Right?
Right!
Is that ok?
Yeah, I think that's good.
Hi guys!
It's Seigo & Bren!
And today,
we want to talk about a question that we sometimes get asked when we meet someone new,
and sometimes in youtube comments as well.
So we want to talk about that a little bit today.
So the question that we want to focus on today,
is one that tends to come up more often then not,
and we thought we should talk about it today.
And the question is...?
"Who is the wife?"
It comes up a lot...
Yeah, for some reason it does!
It happens in the youtube comments,
and sometimes when we meet someone for the first time.
We tell someone that we are dating, or married,
someone will say
"Huh?? Which one is the wife??"
That's what people ask!
I mean, I understand that most people don't mean anything by it.
That's probably the case most of the time.
Because some people really just don't know.
And that's kind of understandable.
And if they understand after I tell them that that's not correct,
then that's good.
But the thing is
well, maybe some people do it on purpose...?
Have you had someone ask that who obviously had bad intentions?
Like which one is the wife.
I feel like the people who have asked us that in the past didn't really mean anything by it.
Well yeah, that might be true.
Maybe they didn't know anything at all about LGBT
so they were just curious.
So they say "Which one is the wife?"
Ok, but
I just feel like it doesn't need to be asked!
Because it can really come across as rude.
Yeah, honestly when people that
I am kind of taken aback .
We understand that people maybe just don't understand.
But just the word "wife"...
we are both guys,
we are two men who are married to each other.
So, why would one of us be a wife?
People also ask
"So which one of you is the woman?"
And I'm always like "But we are both guys!"
"Which one is the wife? "Which one is the woman?"
"Who plays the mans role and who plays the woman role?"
people ask these questions sometimes.
When we get asked one of those questions,
we just say "Oh it's not like that."
"It's not that there is a man and a woman,
I'm a man, he's a man,
and we are together. That's it."
It's not like one of us is a man and the other is a woman.
That's not something that we decided or anything.
And it's not like that's something that needs to be decided!
What does that even mean? "Decide"
That doesn't even make sense! Roles?!
Yeah, it's really not about gender roles.
So when people ask that it really surprises me!
"What, why would you think that??"
I guess when people think of marriage,
in their head it's a man and a woman?
It's not only about marriage though!
People asked us that when we were still just boyfriends.
Yeah, I guess it's just that way of thinking where it has to be a man and a woman.
Ok, but that's only true when it actually is a man and a woman!
But we are both men so...
I don't know, people must be stuck on the idea of man ➕ women
so they try to figure out which is which.
But wait,
it might not be that they don't know anything,
this question is pretty well known.
It's one that you hear about a lot.
"Which one is the woman?"
I've heard that lesbian couples get asked it too.
"Which one is the man in the relationship?"
"Who wears the pants?"
I wonder if that's not a thing in Japan too.
I wonder why that is.
If Bren cooks, and does household chores, laundry, etc.,
does that make him "The woman"?
I don't think it's only that.
I think they actually think that one of us is a woman inside.
Maybe...
I feel like that might be it.
Ok but,
when people say that, I
I don't get it.
But there are a few people who still think that way.
I think it's healthy to ask questions about things that you are curious about.
But the way people ask this question...
"So who's the woman then???"
that way of asking is bugs me!
It's kinda disappointing.
When you're talking to someone, you can tell if they are just asking or if they have bad intentions.
It's easy to see.
But the thing is,
sometimes,
it feels like we are being made fun of.
Yeah, they will ask like it's a joke or something.
And when that happens,
it's definitely irritating.
"Uh...what? No that's not how it works"
I kinda wish they would think a little bit more before asking.
I mean, you can tell by looking at us that we are both male!
Being gay doesn't make us not men.
We want people to be informed and we are willing to tell them if they don't know.
But it's the way that some people ask.
It's not really something to ask someone you've just met!
That happens a lot though.
Friends we have had for a long time don't really ask stuff like that.
Yeah true.
They don't.
I feel like most of the time it has been someone we just met.
Is it really something that people wonder about?
Like what will change if we were to say "He's the woman, or I'm the woman"?
These days the whole gender role thing is becoming less important even for straight couples.
Like the-woman-does-the-house-work kind of stuff.
Yeah, a woman being 24/7 homemaker is outdated. Plus men can do that too.
It's not quite there yet, but is becoming more equal.
So the woman-role is just someone who cooks and cleans?
Huh?
I'm sure some households still function that way,
but it's definitely not the norm anymore.
I wish gender roles weren't such thing anymore.
Because they are the reason we get asked these strange questions.
I really wonder
what the train of thought is when people ask this question.
Like are they just curious?
That's probably it.
Just curious?
Because they don't understand.
But yeah, the way the question is asked bugs me.
Plus depending on who you're asking,
it might hurt their feelings!
Depending on how you ask.
So please
well I mean,
Well, maybe it's just a question that really doesn't need to be asked!
I think you're right.
Probably best not to.
Well, I don't think that the people who watched this video are going to go out and ask people this question now.
Probably not!
I'm sure that there are probably people who will just answer the question,
everyone probably reacts differently.
But there are some people who might be offended.
There may be people who just think "Oh, I guess they really just don't understand."
and just explain that that's not how it works.
But there will be people who feel kind of nervous or uncomfortable with this question.
People will react i different ways.
Questions can be difficult.
It can be hard because some people really don't mean anything buy it.
It still isn't something you ask someone you just met!
A good way to think about it,
is if it's not something that you would ask a straight couple,
don't ask that question to any couple, whether they are a same sex couple, straight couple, or whatever,
We are all the same, so it's probably better if you don't ask those kinds of questions.
Because that's just common sense.
It would be good to know that we are "Normal", and then treat us normally.
You wouldn't ask a straight couple about their "position"
You wouldn't ask that.
So those kinds of questions,
if they are a same sex couple, or
A good way to think about it is
there might be people who don't really care if you ask that question,
but there might be some people who will feel uncomfortable when you ask them,
so it's probably best just not to ask.
Yeah, just in case.
Yeah, especially when it's someone you've just met!
That's the end of this video!
So again, today we talked about a question
that has kinda been on our minds.
Something that we sometimes et asked when we first meet someone.
It bothers us, so we thought w would share it with you!
Some of you might have had similar experiences,
if so, please leave a topic and tell us what you thought at the time,
or your opinion on the topic.
We are interested in hearing your thoughts!
Don't forget to like this video!
And...?
And, comment, and subscribe!
And please follow us on social media!
We are on Insta, Twitter,
Well, mostly just those 2.
Oh! The other day,
we were interviewed!
Someone interviewed us!
And the article is now online!
So please take a look if you're interested!
We will put the link down below.
Down in below the video.
We were asked questions about when we first started dating, up until getting married,
and about why we decided to leave Japan and come to America.
They asked us a lot of questions and made a beautiful article for us!
So please check it out!
It's a company that makes wedding rings.
But not just any rings, they make special rings specifically meant to include LGBT couples!
It's a very special company!
It's a company who is rethinking the purpose of rings, and what they mean to people.
How rings are not just for straight couples.
And they have a side project where they interview couples and write articles for their blog.
So yes, please take a look! (Sorry, Japanese only 😢)
See you in our next video!
Bye bye!
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