So in my early entrepreneurial days I had started this newsletter or newspaper
around personal development essentially I wanted something positive for people
up there that they could read that isn't doom and gloom and all the sort of
negative news and hysteria and all that sort of stuff and so in this process I
learned a lot about myself and about people and I remember distinctly this
one story where I was meeting with I want to say a gentleman but he was more
like a piece of garbage so I was meeting with this piece of garbage and the
meeting was set up on the pretext of them buying advertising in the paper I
didn't know a lot about what they were doing kind of what their interest was
but I had met someone who worked for him at this networking event and she had
said you know your paper sounds great it's perfect for us why don't you come
and meet with me and the owner and we'll just essentially finalize the details
that's at least how it felt like to me that is not exactly how it happened so a
couple things happened here I was going to this meeting and in true young ENFP
fashion I was late so I actually I got their own time but I was running there I
had a winter coat on so by the time I got there I was sweating I was stressed
I was anxious not a good start and one of the things I'm going to talk about
later in this video is the importance of planning when it comes to talking about
money negotiations charging clients all that
sort of stuff so I get to this meeting and I'm already sort of stressed just
from being late there and we get into the conversation and very quickly he
takes charge it turns out one of the things he taught was a negotiation and
not in like a nice both people win way that I might but in a how to steal
people's homes when they're going broke you know how to take advantage of people
sort of negotiation I didn't know that at the time I learnt it quite quickly so
we're going through our meeting and basically he asks a lot of questions
that bring me down highlight that insecurity I had right putting me in a
state where I was feeling more and more nervous about my business more and more
insecure and and he switched it around where
basically he proposed that he would get free not Artic not sorry
advertisements but he would get free articles in the paper so he would write
articles that would be essentially self promotional and put those in the paper
and then maybe maybe if they got a lot of results he might look to spend some
money and advertise and in this state I was so uncomfortable with being
uncomfortable with confrontation with negotiation and I was feeling such so
low in that state that I actually went along with it and I left that meeting
and I felt really bad like right as I was walking home from this meeting I was
feeling pretty terrible and I was thinking about it
and I realized you know what it basically happened that I had totally
given away part of my business essentially that I'd been taken
advantage of and it was my own fault because of how I took myself into that
meeting and that may be a feeling that you're familiar with it may be something
that you're trying to avoid but I want to go through some of my lessons from
that meeting but more generally talk about money like how do you talk about
money with your clients how do you deal with difficult conversations and that
feeling that maybe you're not worth what you are worth where you're uncomfortable
with charging the right amount or getting money for your services and just
go into all that so it's gonna be a bit of a longer video but I'm gonna try to
make it as comprehensive as possible and so it will cover everything you need to
know to address this area of your life and business and of course if this is a
problem for you in your business then I think it's probably worth spending 20-30
minutes here to get it dealt with because that will have a huge positive
impact for you so when it comes to issues talking about
money there's different opinions on why we have it you know you go to a
therapist and they probably say well as a child you might have seen your mother
giving the mailman some money and those caused some issues for you right you
might hear some personal development speakers talk about it's because you
don't value yourself enough and you should just charge $20,000 for
everything you do no matter what because you're the best
I don't think either of those approaches are that helpful the therapy approach of
looking at her childhood sure that's probably related to it but not that
helpful really to reflect on it at this point and the personal development
approach of just charge a buttload of money in my own experience it doesn't
work that well because on an unconscious level you don't really believe it yet or
what happens is you end up charging way more than you should and you're not
actually providing enough value so in the economy of things that doesn't work
out well for your business right because ultimately what you should aim for when
you're charging is the right amount of value for what you're giving your client
so if you're good at what you do you're delivering good results you should be
charging a lot not an insane amount but you should be charging roughly the fair
amount maybe the fair amount plus 20% extra you know for your hard work and so
that's the goal of where we want to get my theory is one of the main problems
that holds back a lot of people especially my wonderful YouTube fans
here is around discomfort with confrontation is around avoiding
difficult conversations that ultimately comes down to what motivates us and
you're a really empathetic person you can feel that vibe in a conversation of
a difficult question or difficult topics and if you're like on the myers-briggs
personality type if you're in an f-type you probably have a very high sense of
empathy and you can read a room very well right so you know that it's a bit
uncomfortable to maybe address money or do this and if you're pushing someone in
a certain way so asking for money for instance your sense of empathy might
actually mess with you there where it makes it uncomfortable and that makes
you uncomfortable so you just avoid the whole conversation which is cool until
you're homeless and having to go back to some crummy job or something like that
it's better to deal with that issue and get comfortable getting paid the funny
thing is is most people in business do not have this discomfort so if it's
something where you're uncomfortable with it actually creates
more problems it leads to not discussing a money issue when you should which will
lead to you maybe resent in your client or delivering subpar work because you
feel like you're being underpaid and then you're delivering worse work so why
would anyone ever pay you more be you know you can see where this goes right
there's a few practical steps you can take
ultimately dealing with uncomfort and just getting used to talking about money
I think is the solution here because it becomes like a muscle you build it you
get used to it it becomes easier and easier first thing that you can do with
this you know in the movies I've recently been watching this show Burn
Notice it's like my weird it's a ten year old or five year old show that I
just picked up and I watch when I want to watch something and they explain a
lot about the spy world for you and one of the things they explain is if you're
dealing with a transfer so for instance you're negotiating a kidnapping with
someone or you're bringing them the package and they're bringing you the
money you want to have ideally control of the location the meet point and you
also want to scout it out first get there ahead of time know all the entry
entrances the exits are there gonna be people around figure all that out you
want to control where things go down well the same thing is going to apply
with negotiating with clients right so if you are really uncomfortable talking
on the phone about money you know talking face-to-face that's something we
want to deal with them we're gonna get to those in the later bits of advice
here but initially then to help you control where you do that negotiation
when you're on a consultation call and you should always get on the phone with
people don't do business by just email but on that call say hey I don't I don't
go into the details of pricing on this call I take my notes I step away and I
figure out the right amount for the project and then I'll send you a
proposal by email that way you can step away and you don't have to fight that
discomfort head-on if you are someone who has a lot of trouble with dealing
with you know talk about money that kind of thing
then at least it's what I've even found with myself
in the past is I would actually lower my price like I would go into a sales
meeting and think okay I will charge $3,000 for this and then I would feel my
nerves co during the call and I might say it's $2,000 and just like what did i
do why did I just randomly drop it it was because I wasn't comfortable with
that discomfort and with that conversation so find the location
basically take control of where the meeting will happen and where you will
plan or start where you will bring up price and that will give you a lot more
power to be comfortable with it same thing goes in general to taking charge
of the sales process so if you just get on a call with a potential client and
say hey like what's up what are we doing they're gonna say how much you charge
how much does it cost blah blah blah and you're gonna get into
that awkward conversation if you take charge so you get on the call and you
say alright great so we have about 45 minutes here what I like to do in these
first meetings is get to know you really well as a client so can I ask you a few
questions about your business and get to know you better
and they'll say sure then you lead the way you run that interaction and you
don't have to worry about it being taken into areas where you're not yet
comfortable second thing here is to step away so this is most relevant in person
if you're dealing with this but it can also apply on a Skype call or a phone
call I've had meetings like this I told the story earlier right about this
really uncomfortable meeting what I should have done is said hey I just got
to run to the washroom and go to the washroom and get my head on straight
right you go you do a little pump up speech for yourself maybe you just shake
it out a little when we get in the state of like nervousness and anxiety it
changes how we can think it changes our bodies and stepping away just for a
minute if you're on a Skype call with the client say hey I just need to go
grab a glass of water or you know use the bathroom whatever you want to say it
that's your decision do that step aside to the other room
move your body a lot shake it out refocus on your plan
come back so being okay to step away and having that plant say to yourself before
the meeting okay if I start feeling really anxious now I'm going to say I
need to go get some water and step away and then come back refreshed and
refocused and have that plan before you go into the call because once you're
feeling all nervous and awkward about it you're not going to have sort of the
capacity in terms of your thoughts to actually think to step away third thing
is being comfortable with confrontation being comfortable with asking for what
you want it's a muscle like so many things in how we behave right it's a
pattern we get used to so if every time in your life when you've had a
confrontation maybe it's from having an overbearing parent maybe it's from you
know being bullied in school where if you stood up like you've got used to not
standing up for yourself that's got wired into your brain and there's a
cliche in the self-help world but it's actually one of those true cliches which
is how you do anything is how you do everything and so if you have this
pattern in your life of avoiding confrontation that pattern is going to
keep showing up and so changing that one way to do it is through fun and awkward
activities that you can do to basically get more comfortable being uncomfortable
the 4-hour workweek Tim Ferriss book addresses this I think he has four or
five comfort challenges and it's funny because it's a business book primarily
it's kind of a business and change your life type book yet it works in these
different activities and I think that's because he knows that if you're not
comfortable having difficult conversations and having these kind of
tough things like with your boss or with clients or whatever it is then none of
the advice matters right he can tell you or I can tell you okay this is how you
negotiate this is how you price your services this is what you should be
offering your clients but if you're not okay doing that because you're scared
say no or you're scared you'll offend them or you don't even know what you're
scared of you just feel really nervous and uncomfortable about it then none of
the other stuff matters right so a few activities you can do for this one that
I like is to go into well it could be a Starbucks or something
Starbucks is the best because they have ridiculous customer service so they can
never say no to you basically practice so there's two things you can do with it
one is complain about your beverage or your food now I wouldn't recommend doing
this just for no reason so make it a point that if you're actually not happy
you will always complain make that a rule for yourself to basically stand up
for yourself the other thing that I like the thought of to do is go to a
restaurant somewhere and make it like you're tipping so let's say the bill is
four dollars and seventy cents give them five dollars and say thank you and most
countries most cultures they will accept that as a tip they will take that 30
cents then go back to them and ask for your 30 cents back awkward right it's
gonna be uncomfortable right exactly if you can do that you'll be able to
talk about money with your clients there's more activities on this if
there's interest share your ideas for this below there's a bunch of others one
from the 4-hour workweek is to go into like a coffee shop and just lie on the
floor for one minute make it clear you're not dead like have
your eyes open so just lie there and if people ask what are you doing just
feeling nothing just lying here other things to do would be like to maintain
eye contact so you know when you're walking down the street and you see a
stranger you never be the first person to break the eye contact and you don't
have to take these for your whole life try it for 24 or 48 hours if I think of
some more I'll share them below in the comments as well but the point of these
is just to get used to having that uncomfortable conversation right in ways
that are in situations that do matter you know the tipping thing I said
you can always go back and give them the tip after if you want right you don't
have to take it and then you might be saying yourself well I'm so worried
about my reputation well then go back and tip them again after get your 30
cents go back to minutes later and give them a dollar and say sorry I just
needed that change for parking whatever it's getting comfortable with the
conversation the more you can do it in other parts of your life the more it
will be easy for you in the business side of things in dealing with clients
negotiations all that now you might have noticed at a few points me wearing this
wristband here rubber band and wondered about it and let me take you back
because this actually relates the story I told earlier about this meeting so
after that meeting with the client we got I went home and I was talking to my
roommate or flatmate at the time person I shared an apartment with and he you
know we're talking about it and how I was basically feeling like I got pushed
around and stuff and he said to me out of the blue you know what would Bruce
Willis do that is a good question and at the time there was this I don't
know if it was a phase or fad or whatever it was of people having what
would Jesus do bracelets and as much as Jesus could be a great role model for
many people there are times when you might find yourself trapped in an
airport trapped in a high-rise building with an unidentified number of vaguely
Eastern European terrors or perhaps in a business meeting with someone who's a
bit of an ass and trying to push you around and in those moments you don't
really want to be walking on water you got to be walking on glass it's not
about turning water into wine it's about turning some homemade chemicals into
explosives you can use to defeat the terrors and in that case this is where
what would Bruce Willis do come in and this I've had for about a decade now and
it is served as a reminder to stand up for myself in those kind of situations
and so I will do another video about role models and this concept from NLP
called modeling and how you can use that with your business as well
but quickly here that's where this came from is remembering you know what would
someone who stands up for themselves it doesn't take any garbage from anyone
what would they do and you know what would Bruce Willis do so the next time
you find yourself in a meeting this is the last tip of the video the next time
you find yourself in a meeting maybe being pushed around or maybe
you're not even being pushed around but you're feeling insecure you're not
standing up for yourself ask yourself what would Bruce Willis do thanks for
watching be sure to subscribe to the channel to catch more videos as I said
I'm now publishing less frequency less frequently about twice a week but longer
more comprehensive videos that I think can be a really great addition to your
educational library and contribute to your success thanks for watching this
Bart catch you in the next one
you
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