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"Changing My Gender Marker Saved My LIfe" - Duration: 1:10:53.
- Hey guys it's Kat and I wanted to do another video
like the last video I did where I was just kind of
very personally and rawly speaking about
my perspectives and experiences.
Now for I jump into this I actually wanted to ask you guys
a question, a pretty vital question 'cause I've been
thinking about this.
There was a really good response to the last video
that I did where I was just talking
and you guys know if you follow me
that I like to put a lot of time
and energy and effort into editing my stuff
and researching it and making it super, super concise
and very, very whatever, but I think sometimes
when I talk about my personal stuff,
when I'm not really sitting at a space
as a direct educator giving you the one, twos and threes
sometimes it might just be better for me
to make a video like this where you guys
are hearing me speak off the top of my head
as opposed to reading from a script.
So let me know if you guys like these videos
or that type of content because I like it.
It's also just very pricey for me to produce
because I have to pay for captions and things
and you guys know I can't really make videos
like this that are short.
So I would really appreciate it if you guys
gave me some feedback there.
Also, if you do like these videos, feel free
to support me on my Patreon.
That would be very, very helpful.
The money from my Patreon goes towards captioning
videos like this and videos on other channels
that I have.
So I'd really appreciate that.
So anyway, I wanted to sort of talk to you guys about
my reactions and current feelings when it comes to
Trump's conversations about, well the Trump Administration
trying to genetically verify trans people's genders
based on their sex, and I also want to tell you guys
the importance of changing your name
and your gender marker and what that's personally meant
for my life.
Just because I feel like often, so maybe this is me
being an optimist.
I don't know if this is me being an optimist or not,
but I sort of have this thing where
most people watching this,
you probably don't know a transgender person.
You probably don't have a transgendered person
who is in your life giving you the information
about what it's like to be a trans person
and so my perspective is honestly that a lot of people
because they don't know or don't have a way of knowing
don't understand why things like this are important.
So I sort of believe that having these conversations
and sharing my experiences and things like that
is ultimately going to be very helpful
in bringing people towards a place of understanding
for transgender people.
Now I will also say that and say that I've been
doing this right here what we've been doing right now
for 10 years.
I have been doing this for 10 years.
I have been having conversations about trans life
and trying to bring some sort of,
I guess, humanity toward transgender people
and I've seen a shift.
I'm probably gonna talk a little bit about that shift
in this video.
But I think that-
All right, I'm just gonna start with saying what
I wanted to start out saying because that's leading in
to what I want to just say, so let's just say it, right?
I wanna sort of set some sort of foundations,
right here and right now because I think there are
some people who they have this misunderstanding
about the way that a lot of transgender view the world
and I'll walk that back slightly and say
a lot of what I'm saying is what I feel
and what I experience.
In thinking about making this video I really debated a lot
about whether or not I wanted to sort of shoehorn
somebody else's perspective in this and I know some
of the things I say are probably gonna feel
very invalidating towards people who are not like me
in terms of their transness,
but ultimately I sort of recognize that my perspective,
my narrative is valid and it is impossible for me
to imagine what someone else's life is like
as a trans person, so I don't want to do that.
I do believe having more openness and more understanding
about genders that are outside of the binary,
things like that, is very, very important,
however, I got my one very, very binary experience
that I felt like I needed to share.
What I was going to get to though is,
first and foremost, like I said I've been doing this
for over 10 years, you can sit in front of me
and you can yell at me all day long and say that I'm a man
and say that I'll never be a woman
and say that you're a tranny, you're a this,
you're a faggot, you're a da da da.
You can say all of these things about me,
but I'm never going to leave this conversation
not believing and feeling and knowing
that I am a woman.
It's not going to happen, so if you're here to leave
some sort of coming to Jesus, I just thought you should know
in case you didn't know that I think you're a man
and da da da da da, I honestly like, save it,
because it's not going to bother me.
Like I said I've been doing this for a very, very long time.
It's out of the habit at this point.
You're not going to be able to say anything to me
that's gonna make me walk away from my gender.
So I wouldn't say that, right.
That all being said, that being said,
let's establish this as well.
I'm very aware of the fact that there are people
who will never accept me for who I am.
I'm very, very aware of the fact that there are some people
who regardless of all the different things that happen,
regardless of what I look like, regardless of how I am,
regardless of the way that I've lived my life,
there will always be people who believe confidently
that I am not a woman.
And I'm aware of that.
With that being said, I'm also not necessarily
functioning under the perspective that you have
to feel that way.
I'm a realistic person and this is where I think
I'm a little different from some trans people
in that I know that this world is not built for us.
I know that this society is not built for us.
I know that there will always be people who at every turn
want nothing more than for me to feel invalidated.
I know that.
So because of that, I'm not really gonna particularly
spend a lot of time trying to debate with you
about this or that or go over this or that or da da da.
That's just not really where I'm from.
I know certain things to be true about my life.
I transitioned when I was 16.
I'm now 28 years old.
I've lived my life.
I know what my life is.
I know who I am.
Because of that, you're never going to be able
to convince me otherwise.
You can try, you can make an attempt,
but it's not going to work out in your favor.
It's just not.
I'm never going to leave a conversation
being like yeah I guess you're right.
I never thought about me being a man truly.
I guess, you know, whatever.
So yeah, I wanted to sort of set those foundations.
So let's get into the story of me
because a lot of you guys have only ever known me
in this phase of my life.
You've only ever known me as Kat Black, post transition
gender marker change, name change, living the life,
being comfortable, not really dealing
with a lot of dysphoria.
You've only ever known me like this.
Now like I said I've been on here for 10 years.
So there are people who do remember the rough times.
You remember when I was going through
my name change process.
You remember when I made the video shaking my paperwork
in the camera and just being so elated
that my name is now legally Kathryn.
You remember when I got my gender record changed.
You remember when all of these milestones happened
because you were there from day one.
So a lot of you guys who have been there for me
will know that I'm a very different person now
and you will see how much my life has changed
and how much ease I have in my life now
that I didn't before.
Because let me tell you my YouTube channel used to be
mostly me crying.
My YouTube channel used to be mostly me being really upset
and hurt that the world was the way that it was.
So when I eventually changed my gender marker,
when I eventually changed my name,
the difference in my life was incredibly stark.
And I wanna talk about that because, for me,
that is why these laws and the steps forward we've made
for transgender people are incredibly important.
So tell you about my life.
Like I said, I figured out I was transgender
when I was young.
I've always known to some degree, but I didn't really
have the words for it.
I didn't really have an understanding of what it was
and yes, seeing other trans people later
helped me figure out who I was.
Of course, when I started seeing transgender people
in the media, they were on Jerry Springer,
they were the people who tricked somebody into this or that.
They were these people who I looked at as mentally ill,
untrustworthy and out there to deceive and hurt people.
That's who transgender people were for me
for a very long time.
That was the image that was presented to me,
that was all I knew, that was the only thing
I could relate to, and because of that
that is what I thought being a transgender person was,
was this life of deception, turmoil and anger.
So when I was younger and I started to sort of have
this understanding of myself, it was hard for me
to get to that conclusion, because ultimately,
I didn't wanna be like that.
It took me a while to sort of understand
that transgender people have been framed in the media
in that way in order to de-legitimize transgender people.
Really what it took for me was, is actually,
I watched this film.
There was a time where Logo used to be very much
used to be very much like the IFC channel,
and I remember watching Solider Story.
Solider Story is the story, not Solider Story,
Soldier's Girl, sorry.
Soldier's Girl is a movie about Calpernia Adams
who was a trans woman and showgirl who fell in love
with a solider who ended up being killed
once his, I guess the people who served with him
I don't know the word, other soldiers,
discovered that he was dating a transgender woman.
Even though is a really sad story,
it led me to Calpernia Adams, which led me to seeing
a transgender woman who was functioning in this world.
Then that led me to Andrea James and a bunch
of other trans people and I started to sort to see
that there were trans women who existed in this world
and did so without being like those Jerry Springer people
that I saw.
So that help me sort of put the pieces together
of who I was.
Really the story sort of goes that I didn't quite-
So when I was 16, I definitely was more
in the androgynous gender, queer mindset.
I'd read a couple of queer theory books.
I was like this is who I am.
My early blogs from when I was 14.
I found a blog that I wrote
when I was 14 years old about gender
'cause I've always been a writer and there's a lot of it.
Unfortunately, I can still find a lot
of my teenage writings.
I will not help you find those writings, but they do exist.
So anyway, I'd been writing about this stuff for a while
and a lot of my early writings were about me not quite
identifying here or there.
Sort of through seeing other people and also,
being more honest with myself because
when I went away to college I recognized that this part
of me that was trying to be gender queer was really
just this me holding onto this image of myself
that people had already fallen in love with and had seen
as likable and this, this and that,
but also wanting to reconcile this other person I was.
Because at a certain point in my life I was living
in many ways a double life.
When I was in high school I found this artist
who worked in Los Angeles.
So my story as a teenager was I became super aware
of the fact that my father would never accept me.
My dad, I remember, one of my most vivid memories
of my father is him watching a story on the news about AIDS
and him saying something along the lines
of that's God's retribution for homosexuality.
So it became super clear to me early on.
I was raised very, very Christian.
I was raise in Christian private school.
I was involved in the Church.
I recorded a Christian singing album when I was
in the fourth grade.
I was very religious.
I just knew that my father because of his religion
and also because my father just is the sort
of person who just doesn't like change, I knew that my dad
would never really fully accept me.
So what ended up happening is I would go
and run away to Hollywood as much as I could
trying to find work because in my mind working in Hollywood,
it was more progressive, it was more accepting,
there were more people who were understanding
of different types of people and I found out
that wasn't the case, but that's still what I did.
So what I would do is, if you look at the username
of this channel, you'll see that it's transdiyer.
Because this YouTube channel started out
as a transgendered themed sewing channel
because I used to hand sew all of my own clothes.
I was so terrified of going to the women's section
of any store that I learned how to hand sew my clothes.
That's sort of where I was at.
So I used to take these little t-shirt dresses
that I would make and I would put that on,
put some opaque tights on under the dress
and put a baggy pair of jeans over my leggings
and then tuck the dress into the pants
and then this really, really baggy sweatshirt
and I would leave the house so that my father didn't see me
and I would go outside and I would walk across the street
from my neighborhood where there was a bus stop
that took me directly to Hollywood.
Now that bus stop does not-
I mean that, what's the word I'm looking for,
that route no longer exists, but there used to be
a bus that would take me right to Hollywood
and it was the coolest thing growing up.
So what I would do is I would go to that bus stop.
I would take off my jeans
and I would take off my baggy shirt
and stuff like that, and I would stuff it
underneath the bus stop.
Then I would get on a bus and I would go
to Hollywood Boulevard and I would walk to every store
that I could and I would fill out applications
because my whole thing was I wanted to get a job
so that I could move out and so that I could start
supporting myself so I wouldn't have to rely on my family.
Doing that I had a lot of really
sort of upsetting experiences.
Now my story personally is, when I was a teenager
I started to develop breasts.
I don't know what that is, I've never known
what that is.
I've never really cared to figure out what that is.
But when I was a teenager,
I had very noticeable obvious breasts.
These were not man boobs, these were not in the shape
of what a man who was overweight would have,
these were breasts.
These were breasts.
It was uncomfortable for me because when I would be
in the boy's changing room I would have these guys
stare at me.
They would just stare at me.
Then sometimes staring at me very, very hard
would lead to them coming up and groping me,
just grabbing my breasts.
So what ended up happening is I just became
very accustomed to leaving the classroom,
whatever class I had before PE,
I would leave the classroom early, run into the boy's room
so that I could change my clothes really,
really fast without anyone knowing.
I sort of developed this really fast way
of changing my clothes into my PE clothes,
so that I did not ever have to deal with
being in the locker room and having that happen to me.
It made me incredibly uncomfortable.
So sort of my story has been that because of that
and just the way that I always sort of looked
people often assumed that I was a cis woman,
without me doing much.
It was very, very common for people to just assume
that I was a cis girl.
When I was in the more gender queer phase in my life
that used to aggravate me,
it used to really, really annoy me.
Looking back, a lot of my denial
over being properly gendered
but back then I really didn't like that.
But at this particular phase in my life
when I was going down to Hollywood trying to get jobs
and things like that it created another issue
because I looked like this, but name wasn't changed
and neither was my gender marker.
I've always been the sort of person,
I don't know what's wrong with me or why I sort of
feel this way sometimes, but I always feel like
if I put the wrong information done on paperwork
or something, it's gonna lead to a really intense,
I don't know, legal recourse, that's true in some cases,
but in this case it really wasn't.
So I would always put down my legal name,
always put down my legal gender marker
and I would have so many experiences
where I would hand over my application
and they would look at my application
and they would look back up at me,
with a very suspicious look on their face.
They would look down at my application
and they would look back at me with a fake, fake,
fake, fake smile and then say thank you, we'll let you know.
Then as I would be leaving the place that I was applying to
I would hear laughter.
I've always been a very determined person.
So this didn't necessarily stop me from continuing
to pursue work, but it became really rough
because it wasn't like there was anything wrong with me.
I've always been a very hardworking and capable person.
I've had an incredible amount of responsibilities
when I was younger.
Like I said, I used to be very, very involved in the church.
I worked in the children's ministry for years
when I was in high school.
At that time especially I worked very, very hard
in children's ministry, so it's not like I didn't have
the ability to flip burgers or to sell jeans
and things that other teenagers did at the time.
But because I was transgender it was like my application
never got looked at.
Even though I sent so many different applications to people
never once did I ever get a call back.
Never once did I ever have somebody call me in
for an interview.
I never was able to get a job
until I found this artist would was living in Los Angeles.
I'm not gonna get too deep into this story
because this specific situation was one where
because of the rejection from my father and furthermore
the rejection from the employment around me,
this guy sort of created a really, really nice situation
for me where I felt really accepted, I started going
by a different name.
I started going by Kitty.
So I started to really develop
this really in-depth social life
that was totally different from my friends.
I was Kitty, which is funny to think about now
because that's how I got Kathryn was 'cause Kitty
Kitty became Kit and Kit was a nickname for Kathryn
and Kathryn just made more sense.
But anyway, I would go by Kitty and I had all these friends.
People who had only ever known me as Kitty.
It was kind of within those situations that I recognized
more and more that I was a binary trans person
because this was a time where I was really able
to redefine myself in a situation where people
who did not know me and so I was able to be who I was
as opposed to worrying about who people
already knew me to be if that makes any sense.
However, that guy sorted of created a situation for me,
he did end up grooming me over several months
and he did end up raping me.
So that's a whole another story, but that has been
my initial trajectory for working at that point in my life.
When I was, I forget how old I was,
my first legitimate job,
my first legitimate job
where was I actually on payroll or whatever
and actually getting checks and file taxes
and things like that, this guy that I was dating,
this much, much older man, I dated a lot of-
When I was younger and I didn't have a lot of people
or things to support me, I did spend a lot of time
with older men who were able to help me out
because I didn't have any one.
My father had really rejected.
Even though my parents, they loved me, I know they do,
whatever, whatever, their inability to see me,
their inability to support me made it very, very hard for me
to interact with them, but anyway.
The first legitimate job I got was before my gender marker
was changed and I didn't get it
because I sent in an application, I got it because
a guy that I was dating, a much, much older guy
was working as a telemarketer at this place
and he helped me get the job and sort of
explained the situation and even though my legal name
was this, I would only be called this,
I think by this time I was calling myself Kit,
and so they would refer to me as Kit publicly,
but then my check would always say my legal name
because, of course, I had to go deposit the check.
That's the only situation I've ever had that worked out
like that and honestly if I wasn't sleeping
with the guy who helped me get the job it probably
wouldn't have happened, right.
So I made a little bit of money from that, but that was it
and that's after years and years and years
of trying to get some sort of job, some sort
of legitimate source of work.
It became really clear to me that my gender marker
and my name were going to be these big hurdles,
these big things that I had to overcome just so I could
get a job, just so I could financially support myself
just so I can survive.
Coupled with that, and this is something I want
people to understand, coupled with that,
was this understanding, or at least this notion frankly,
that my life would be so much easier
and so much less complicated if the people around me
did not know that I was transgender.
Why is that?
A lot of people, so some I believe the paranoia
around Trump wanting to DNA test everybody
to verify their gender comes from the fact
that there are trans women like myself who exist
in this world, who have their legal markers changed,
their names changed and they look cis gender,
and how that makes people feel paranoid or uncomfortable
whatever, whatever.
I currently know someone who's, for example, is a teacher
at an elementary school.
She is a passing trans woman
and nobody knows she's transgender.
She works, she's a very passionate teacher
and she doesn't tell anyone.
Why?
Because if they knew, if they knew,
the parents would complain and it would be a whole thing
and she wouldn't have a job.
What I need for a lot of people to understand is that
if a trans person can get away with in quotations
the ability to go through the world without people knowing
that they're transgender,
they're usually doing that for survival.
Now why are they doing that for survival?
They're doing that because we don't live in a world
that currently understands transgender people.
We don't even live in a world that understands
that they exist and have existed for a very long time.
I always tell this joke when I give my talks.
I talk about how different trans understandings
were when I was coming up versus now.
Because when I was coming up you would read these stories
about transgender women and the story would kind go
something like this.
It would go, I figured out that I was transgender,
I went to Pablo on the corner street and he gave
these black market hormones
and I started taking my hormones.
My body started changing and then I recognized
that I needed the surgery.
I had the surgery.
I felt content, I felt happy with myself,
I was ready to move on with my life, so I killed everybody
that had ever known me from before.
I moved to another state and now I'm sitting here
on the front of my beautiful home with my white picket fence
with my husband and 2.5 kids and no one in my community
knows that I'm transgender.
I'm just oh, so happy.
That was very much the story people like to think
with the exception of you killing everyone obviously.
That was the story.
It was this narrative of people transitioned to disappear.
Actually, in the early days of YouTube when I was on here
as a blogger who was really documenting their trans life
I was following a lot of other people,
and it was very common for you to see a girl
do her I've been on hormones for a year video
and then I've been on hormones for two years videos.
Then I get my FFS and then I have the surgery
and then they feel there's nothing more to talk about
and they delete all their stuff and completely disappear
and they end up being stealth in real life.
It's very, very common and why is that?
Because we don't live in a society
that accepts and embraces transgender people.
Now when I say that there are some people who hear this
and they think that I am just speaking some sort of
foreign language, I mean, do we really live in a society
that doesn't accept transgender people?
I hear about it all the time.
How can we live in a society, da da da da
that is so antagonistic towards trans people.
Well.
Here's what I've seen and this is really going
on an aside, but here's what I've seen.
So like I said, growing up when I was coming up
in my understanding of trans life, the goal was
to be stealth, the goal was to disappear,
the goal was to have nobody know.
That was kind of the general way that trans people were.
Transgender people just wanted to be left alone.
They didn't wanna be in your face.
They didn't wanna be out there.
They didn't wanna be pushy.
They didn't want people to always know
about their pronouns and their this and their that.
They just wanted to be left alone.
I was like that.
So when I went to college and I understood
and accepted that I was a transgender woman
I made the distinct goal of I want to graduate
from this college with my name changed
and my gender marker changed.
I wanna be able to enter into this world,
enter into my professional life as animator
with my name change and my gender marker changed.
I just want that to be the case so I now longer have to
deal with the hurdle that's being known
as a transgender person.
So for those of you guys who don't totally know my story,
I do give this story in my talks, but my story is that
that was my goal, then through several different experiences
I had I recognized that stealth for me
made me feel like I was in another closest
and I had a couple of really scary experiences.
Some of you guys already know this,
but when I was living with my ex
in my ex's cousin's boyfriend's place
his family did not know that I was transgender.
His mom knew, but the rest of his family did not know
and one day
his cousin found the video
that I did with Buzzfeed which back then for some reason
I thought if I do a video with Buzzfeed
who was gonna know that I'm, who's gonna know,
who's gonna see it, who's gonna know.
It's a very weird way of looking at things,
but for some reason I'd convinced myself
that no one watched Buzzfeed and that no one would watch
specifically a trans video on Buzzfeed.
So I really could do it and not have anyone know.
This was a very silly, idealistic perspective for me to have
but it's one that I had.
So she found the video and she had always been this sort
of person like, have you ever met people
who you don't think you're competing with them,
but they think you're competing with them?
It was very much one of those situations
where she just didn't like me, she was always
at my throat for something and I was just trying to
be on my own.
So she rushed to my ex's grandparents
and tried to out me as a trans person
and his mom was there at the time and so she was able
to settle things and they ultimately said,
well you know not much changes.
We've had her over for three different Christmases,
nothing really changes about this at this point.
So they said that, but she wasn't satisfied,
of course, because she didn't get the response she wanted.
She ran back over to our home, and she didn't live there.
We lived there, but she did not, she was just there
all the time, she didn't pay no rent.
But she basically told her boyfriend and my ex and I
were evicted from the place we lived.
That was the first time in my life
where I ever experienced truly, like I'd experienced
a lot of crappy things, but I'd never really experienced
what it felt like to be like actually on the receiving end
of a repercussion because I'm transgender.
Because I'm transgender I can no longer live here.
That was the first sort of discrimination truly
that I really ever experienced like that.
So yeah, that was really rough for me to swallow,
but I was able to sort of move on from there.
So that is, just giving you an example of the way
that people use transness against you.
So anyway, once I managed to change my name
and my gender marker.
I changed my name before my senior year in college
'cause I wanted to move into the master's dorms
and be stealth and I didn't want people to know
and at the time I was black market hormoning.
I was taking hormones from this little Indian pharmacies
or whatever, so my body had been changing.
I'd been on hormones at I think at that point
I'd been on hormones for,
shoot how long had I been on hormones at that point?
I guess four years, three years.
So my body had been going through slight changes or whatever
and legally in California, in order
to change your gender marker you have to prove
that you've been taking hormones.
Because I was just black market hormoning,
I couldn't do that.
So I was able to change my name, but I couldn't
change my gender marker until I went through LA Care
and then LA Care connected me with hormone doctors
and I was able to get my hormones and I was able
to go to the court and prove da da da da,
and doop doop doop de do.
That's kinda how that went.
So anyway, I did that and it was so funny
because once I had actually changed my gender marker
and my name and I went back to the stores
and I started apply for jobs, just retail jobs,
what do you know?
I'd get call back after call back after call back,
and actually ended up getting a job.
I got a job at Toys R Us.
At the time I also gotten a job working for Fox Animation
so obviously I chose Fox Animation over Toys R Us,
but I had started out in-
it was like immediately after I changed my stuff,
everything changed and to put more things in perspective,
think about how often you have to give your name.
Think about how often you have
to share your identification card.
Most people if you're going on a plane,
you're checking out equipment.
You're doing anything, you've gotta show your ID card.
For years my ID card with the wrong name
and the wrong gender marker was the bane of my existence.
It was the bane of my existence because especially-
So I remember this very vividly, when I was in college
this was my senior year.
I needed to get a ladder from security for some reason
and the way that I got a ladder was handing them my ID card,
which at that time I don't think I changed it,
so it probably wasn't my senior year.
I think this was probably either my sophomore
or my junior year, I don't really remember,
but I had to go down
and get some equipment.
I guess I'm not giving the full story, I really figured out
that I was transgender my first year of college,
which was a really sort of upsetting thing,
but then I start my transition pretty immediately.
Because of the way that I looked I was able
to very easily fall into the background
in terms of passability and things like that.
So there were three years where I was at college
where I still had the ID card that I took
when I first got to college, which was me.
I had a Mohawk.
My style was very like Robyn early 2000s.
I had a blue and black checkered handkerchief situation
and I looked androgynous for sure, but definitely more
on the butch side of androgynous than on the fem side
of androgynous, and obviously my name was not
what my name is now.
So what would happen when I checked out this ladder
is I had to give this person my ID card.
I don't think that when I gave it to him,
he looked at it or anything.
It was just hey, here's my ID card, here's the,
I guess what is it, the trade-off, I don't remember
the exact phrase.
But here's my ID card, I'm gonna get the ladder,
and that's that.
So after I was done with the ladder, I went down
to return the ladder
and there's a completely different person there.
So I believe this is probably my junior year.
I'm thinking it's probably my junior year when I did not
have my name marker changed, but I looked like this.
So when I went to go return the ladder
it was an issue because the way that I sounded,
the way that I looked, everything about me
did not look like this person
who I was the day I walked into college.
The day at registration when we took our ID photos.
So I had a little bit of a debate with him
about whether or not this was actually me.
At the time especially, this had to be my junior year
because my junior year was when I really started
to understand for sure that I was passing
and so I actually hated, absolutely hated
drawing attention to my transness
or referencing my transness or pointing out my transness.
I did not want to do that.
So I spent a lot of time trying to be like
yeah, it's me, it's me, it's me.
I know I look different, but it's me.
Then I had to sit down and be like look, here's the thing.
I'm a trans woman, those are the photos I took
when I first got here, that's why I look different,
that's why I sound like a woman, I am a woman,
but this is what my paperwork says,
please give me my ID card.
Give me my ID card.
I think I even pulled out my old Facebook page
to just show him photos of me.
I had a similar experience time and time and time again
where people thought I was stealing someone's identity
because my name was this, and I looked like that.
I had so many issues in college when people would
call out names, make sure that everyone was there.
I would sometimes not respond.
I would sit back and I wouldn't say anything
and I would come up to the teacher after and be like
hey, this is my name, this is my situation da da da da da.
After I did that, I would get into the habit
of regularly emailing all of my teachers to tell them
hey, here's the thing.
My name is legally this, this is the name that I go by,
can you please change it so I can interact with the class
because what people don't get is this sort of stuff,
this little stuff, like getting your name wrong,
even incorrect pronouns and shit, it makes it really hard
for you to want to be at school.
It makes it really hard.
'Cause why would you go to a place where the basis
of you who are is being invalidated at every turn.
Why would I go to a classroom where everyone,
well not everyone, there's a story
that's popping into my head and I'll just tell it
because it is relevant to this.
I had a teacher my junior year.
I definitely remember this.
Oh I could tell you so much about Cal Arts,
but the thing I'll say is that it got really messed up
towards the last two years of our school
and we had this animation teacher who none of us liked.
None of us liked.
But my junior year of college was when I start to figure out
makeup and hair and stuff and clothes.
I stopped making all my own clothes.
I graduated to Goodwill.
It was fairly common for teachers to just look at me,
assume my pronouns and for it to be correct,
but for the people who were in the room with me,
who had known me since my freshman year,
to laugh at the fact that this person
was properly gendering me.
I remember this one teacher and if you were in my class
you remember this teacher.
He would always refer to me as a she.
A she, she, she, she, she, her.
At that time, those were definitely my pronouns,
but my classmates did not really get that
and to be fair I've always been really bad at
I've always been really bad at explaining myself
when it comes to certain things.
Like I hate explaining really anything truly,
but I definitely hated explaining why my name was this
and da da da da, and (mumbles) speak to me like that.
I've never really been someone who has like begged people
to use the right pronouns.
I've always just been someone who people looked at
and assumed their pronouns and have been correct.
So yeah, I had a lot of situations like that
where here I am in a classroom and there's awkwardness
around my name, and I know that it's hard for people to get,
but that little simple thing.
There were so many times in classrooms where I would be
misgendered or someone would dead name me.
I almost couldn't focus on the class.
I almost couldn't focus on everything else
'cause all I could think about was either this person
just outed me to a room full of people
or this person doesn't see me for who I am.
It would just really mess with my head.
Now, of course, I was dealing with a lot of dysphoria
and insecurities I had back then that I don't quite have now
but either way, it made being in and participating
in that space incredibly hard.
So this is kinda leading me to what I really wanna say
and communicate, I believe is at the core
of this sort of rhetoric.
At the core of a lot of anti-transgender rhetoric
is this desire for transgender people to simply
not interact with people in public space.
I say this a lot when it comes to the bathroom debate.
The bathroom debate.
To tell you guys a bit about my situation in the bathroom,
there were so many times where before I felt comfortable
going into the women's restroom I just sort of sat there
and just held it to the point of hurting myself
or I would try to draw myself into a corner
and pee in a cup and throw it away or something.
I would do a lot of really gross stuff
because I didn't feel comfortable going into the bathroom.
So that made it hard for me to sit in the lab all day.
It made it hard for me to go and sit
in the classroom all day because obviously most of us
when we are outside of our homes for more than four hours
at some point we have to go to the bathroom.
So when you have these people arguing for
well you've gotta go to this bathroom or that bathroom
and if you were born this way, you need to go
into the men's room or if you're born that way
you have to go to the women's restroom
really what they're trying to do is to get it
so you just don't wanna go outside at all.
I identify with that because there was a time in my life
and I wish I sort of reiterated this, there was a time
in my life where I didn't go outside.
When I was younger it took me a really long time
to build the strength together to get on a bus
and go down to Los Angeles to look for work.
It took me so much time.
Because I was always so afraid of being judged.
I was always so afraid of being attacked.
So even something like learning how to,
making my own clothes and learning how to look
a certain way so I'd cause less suspicion,
these were all things that I learned to just survive.
To just be able to survive and be accepted
and not to have to go through life having any issues.
Changing my gender marker, changing my name
made it easier for me to get a job.
Having that stuff understood in the workplace
made it easier for me to be in the workplace.
So it's my core belief that a lot of these people
who are trying to argue against trans people
in the bathroom, trans people doing this,
trans people doing that, they just don't want trans people
in their public space.
They would prefer that trans people went back in time
and hide in the closet, which is so funny to me.
Part of the irony of this conversation is
I know because of the research that I've done
and the people that I've spoken to
trans people have existed for a very, very,
very, very long time.
The thing is there are people in your life
who, like I said, the goal of many trans people
was to disappear and to just exist as their gender.
So what did you have?
You had people who transitioned, were stealth
and people didn't find out the were transgender
until they were dead.
There have been several stories like that
where you hear about these people dying
and they go through and they find out that they're trans
because they do body scans and things like that.
Those stories are way more common than people understand
and believe because, again, what transgender people
wanted more than anything was to not be seen,
was to not be heard, was to be left alone.
That's something that's more obtainable
in a world that knows less about transgender people.
So anyway, it is pretty much one of my core beliefs
that trying to prevent transgender people from interacting
in the public space is a core, it's really what
they're trying to do.
It's really why they have the certain rhetoric that they do.
It's why they have the approach they do.
They're trying to make it so that transgender people
just do not exist in public space.
Period. Period.
If you can't go to the bathroom, if you can't go
into the public restroom or you're being forced
to go into the public restroom that a outs you,
b puts you into a potentially dangerous situation
because now there's all this attention being drawn to you
because you're a woman in the men's restroom,
how would you hold a job?
How?
How would you go to school?
How would you do anything?
How would you go to an event?
You can't.
What's aggravating to me specifically
about the bathroom stuff is that I've been using
the women's restroom for over 10 years.
I've never had a problem.
I travel a shitload for work.
I've been to the South.
I've been to the Midwest.
I've been to upstate New York.
I've been to Canada.
I've been to London.
I've been all around the country.
And I've never had an issue with the women's restroom.
Ever, ever.
So to listen to all of these people debate
about whether or not it's okay for me to be
in the restroom is maddening.
It's maddening because this has already been happening
and if it was an issue it would have been
an issue a while ago.
But people like to fear monger.
Also, this is gonna sound a little conspiracy theory like,
you can read it how you want to, but I'm gonna say it
because that's how I firmly feel.
Like I said, there's a lot of people who believe
that there is just oh my gosh so much acceptance
and so much understanding of transgender people
because we've got all of these documentaries.
We've got these TV shows.
There's Caitlin Jenner.
There's Laverne Cox.
There's all these things.
I look at specifically Laverne Cox and Caitlin Jenner
and say, I've been observing this for a really long time.
Those steps are minor steps.
They're great big steps that should not be downplayed
or erased or whatever, but they are very, very minor steps.
When we've looked at how other groups have progressed,
trans people are progressing very, very, very slow.
But there's no shortage of documentaries,
reality TV shows, things like that
that involve transgender people.
Now I've known a handful of people who have done
these transgender documentaries
and I'll just say that more often than not
when you see a trans documentary,
especially one that's not done by another trans person
or done by a person who's really invested in
accurately and truthfully telling LGBT stories
you're going to get,
there's a lot of miss framing
of transgender people's experiences, feelings,
perspectives and lives because it's just easier
to understand to cis to explain transgender people
in a way that is inaccurate.
Like I've seen documentaries with people who I know
who have lived their lives purely as one gender
do not have any convoluted, complicated, complex ways
of seeing their gender, and I've heard them being described
by the narrator as a he or a him,
and have them describe them in a way that they're just men
doing these things or these beautiful women in Thailand,
well they're really all men.
That is a cis person's understand of a transgender person.
It is not a transgender person's truth or reality.
It's not.
I'll get into calling trans women men a little bit later.
So what's happening is.
really effectively what's happening is it's a freak show.
You've got these weird transgender people,
who people don't really accept or understand
and they're being brought out in front of cis people
and saying huh, isn't that weird, is that person
so fucking strange?
That's what's actually happening.
That's what's actually happening.
If you don't believe me, go to any Barcroft video
that features a transgender person.
Will you see comment upon comment upon comment
upon comment of people saying this person is mentally ill,
this person is sick, why are we accepting this, da da da da.
Those videos, those documentaries are literally created
for that result.
You may talk to casting director and they may say
we're really interested in truthfully telling these stories
and this and this and that, but you know what
as somebody who's interactive with people.
For example, this is in my mind so I'll just say it,
I was recently included in a book anthology
of these badass women who are doing
these awesome feminist things.
I'm very, very thankful for being included.
I'm very, very thankful for being considered.
I appreciate that.
But I actually had to have a conversation with them
about what they initially wrote for my write up.
Because what they had initially wrote for my write up
was describing me as
someone who started out as a this,
they used my dead name, they used all
of this information that was not relevant
to anything I do today.
I transitioned at 16 years old.
I do not have a life of maturing into manhood
and having any sort of experience with what it's like
to be truly treated as a man in this society.
None of it.
Not only that, but I don't really have
with the exception of the jobs that I told,
the two, one that was under the table
at the telemarketing job, I don't have
this extensive work history as my dead name.
I worked for a telemarketing company for three months.
So when someone tries to act like my dead name
is relevant to anything I do today, it really sort of
tells me where they're at.
It really sort of tells me where they're coming from.
Because at the end of the day what I am to people
is a freak show, not an actual person.
I am the weird interesting thing that they get
what's it called?
That you get allied points.
You get acception points, whatever.
Where they don't truly see or accept me
as who I actually am.
You guy have to understand that for me personally
I have this very strange way of interacting
with that particular conversation because like I said before
I accepted myself as a woman, people were reading me
as a cis woman, people were treating me as a cis woman
before I had said to myself I'm a woman.
In my life now especially I'm not used to being seen
or treated or handled or viewed
as anything other than a woman.
I don't know, I genuinely don't know what it's like
to be seen as anything other than that.
I don't know.
People have not been able to stop and consider
whether or not I deserve to be treated as a woman,
they just look at me and assume
and they treat me accordingly
for mostly worse.
It's very aggravating to interact with people
who are still trying so hard because they know
that I'm transgender to look through my gender
and to invalidate everything that is true
about my life.
Let's get it together and keep it real.
I guess we can transition into this point.
I know and I think most transgender people know
the realities of their life.
What is so aggravating to me about some
of these conversations is you've got people
who will say shit like well you know it's important
to acknowledge that you're a male because what about
the doctor's office?
There's certain medicine that's built to respond to men
and women differently and this, this and that.
Now I'm not going to get into the long list of reasons
why sex is socially constructed.
Your fourth grade understanding of sex
is not truly what it is.
That's an over, oversimplification that gave you
a starting point, but it's definitely not even close
to the reality of sex classifications.
It just isn't.
The vast majority of medicine that's made
is not formulated to respond differently to men and women.
Some are, but the vast majority of it isn't.
So to make that distinction all the time
is mostly usually quite pointless.
But that being said, here's what so aggravating to me
about that point, transgender people devote
the larger part of their lives to fighting against
what their bodies are doing.
They take hormones, they have surgeries,
they do different things to their bodies, they get pumped.
They do a lot of stuff because their body is one way,
but they feel or know themselves to be another way.
They do a lot of these things to put dysphoria
and discomfort aside.
Trans people are very aware of their biology.
They're very aware of what their body really is.
It's always really interesting to hear cis people speak
in such a condescending tone when it comes
to transgender people being real about their bodies
because we know.
Why do you think people are taking estrogen.
Why do you think people are taking testosterone.
They know.
We know that our bodies are different
than cis people's bodies.
On that note, here's what I hear when people say
that I'm not a woman, which again, you can say all day
I'm still gonna be a woman, but whatever.
Here's what I hear.
I hear that I'm not cis.
I'm not defab.
I hear those things.
Those things don't really bother me
the fact that I wasn't born a certain way doesn't bother me.
At a certain point in time it did.
At a certain point in time you could tell me
that I wasn't a woman and I was a man and this and that
it would really get to me
and I would make a five minute, not five minute,
five hour long response to you to you telling me
how I really am, but the reality is that
now in 2018
I can't the locate the fuck to give.
I can't.
I don't care because I know who I am
and that's what's also interesting is
I think that there's often this reaction
that people have to trans people
where they just sort of assume transgender people
just don't know who they are.
They're so confused.
Oh you're so confused.
Oh you're so confused.
Really what it is is you're confused.
You don't understand transgender people, so now
you have to sort of be now I have to be confused
and I have to not know who I am because reasons I guess.
Listen, I transitioned at 16, it's been over 10 years,
I know myself.
I know myself, I'm very content with myself.
You know what's so funny, if I didn't have a YouTube channel
I wouldn't spend this time even talking to you guys
about this stuff because it doesn't matter to me
because when I go through my daily life,
especially with all of my legal changes done,
I don't ever think about this stuff.
I don't think about being trans.
I don't because it's nothing something that
for me personally comes up in my life.
People usually assume I'm a cis person
and that's just how it is.
I don't challenge them on that.
So that's my life.
So here's my thing with the Trump stuff.
If we're being real about it, if we're really looking at
this administration and all the things that it's done
and all the things that it hasn't done,
if we're being real, what the Trump Administration has done
time and time and time and time and time again
is put in a lot of effort into diminishing the value
of certain minority groups.
A lot of people who are part of these minority groups
believe that if they're just sort of acceptable kind
of minority, they're gonna be okay.
But in truth, a lot of these anti-immigration things
against Mexicans, it is racism against Mexicans.
That's why people who are actually citizens
are constantly being pulled aside
and facing all of these issues with races
because of their heritage.
That's why that's happening.
It's not just this well, you came and did it the right way.
Maybe people will make you feel that way,
but that's not really what it is.
There are people like for Caitlin Jenner to like
for a while just believe that she would be accepted
by republicans is just so funny.
But of course in Caitlin's mind she probably thought
well I did it the right way.
I did the right way, I look how I look, I got my surgeries
like this da da da da, I did it the right way.
So of course I can be accepted.
But no, the reality is they hate all of us.
They hate all of us.
To me when you start talking about locating
and genetically defining and recording transgender people
that's, I don't wanna sound dramatic, but those are
the precursors to genocide, those are the precursors
to deciding here's where all the trans people are,
maybe we should all just go over here, 'cause we don't
want them to interact with us in public space.
I don't want that to be right, but that's definitely
how I'm feeling because there's really no reason truly,
there's really no reason truly to take people
whose gender markers have been changed, who have been
happily living in that way with no bother to anyone
and now you know what, we've extended civil rights
to people who really didn't necessarily deserve them,
let's walk that all back, you're now a male
and we genetically tested you to verify that
and da da da da.
There's no reason to do that other than to terrorize
and embarrass transgender people.
There just isn't.
I don't care how many times people are like
well, it's science, it's science, it's science.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
The only reason why they're doing that
is to embarrass transgender people,
is to humiliate them, to make them uncomfortable
and to it known to the people around them,
especially the queer and questioned people around them
that you can't be this way in this world.
We're no longer going to put up with it.
You know and the time is all in.
There are some people who say that these laws
are a response to pushy transgender people
who just won't shut up about their pronouns,
just keep pushing it and this and this and that.
This is the blow back, there are hashtag only two genders.
You know what, to me I hear that and I roll my eyes
because I think I know that they know that's not true.
Or maybe they do.
Because from my observation most transgender people
have only ever wanted to be left alone.
They've only ever wanted to be left alone.
Here you have these people who upon maybe hearing
two or three trans activists say hey, respect us
are saying we're gonna genetically define you,
we're gonna put up a list and we're going to
retract the rights that were unfairly
or unrightly extended to you under the Obama Administration.
Like for me, and I don't know if everyone feels this way
'cause I certainly do, for me that's a very distinct
line in the sand.
Now I'm almost always willing to give people
the leeway to be potentially be better people.
I'm almost always willing to give people
the leeway to potentially not be completely,
terrible trans-phobic pieces of shit.
But, for me, that was a fairly clearly defined thing.
I don't think you can really get around it
at this point.
Trump hates trans people.
It doesn't matter how many times you bow down to him.
Trump hates-
well, you know what, he loves people bow down to him
so maybe that will change, but why should I have to
bow down to a president in order for him to respect me
as a human being?
You don't have to agree with me, you don't have to like it,
but why does the foundation of who I am
have to be ripped from under me
because you've been disrespected I guess,
because you feel disrespected I guess.
I think that we have to be very aware
of the fragile ego that our president has
and not kowtow to it.
Because a lot of y'all will not understand it
until it's you.
A lot of you guys are not gonna see it until it's you.
You know what, I think in this situation,
I've always been very anti-Trump, but I think
in this situation, 'cause I made a post that I think
we can call this fascism now.
Because initially when I did my fascism video
it was kinda really inspired
by people calling everything fascism.
I don't think every time a right leaning person
comes into power it's fascism.
However, I do think we are creeping towards that now
and it's weird because I didn't necessarily see it
with other stuff, but I definitely see it in this.
Just the conversation of genetic testing to define.
Put it this way, just the idea
of genetically testing someone in order to determine
what sort of rights they have access to
that should make you uncomfortable.
That should make you uncomfortable.
Which is why I take that to the layer
of I believe this is a precursor to a genocide.
I don't wanna be dramatic like that, I really don't,
but that's how I feel, that's how I feel.
I feel that way because I can't,
there's no real reason to do it unless it's to embarrass
or what was the word I used, it's just to embarrass
and disrespect trans people, to dehumanize them.
The dehumanization thing is what I really sort of
I'm responding to, because one of the things
that I've experienced time and time again,
especially when it comes to sexual assault,
when it comes to a lot of that sort of thing,
there are maybe men who, this is just me giving you
an example this is something that applies to
a lot of situations, there are men who will
disrespect me as a woman.
As a woman, period.
Then when they find out that I'm transgender
they realize that they can do anything to me,
they can do anything to me and nothing's gonna be done
because they know that in the world we live in
where every time a trans woman gets killed by a man
the story is almost immediately she tricked him,
almost immediately they know that people don't respect
trans people enough to ever believe that they could be
victims of anything.
They're always the perpetrator.
Like I said, they're always the predator,
they're the fooler, they're the trickster,
they're the this or the that.
So when we live in this society
where people don't understand
transgender people and hold strongly to this general belief
that transgender people are inherently out there to get you
it's really excuse terrible things happening to them.
We've already seen people excusing
how the president treats immigrant children.
We've already seen that.
It takes part of being able to get to the point
of an actual genocide is devoting all of this time
and speaking terribly about these people
and deframing as the enemies, as the pushy people
who are gonna take something away from you
and so you can say yes, I do want them all
round up into camps.
With that being said, here's what I'm gonna need.
Because I have so many of these conversations
with people on both sides.
People are like well, you know, I do respect trans people,
I have trans friends, I have this, this and that.
On both sides, right.
I'm gonna need both of you guys on both sides,
cis allies, I'm gonna need you to stand up for this stuff.
I made a sass the other day on my Facebook
that was like if you're a cis person who is my friend
and you're not currently posting about this stuff,
you're not currently saying anything
about how the Trump Administration is trying
to delegitimize transgender people, I don't understand
why we're friends.
I really don't.
'Cause I'm sitting over here scared.
Scared because I put all this time and energy
towards working to a point where I could finally survive.
Do you guys understand how revolutionary it is
for me to be able to be in this place right now
with my own shit, being able to take care of myself
and not relying on anyone?
I have worked incredibly hard to get there.
I have worked incredibly fucking hard to get there.
I was able to get there because I was able
to change my paperwork.
I was able to change my documentation, which unfortunately
because the world we live in made it a lot easier for me
to get a legitimate job, to make some money,
to save that money and to be able to purchase something.
We can sit there and say that's responding to trans-phobia,
that's surviving through capitalism and that's all true
and I agree with that, but what I'm saying is
I'm in a position now where I've spent the larger portion
of my life working towards this point and I'm acknowledging
that it can all be taken away from me.
All because people don't care about trans people.
I'm gonna close out by saying, I need you to get out there.
I need you to get out there.
I need you to vote.
I need you to be politically aware
and I need you to not feel like you shouldn't speak up.
I'm so happy that I have any amazing collection
of LGBTQIA plus friends, people who are not
in the community at all, that are allies,
that are all trying to fight and support this issue
because frankly it's what we need to do.
Because trust me, they can come for us now
because we're easy target.
They're gonna come for you too.
I don't think you should sit there.
I'm not trying to scare people.
I'm really not, but I'm sort of seeing the way
that things are falling in line, which is why
I've been sort of spending a lot of time
and reshaping in the way that I feel about certain things
because frankly I'm seeing some scary stuff
and I'm trying not to feel paranoid,
but I'm seeing it y'all, I'm seeing it.
First it's a DNA registry, then it's a let's pull
all these people on a fucking boat.
I don't want to get there and I know that we can
fight against getting there
if we're more politically involved
than we actually are right now.
So anyway, I wanted to just come to you guys and share
all my feelings and emotions about it because it's making me
feel a certain way.
I'm about to go get dressed up for a Halloween party,
that's why I have this hair on.
I'm being Poison Ivy.
But I'm trying to escape, but it's on my mind.
It's on my mind because I'm in a really happy place
in life right now while the world is collapsing around me
and I don't like that that's where we're at, I don't.
The optimist in me knows that we don't have to end there,
knows that we can actually get to a better place,
but we need to be actually be engaged and work towards this
in order for that to actually happen.
Hopefully, this video made you think or whatever.
Let me know how you feel.
If you're a trans person I would love to hear
how you're responding to this stuff because I think
those conversations need to be had, and for those people
who are maybe on the fence about the transgender issue
I think they maybe need to hear it from a trans person
to get it.
So share what you have to say, I'd really appreciate it.
Again, I don't know how long this video is,
but I think it's over an hour.
For every minute of a video that I do
that is how much it costs for me to caption the video,
so I would really, really, really appreciate it
if you guys supported me on my Patreon.
Currently, right now if you support me for more than $5
on my Patreon account, you can get access to
the videos that I'm going to be making
that are going to be posted next year.
I'm working on them right now, one should be up soon.
So yeah.
Anyway, I'm gonna go.
Again, let me know if you like these types of videos.
I kinda wanna do them when it comes to starting to talk
about personal stuff like this and sort of stick to
my style of stuff when I'm doing
my more educational things or whatever.
Let me know what you think about this.
I'm going to go, I'm going to get ready.
I'll talk to you guys later.
Bye.
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Touhou M-1 10 Fantasy BBS [Sub español] - Duration: 9:24.
For more infomation >> Touhou M-1 10 Fantasy BBS [Sub español] - Duration: 9:24. -------------------------------------------
Arsenal duo makes top 10 most valuable players in their positions – Reports - Duration: 2:44.
Bernd Leno and Hector Bellerin are in the top 10 most valuable players in Europe's top five leagues for their respective positions, according to analysis by the CIES Football Observatory
The Football Observatory uses an algorithm based on a number of different factors like player performance, age and contract length to produce a transfer value for each player in Europe's top five leagues
They've recently released their latest valuations, putting Kylian Mbappe as the most valuable player in Europe
However, a couple of Arsenal players make the top 10 lists in their positions. In the full-back list, Bellerin features in eighth place, with a valuation of €50.9m
Still only 23, and with a contract running for the next five years, it's no surprise to see the Spaniard up amongst the most valuable full-backs in Europe
Meanwhile, Bernd Leno just about makes the goalkeeper list in 10th place. The summer signing is worth €36.6m, according to the Football Observatory
Surprisingly, Manchester United's star goalkeeper David de Gea doesn't make the cut
That's because his contract expires at the end of the season, so his value is in free-fall
This isn't to say Leno and Bellerin are the two most valuable players at Arsenal. For example, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang comes out at €89.9m and Alexandre Lacazette at €80.4m
That's just not enough to make the top 10 forwards in Europe, considering there are quite a few younger strikers on longer deals around at the moment
Similarly, Lucas Torreira is valued at €59.1m, which puts him just shy of the midfielders' list
Perhaps we'll see him break into the top 10 after more performances like the one against Liverpool last weekend
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NO MORE TBR PILES: On The Radar | Episode 1 - Duration: 6:01.
Hello everyone! Welcome to Remind Me To Read, I'm LaTonya and today for November 10th
I want to do a bit of a November TBR but I don't want to call it a TBR anymore.
I can't do TBR's because I never stick to the books I say I'm going to read, so
instead of a TBR I'm going to call this a November OTR, which OTR will stand for
On The Radar or On My Radar. I don't know. I want to say OTR because like" on the run"
- Beyonce and Jay-Z, so On The Radar. Yeah I think On The Radar fits. So that's what
I'll call this video; November OTR. Since it's Nonfiction November for a lot
of people, I have some books that I've been meaning to read for so long and they're
nonfiction so here we go. We're Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union. I've been
showing this book constantly and obviously I haven't read it but I would
really like to finish it this month so I could tell you guys more about it.
Just recently Gabrielle Union put pictures on her Instagram which talked about...
Well she showed us that she had a baby via surrogate. A lot of people already know that
she's had about nine miscarriages and hasn't been able to have a child so this
photo that she posted on Instagram recently is her first child with her
husband Dwyane Wade and yeah her story is all up in here. Yeah I think this came
out last year so it's pretty updated. I want to read this and the books I got
from the library at my school. This one "Not Your Princess". It's actually a poetry
book it has...
poems in it by Native American women. I'm Black, so I mostly know my culture; black
people, Jamaican people, and not so much what a Native American woman goes
through so I feel this will be a good read because it's just a bunch of Native
American women talking about what it means to be you Native American and what
they go through through their daily lives.
I'm really interested in this book. It's called "Queer, There and Everywhere".
"23 people who change the world", so this is a nonfiction book and it pretty much is
just going to tell the story of different women and men who have changed
the world and just so happened to be queer. I talked about this in my
bookshelf tour. Just random books I just picked up because I really like the
cover as well. You can see Frida Kahlo that's the only person I know. I don't know
who this baseball player is? I think this is...is this Madam CJ Walker? Kinda looks like
her.
They used some really good illustrations and also in the book as well.
So this is less of like... less of a nonfiction and more of a list.
Okay as I've told you guys before, I'm an engineering student so I'm very
interested in STEM. I found this book
"Finding Wonders" by Janine Atkins. "Three girls who changed science" so this is a
nonfiction but I believe...Oh wait. Is it poetry?
okay so I think this is nonfiction but it's written in prose so that should be
quick. I think I'll be able to read all these books. That's good.
Lastly I have "Bold Women of Medicine".
This should be a good read for me because not only am I an engineering
student but I'm a biomedical engineering student so I'm very interested in the
medical field and it's very good for me to see stories where women have
succeeded in medicine so when I read these books I will definitely do a
wrap-up and pretty much just try to tell you guys which stories stuck out to me. So
these are pretty much the books that are on my radar. On The Radar for what to
read in November, since it's pretty much also Nonfiction November. I think I can
read five books. I can do it even with finals coming up and all that stuff and
Thanksgiving, it'll be a nice time to read. Since this isn't really a TBR, but
it's technically a TBR, go ahead and comment down below what you'll be
reading in November. That's it for the video and see you guys next time.
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Incredible Beautiful Epona Tiny House For Sale by Bauluchon - Duration: 4:32.
Incredible Beautiful Epona Tiny House For Sale by Bauluchon
-------------------------------------------
ជួបជាមួយ ខេម , កក្រើកតន្រ្តីគោជល់ក្រុងភ្នុំពេញ, khem khmer song - Duration: 4:28.
Khem khmer song
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Revealed: Trump discussed Khashoggi's murder with Erdogan in Paris - Daily News - Duration: 5:37.
President Donald Trump discussed Jamal Khashoggi with Turkey's president hours after the nation passed on what it says is an audio tape of the journalist's murder to the United States
The men were pictured at a dinner in Paris seated next to one another in photos released by the Turkish government, revealing a lengthy conversation took place on Saturday evening at the event that was attached to a program commemorating the centennial anniversary of the end of WWI
'I can confirm they say next to one another and they discussed the ongoing tragic situation with Khashoggi,' White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders told DailyMail
com. +8 <img id="i-ed35fe2c2dea98f7" src="https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6029406-6375909-image-a-44_1541891394678
jpg" height="801" width="634" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message +8 <img id="i-aa1873ae315b1c3f" src="https://i
dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6030634-6375909-image-a-61_1541892586643.jpg" height="437" width="634" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message +8 <img id="i-fe0d4936ceb666ba" src="https://i
dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6030630-6375909-The_men_were_pictured_at_a_dinner_in_Paris_seated_next_to_one_an-a-62_1541892597748
jpg" height="441" width="634" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message +8 <img id="i-3be41b656d05f2b6" src="https://i
dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6030626-6375909-Erdogan_shared_photos_of_himself_yakking_with_the_American_presi-a-63_1541892617160
jpg" height="850" width="634" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message The dinner for visiting leaders at Musee D'Orsay was not open to the media
Reporters traveling in the motorcade with President Trump never laid eyes on him or first lady Melania Trump when they were entering or leaving the private event
+8 <img id="i-34595e5bd4ee6280" src="https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6030624-6375909-Erdogan_said_hours_before_that_he_has_an_audio_tape_of_Jamal_Kha-m-65_1541892674175
jpg" height="500" width="306" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message Turkey's Recep Erdogan shared photos of himself yakking with the American president from inside the dinner in a press release his government distributed before the gathering had even ended
Trump and Erdogan were seated next to each other at the dinner's head table across from France's Macron and Germany's Angela Merkel
A barely visible Melania Trump can be seen in two of the photos talking to a guest at the table's far end
The White House did not immediately respond to a request for comment on the president's conversation with the Turkish leader, which likely touched on the subject of Saudi Arabia
Hours prior, as he was departing Ankara for Paris, Erdogan acknowledged the existence of a rumored audio tape that allegedly documents the final minutes of have journalist Jamal Khashoggi's life
He said he had provided it to the United States, among other nations.'We gave it to Saudi Arabia,' Erdogan said of the tape that unnamed Turkish officials told media about but not released
'We gave it to America. To the Germans, French, English, we gave it to all of them
' +8 <img id="i-c2ba590f47bb773c" src="https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6030120-6375909-image-a-45_1541891412203
jpg" height="473" width="634" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message +8 <img id="i-27907d77dbb1ef6b" src="https://i
dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6030614-6375909-image-a-59_1541892525696.jpg" height="467" width="634" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message +8 <img id="i-35adfcae654db1f6" src="https://i
dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/11/10/23/6030620-6375909-image-a-66_1541892728644.jpg" height="480" width="634" alt="" class="blkBorder img-share"/> Copy link to paste in your message The White House has not released a statement about the tape
A German official told The Washington Post, where Khashoggi was a columnist until his murder, that its intelligence service had reviewed the tape
'The recording was very convincing,' the source reportedly said.
-------------------------------------------
Catholic Mass for November 11th, 2018: The Thirty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time - Duration: 28:31.
(lively piano music)
♪ Come, come to the banquet ♪
♪ Come, come to the feast ♪
♪ Here the hungry find plenty ♪
♪ Here the thirsty shall drink ♪
♪ Here at the supper of Jesus ♪
♪ Come to the feast ♪
- In the name of the Father,
and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
- Amen. - The Lord be with you.
- [Congregation] And with your spirit.
- The selfless love of God is revealed to us in Jesus,
and as we begin our liturgy,
let us seek his mercy and peace
by calling to mind our sins.
- Lord Jesus, you reveal to us God's selfless love.
Lord, have mercy.
- [Congregation] Lord, have mercy.
- Christ Jesus, you gave your all for us on the cross.
Christ, have mercy.
- [Congregation] Christ, have mercy.
- Lord Jesus, you teach us the generosity of self-sacrifice.
Lord, have mercy.
- [Congregation] Lord, have mercy.
- May Almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us our sins,
and bring us to life everlasting.
- [Congregation] Amen.
Glory to God in the highest.
And on earth peace to people of goodwill.
We praise you.
We bless you.
We adore you.
We glorify you.
We give you thanks for your great glory.
Lord God, Heavenly King,
O God, Almighty Father,
Lord Jesus Christ, only begotten Son,
Lord God, Lamb of God, Son of the Father
you take away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
You take away the sins of the world,
receive our prayer.
You are seated at the right hand of the Father,
have mercy on us.
For you alone are the Holy One.
You alone are the Lord.
You alone are the Most High, Jesus Christ, with the
Holy Spirit in the glory of God the Father, amen.
- Let us pray.
Almighty and Merciful God,
graciously keep from us all adversity,
so that unhindered in mind and body alike,
we may pursue in freedom of heart
the things that are yours.
Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son
who lives and reigns with you in the unity
of the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever.
Amen. - Amen.
- A reading from the first book of Kings.
In those days, Elijah the prophet went to Zarephath.
As he arrived at the entrance of the city,
a widow was gathering sticks there.
He called out to her,
"Please bring me a small cupful of water to drink."
She left to get it,
and he called out after her,
"Please bring along a bit of bread."
She answered, "As the Lord your God lives,
"I have nothing baked.
"There is only a handful of flour in my jar
"and a little oil in my jug.
"Just now I was collecting a couple of sticks,
"to go in and prepare something for myself and my son.
"When we have eaten, we shall die."
Elijah said to her, "Do not be afraid.
"Go and do as you propose.
"But first make a little cake and bring it to me.
"Then you can prepare something for yourself and your son.
"For the Lord, the God of Israel, says,
"The jar of flour shall not go empty,
"nor the jug of oil run dry,
"until the day when the Lord sends rain upon the earth."
She left and did as Elijah had said.
She was able to eat for a year,
and she and her son as well.
The jar of flour did not go empty,
nor the jug of oil run dry,
as the Lord had foretold through Elijah.
The word of the Lord.
- [Congregation] Thanks be to God.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Praise the Lord my soul ♪
♪ Praise the Lord my soul ♪
♪ Praise the Lord my soul ♪
♪ The Lord keeps faith forever ♪
♪ Secures justice for the oppressed ♪
♪ Gives food to the hungry ♪
♪ The Lord sets captives free ♪
♪ Praise the Lord my soul ♪
♪ Praise the Lord my soul ♪
- A reading from the letter to the Hebrews.
Christ did not enter into a sanctuary made by hands,
a copy of the true one, but Heaven itself,
that he might now appear before God on our behalf.
Not that he might offer himself repeatedly,
as the high priest enters each year into the sanctuary
with blood that is not his own.
If that were so,
he would have had to suffer repeatedly
from the foundation of the world.
But now once for all he has appeared at the end
of the ages to take away sin by his sacrifice.
Just as it is appointed that human beings die once,
and after this the judgment, so also Christ,
offered once to take away the sins of many,
will appear a second time, not to take away sin
but to bring salvation to those who eagerly await him.
The word of the Lord.
- [Congregation] Thanks be to God.
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
- The Lord be with you.
- [Congregation] And with your spirit.
- A reading from the Holy Gospel According to Mark.
- [Congregation] Glory to you, O Lord.
- In the course of his teaching,
Jesus said to the crowds,
"Beware of the scribes,
"who like to go around in long robes
"and accept greetings in the marketplaces,
"seats of honor in synagogues,
"and places of honor at banquets.
"They devour the houses of widows
"and, as a pretext, recite lengthy prayers.
"They will receive a very severe condemnation."
He sat down opposite the treasury
and observed how the crowd put money into the treasury.
Many rich people put in large sums.
A poor widow also came and put in
two small coins worth a few cents.
Calling his disciples to himself, he said to them,
"Amen, I say to you, this poor widow put in more
"than all the other contributors to the treasury.
"For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth,
"but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had,
"her whole livelihood."
The gospel of the Lord.
- [Congregation] Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
- Today is November 11th,
and it's Veteran's Day,
which will be observed tomorrow.
We'd like to offer our thanks to all the veterans
especially those who are watching from home.
God's blessings upon all of them
for their service to our country.
In 1975,
my parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.
I was only 14 at the time.
My older siblings as a gift to them,
sent them to Las Vegas.
They always wanted to go to Las Vegas.
My mom wanted to see Totie Fields.
That was her favorite comedian.
They got to accomplish that; they came back.
They just loved Las Vegas,
and so I always wanted to go to Vegas.
So I finally went to Vegas in 1988.
Way back then, you used to put coins in the machines.
Okay, and then when you would win,
those coins would flop down
on those tin trays and make noise.
Of course, I was usually playing the nickel machine.
But if you played the dollar machine,
your coins made a lot more noise too,
and it was like, "Yeah!"
You know, "Big wins!"
Well, the widow in today's gospel
she comes with just two small coins.
She comes with these coins,
and I actually have one of them.
This is one of the smallest coins that you could see.
It's smaller than a dime,
and it's thinner than a playing card.
So this doesn't make a lot of noise.
In the synagogue, in the temple
there were 13 containers that the faithful
would put their offerings in for different things.
Those containers were like trumpets.
They were metal containers.
So in those days you had a lot of coins
that people were getting in.
So the scribes in today's gospel
that Jesus is talking about they loved to go,
and they had lots of money.
Okay, so they loved to throw their coins
in these trumpet-like structures,
so people would hear how much they were giving.
You can imagine like Las Vegas
when you won on that dollar machine,
and all those big coins fell and the noise it made
how much noise they would make.
'Cause they wanted people to see how generous they were.
But then you had this widow,
and all she had were two tiny coins,
and with this putting them in there
didn't make a lot of noise at all.
She didn't wanna do that.
She gave what was her sustenance.
That's all she had.
Those scribes that Jesus
is talking about in the gospel today
they gave from their surplus wealth.
It didn't hurt them at all.
They could throw lots of money down those things.
Who was more generous?
Jesus said this little widow.
She didn't give from her savings.
She didn't go to her bank account.
She went into her pocket
and gave all that she had,
and that's what Jesus holds up for us today,
the generosity of the one who gave totally.
It's all about this concept of stewardship.
You know, that everything we have is a gift from God,
and it's up to us to give back to God what he's given us.
And so, we ask ourselves then
how generous are we to our faith communities?
How generous are we to the charities
that are close to our heart,
so that we can continue then
to let the generosity of God work through us.
'Cause no matter how generous we are,
God will not be outdone in generosity.
He loves us so much,
and he appreciates what we give him.
So we ask ourselves how do we give?
Do we give to be noticed?
Or do we give so that God will notice us?
Amen.
Together we profess our faith using the Apostle's Creed.
- [Congregation] I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
creator of Heaven and Earth,
and in Jesus Christ, his only Son our Lord,
who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
On the third day he rose again from the dead.
He ascended into Heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father Almighty.
From there he will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting, amen.
- In the name Christ Jesus,
let us join our hearts and voices in prayer to God.
- That humble service and grateful sacrifice
may be the center of our churches' ministries.
We pray to the Lord.
- [Congregation] Lord, hear our prayer.
- That leaders of the world always use their resources
for the good of all we pray to the Lord.
- [Congregation] Lord, hear our prayer.
- That widows be supported, orphans protected,
and strangers received with generosity
we pray to the Lord.
- [Congregation] Lord, hear our prayer.
- That we may seek out and honor the insight
and wisdom of the senior members of our families
and communities we pray to the Lord.
- [Congregation] Lord, hear our prayer.
- Oh, God, you know our needs
before we know them ourselves.
With trust in your constant love and providence,
we ask you to hear these prayers we offer
for the people who await your salvation
through your Son, Jesus Christ,
who is our brother and Lord forever and ever.
Amen. - Amen.
(gentle piano music)
- Thank you.
Pray, my sisters and brothers, that my sacrifice
and yours may be acceptable to God the Almighty Father.
- [Congregation] May the Lord accept the sacrifice
at your hands for the praise and glory of his name.
For our good and the good of all his holy church.
- Look with favor we pray, O Lord,
upon the sacrificial gifts offered here
that celebrating in mystery the passion of your Son,
we may honor it with loving devotion
through Christ our Lord.
- [Congregation] Amen.
- The Lord be with you.
- [Congregation] And with your spirit.
- Lift up your hearts.
- [Congregation] We lift them up to the Lord.
- Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
- [Congregation] It is right and just.
- It is truly right and just,
our duty and our salvation
always and everywhere to give you thanks
Lord, Holy Father, Almighty and Eternal God,
for in you we live and move and have our being,
and while in this body we not only experience
the daily effects of your care
but even now possess the pledge of life eternal.
For having received the first fruits of the Spirit
through whom you raised up Jesus from the dead
we hope for an everlasting share in the paschal mystery,
and so with all the angels and saints we praise you
as in joyful celebration we acclaim.
♪ Holy, holy, holy ♪
♪ Lord God of host ♪
♪ Heaven and Earth are full of your glory ♪
♪ Hosanna in the highest ♪
♪ Hosanna in the highest ♪
♪ Blessed is he ♪
♪ Blessed is he ♪
♪ Who comes in the name of the Lord ♪
♪ Hosanna in the highest ♪
♪ Hosanna in the highest ♪
♪ Hosanna in the highest ♪
♪ Hosanna in the highest ♪
- You are indeed holy and to be glorified,
O Lord, who love the human race
and who always walks with us on the journey of life.
Blessed indeed is your Son present in our midst
when we are gathered by his love.
As once for the disciples and now for us,
he opens the scriptures and breaks the bread.
Therefore, Father, Most Merciful,
we ask that you send forth your Holy Spirit
to sanctify these gifts of bread and wine
that they may become for us
the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.
On the day before he was to suffer
on the night of the last supper,
he took bread and said the blessing, broke the bread,
and grave it to his disciples saying,
"Take this all of you and eat of it.
"For this is my body,
"which will be given up for you."
In the similar way when supper was ended,
he took the chalice, gave you thanks,
and gave the chalice to his disciples saying,
"Take this all of you and drink from it.
"For this is the chalice of my blood,
"the blood of the new and eternal covenant,
"which will be poured out for you and for many
"for the forgiveness of sins.
"Do this in memory of me."
♪ The mystery of faith ♪
♪ When we eat this bread ♪
♪ And drink this cup ♪
♪ We proclaim your death, O Lord ♪
♪ Until you come again ♪
- Therefore, Holy Father, as we celebrate
the memorial of Christ your Son, our Savior,
whom you led through his passion and death on the cross
to the glory of the resurrection,
and whom you have seated at your right hand,
we proclaim the work of your love until he comes again,
and we offer you the bread of life
and the chalice of blessing.
Look with favor on the oblation of your church
in which we show forth the pascal sacrifice of Christ
that has been handed onto us,
and grant that by the power of the Spirit of your love,
we may be counted now and until the day of eternity
among the members of your Son
in whose body and blood we have communion.
Bring your church, O Lord,
to perfect faith and charity.
Together with Francis, our Pope,
George Leo, our Bishop,
with all bishops, priests, and deacons,
and the entire people you have made your own,
open our eyes to the needs of our brothers and sisters.
Inspire in us words and actions
to comfort those who labor and are burdened.
Make us serve them truly
after the example of Christ and at his command.
And may your church stand as a living witness
to truth and freedom, to peace and justice,
that all people may be raised up to a new hope.
Remember our brothers and sisters
whom have fallen asleep in the peace of your Christ
and all the dead whose faith you alone have known.
Admit them to rejoice in the light of your face,
and in the resurrection give them the fullness of life.
Grant also to us when our earthly pilgrimage is done,
that we may come to an eternal dwelling place
and live with you forever.
There in communion with the blessed Virgin Mary,
mother of God, with Joseph her loving husband,
with the apostles and martyrs and with all the saints
we shall praise and exalt you
through Jesus Christ, your Son.
♪ Through him and with him and in him ♪
♪ Oh, God Almighty Father ♪
♪ In the unity of the Holy Spirit ♪
♪ All glory and honor is yours ♪
♪ Forever and ever ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪
- At the Savior's command informed by divine teaching
we dare to pray.
- [Congregation] Our Father, who art in Heaven
hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
But deliver us from evil.
- Deliver us, Lord, we pray from every evil.
Graciously grant peace in our days.
That by the help of your mercy
we may be always free from sin
and safe from all distress
as we await the blessed hope
and the coming of our Savior Jesus Christ.
- [Congregation] For the kingdom and the power
and the glory are yours now and forever.
- Lord Jesus Christ, who said to your apostles,
"Peace I leave you, my peace I give you,"
look not on our sins but on the faith of your church
and graciously grant her peace and unity
in accordance with your will
who live and reign forever and ever.
- Amen. - The peace of the Lord
be with you always.
- [Congregation] And with your spirit.
- Let us offer one another the peace of Christ.
- Peace. - Peace be with you.
- Lamb of God, you take away
the sins of the world have mercy on us.
- [Congregation] Lamb of God, you take away
the sins of the world have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away
the sins of the world grant us peace.
- Behold the Lamb of God.
Behold him who takes away the sins of the world.
Blessed are those called to the supper of the Lamb.
- [Congregation] Lord, I am not worthy
that you should enter under my roof.
But only say the word and my soul shall be healed.
(gentle piano music)
♪ Blessed are they ♪
♪ The poor in spirit ♪
♪ Theirs is the kingdom of God ♪
♪ Blessed are they ♪
♪ Full of sorrow ♪
♪ They shall be consumed ♪
♪ Rejoice ♪
♪ And be glad ♪
♪ Blessed are you ♪
♪ Holy are you ♪
♪ Rejoice ♪
♪ And be glad ♪
♪ Yours is the kingdom of God ♪
♪ Blessed are they ♪
♪ The lowly ones ♪
♪ They shall inherit the Earth ♪
♪ Blessed are they ♪
♪ Who hunger and thirst ♪
♪ They shall have their fill ♪
♪ Rejoice ♪
♪ And be glad ♪
♪ Blessed are you ♪
♪ Holy are you ♪
♪ Rejoice ♪
♪ And be glad ♪
♪ Yours is the kingdom of God ♪
- Let us pray.
Nourished by this sacred gift, O Lord,
we give you thanks and beseech your mercy
that by the pouring forth of your Spirit
the grace of integrity may endure
in those your heavenly power has entered
through Christ our Lord.
- Amen. - The Lord be with you.
- [Congregation] And with your spirit.
- May our loving God bless you,
the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
- Amen. - Let us go in peace
glorifying the Lord by our lives.
- [Congregation] Thanks be to God.
(lively piano music)
♪ For everyone born a place at the table ♪
♪ For everyone born clean water and bread ♪
♪ Our shelter a space ♪
♪ A safe place for growing ♪
♪ For everyone born a star overhead ♪
♪ And God will delight ♪
♪ When we are creators of justice and joy ♪
♪ Yes, God will delight ♪
♪ When we are creators of justice ♪
♪ Justice and joy ♪
(gentle music)
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