Desmond asked me to marry him.
And he's still incarcerated.
It's been a year.
Still no sentence. No verdict.
I hate your hurt.
I hate those lies I told you.
I want to marry you and only you.
I want to look back from the end of our long life marriage
and say, "Look where we come from.
Look at what got us here."
I love you so much, baby.
So much.
Will you honestly, honestly marry me?
Baby, I want this with you forever.
Forever lifetime with you. Only you.
What would it look like to marry Desmond in prison?
Feeling that you're alone.
Knowing that you're alone.
That's the scary part.
During courthouse hearings, the sheriff
brings the inmates around back.
It's hours of them sitting in a hot bus with only breaks
to use the bathroom.
But I'm always there to see him, just to wave.
Well, it's a big day today.
Yeah.
I know you've been coming here a lot.
And I thought maybe — let's just take a quick minute
before we go in.
Just talk about what's going to happen today.
Today's a ruling day.
The last couple times we've been in
has been testimony on whether the evidence that the sheriff's
department found on your fiancee as well
as many of his co-defendants should be admissible.
Right.
So hopefully today is a good day.
And she determines that that evidence was
obtained unconstitutionally.
Whether we get a good or bad ruling,
this thing isn't going to end today.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, we're going to have to set another date.
O.K.
And probably a trial date, and probably
a pretrial date, which allows us to continue negotiations
with the assistant district attorney in their office.
O.K.
Hopefully get a good — an amicable resolution —
Yes.
— to the case.
And hopefully a fast resolution.
Because I know this has been going on for so long —
Yes.
— with your families.
So let's walk on up together.
And if you have any questions, again, just, you know,
let me know, O.K.?
O.K.
All right, let's go.
Good morning.
Good morning.
How do I see myself?
Attractive.
Beautiful.
Glamorous.
Having a happy glow off of me.
With a cathedral train.
Lots of lace.
Detail.
Pearls, diamonds everywhere.
I want to be able to say I feel happy.
I'm beautiful in this dress.
I'm sexy in this dress.
I want to be able to smile.
Well, I was coming here to tell you Saturday me and Desmond
getting married.
[mother] What?
[screaming] Girl, why you marrying a nigger in jail?
What is it about fucking Desmond that you got to marry
fucking Desmond in jail?
[grandmother] Kim, stop.
Please stop the hollering.
You can through it better than your —
[mother] Why, she just said she's marrying Desmond in jail.
[grandmother] What?
Tell me that again?
[mother] She just said she's marrying Desmond Saturday
in fucking jail.
[grandmother] That's true?
My heart is sad.
For what?
Because I love him.
[mother, screaming] Because you love him?
[grandmother] Kimberly.
[mother, shouting] That's all?
If he was a real man, he'll tell you, Alone,
I'mma see you when I get out of here.
Instead, you're trying to help him.
You can't even help your children and yourself,
trying to help fucking Desmond.
Desmond's got family.
Come on, Alone.
[grandmother] You got so much going for you.
Why?
You know, love is —
[mother] I don't have nothing against nobody incarcerated.
Shit happens to people. Life.
I've dealt with that enough.
I saw that enough.
[grandmother] That's a bad decision.
What point is it?
What is it going to do for y'all?
What is it going to do for you?
[on cellphone] When I was living the way I was living,
I didn't even know me. Myself.
I hated myself.
I grew up with hatred in me for a long time.
Long time.
My teachers treated me bad —
I was quiet.
I was smart.
A really good kid.
Hurt me like that.
Then I became a bad child.
My life so fucked then on out.
Every year.
Every year since I became a class clown.
Fighting.
Lying.
Doing what I wanted to do.
I don't want to be without you.
Yes, thank you for calling Cash Cow, where we say yes.
This is Aloné.
May I help you?
OK, we offer payday, which is due back on your next payday.
We offer title only if you have a clear free title
to your vehicle.
You can get a title loan on that.
If you're looking for a personal loan, we don't do that.
That would be a finance company.
You're welcome, no problem.
Without my mother's blessings it was like God's intervention.
Because on Saturday I was told the warden denied our request
for a ceremony.
And I thought… now I have time to think.
This system breaks you apart.
It is designed, just like slavery, to tear you apart.
And instead of using the whip, they use mother time.
They use hardships.
They may not hang you from the tree.
But the experience itself is just
like when they used to hang people, but barely
hang them and leave their feet just tiptoeing around
in the mud, so that they're constantly on their tiptoes
fighting for their life.
That is a daily experience when you are an incarcerated family.
You are hanging on by a rope, tiptoeing in the mud.
Just trying to get enough solid dirt
under your feet to still live.
I keep thinking to myself, what would it mean
to marry someone behind bars?
What would it look like?
Ten years of waving between bars, gates, courtrooms and lawyers?
I go to bed at night holding myself.
Not feeling that body heat.
Not getting that human contact.
I have dreams that they are letting him out.
And then I wake up, smiling but still sad.
Still alone.
Still in limbo.
And maybe that's how it's going to be for now.
Held by time.
Connected by love, and love alone.
Who we have become now, by the power of God, kept us strong
and hate-free, babe.
I love you, babe.
You are my forevermore. My wife.
Forever.
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