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You helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Venter hello
You So! What would you like to talk about?
Venter all my life ive been struggling with intense paranoia and insecurities. no i have not been diagnosed officially but it doesnt take a trained person to understand that im just a ball made up of anxiety, insecurities, low self esteem and self hatred. im afraid that people are going to harm me. i have trust issues. i need to be constantly reassured by others but even if they do reassure me i always keep on asking for more and i tend to get very intrusive thoughts.
paranoid thoughts that friends dont like me or that lovers are cheating. it is ruining my life and everything good i have. my girlfriend left me. because of that. this is like the third time this has happened.
this time it feels so much heavier though. i really liked her. really wanted to get to visit her. we were long distance. at first she told me to never change. that she understood. it did always hurt her that i found it hard to trust. but she kept on reassuring me. then she snapped. got tired of it. cant blame her. she said she cannot live with it. she cant stand me. 1 minute she threatened to leave once.
a couple days ago we got into an argument again. i told her i just want her to be happy. so if i make her miserable she should go. go be happy with someone who is not problematic. she has not talked to me since then. just now my birthday is on sunday and our 6th month celebration would be on monday. and it seems like i wont get to spend either days with her.
You give me a moment...
Venter of course im sorry for the "2 minutes" stuff. its because i copy pasted the things and apparently the timestamps were copied too.
You i'm aware. Well, thank you for sharing all this with me. What would you like to do about all this?
Venter i dont understand that question.. you're the second person who has asked me what i want to do. and what i want to do is i want for things to just go well for once. but obviously that isnt happening.. i dont see how what i want matters in this situation
You You informed me what happened. That's venting, that's what I come here expecting. If that is all you wish to do, i'm all up for it! And just so you have a 'goal' in your mind, that you want to achieve, I thought I should ask that question on what that 'goal' is. What you want, is the 'goal'. If you don't have a 'goal' to work towards or achieve. Then things are going to be the same. And you'll be piling up more content to vent about, in the future.
Venter my goal is to get better. but i dont know how. i know i have to love myself and accept myself. but its a bit hard to do so when everyone walks away. i am comfortable in being alone, i have no problem with it. i just feel like i have spent too much time on my own.
i need someone to be close with. someone who is going to accept me even if i let them feel the entire weight of who i am. someone who isn't going to love me and tell me to never change for the first couple of months, and then when things get rough tell me they cant stand me and cant live with me and just up and leave. she even told me that i was abusing her emotionally.
You Are you to someone, like you want someone be to you? I'm sure she was honest in how she felt.
Venter i am very loving. very loyal, very sweet. very empathetic. a good listener. someone whom people trust easily. a person people often go to for advice. or to talk to about their problems. my problem is that amongst all those good qualities i also struggle with the intrusive thoughts, with the insecurities. and i guess after a while it gets tiring for people around me to have to reassure me all the time. no one wants that right.
i know she was honest, but it hurts when she says that. i never meant to abuse her. i dont consider myself abusive. i dont get off on hurting her, or anyone. i am tired of doing this to others and to myself
You "improving your life improves the life of everyone around you." When you live an unhealthy life, specifically in your case, a mentally unhealthy life. Then it is only natural that you would be a mental burden to people around you. For someone to accept you like that, won't be your partner. They would be a psychologist to you, and you would be their patient.
The best thing to do would be to be happy and healthy first. Once you do that, you won't be 'taking' from your partner, but rather, you would be providing for them. As you said, if you don't know 'how' to get better. Then that's what you'll have to do. Figure that out.
Venter i would think that my girlfriend would understand how i feel when she tells me she cant stand me. i thought she would know better not to do that. considering that her previous relationship her partner would always tell her she is too tiring and too depressed and too annoying. i thought she knew just how bad it feels to be condemned and abandoned over something you literally cannot control. someone's appearance and mental issues is not something they choose. no one wakes up in the morning and chooses to be insecure.
i agree that i should get help, but right now i am not in a position to go to therapy. things are not good financially and i just cant. it just hurts. especially since all this happened right before my birthday. yet another birthday i will have to spend on my own.
You That is an issue you see. You are thinking about yourself, not your partner. That is how relationships go wrong, they go wrong when you think about yourself, and not the other person. You wanted her to understand you, yet you don't understand her. If you do understand her, and trust her that she is a rational person who makes rational decisions... then why might you be hurt by her decision???
I'm afraid you are responsible for your mental health. You being sad being alone on your birthday, can be compeltely different, if you change how you perceive birthdays and what they mean. For me, 'birthday' is a day when I go to my mother, and tell her "thank you. Thank you for giving birth to me." After she passes away, it would be the day I would go to her grave and pray for her. My 'understanding of birthdays' allow me to be happy, even when no one is celebrating it. That is something in your control isn't it?
Your partner has disconnected.
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