>> THANKS TO THE TAX BILL PASSING DONALD TRUMP IS
INCREDIBLY PROUD WITH HIMSELF EVEN FOR DONALD TRUMP.
BUT NOT AS PROUD AS MIKE PENCE.
I WANT YOU TO PREPARE YOURSELF THIS IS SOME EPIC ASS KISSING.
>> IN THE FUTURE WE ASK IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, AND
THE HOLY SPIRIT.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MIKE, WANT TO SAY A FEW WORDS?
>> I APPRECIATE MR.
PRES.
AS I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT AND SHORTLY
AFTER THE SENATE VOTE.
I KNOW I SPEAK ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE
CABINET OF MILLIONS OF AMERICANS WHEN I SAY CONGRATULATIONS AND
THANK YOU FOR SEEING THROUGH THE COURSE OF THIS YEAR AND AGENDA
THAT TRULY IS RESTORING THIS COUNTRY.
YOU DESCRIBED IT VERY
WELL MR.
PRES.
WE ARE REBUILDING OUR MILITARY, PUTTING THE SAFETY
AND SECURITY OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE FIRST, YOU HAVE RESTORED
AMERICAN CREDIBILITY ON THE WORLD STAGE, WE ARE STANDING
WITH HER ALLIES TO OUR ENEMIES.
BUT YOU PROMISED ECONOMIC
RENEWAL AT HOME.
YOU SAID WE COULD MAKE THIS ECONOMY GREAT
AGAIN AND YOU PROMISE TO
ROLLBACK ñ YOU SIGNED MORE BILLS OF ROLLING BACK RED TAPE THAN
ANY PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY.
YOU HAVE UNLEASED
AMERICAN ENERGY, YOU'VE SPURRED OPTIMISM IN THIS COUNTRY THAT IS
SETTING RECORDS BUT YOU PROMISED THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT YOU
WOULD DELIVER HISTORIC TAX CUTS.
IT WOULD BE A MIDDLE-CLASS
MIRACLE.
THAT PROMISE WILL BE FULFILLED AND I AM DEEPLY
HUMBLED AS YOUR VICE PRESIDENT TO BE ABLE TO BE HERE BECAUSE OF
YOUR LEADERSHIP, MR.
PRES., AND BECAUSE OF THE STRONG SUPPORT OF
LEADERSHIP IN THE CONGRESS OF THE UNITED STATES YOU ARE
DELIVERING ON THAT MIDDLE-CLASS
MIRACLE.
YOU LET THE CONGRESS TO DO WHAT THEY COULDN'T DO FOR 40
YEARS.
YOU GOT THE CONGRESS TO
DO WITH TAX CUTS FOR WORKING FAMILIES AND AMERICAN BUSINESSES
WHAT THEY HAD BEEN ABLE TO DO FOR 30 YEARS.
AND YOU GOT
CONGRESS TO DO WHAT THEY COULD DO FOR SEVEN YEARS AND REPEALING
THE INDIVIDUAL MANDATE IN OBAMA
CARE.
I WANT TO THANK THE LEADERS IN CONGRESS ONCE AGAIN
FOR THEIR PARTNERSHIP IN THIS.
I WANT TO THANK YOUR OUTSTANDING
TEAM, YOUR SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY, STEPHEN MNUCHIN,
GARY COHEN, IVANKA TRUMP ñ BUT MOSTLY
I WANT TO THANK YOU MR.
PRES.
FOR SPEAKING ON BEHALF OF THE FORGOTTEN MEN AND WOMEN OF
AMERICA.
BECAUSE OF YOUR DETERMINATION, BECAUSE OF YOUR
LEADERSHIP THE FORGOTTEN MEN AND WOMEN OF AMERICA ARE FORGOT NO
MORE AND WE ARE MAKING AMERICA
GREAT AGAIN.
>>I APPRECIATE THAT.
>> I FOUND OUT THAT THERE IS A NEW WORD CALLED SCROMITING,
SCREAMING WHILE VOMITING.
NOW I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
>> PENCE IS THE GENUS BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THING HE WANTS,
FOR YOU TO VERBALLY STROKE HIS EGO FOR 10 MINUTES.
>> THAT WAS ONE OF THE GROSS ACTS OF A POLITICIAN IN THE LONG
TIME.
IF THE PRESIDENT WAS EVER TO STEP DOWN FOR SOME REASON OR
WAS FORCED OUT OF OFFENSE MY PANTS CAN TURN AROUND AND SAY
TRUMP BASE OR MEMBER HOW MUCH I
WAS UP YOUR PRESIDENTS ASS, I
AM ON YOUR SIDE.
AND SO MIKE
PENCE IS A TOTALLY TWO-FACED
POLITICIAN, ALWAYS HAS BEEN.
I LIKE HOW HE SAID I WILL END
WHERE I BEGAN, ON MY KNEES PRETTY MUCH.
LESS TWO THINGS, HE
SAID YOU GOT THEM TO DO IT AS IF REPUBLICANS DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE
TAX CUTS TO THE RICH.
THEY WERE DYING TO DO THAT.
>>OR
SOME OTHER REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT WOULD'VE VETOED THE TAX BILL.
WHAT DID HE DO TO GET THIS DONE?
>>NOTHING.
THEY WANTED TO DRILL IN AN WAR AND GIVE TAX CUTS TO
THE RICH AND REPEAL THE MANDATE ñ CONGRATULATIONS MR.
PRES.
YOU GOT THEM TO DO EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANTED.
>>THANKS TO YOU THE SUN ROSE AND FELL, THE MOON CONTINUED ITS
PATH THROUGH THE NIGHT SKY
BECAUSE OF YOU DEAR LEADER.
BUT PENCE PROVED THAT ALL OF THIS
WAS AN EFFORT TO KISS ASS WHEN HE MENTIONED ONE NAME ñ IVANKA
TRUMP.
SHE HAD NOTHING ON TOP OF NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TAX CUTS.
NO ONE EVEN CLAIMED, NOT TRUMP OR IVANKA THAT SHE HAD ANYTHING
TO DO WITH THE TAX BILL.
WHEN HE GOT TO IVANKA TRUMP BECAUSE HE
KNOWS DONALD TRUMP, THAT'S THE ONLY PERSON HE HAS ANY CHANCE OF
LOVING OUTSIDE OF HIMSELF, HIS
DAUGHTER.
HIS NARCISSISM IS SO STRONG BUT IT BARELY HAS AN
INTERSECTING CIRCLE WITH IVANKA
TRUMP.
AND HE WAS LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER WAS GREAT, IVANKA
TRUMP.
AND TRUMP WAS LIKE YES.
>>IT WAS SUSPICIOUS, WHEN HE THREW AND THAT TIFFANY WAS
WORTHLESS THAT WAS EGREGIOUS.
>>I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MIKE PENCE FOR WHAT WILL NOW SEEM IN
THE DICTIONARY OF WHAT IT MEANS TO SCROMIT.
WE ARE WAY OUT OF
TIME AND BY THE WAY ANYBODY, IF YOU GET ANY WORD OF MIKE PENCE
EXITING DONALD TRUMP ANUS, LET
US KNOW, TWEET US.
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