Hi there, welcome to the show.
My name is Athol Kay, smart guy on the internet answering your questions about love, sex,
happiness and anything.
So let's jump to this one.
And firstly this is a very long question of which the first two paragraphs are basically
praising me that I have helped change this guy's life.
He was in a big depression, gained a lot of weight.
Was not being a proper husband.
Gave up a whole bunch of passions of his and basically reading the books and using the
Forum and the videos and all that sort of stuff have really changed his life and turned
his life around.
Which is fantastic and I really appreciate it.
So here's the question.
"You mentioned on your Thanksgiving episode during and after your recent medical issue,
you reconsidered professional and personal goals based on the lessons you learned.
I'm interested in your epiphanies.
How you spend your time, how you value people, personal goals that have changed, professional
goals that have changed."
And can I sort of elaborate on that a little more.
Okay, so that's a big, huge, complicated tangled question in a way. And what I have particularly
learned, I mean this is something I've always sort of known, but now I think it is certainly
something that has to be far more structured and encoded into my life, is the amount of
time, energy and effort that I give to someone now really has to be calibrated to the level
of commitment to me or the level of investment they have, what they will do for me.
Or just simply put what they will pay me.So that needs to be balanced.
So as a great example of that, my wife is obviously very invested, she's very committed,
she will do things for me, and I'm completely invested and committed and will do things
for her as well.
So in that sense our relationship is pretty balanced.
When it comes to being someone that's for lack of a better term, and internet sort of
a personality, you have an enormous degree of accessibility to you.
People can email you.
They can leave comments.
They can write to you.
They can ask you questions and they can basically ask for your input.
And because it's a free internet, you can give them input.
But what that means after a certain point it's very very easy to give a little too much
effort, a little too much energy to too many people, and spread yourself too thin.
If you are helping out ten people online, no big deal.
You can do that in your spare time.
If you're helping out fifty people, that's a lot of effort.
If you're helping out a hundred then that is an enormous investment of time.
And if you have some sort of online presence where you have thousands, or tens of thousands,
or hundreds of thousands of people, there is absolutely no way you can give all that
time, energy and effort to everybody with any degree.
And the risk is that you give a certain amount of energy and effort to someone, and then
they start feeling entitled to have that same consistent level of energy and effort devoted
toward them all the time.
So what I've done is I pretty much think of my energy expenditure on people and what I
do to people and my expertise sharing I do, I try and think of it like a pyramid shape.
So the base of the pyramid is basically what I'm terming all my free content.
That is level one.
Anything that I'm doing for free content.
So it's things like this video.
No one is going to pay money to watch a YouTube video.
But by the same token, simply watching the video, accepting the free content, doesn't
necessarily entitle anyone to my individual time and attention.
It doesn't mean I need to answer any particular comment.
It doesn't mean I have to solve anyone's particular problem.
In fact this sort of whole show of Ask Athol Anything is based on you can send me a question
and I can respond to it, but that response then becomes part of that free content platform
level.
So it's trying to balance out my time and attention on that free level so I'm spreading
it as far and wide as possible, but I'm not really investing overmuch time in any one
question or any one person interacting.
The next level of content is pretty much the books.
And I'm calling that tier two, it's the books.
So where people can pretty much reach in their back pocket, pull out four to nine dollars
or whatever it is now to buy any of the one particular books, and they get a big chunk
of contact but it is a one way transmission.
It's in written form and they can enjoy it that way.
But by the same token, that four to nine dollars doesn't entitle them to an hour of my time
answering any particular question.
It doesn't entitle them to get me to invest the time and energy answering something really
complicated about them.
Above that level is basically all the video series, which is a far more intense and longer
and more structured than some of the book stuff, and is giving them far more content
than just a book or just one of these videos.
Pretty much at that same level of the video content, the online course stuff, is a one-off
coaching call.
It's going to give me a decent amount of money for my time, and I can really invest time,
energy and effort in dealing with that one call.
Above those people are people that want to do the whole consistent coaching calls, who
are going to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for my time and I can devote an enormous
amount of time, attention, energy to those individual people.
So basically that's the way my own mental pyramid works.
I can have tens of thousands, hundreds or millions of people watching these videos,
reading blog posts, whatever, and it's all free.
And they don't have to pay for it.
Anyone can enjoy it.
It can be shared or whatever.
But then it doesn't entitle them to my individual attention.
The books are better than just watching individual videos on YouTube.
Coaching calls or online course stuff is far more intense.
And then I will have a little more one to one time with that.
And obviously if you're doing weekly coaching calls you're getting my direct one to one
attention.
So that's really what I'm coming away with in terms of what I really truly need to do
post having the heart attack, post having that sort of breakdown.
I've always kind of known it, I figured I could have gotten to some point where I didn't
have to quite do it so much any more, but now it really has to be codified.
And this is just something I have to stick with otherwise I'll get sick again and I'll
be no good to anyone.
So that's pretty much how I've chosen to answer that question of what do I do with my time,
what do I do with my goals, where do I direct my energy and effort.
So it sounds really sort of mercenary, but pretty much now you can't get my direct one
to one time nearly so much unless you're willing to pay for it or invest in me or in some way
shape or form.
And there's an awful lot of people I've discovered who can certainly like me, and enjoy something,
and be willing to invest on one tier, like I bought all the books but now I need an hour
of your undivided personal attention, I just don't want to pay for that.
And I think people tend to underestimate how much time and energy and effort it requires
to give a really detailed answer.
People asking me quick questions often take twenty, thirty minutes of my time to actually
give a proper answer because I'm pretty serious about giving good advice.
I'm really serious about giving good advice and not bad advice.
So I got a little harder, I'm a little more mercenary, but overall I want to see everyone
do as well as possible that's why there is free stuff, that's why there are the books,
that's why there are online course stuff.
That's why there is individual coaching calls.
That's why there is weekly coaching calls.
So hopefully there's something at ever price point for everyone.
And there's only one of me to go around at least for now until we figure out cloning.
Though two of me I would probably have to fight myself to the death.
Alrighty that's where I'm going to leave it.
And if you have questions for me, you're more than welcome to send them to me at AskAtholAnything@gmail.com
and they will potentially become part of the show.
And until next time, wishing you all the love, sex and happiness you desire and please leave
a comment, like, share, subscribe and all that good internet stuff.
Alrighty, bye.
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