Hello super people who make our enemies burn and a sea of blood and despair!
Is this really going to be the name of our group?
Since you don't want to change that name, can you at least shorten it?
No! It will lose its drama! Well now that you've all taken the radioactive liquid
and obviously gained superpowers, we need to understand what those powers are
Well, I didn't get any superpowers
I don't know if you noticed, but I died because of that radioactive shit
I don't know if you noticed, but you're up and talking. If that's not a superpower, I don't know what is
Yeah, but he's dead though...
But he's also alive...that´s something
No, it's not! Before I was alive too! What's the point of me dying and then living again?
The only difference is that now I stink
You stunk before too
I don't smell anything...kind of just smells like my mother's perfume
See, that's the problem, you don't know your powers yet and you don't know eachother either
This is the third most important thing for a super team to be successful
What are the other things?
Long contracts of at least ten years, no one can have mustaches and
no jokes involving children or rape on Twitter
What's a Twitter?
Edward saw it in the future, because he can time travel and he
only discovered this because he spends hours and hours in his room getting to know himself
and exploring his body's new possibilities and abilities
But I already do that at least three times a day and the only thing I've found out so far
is even my hands are hairy... you know actually, exploring is the thing I do most nowadays
You guys have any idea what it's like to wipe your ass with all this hair?
It's like trying to find an asshole in a haystack, it's like I'm picking lice out of Tina Turner's head
And that's exactly why you need to do it together now! To get to know each other!
So we're gonna split you guys into pairs. Boat woman with spandex guy
and Ronald with Edward. And I don't want you to stop until all our secrets have been revealed
No questions remain unanswered! Because only then will we be a great family
Great, because I have a lot of questions
How did the team's project come about?
Who are you and what is the focus of our missions?
This is all confidential
I don't think you understand what I mean. You have to find out what your powers are and your particular stories
and where Ronald's asshole is, so you better start already so we can become a great and happy family
Get to work super people who make our enemies burn in a sea of blood and despair
You can help me find my asshole
Okay, where you want to start? I brought a comb and some hair clips
My god I hate this, I can't believe he paired me up with you
I get it, clearly I am the most annoying person in the group and we have a rotting corpse
Literally a rotting corpse
And I still have to go through this without an explanation or purpose
Who does that fascist think he is?
Yeah, I mean this is really very sad and unfair but you know what's worse than that?
I don't know where my asshole is, so what do you think about creeping in there
and playing Indiana Jones huh? Looking for this Holy Grail
I'm not doing that Ronald, I'm here to help you discover your powers
And how are we supposed to do that?
I don't know, but maybe he's right, probably some powers may have some emotional or psychic trigger
It might be a good idea to talk and get to know each other
Okay, so let's do it. You tell me one of your secrets and I'll tell you one of mine
Okay I'm I'm afraid I will never find a profession that fulfills me and that I'll throw my life away trying to find myself
Nice, my turn. I may or may not have a dead person in my room right now
What? What do you mean you may have?
Well, it depends on your reaction
Are you insane? There's a dead person in your room!
Uh no...
Ronald this is serious!
And you think I don't know that? I thought you were gonna help me
because that's what friends who ditch corpses for other friends in other timelines using their superpowers do
That's not what we are supposed to be doing, we were supposed to be getting to know eachother!
And we're not? How many people do you think I've opened up to and asked to help hide a corpse?
That is not what I...
Eight Edward, Only eight people in my entire life. I'm a very private guy. It's just...you softened my heart
and now you're a part of a select group of people I can call a friend or as the FBI calls it; an accomplice
Oh boy...
Okay, let's do this you can start now!
I don't think it works like that. You got to give us a little bit more time
You bet, you got any whiskey?
What? No! How will that solve anything?
It won't., it's just a warm up
With this air conditioner it's not going to be that easy
What's not gonna be easy? What are you talking about?
You know, that old routine...small talk, seduction game, sex, regret, crying uncontrollably..
Are you crazy? This is not gonna happen, there's no way we're gonna have sex, Ever
Small talk and seduction game, check
But heads up, there's something rotten down there and I still don't know what it is
What the fuck is going on? I didn't come here to fuck a corpse
Oh if I had a dollar for every time I heard that
I thought we should get to know each other better if you know an easier way, I'd love to know
Well, we could just talk
Hmm we can try, but I don't know if you're going to like what's going to come out of my mouth
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that
Lliterally, there could be worms in here
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Oh my god, so you killed a male prostitute Ronald?
Actually it was all a big misunderstanding.
I didn't even know you were gay
I'm not
Then why did you bring a gigolo to your room?
I said it was a big misunderstanding didn't I?
I don't know Ronald, this is very wrong..
Don't worry we'll laugh about this later
No Ronald, how are we going to laugh about hiding a dead body?
Hahahah see, I told you!
I like green and orange...
Yeah, orange is cool too...
Interesting, but what else?
What?
There's nothing you can tell me about yourself that's a little...you know, deeper
Like what?
Anything that's not your favorite color, the color of your underwear or the color of your socks
That is more than my own mother knows about me
Okay but your mother wasn't helping you discover superpowers, right?
So you'll have to give me more than that!
Well, it's worth a shot, this hippie method of talking about your feelings
Okay I'm feeling really angry right now
Hmm, I see and why?
Because I am here against my will, I had some problems with the law
and they told me that if I didn't come here to participate in this experiment I would also end up going to jail.
Oh, and the fact that I died during the experiment and I'm still alive while dead also makes me angry
Wait, I also came here against my will. They lied to me !
Oh boohoo! It's not a lie if the government is telling it.
It's just a slightly different and completely contradictory and with vested interests way to see the alternative facts
You say that because you're a part of the problem
Do you think I wanted to be here too? I am also a victim of the system If you must know
What do you mean?
Do you want to know? Do you really want to know??
Of course I do
Okay, all right, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna tell you right now the real reason that I am here on this project
Attention! We interrupt our program to announce that the megalopolisville's nuclear power plant
has just exploded this morning. There was only one employee inside which was probably why it exploded
since it's a nuclear power plant and it clearly needs a lot more qualified staff to operate it
Frank Rogers body was unfortunately not found and the symbolic burial will be today
And hours later something strange happened in the immediate surroundings
A strange creature was spotted a few miles from the nuclear power plant explosion
I don't know, he didn't look like a man or a creature, he was some other stuff
The authorities have no idea what this creature might be, and have no clue as to where it might have come from
They also asked the inhabitants of megalopolisville, to not leave their homes,
to close the windows and to put a wet cloth under the door to stop the radioactive smoke that will soon arrive in the city
We will now resume your comedy show
Well, now what?
What do you mean, now what?
You're asking me? You tell me what we're gonna do now!
Well you could use your super powers to time travel and take that body somewhere where no one notices
That's not how it works, where would I even take this body?
Hmm, I think I got an idea, maybe you can take him to my room a few minutes in the past
because then a few minutes later, I can try to convince yourself from the past
to ditch these two bodies somewhere using their time-travel powers
Yeah, probably in my room where there's gonna be three bodies now instead of two
Wait a minute, I think I have an idea!
The truth is that I was deceived, they set me up
I was a promising young man in a suit inside the governmental sphere
I was walking around with a briefcase in my hand and shaking hands with politicians
But one day there was an orgy with a lot of drugs, prostitutes illegal and morally dubious things in my hotel
room financed with public money, but suddenly something very wrong happened
The dead body of a male prostitute just appeared in my bed!
What?
My life was over, everyone started to comment, to talk about it, and not just inside our orgy
Soon after, this story ended up leaking and my name went to the mud
Nobody else wanted to go to my morally wrong prgies in hotel rooms, even after I had burned the dead body
of the male prostitute and destroyed all the evidence, I could no longer shake the hands of any politician
and my briefcase was taken away from me. They gave me only one choice
Manage this project or give back my suit
But this is very wrong
Yeah, I know
No, I mean, this is all very wrong
Exactly, that's what I'm saying
Well, I'm lost now, does that mean that none of this is our fault ?
This is all because of the temporal paradox and we are just puppets of a vicious cycle that some people may call destiny
Oh, I think I need to write that down
The other explanation I had, was that the prostitute guy tried to steal my knife by hiding it inside his own belly
What?
But that... okay never mind...
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