Our mother...
...Was so much attached to Hocaefendi.
There were one mine and one my brother's houses.
Our houses were very satisfying. I had even separated a room for my mother.
But, my mother's mind was...
...Always there,
...In Izmir.
"I am cold here."
"My knees hurt. Take me to Izmir."
I had a car that time.
I would take her with my car.
In autumn...
Her so called reason was that Her knees are cold.
During the time Hocaefendi was in Izmir. For 7-8 years, I took my mother to Izmir.
She stayed there during every winter.
In summer, I took her back here insistently. Because grandsons were waiting here.
Saying, "Bring our grandmother to us."
7-8 years has been like that.
My mother is so attached to Hocaefendi.
For mothers, all children are special, but...
But Hocaefendi's place was so different both for my mother and father.
Also for grondmother, grandfather, uncles...
Hocaefendi had proved his being an ustad.
And in our family, the attention and care to Ustads are at whole another level.
In times when religious matters were forbidden, and scholars were traveling along the country to spread the religion.
Imam of Alvar, Hashasil Efendi,
They were well known scholars of Erzurum.
Well known "Men of God" in that century.
They were traveling to the villages.
Our village was on the way. On the Silk Road. And of course while going there,
They would visit our house, sit and drink tea with my grandfather.
That's why, our family is a very respectful family to scholars.
"Hareesun Alaikum"
"He has so much compassion for you."
When he sees you, his eyes don't see anything else.
He enters the heaven
Sits on its thrones
Houries fell in line in front of him.
Angels stand before him with utmost respect.
He hears a grief, He hears a scream.
When they say that these voices come from the Hell,
...He leaves the Heaven and runs until there.
Hareesun Alaikum
"He has so much compassion towards you."
His eyes don't see anything else when he sees you.
My fortunate friends!
His eyes don't see anything else when he sees you!
Don't let your eyes see anything else other than Him!
Don't let any other dreams blur your eyes!
Close all the doors against deceptive dreams!
And open it to him alone!
Open up to Him who He understands your grief!
Open your hearts to Him!
And then...
Hocaefendi had a job, had income.
My uncles, my father, especially my mother.
My mother had quite a hope.
But my father knows Hocaefendi, saying "O wife you can't keep him in here."
"He is done, he has no more to do here with us"
"He is to go"
Mom says "No, if you get him married, he stays here. We should let him get married."
Someone who knew him from the time when he was studying here had come to ask for him.
"Look, you have this son, we have our daughter..."
They had asked my mother.
Another ones had asked
They have a daughter who is going to be a teacher soon... so and so
Because of this kind of matters, Hocaefendi came to here.
My father purposefully told Hocaefendi that:
"We definetely are going to get you married."
Hocaefendi said
"Some satisfaction from me to you is required."
"If you really want to get someone married,
Let Sir Sibgat to be married."
At that time, I had just come back from military service, and entered a job.
That time, people would always look for the ones who have a job and is gaining money. They wouldn't look for who have no job.
This is so.
That time, they stick to me.
I say, "Oh don't do this."
"Don't let me be married before my elder brother."
"No." My father said:
"Hocaefendi gave his turn to you."
They had let me get married.
And then children followed it as 8, 9.
May Allah give them a long life.
I'm not regretful at all.
I have given all of them to Hocaefendi as his children.
As each one grew up, I asked Hocaefendi: "How should I direct him/her?"
When my daughters were only at their 13s 14s,
I ask Hocaefendi: This girl is already 14 years old. What do you say me to do? Send her to study or let her stay here?
The youngest one, Selahattin is studying in Psychology course, and is going to graduate this year.
And there is also my disabled son.
He is our 5th child.
My disabled son is the most loyal one.
Because he never gets away from me.
Others have all left.
Each of them are at various places. Some are in abroad, some is in Istanbul, some is in Izmir.
Once I call them here, none of them come here immediately.
But I offer thousands thanks and praises to My Lord that,
Seleme is with me every single minute.
Always makes me busy.
Never lets me have idle time. Thousands thanks and praises to My Lord.
I do not have any complaint for he is like this.
Thank My Lord.
This is also a wisdom of God.
Maybe,
There might have been something bad. This is the reality.
Now there are such people,
Who are at an old age
But as they had nothing to be busy with at home or elsewhere,
They say that "I am done with everything.". And finishes everything in their mind , may God forbid.
Finishes everything.
So, this is a blessing to me. God has given him to me.
As of now, I couldn't finish anything at all.
I take care of him for 24 hours, I can't go out of home.
And since I don't go out of home,
So satan doesn't gets at the person too much.
Because you are at home, together with your family.
Even though I go out, right after I leave, they call after me.
"Coome! Son did this!"
Coome! Let him eat.
Coome, -excuse me- He wet himself .
I mean even if I sneak out for 1 hour or so,
Immediately, the calls follow saying, "Come.".
So it is a big blessing. I do not complain at all.
So the ones that know Hocaefendi's memories the most are
The ones who had been together with him for years.
I am not sure...Once in a year,
Or once in a couple of years,
I go to see Him.
And those times, I always look at his face because of my longing.
And I am not able to keep most of what he talked in my mind either.
I mean, because of looking at his face all the time.
I go be with him after 2 or 3 years each time, so this happens after all.
I wish that...
There were
This facilities,
And this technology 20-25 years before from now.
And my uncles
My father
Could tell about Hocaefendi.
Their
Relation with world is lesser, unlike me.
Since I had many children,
I had to be busy with the world more.
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