The Chairman's Ear
Well, Mr Tomasz?
Can it be done?
Anything can be done, dear Mr Chairman
Anything can be done
And Mariusz told me
that on the contrary. That it can't
I didn't have the right screwdriver I had only tried with the tip of the knife
The screw got loose and...
Fuck!
Sorry
...the glass is falling out
Done
You see? Done
Let's see
Yes...
Yes...
No
Well done
How much do I owe you, Mr Tomasz?
Nothing
Mr Chairman, my mum told me, not to take any money from you
not a penny
Well? Is that all?
Could you replace the screen on my phone? It cracked
Fifty
Maybe I could
find something
but I heard you're in a hurry
I'm going to the match
But that's in the evening
Legia! Legia Warszawa!
Well, well
I see you're a... how do you call it
a fan
more of a hooligan, really
A hooligan...but a dedicated one!
Now it's not like it used to be, because of asthma
When I cover my face with a scarf, I can't breathe
I don't know much about this football of yours
but I've heard that this discipline has been losing popularity
your Legia played with some good team...
Real
What?
Real
Madrid
And nobody came to see it
You know - the excitement
Excitement
Today's fans are our cursed soldiers
I know that!
Mr Chairman...
and from time to time we have some...
fights in the forest
Good, very good!
First of all, I'd like to thank you...
for setting the bank account for me
I see you have a knack for
modern stuff...
I know!
The globe!
Bring it.
Can you fix it? The lights don't work
It doesn't work
I could use your expertise
Well, how is it?
Fuck me!
Sorry
What a strange globe!
Because it's a globe of Poland
Why of Poland?
That was our slogan
"Poland comes first"
And that's the aftermath
Mariusz!
Don't even mention that stupid film
Ok, I'll fetch the tools
Sorry
Well?
Have you fixed the glasses?
I have. Tools, mummy.
Sure he has. You've got a very talented son
I've got a daughter
Yes, he's so talented that when I locked my keys in the car, he opened it
in a couple of shakes, no one knows how
I almost fucking took the radio, out of habit
Tomek!
Mummy, take it easy!
Right, I'll fix that globe
Remember not to break anything while you're fixing it
Mr Chairman!
I'm honoured to introduce
the deputy...
Jeez
...deputy...
the Deputy Prime Minister
the Chairman of the Economic Committee
...of the Cabinet
the Minister of Development
Good morning!
Good morning, good morning
the Knight of Polonia Restituta
the Knight of the Cross of Freedom
and Solidarity
Mr Mateusz...
Right, right
Let them in
You may go
Good morning
Where are the others?
What others?
You introduced a crowd of people
No, it's just him. All in one
Well done!
I see you've got more titles than...
Stephen Bathory
He had more
the Duke of Ruthenia, Prussia, the Grand Duke of Lithuania, the Prince of Transylvania...
That's obvious
I just said it to stress that...
you've got a lot of titles, as well
the consolidation
of all Polish departments
is our objective
Very good! I also like to have everything under control
Mr Deputy Prime Minister
as it happens, I... well...
would like you, in person, to present
the outlines of your economic plan, because...
as it happens, I...
for some time
had no glasses
and thus I couldn't read
Therefore I'd like to...err...
get the information from the very source
Well
Here I go
The main thing is not to fall into the trap of
middle growth
Why all that?
Mariusz, please
It's not about me
Continue
The ordinary resources
are running out
and we need to put the economy
onto modern tracks
Poland
is subjected to
the laws of globalization
Have a look at the globe, how fucking globalised we are
Sorry
That's Mariusz's invention. Nothing to look at.
Continue
Or wait
Before you present your ideas on economy
let me first present mine
and then we'll see
if our ideas comply
Or more precisely - if your idea
complies
with mine
Of course!
I'm all ears
OK
I suggest...
Polish economy to be built upon...
coal
Coal is...
our black gold
Coal...
mines...
mining...
traditional values...
There's no place for faggots!
Mariusz, let me
Ironworks...
steel...
pig iron...
shipyards...
sugar mills...
Cows
Pardon?
In my constituency
there are floodplains
completely useless
only good for cows
to graze
Great
Textiles
Textiles for women
and in no time we are
the world's fifth
economic power
the thing is, that it should be as it used to be
Right?
And here is my idea for economy
Modernity and innovation...
electric cars...
drones...
aviation...
new drives, including...
rocket
touch...
graphene cells
and energy
renewable
Excuse me...
And my turn?
Why?
I wanted to see Mr Chairman
Why?
I have some business
What business?
Please announce Mr President is here!
Have you made an arrangement?
Yes, it was arranged that I'd sign everything they send me
That much I know. Was the visit arranged?
Oh, you mean... no...
It's an emergency
Everyone comes here with an emergency
I understand, but as the president I...
Mister
this is not 'president' or 'no president'
but 'appointed' or 'not appointed'
So will you finally tell me what it is about?
There's this meeting in Brussels
and I wanted to ask what to say
when they ask me about this Tribunal thing
Is that all?
You want to bother Mr Chairman with such a trifle?
Tell them, I don't know... that...
when they were still in caves, we were already using forks
And tell them that we taught Indians how to shoot bows
The Poles
Just like that?
Yes, exactly like that
Very well
I will say that
I will go now
Go
Goodbye, Ms Basia
Goodbye, Mr Artur
Andrzej!
Whatever...
Electric cars?
Yes
I expect that...
in ten years
Poland will have
a million
electric cars
electric cars, like...
electric kettles?
Or the shepherd
What shepherd?
Electric
In my constituency...
You don't need to be an expert to know...
that, well...
the car moves, right? It moves...
and finally it will pull...
pull the cable out of...
the socket, so...
One more thing. How many...?
A million cars, yes?
They will all... one goes right, another goes left...
and it will all mess up...
They won't need a cable
They will run on batteries
Even better
To make the torch work
how many batteries do you need?
Two or three?
And that's only a torch
And to start a car, well...
you would need a whole trunk of them
If I may
the electric drive has some undeniable advantages
for example, maximum torque is available instantly
Exactly!
The electric motor has a great multiplication factor
from maximum to nominal torque
big overload
You mean you plan the production of synchronous motors
with permanent magnets?
Yes
Designed to work with a dual-zone speed control
Sure!
If you've fixed the globe
I think it's time to leave
And the
drones are...?
You mean he drones
I drone
but the drones
are unmanned flying machines
I love multicopters!
My baby boy! How did it go?
Did you make it? Did you fix everything?
It's all tip-top, mummy!
And this chairman...
what year was he born?
Why do you care?
As technology goes
he's stuck in the 70s
So what? He's got other advantages
Do you need to be a biologist to have babies?
So how many babies has he...
made?
Shouldn't you be going to that match?
I will tie it just the way you like
so you don't walk around with bare neck
Go now
And remember to behave yourself!
OK, then
Do those...
inventions of yours
Please make sure
that when you
make these drones
everybody wears a helmet
and make the girls keep their hair
under bonnets or the machine...
will pull them in
And watch the metal fillings
You have goggles, don't you?
I do
Right...
do your modern stuff, but
don't forget to open a few mines
Mines
are... unprofitable
It doesn't matter
I like when...
everything sticks out from the ground, the wheel...
spins, the chimney
The smoke
When it smokes I know...
that this is a factory
that's power
And not some
engineer
in a white lab coat
brazing some circuit board
And do something, so that...
every person, every Polish...
family could afford...
a car and a color TV
And holidays
And holidays
And don't raise the prices
of meet before Christmas, because...
some of my predecessors
tripped over that
Speaking of which...
innovation and investment - all of it
sounds good, even great, but...
to afford all that
we need
to tighten our belts
You'd better start tightening it, then
Right... but... we already have
"500 Plus" programme...
and "Flat Plus"...
we've reduced the retirement age...
and we plan to help franc debtors
And... it can't be done
Anything can be done
Our priority is
the loosening of the budget
which you must cram into the tightening of the belt
Is that clear?
Fibre-clear
I don't get it
As a wire
Why are you so pale?
Did you step on the cat?
I wish
At least I would know where I stand
At this rate, Poland will soon be in ruins
What's worse, there will be nobody to clear the debris
as we'll all be buried underneath
Don't worry, Mr Mateusz
Easy to say
Time passes so quickly
most likely, in a year from now nobody will remember there even was a plan of yours
That you even...
...were
After all
it has happened many times before
Let me tell you, Mariusz
frankly
I know nothing about the economy
As technology goes, I'm stuck in the 70s
So what?
You've got many other advantages
Like what?
- You don't need to be a biologist to... - To do what?
to...
You don't need to be a biologist
Do you know, Mariusz
how I would call you if you were a cat?
How?
Catastrophe
Great
If I happen to be one in the future, it will come in handy
Coming back to economy
soon enough
we'll live here
like in Kuwait
Maybe you're right
But for now just replace the litter
Where?
in the cuvette
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