So, this is not going great...
-What do you think of his first half? -Average.
-Did you expect more? -Yes.
About scoring goals... They learn this in England:
Hit the f***ing target.
F***ing hell, man!
Five matches and no goals.
Five matches and no goals in the ninth division...
It's at times like this you have to show your worth.
Do you just lie down and cry?
Or do you stand up and show them what kind of viking you are?
Hopefully he'll be scoring more goals.
There are days when I wonder why the hell I agreed to this.
Unlucky, Simen! It's coming, mate! It's coming!
Final preparations.
It's always exciting. I've got butterflies.
It's the kick-off soon.
Eriksen. He shoots... And scores!
With Harry Kane off pitch, the Dane of Tottenham assumes responsibility.
Pochettino's team keeps on winning.
How are you? Simen. Nice to meet you.
I have to tell you, I play for Guillem Balague's team Biggleswade Utd.
-Ah, yes? -Yeah.
-Who took the penalty..? -Oh, don't...
-Who took the penalty? -I did. I missed it.
He told me. He sent a text to me. "Ask him about the penalty."
-But you play professionally, no? -I did.
-Clap? -Yeah.
Mauricio Pochettino. So nice to see you.
I've got homework. Which is weird.
I've never been given homework by a coach before.
How to behave on the pitch...
With ball, without ball.
Strangely, Norwegians have been turning up at the matches.
What do you think of the level?
-Well... Interesting. -Yes. A lot of creativity.
And it seems you're allowed to go after the player, not the ball.
Congratulations, Antonio. A big win. It was a tough game.
Yeah. But we certainly won.
Full of surprises, this country.
We've got an away game against Hoddesdon.
We should be able to beat them. We're better.
And we beat them in my first match.
Terrible pitch. As usual. They haven't got good ones.
But... It's possible to score here.
Christian, our coach, has high professional standards.
It's not always easy to understand him. He talks a mile a minute.
Simen will attack, then second player arrives on the second line. Just do it.
A lot of movement in the last three. The last three being explosive. OK?
We've got Spanish coaches.
What's interesting with that is that we play completely different football
than other teams in our division.
We play very technical football with a lot of short passes.
We go out with passes from the rear instead of long balls from the keeper.
It's very ambitious. And it's risky football too.
Not least because the pitches only allow the exact opposite.
They like to play the Barcelona way. I don't think I'm a Barcelona player.
-And it's not a Barcelona pitch. -It's not a Barcelona pitch.
But they do very well, and I think they're very close.
I think this year, or in a couple of years,
you can slowly see them progress up the league.
The teams we face play horrible football.
No one is even trying to make three or four passes within the team.
It's all just booting, smacking, and kick and run all the time.
I'm positive I should've had a penalty in the first half.
Ref!
I got room and was about to shoot when someone pulled my shoulder...
I fall down.
Was it a penalty?
I don't think it was. I think Simen fell over.
F***ing ref.
I've been having negative thoughts about
what my fellow players, surroundings and the coaches think of me.
That I should score more goals.
-Close in on the thrower! -Too easy!
F***ing get out and help him! Well done, Charlie!
They get a very easy penalty.
I was looking right at it and didn't see anything.
Just a bit of shoving between two equal players.
Hey, let's go! Again, let's go!
And then I shoot far, far over.
A shot that was more of a danger to air traffic than to the keeper.
Aw, f***ing hell, man!
It was an ugly loss.
It was probably the worst game and experience so far.
We've got to grow the f*** up, some of us. Seriously.
We're out there, crying like f***ing babies,
getting rolled over by a sack of shit because we're not on our game.
Decisions go against us. The referee was shit. Both ways.
And we've let that turn into the biggest shower of shit I've seen.
And then of course Hoddesdon
had to pass by our locker room on the way to theirs.
So, because we sang very loudly when we beat them...
Are you honestly f***ing at it?
You're better than that!
You're f***ing better than that, you gobshite!
Boys, it was what we did at their place, and we can't take it.
We're winning and we're screaming our heads off.
We thought we were Billy- Big-Bollocks, and now we don't like it.
We all need to f***ing grow up.
They sucked, I sucked, the referee sucked.
Everything was shit.
It doesn't get much darker than this.
How are you?
Good? OK.
Jamie Carragher. It's so nice to have you here.
Thank you.
I'm a striker. Can you give me some tips on what to do..?
-Me? A defender? -Yeah, to trick defenders.
Who was your worst opponent?
The best opponent was Thierry Henry.
-So I should study him? -Yeah. Can you run? Very fast?
-Fast. -Are you physical?
-Quite. -Well, defenders don't like that.
-People who can run and... -Elbows and spinning around?
Get the defender before he gets you.
-Thank you so much. -Thank you.
-What are you doing? -Studying.
Carragher gave me homework.
I'm studying Thierry Henry.
I think he's the best Premier League striker ever.
If a striker starts to overthink a dry spell
it will continue.
The next time you put on that Biggleswade United shirt
you will be the best version of Simen Stamsø Møller you can be.
That's all you should be thinking about. Peace out!
It's the semi finals of the North Beds Charity Cup.
I never thought I'd be a part of that.
A Tuesday evening match against a team one division down.
There were a lot of spectators. About 400. That's really good.
My buddy Dave and I were in striker position.
I pass the ball to Charlie who volleys it in.
Dave secures the goal.
I think the 2-0 was because of him as well. I passed on to Charlie again.
And then... I always like to get in behind the defence.
That was a nice pass.
Simen!
Just there on the left the grass is quite good.
I'm glad I was able to show what I can do.
And after that first goal, I get a few more, of course.
Simen! Finally!
-Was that Simen? -Yeah.
So good! So good! So good!
We beat Baldock in the semi finals.
Next is the final match, which is also my last match in England.
I've never won anything at senior level before.
It would be nice if the first time was in England.
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