell
For more infomation >> Happy birthday, Brian Scalabrine! THE GOAT!!! - Duration: 0:31. 
For more infomation >> L'Iliade 2/3 : Homère et ses héros - ft. Dynamythes & L'Histoire avec une grande hache - L'ARCHE - Duration: 57:18. 
For more infomation >> LES SECRETS DE LA BELLE ET LA BÊTE 🌹 Version live 2017 et d'animation ! - #FunFacts06 - Duration: 7:48. 
For more infomation >> Stoke City v Chelsea (Sat 18 March 2017 Match Summary) - Duration: 2:26. 
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét